I lay awake, eyes wrenched open long after Jongin had drifted off and his snores had wondered into our dark room. Disgusting dread and impending fear clinged to my bedsheets causing me to squirm constantly throughout the night. Finding a position to numb the anxiety in my stomach was difficult, attempting to clear my worried thoughts was harder and falling asleep was near impossible.

So, I hummed. Quiet enough not to disturb Jongin but loud enough to calm myself in the pitch black room. I pushed the lovely tune through my pursed lips and onto my pond blue pillow; it was the loving melody I had sung to Chanyeol 4 days ago on the way to the practice room. The one filled with care and attention, the one that kept a special place in my heart because it was meant for only him. And for a good amount of time it soothed my anxiety but no song lasts forever and once it had come to an end the awful butterflies in my stomach swarmed inside me once again.

I sighed and wriggled into another position with my back pressed against the cold wall and my knees tucked into my stomach.

"Go to sleep." I told myself as if my body would do as it was told (It didn't).

"Sleep." I said more harshly as I pushed the cover off my body and threw my oversized pajama shirt to the floor in fustration.

"Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, SLEEP!" I still lay wide awake in my boxers, colder than before without my blanket.

After what felt like years of silence a small click from the corner of my room interrupted the quiet darkness. The door hesitantly slid open revealing a dim yellow light from the hallway that seeped onto the carpet and walls. A drowsy silhouette staggered the sunflower glow of the ceiling light outside my room as it stood in the doorway, shirtless and rubbing it's eyes.

"You ok, Baek?" Chanyeol's voice crumbled through the night's silence.

"A bit." Not wanting to burden him but not wanting to cause I fuss I settled for an answer that lay between the truth and a lie.

"What's up?" Chanyeol shut the door behind him, plunging us back into darkness which was soon dissolved when he switched on the lamp on my bedside table. We both blinked as our eyes adjusted to the sudden light.

"I'm really worried about tomorrow." Chanyeol knelt by the side of my bed and I turned to face him with my head still on the pillow but inches away from his.

"The debut stage?" He ran his fingers through my hair despite the fact I was in dire need of a shower but he didn't seem to mind. "I promise that you will do fine. And I'm always here for you. Forever and ever and ever."

I smiled as he continued to my head. I watched his eyes watch me and we sat quietly for a while just feeling happy in the presence of one another.

"Do you want me to stay?" Chanyeol asked after a yawn.

As much as I prefered not to be a nuisance I nodded.

"Yes, please."

"Move over then." He smiled tiredly before standing up and climbing into my one person bed and pulling the covers over the both of us.

It was a squeeze but I managed to find comfort with my head against Chanyeol's collarbones. He held me tight with his arms around my shoulders and back, cocooning me against his bare chest.

The worried feeling that drowned me before became faded and close to nothing compared to the warmth Chanyeol brought me.

"I love you, Baekhyun." Chanyeol whispered into my hair.

Those three simple words caused an immense erruption of emotions to fill my entire body. I tensed the muscles in my face into a blissful smile and nestled my head further into his chest whilst a euphoric fire tingled under my skin. I felt as if a current of joyous electricity was pulsing through my body from the ecstasy Chanyeol put me in.

"I love you too... so much more than you could ever imagine." I felt Chanyeol smile against the top of my head and he hugged me tighter.

The warmth in his chest told me that Chanyeol was feeling the same way I did: beautifully and certainly elated.

I fell asleep perfectly intertwined with Chanyeol's body. Not worried but calm and at peace lying next to the person I love more than anybody else.

...

"DEBUT DAY!" Junmyeon burst into my room like an ape on fire screaming for us to wake up. I sat up in shock.

"Oh boy, ok." He suddenly blushed and turned to leave the room at the sight of my bare chest and Chanyeol's back on my bed.

I blushed at the thought of the assumption Junmyeon must have made but brushed it off when Chanyeol blinked awake.

"Morning, Baek." His voice was rough and reminded me of a warm, crackling fire. His scruffy hair and tired eyes were so attractive in the early morning light making me blush as I studied his face. I hadn't seen him like this before and it was intriguing (not to mention insanely hot).

Chanyeol smiled and blushed before sitting up to face me. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

'Because you're beautiful' I thought.

"Like what?" I giggled and looked away.

"Is there something on my face?"

"No, it's nothing like that. It's just that... you look very... nice." I could feel my cheeks and ears turning the colour of a strawberry.

Chanyeol chuckled and patted my head.

"You're so cute." He turned to get up wearing only his underwear but the bed creaked and Jongin climbed down the ladder from the top bunk.

"Morning Baekhyun!" He called happily before his feet touched the floor.

"Morning Chanye- Oh my. Oops. Ok." He noticed Chanyeol standing in his boxer's and quickly climbed back up shealding his eyes with his hands.

"Calm down." Chanyeol mumbled before strolling out the room and down the hallway; oblivious.

"See you later, Baek." He called.

I

heard his bedroom door open and then close.

"For God's sake, Chanyeol! Put some clothes on." Kyungsoo's yelled.

I rolled my eyes and laughed "Jongin. You can come down now."

...

EXO-M had already flew to China the night before to promote our debut stage leaving EXO-K in South Korea. We were to be performing on Inkigayo at noon.

On the journey to the venue I sat by Chanyeol as per usual. I had gone pale with anxiety and sick with nerves. Chanyeol squeezed my hand tight as the mini bus rolled closer and closer to our stage.

