A chair is still a chair
Even when there’s no one
Sitting there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there’s no one there
To hold you tight
And no one there
You can kiss goodnight

– A House is not A Home (Aretha Franklin)

***

Gwiboon is not really in the mood. Like literally not. She hasn’t touched her coffee. Her chapped lips and dry cheeks are perfect match with the black shades hanging under her – clearly not misplaced smudged eyeliner. Head particularly dizzy, she tried to finish whatever on her laptop in an attempt to go home as soon as possible.

“I hate Jonghyun so much. Can he stop making me embarrassed?”

Taemin take a look to rose bouquet on Minjung’s table, “You should be grateful. My girlfriend always complained to me about how senseless I am.”

“But isn’t it ridiculous? People are eyeing me every single morning! No matter how beautiful those roses on my desk, I really can’t stand their urge to shot me on the head!”

“You should enjoy it while it last.”

Minjung and Taemin turned their head to Gwiboon almost at the same time and decided to dismiss themselves when they realized how awful their colleague’s appearance today. Eyes fixed on the screen, Gwiboon cursed herself for exposing her miserable life to public.

Because these pasts month was too much for her. Last night was too much. Everything she put on stake crumbled without any advance before. It’s already too late to blame someone. Gwiboon really want to put the all the fault on Jinki and his tight agenda at his office with crazy flight schedule here and there but she can’t deny the fact she also had insane timetable of being famous stylish and fashion editor.

It started when Jinki spent five days in a week abroad, unable to refuse his boss request to make some important deals with other companies after his promotion. That was nothing at the first month since both of them working with their laptops so a lover was just a click away. But then Gwiboon needs to handle several photo session and being person in charge for the magazine anniversary. One of her partner at work was in her maternity leave thus all the burden suddenly was on Gwiboon’s shoulder.

From quick meeting two days in a week, it went to never. They met only by phone. Or text. Or a voice mail since they unable to pick up the phone sometimes. Then the stress at work took the toll of them hating each other. Both are too selfish to blame the works which they thought the most important thing at the moment, so they chose complaining to each other instead.

She never cooked his favorite chicken carbonara again. He never slipped cheesy small notes in her purse again. She ran of time to wait him on the couch in the evening, he lost his track to drop by at her office at lunch. She didn’t ask him to sing her lullaby again. He didn’t wake her up by snuggling anymore.

Their relationship is a train wreck, heading nowhere but failed to pull the break. Gwiboon cried whenever she went under the shower. Jinki’s heart broke silently whenever he found the side of the bed cold without her presence.

And last night, finally, the time bomb exploded. Gwiboon got to their apartment right at the same time Jinki dragged his luggage out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“Something needs to be done in Osaka.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know, three days. Maybe a week, I need to cool down my brain,” Jinki tried so hard not to look Gwiboon in the eyes.

“And why is it again you didn’t tell me?”

“You hate my job, so I thought you don’t want to know.”

An invisible hand stifled , “What kind of reason is that?! How on earth I don’t want to know my husband’s whereabouts?!”

“Listen, Gwiboon. I’m too tired for this. Can we j—“

“You tired?! You think I’m not tired seeing you, wait no, not seeing you around? I’m way more exhausted, Jinki!”

“Oh, really? Then why don’t you check your photo session? Your midnight meeting? Or editing video all over weekend? Or the days you even didn’t come home at all?”

“You weren’t here as well! Don’t you dare blame me about that!”
Jinki rolled his eyes in disbelief, “So I’m the one guilty here? I’m working my this hard so that you can enjoy your life and your shopping habit, for God’s sake!”

“I can make my own money! I can buy anything by myself!”

“Then I guess my existence here doesn’t matter anymore.”

Gwiboon choked by the thought. Jinki must be realized under the dim light, Gwiboon’s eyes torn into pieces, “Boonie, listen. I gotta go right now. I understand how much you tired. I’m tired as hell, too.”

“No, you don’t understand, Jinki. You’re not.”

“See?! I can’t live with this kind of mood. You don’t even trust me for a simple matter like this. What do you expect? Me begging you to spare me some whenever I’m not around? Whenever I didn’t make it just to have breakfast together? I can’t Gwiboon! We’re not teenager anymore!”

Gwiboon hated to admit that she’s indeed being a spoiled brat right now. But she’s knocked out by her own worn out mind.

