"Baekhyun... It's time to wake up."

To my surprise Sehun's voice was the first thing I heard in the morning. Contrary to my expectation of being woken up by Junmyeon's screaming Sehun's caring shake of my shoulders brought me to my senses.

"You had no cover on last night. Chanyeol woke us up asking for a blanket to give you."

I suddenly felt wide awake. Does that mean the old Chanyeol is back?

"Seriously?" I asked slightly amazed and Sehun nodded his head, though he seemed a little sorrowful. "I'm so glad he still cares."

I sighed in huge relief at the good news. This meant that I could fix our relationship- I can be happy with Chanyeol once again.

"Oh... um. Baekhyun, it's not like that."

"What do you mean?"

"He seemed very angry. He told us you were keeping him awake with all your wriggling and shivering. In the end Luhan had to come in and put a blanket over you."

Damn me for being hopeful.

"Oh." All the motivation to get out of bed left my body so I just sat in silence.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Not your fault."

It turned out that Chanyeol had already left for the practice room and didn't wait for me as he usually would. He did this repeatedly throughout the week from then on. I told Sehun and Luhan that I didn't mind and that I wanted to walk alone anyway- I really hoped they didn't notice it was a lie.

One July morning, weeks after the upset Chanyeol had caused over my mum I walked with the sun against my back and my hands in my pocket to the practice room. It felt so strange to have no one by my side. I missed Chanyeol. Although I saw him everyday in the dorms and whilst practicing I missed his smile and his touch. Our relationship seemed so faded and from an outsiders point of view you would never know we were together because he didn't want to show it. And that's what hurt me the most; the boy I was so proud to love was embarrassed to be my boyfriend. When he said he didn't want to wear the couple jumper with me he made it very clear that he didn't want to be seen with me in that way whereas I had no problem showing our love off to the world... or our fans.

Then it struck me. Like a cold slap to the face I realised why Chanyeol had turned into such a horrible person. Since debut we had gained a considerable amount of fans, several months have passed and it's safe to say that EXO are close to being famous. Chanyeol must be afraid of the consequences of a fan finding out about our relationship. Of course! How could I be so blind?

As a summer breeze ran it's fingers against my cheek I began to sprint to the practice room as fast as my legs could carry me. Although my lungs grew tired and my throat felt tight I still pushed my skinny body to run the whole way until I burst through the practice room door and heaved myself towards Chanyeol.

"It's...ok!" I could hardly breath and my whole face had turned red. Luckily I had arrived before anybody had started practicing so I had a chance to pull Chanyeol aside.

"I get it now." I exclaimed once I had caught my breath. "I understand why you have been acting like this."

Chanyeol looked at me with confused eyes. "What on earth are you talking about, Baek?"

I smiled at the sound of my nickname from his mouth. It had been too long since he had called me that.

"It's ok if you're embarrassed to let fans find out about us. I don't mind. We can keep it secret!" I was willing to do anything to keep us together.

"Baekhyun, that makes no sense." He said.

My smiled faded.

"What?" How could have I been wrong? What other reason would there be?

"I don't care what anybody thinks about us."

"Oh...of course. But... why have you have been acting like you don't want to be seen as my boyfriend? What have I-?"

Oh. Forget I asked. I figured it out.

"Because I don't love you anymore!"

There it was; the answer I was dreading. Here they come; the tears I can't hold back. A stinging in my eyes that was all too familiar blurred my vision. Although I had cried enough to be accustomed to the dreadful feeling this time the pain was ten times worse.

My heart felt as if someone was squeezing it inside my chest draining all the happiness it held into the abyss of my ribcage. My throat tightened. This was the kind of heartbreak that left you feeling numb all over yet wanting to keel over in agony.

I searched for any type of sign in Chanyeol's expression that would tell me it was lie, anything that would prove he didn't mean it but no matter how hard I studied his angry eyes nothing lead me to believe this was all just a sick joke. I tried to convince myself I was dreaming but the throbbing  in my chest told me there was no point in pinching my arm and trying to wake up. No matter how much I hated this to be true, it was reality.

My knees buckled slightly under my heavy heart and I found myself stumbling into a chair. Chanyeol watched the strength drain from my body like a heartless hunter watching his prey slowly die.

Then I cried. Again.

I just sat there letting my cheeks drown in sore tears. I wanted to go home to find my mother and cry in her arms. I wanted to bury myself in my bedcover and weep until I fell asleep. I wanted to run away but my body felt frozen in time. I couldn't move a muscle.