"Baek, you're shaking." His eyebrows became furrowed with worry.

"It's ok." I clearly lied as I stared out of the front window of the bus not daring to move incase I threw up due the winding panic in my stomach.

"Are you really that nervous?"

"It's ok." I lied again eyes glued to the road ahead.

"It's not ok. Do we need to stop the car? Do you need a drink or a lie down? Should we cancel the stage?" Chanyeol became increasingly more panicked as he spoke.

"It's ok. I promise." But it wasn't ok. I was sweating in fear.

What if I went wrong? Everyone would see. This is our first impression to a lot of the public, it could decide our entire careers, I was not prepared to screw it up for the entire group.

Chanyeol put his arm round my shoulders and stayed that way for the rest if the journey occasionally he squeezed me tighter and my hair for comfort.

"You'll do great, Baek. I really, truly believe in you." He said as the mini bus came to a halt and we all piled out.

Junmyeon, Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun, Chanyeol and I made our way to our stage. Various staff hurried behind us fixing our hair, adjusting our clothes, and equipping our microphones up until we reached the steps to the stage.

After a rushed soundcheck and half-hearted run through we were guided backstage to wait.

Every second felt like an hour. My head was banging with thoughts that pushed against every surface of my skull. My throat was tight and dry and no amount of water could dampen the dreadful feeling.

Some members practice their singing, others rehearsed the dance in the dressing room mirrors, I sat in the corner sweating and panicking.

"Hey, Baekhyun." Jongin approached me dragging a chair behind him to sit in after placing it by my side.

"You nervous?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Me too"

I stayed quiet.

"But just think once this is all over we will be real idols." He flashed me his perfect smile. "Do you know what I do when I'm nervous?"

"No."

"I do this thing called Positive Visualisation. Kyungsoo taught me it."

"What's that?" I asked suddenly intrigued.

"It's when you imagine a positive outcome to a scenario. So when you're performing imagine it going very well or something good happening afterwards. Apparently an outcome is more likely to happen if you visualise it."

"Oh."

"Try it. It works for me!" Jongin patted me on the head before standing up to rehearse the dance again. "Good luck, Baekhyun."

...

Finally our time to perform came. A short, podgy woman with a clipboard and headset toddled into our dressing room and cleared .

"Your performance will start in 5 minutes! Please make your way to the stage." For such a small woman she had a very large voice, it rattled through the room and startled me out of my nervous daze.

Everyone suddenly sprang up from their seats and filed out the room behind a member of staff. Chanyeol slipped his hand into mine and whispered in my ear.

"Please don't worry, Baek. Me and everyone else will be proud of you no matter what. I love you."

My nerves calmed as his hot breath hit my ear but soon came stampeding back when he left my side to take his position on stage.

Everything was pitch black on stage except for the significant light-up signs in the audience. I saw several placards displaying '백현', my name, in a sea of other glowing names. It gave me a tinge of confidence that some of the audience already supported me yet my hands still shook.

Without enough warning blue lights illuminated the stage from behind us transforming our bodies into 6 nervous silhouettes and the 'MAMA' backing track started up.

Panic kicked in and rumbled in my chest to the beat of the music. I tried taking deep breathes but it only made things worse. I felt my stomach rumble and prayed I wouldn't throw up again. As I desperately tried to keep a cool exterior I remembered Jongin's advice from earlier:

"Positive Visualisation"

'What do I want to happen once we are finished?' I asked myself. 'What calms me down? What makes me feel safe?'

Chanyeol.

I pictured his face in the front of my mind. His soft cheeks and smiling eyes, his perfectly carved lips and elfish ears. The shaking in my hands disappeared.

I imagined his warm hugs and him running his fingers through my hair while we slept in eachother's arms.

Jongin said to visualise a positive outcome to a scenario so thats what I did: I dreamt of kissing the person I loved as soon as the stage ended. It gave me more than enough motivation to go on.

As our soft lips collided in my minds eye the anxiety that swallowed my body spat me back out. The nervous shackles that restricted my dancing dissolved and I glided forward to start my solo.

Every note I hit was clean and powerful. I gained a wonderful confidence as I sang a rhythm of perfect sounds to the audience who clapped, screamed and sang back.

Chanyeol's rap went amazingly too. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he rattled out his lines with georgous charisma. I noticed myself subconciously gauping at him as I danced and quickly looked away hoping none of the audience would catch on.

Our performance gracefully came to end. The blue lights faded to black and the audience errupted into proud cheers. I glanced at the rest of EXO-K whos chests were rising and falling with fatigue from the intense choreography.

We left the dark stage with bright faces. As soon as I reached the bottom of the steps Chanyeol bolted into my arms.

"I knew you could do it! You were perfect." He smiled into my shoulder whilst he hugged me tight.

Jongin's words ran through my mind once again. "Apparently that outcome is more likely to happen if you visualise it."

And that's when I pulled out of Chanyeol's warm hug and grabbed his collar, pulling him down so our faces were at level height. He looked at me confused and wide-eyed. I leant in and joined our lips.

At first he was slightly rigid and surprised but he quickly loosened up and kissed back. I grew in height as I pushed myself onto my tip-toes feeling fit to fly. My eyes were softly shut but I could see a thousand shades of happy colours splashed on my eyelids as my lips danced against his.

It felt beautiful like every other time we kissed.