“How can you say that when you never make any time to at least reply one of my message? I’ve sent you lots of texts until me myself find it ridiculously stupid. I called you every night but you don’t even try to pick after my umpteenth attempt! I’m not marrying voice mailbox, Jinx!”

Shard of guilty washed off Jinki’s face. His heart sank further seeing her eyes got teary, “You know I was busy. I thought you understand my responsibility in this company.”

“I understand that part. But I didn’t understand how you didn’t manage to at least asking me whether I am alright or not.”

Jinki remembered why he didn’t answer that phone. Why he didn’t reply those texts. He had no heart to listen Gwiboon’s being wretched without him around. He knew whenever he picked up those phone calls, she would shouting all her might and getting mad at him. He was a coward after all.

“I really need to go right now. We can talk about it later.”

“You close that door behind you, we’re done.”

Jinki took a deep breath before took one step closer to Gwibooon, wrapped her in his arm, “I’m sorry, Gwiboon, I really have to go.”

He kissed the top of her head then dragging his suitcase behind him. Gwiboon’s cry hauled in the atmosphere, splitting fine midnight into a nightmare.

“Are you done with that?” Minjung’s voice brings her back to reality, “You okay?”
Gwiboon plastered a bitter smile on her face, “Not so well. Give this to Taemin. He knows what he needs to do. I’ve made the outline for next week photo campaign. Can you help me with that? You can search some reference or start scouting the talent.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Is everything alright at home?” Minjung knew her best friend too well. Gwiboon shakes her head weakly to respond, “Just go home. I’ll take care of this. Taemin will understand.”

She realized she definitely is not okay when she breaks into silent cry after Minjung comforted her in a hug.

***

“Seriously, dude? What can you do without me, then?”

“You’re the one who came up with that vintage concept!”

“And you shamelessly were using that as an excuse?”

“I’m so sorry, Gwiboon! But I’m kind of fed-up, I don’t have time to collect those nonsense properties, I need to help Minjung with the talent and make-up. Some people are off. This flu season is worst ever!”

Taemin let Gwiboon take a week off for her own good. She hated at first, since she wouldn’t admit being crushed by her problem. But now, she hates it even more while Taemin disturbing her quality time.

“Fine. I’ll help you. I guess I have some kept somewhere, I just need some moment to find those . I’ll call you asap.”

“You’re the best. I love you!”

“You owe me big one!”

“A new Anya Hindmarch is on your desk next week! See you, baby!”

She definitely can’t say no for a new bag welcoming her on next Monday. But whom she’s going to lie to? Gwiboon’s a workaholic. She loves working as much as breathing. And Taemin’s request to collecting vintage stuffs as much as she could for the proposed theme to be pitched next week is really tempting.

“Hmm. Where is it again? I think I save it somewhere.. oh!”
Her feet paced subconsciously to the dark wooden cabinet near the kitchen. She snatched folding ladder behind the door.

“Not this box, not this one. Which one? Ugh..” she checked all the stacked boxes and coughed several times in between dust. Finally, she found it behind a huge mint blue box. She didn’t recall placing this box there.

Gwiboon positioned herself in a comfortable way on the top of ladder. She pulled the box out and blew out the dust covering the lid. And her heart clenched in every possible way, her breath stopped without her consent.

It’s full of her old stuffs. Jinki’s stuffs. Their old stuffs from previous apartment.
When Gwiboon and Jinki decided to live together, they rent a small apartment in the city to pursue each dreams. Despite the small size and cramped room back then, it did magic on both of them. Gwiboon able to get herself a job at a big fashion magazine and Jinki’s carrier as a creative director at advertising company rocketed in an amazing speed.

She’s shaking a bit as she can see her old bunny dolls collections. And tiny zombie figurines, Jinki’s favorite. And those coloring books Jinki always bought for her in local bookstore whenever he needed to fly to other cities. And postcards Gwiboon’s sent home from her photo shoot location. And lots of Polaroid photos of their weird faces she thought it’s gone, left at the old apartment by the mover.

“What are you doing up there?”

Startled by the deep voice approached her, all the stuffed gathered on her lap fell down graciously making a loud thud on the floor. Fortunately, she could make a grip to the opened cabinet before she broke her ribs for kissing the ground.

“When did you come?”