"Crying won't change anything." Chanyeol said cruelly. A quote he had once told me on a date came back to haunt me in the worst way possible.

Not once did he pull me close to comfort me or hold my hand, he just stared at me with the reflection of a heartbroken boy he didn't care for in his eyes.

"But...what about our forever and ever and ever?" It pained me to speak.

"There's no such thing a forever, Baekhyun." He left those excruciating words lingering in the air around me as he walked to the opposite side of the room.

I was a fool to believe love could last.

Luhan ran over to me once he noticed a tear fall from my chin. "Oh god, Baekhyun. What happened?"

'I've just lost the most precious person in my life.' I wanted to say but the words wouldn't come out.

Sehun approached me too. "What's wrong?"

'I don't think I can ever be happy again.' I tried to tell him but my mouth wouldn't move to form the words.

"Let's take you to the dorm." Luhan looked at Sehun who hurried over to inform Junmyeon.

I wondered what he was going to tell him. "Baekhyun got his heart shattered so he can't practice today." or "Chanyeol just ruined Baekhyun's life so he needs to go home."

How pathetic am I?

"I'm fine." I tried to smile though glossy eyes but Luhan was having none of it.

"No you're not. Don't pretend that nothing is wrong."

"I'm fine." I said again as I attempted standing up but my muscles failed me and forced me to weakly collapse on the seat.

"Don't lie to me. I know what happened." Luhan grabbed my hand and wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

'Stop being so dramatic!' I told myself but my abused heart and aching chest wouldn't listen as I let Luhan support me towards the exit.

I glanced at my reflection before leaving and I looked a mess. My nose was running and my lips and eyes had become swollen and red. Uneven blotches and white and pink made my skin look ugly and out of place and my eyes looked vacant and fragmented under a layer of burning water.

I heard Chanyeol tut from the corner. Thankfully Junmyeon approached him with a heated expression as I left the room. I silently prayed he had the good sense to hit him across the head.

I finally regained an inkling of strength in my legs, just enough to walk back to the dorm without Luhan holding me up.

Sehun caught us up and he seemed more angry than Junmyeon.

"That ." He grumbled.

"Not now, Sehun." Luhan warned him.

"No. I honestly hope Junmyeon breaks that idiot's nose. Who gave him permission to be such a disgusting person?"

Luhan sighed. I could tell that Sehun's ranting wasn't going to end anytime soon.

"He made Baekhyun fall head over heels for him, took him on cute dates, complimented and flirted with him until everyone was sick of it and then suddenly out of the blue changes his mind! What the hell. Then he thought that it was ok to play with Baekhyun's emotions. It makes me so mad!" Sehun yelled to no one in particular. "His head is so far up his own . I hope it gets stuck and he has to go to hospital."

Luhan snorted unintentionally. I glanced over at him and his face had gone red and his cheeks were filled with air. He was trying so hard not to laugh.

"I'm so sorry Baekhyun. It's just so funny seeing Sehun this angry."

I let my frown loosen a little.

"It's ok. I'm glad your happy." Seeing Luhan's smile was so calming.

"Baekhyun, you are so nice to everyone no matter what. If I was Chanyeol I would've married you by now. That douchebag is missing out."

Luhan gave Sehun a questioning glare.

"I said if I was Chanyeol. Chill Luhan."

I managed to smile a little as my two best friends spoke around me but my lungs still felt clenched and bitter from the pain my body and mind was in.

What did I do wrong, Chanyeol? Another episode of tears approached me.

"I'm sorry." I spluttered as I began to cry for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"No, no, don't be sorry! It's ok to cry as much as you need to." Luhan reassured me but I still felt like I was being too weak.

"I want to stop. I'm sorry." Shame on me for being such a burden.

"I hate him!" Sehun shouted.

"Look, Baekhyun." Luhan turned me by my shoulders to face him and  pulled my hands away from my eyes. "Don't worry things will get better. But for now it is ok to cry. You don't have to wear a blank mask in order to be strong because sometimes showing our most sincere emotions is the bravest thing possible.

"It's clear how much you loved him so of course it hurts. So keep crying, let it all out. Me and Sehun will be here for you every step of the way."

Those words sounded familiar and I remembered something Chanyeol had told me months ago.

"I promise to be there with you every step of the way! I will never leave your side even if it kills me."

I smiled at Chanyeol's sweetness.

"Really, Baek. You're so special to me and I hate to see you sad so I promise to always be there for you to make you happy. Forever." He continued.

Such a bittersweet promise encased in a painful memory.

"Will you really?" I wanted to be sure.

"Yeah. We'll never leave you like that di-"

"Sehun! Stop it!" Luhan punched his arm. "We promise, Baekhyun."

The three of us walked home quietly. I still felt like the world was crushing my shoulders and my heart was threatening to burst but I managed to it all up for Luhan and Sehun's sake.

Upon arriving at the dorm we threw our shoes and bags to the side and all slumped onto Luhan's bed. We browsed netflix on Tao's laptop that Sehun conveniently knew the password to but found nothing to watch and ended up listening to music whilst casually chatting.

As I lay on Luhan's bed nibbling on a bar of chocolate Sehun found in the fridge I thought about how thankful I was to be where I was rather than cooped in a sweaty room with a heartless monster I couldn't help but still feel in love with. I just knew that I wouldn't've been able to sing nevertheless dance when my whole body felt so ruined.

Luhan and Sehun sat beside the bed. Their legs were intertwined and Sehun's arm had snook it's way behind Luhan's back, a little to close to his backside. Seeing them so content with eachother's company made me smile a little. Despite feeling hugely jealous that they still had one another I couldn't help but feel happy for them too.

I hoped they would find their happy ending even if I couldn't find mine.

Eventually the sky turned dark and some members had began to arrive home. I heard someone knock on my door opposite Luhan and Sehun's room.

"Baekhyun. Are you in there? Can I come in?" I heard Junmyeon's voice in the hallway.

"He's in here!" Sehun shouted.

He opened the door rather awkwardly and shut it behind him.

"Are you alright?" Junmyeon asked.

I nodded relunctantly and he came and sat on the bed beside me.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I spoke to Chanyeol about him being so selfish all the time." He sighed. "I don't think he was listening though."

I nodded again."I'm used to that now."

"Listen, if you ever have any other problems feel free to talk to me. OK?"

"Thank you, Suho."

He stood up to leave but stopped before he reached the door.

"Where are you planning on sleeping tonight?"

Luhan and Sehun turned to look at me. I assumed they were about to suggest that I stayed with them overnight but I cut them off before they could even open their mouths.

"I will sleep on the sofa." I said.

"Are you sure? I don't mind if you swap rooms with anyone or sleep in another dorm." He replied.

"No really it's ok."

The truth was that I didn't plan on sleeping at all that night.

Once most of the dorm had settled down and turned off the lights I quietly made my way to the shoe rack at the front door. After tying my laces and tucking my phone in my coat pocket I left the building making sure not to wake anybody.

I desperately needed to clear my head of the agonising memories and thoughts that were swirling within me and the only way I knew would help was to go somewhere that held the only prominent happy memories I had left; Han River.

During my childhood my mother and father would always take me walking round Han River Park. The memory of me as a young naive boy running around with arms out stretched pretending to be an aeroplane ahead of a happy couple brought a genuine smile to my face. Although my father was now gone and I had no hopes of seeing him in the future I couldn't help but miss his smile.

The park was eerily empty at that time of night. The only light was the infrequent glowing of scattered streetlights that barely reached the path below yet I felt content in the lonely surroundings.

For hours I walked along the brown bricked pathways surrounded by dark flower beds and midnight grass. I let the wind carry my solemn thoughts as I hummed to the stars in the sky.

This time I hummed a new tune. A mix of melodies that reflected the love I still missed. I glanced up at a flickering streetlamp and stood beneath it's fading aura. As I breathed in the scent of mowed lawns and fresh air a sudden loud sound interrupted my peace.

My phone was ringing on full volume. Who could possibly be calling at this time of night?

I assumed one of the members had woken up and found me missing from the dorm and panicked so I decided it was best not to ignore it incase it was Luhan who would most probably send out a search party.

However, to my surprise as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at the screen the caller ID read 'Mum'.

Was she out of rehab already? Judging by the time of night and the call with no warning I realised that the situation was a lot more serious than I had originally thought.

I answered the call as fast as possible.

"Hello, Mum." I smiled trying to keep the worry out of my tone so mum wouldn't feel like a burden but the voice that answered back was not my mother's.

"Hello, is this Byun Baekhyun?" The voice belong to a male who seemed rushed and under pressure. I suddenly broke into a nervous sweat.

"Yes. Is my mum ok?"

"No, sir. She's in intensive care. You might want to come to the hospital immediately."

"Oh my god. I'm on my way."