Jinki took that as a sign that Gwiboon is okay. Instead helping her down, he collects all the shattered stuffs. His hand trembled when he picked up a Polaroid photo, with their stupid face on it. It was on Jinki’s first birthday at the old apartment. Gwiboon’s handwriting plastered below: ‘Love begins at home’

“We used to be that happy.”

Gwiboon stopped for a while before continued stepping down the ladder. Something twisted her heart back and forth when Jinki’s mumbling under his breath. The moment Jinki locked his gaze with her, she starts shedding tears.

“Y—you’re b—back..”

He ran his thumb to wipe the tears. Her skin felt warm under his touch, but the cold black spot under her eyes cannot lie.

“Of course I’m back, why wouldn’t I?”

And that’s the cue for Gwiboon for breakdown. Her sobs echoing through the empty house, shoulder up and down in match with her shaky breath. Jinki’s heart melted with the sight of thin figure before him, looks fragile instead unbeatable as usual, he pulled her to his chest where she buried her face.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

Gwiboon tried to compose some words, but it just a muffled on Jinki’s shirt, making the latter’s heart swell.

“I just want to be the best for you. Did I promise you I’m going to work my hard and get you out inside our cramped lodge?” the girl under his embrace just nods weakly, “I immersed too much on my role and forgot that times I shared with you is way more precious than a new house.”

“No Jinki, no..”

“I know it’s hard to forgive me, but I want you to know that I did this just because I love you so much I don’t want to let you down if I’m failing in my life, Gwiboon.”

“I th—thought y-yo—you’re leaving l—like fo-fo—forever..” Gwiboon muttered almost inaudible, hand tightly gripped on Jinki’s waist.

He brought his left hand to pat her head, played with her dark hair before spilled out almost everything, “Almost. I’m this close to walk away.”

Gwiboon jolted and yanked herself from Jinki, a sad frown complete the mess of her face. Found it cute, Jinki lands a chaste kiss on the tip of her scrunched nose.

“You said you need more time.”

“The meeting and stuffs finished earlier than planned. At first I want to stay longer, so I decided to go down to the hotel’s restaurant. It happened to be near the park. As I waited for my meals, there’s an old couple, taking care of each other. Then it snapped my mind.”

Jinki took another deep breath, “I remember how I came this far. If it’s not because of you, I wouldn’t make it. So I thought all those sweat I shed wouldn’t matter if at the end of the day I can see your smile welcoming home.”

“You make me feel really really bad, Jinx. I supposed to be here, waiting for you and cheer you up whenever you feel down. I shouldn’t hanging around using chasing my dream as an excuse to finish my works.”

“That’s why I fell for you at the first time. I prefer my lady to be independent and strong, honey. I had no heart to be a jerk who cut off your dream.”

“So you’ll stay?” she asked him, more like begging, eyes looking forlornly to the face she loves the most.

“Sorry to say, but you’re going to deal with my bedhead and bad breath in the morning for the rest of your life.”

Gwiboon’s lips curled up, making such a beautiful arch Jinki had ever seen. She ran toward him and once again, letting herself being wrapped tightly by the man she loved and rested her head to the crook of his neck, Gwiboon’s favorite spot to nuzzle every single night.

“I’m sorry for being this selfish, Jinx.”

“Stop apologizing, I made mistakes too. Now let me hug you until you choked to death.”

Gwiboon struggles between laughter and crying. He’s home. She’s home now. Pulled herself away from his chest, Gwiboon then put all her might to capture Jinki’s lips with . The flesh felt so soft, showering her head an indescribable feeling, shutting down every neuron on her body.

“This is why I fell for you at the first time,” Jinki murmured in between kisses.

“Because I kissed you?”

“Because you felt like home.”

Gwiboon smacked his arm but continue indulged themselves in more heated breathe exchanges, “Stop being cheesy or you’re staying outside.”

“I thought you’re glad I’m home.”

“I am.”

“Then I’m staying inside,” Jinki could only mumbled when he cupped her face and strafed kisses on it. Gwiboon playfully shook her head while her grips tighten around his waist. Jinki released her after one light on her bottom lips, “I’m definitely staying inside.”

The next thing she knew, she yelped when Jinki picked her up to his arm, lips attached to any bare skin he could find on Gwiboon on the way to their bedroom.

***