Baby, it’s fact
That our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It’s a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It’s as simple as that

– Baby It’s Fact (Hellogoodbye)

***

Christmas means shopping free with great deal and sale everywhere around the corner. Stores are waving their glamorous merchandise, tempting the world outside front glass and sending me shiver when I passed them by. And being a holiday freak I am, today is the second time I went to this mall with Christmas shopping as an excuse. Usually, I dragged Kibum along with me – or more like Kibum stopped by at my apartment talking all this about some new arrivals in great cut and price, and I ended up trailing behind him, both hand occupied by at least two shopping bags.

But today’s different. Instead of Kibum, I got Kim Jonghyun drove me here. On Monday, I saw a navy coat with perfect lining which – I bet my left hand on it – would be matched really well with his favorite white sweater.

“It’s just came out last week, Miss. You wouldn’t want to miss this one.”

Obviously. No need to be persuaded by the shopkeeper’s sugar coating words, I already fell hard with the said coat two days ago. Inside my mind, the scene of this coat flawlessly wrapped Jonghyun keeps flashing one and two.

“Can I try it?”

“Sure. Sure. This way, please. We can give you free hemming if you want. You know, early Christmas treat.”

See? Nothing’s really wrong with early shopping. So many special deal and so many choices you don’t want to skip. She sent me a victory smile and went to get the coat ready, while I stretched out my head to find my dearest one. He had the platinum head too long this time, so I still not used to with his new raven grey hair.

“Whenever you’re ready, Miss.”

I nod to the shopkeeper and continue the searching mode since Jonghyun’s nowhere to be found. Soon regret knocked my head, I should not leaving his arm to get here earlier. The only option is to pull out my phone and call him before other people snatch the coat.

“Where the hell is he?”

There’s no answer after the second attempt, so I leave to hunt him down after muttering ‘wait-for-a-sec’ to the shopkeeper. Phone still connecting without any answer in my hand when I found a man with firm jaw and sweet smile leaning casually to the pillar with a lady next to him, giggling shyly, hand sometime landed smoothing on the guy’s arm. They looked lovely besides the fact that the person she excitedly talked to is someone who should be his soon to be new coat.

I check the screen of my phone to make sure whether is my call properly made or not, and yes, it’s still connecting and maybe now reaching the other line but neglected by the going on fascinating conversation. Fed up by outreaching him, I chose to wait across them, observing the prey behind the bush, or for this time, among the Christmas trees on sales. A minute passed by. And another. And when it almost five minute, he pull out the phone from his pocket and yes, those dearie eyes are taken aback by what’s showed up the screen, stepped back after the girl.

As expected, my phone rings immediately.

“Done with the talk?”

“What?” he sounds panic, oh yeah, he should be.

“I said, are you done with your little chit-chat? If it so, you could find me.”

“Where are you?!”

“Where the hell do you think I am?”

He spreads his sight and found me shove my phone inside my satchel. The next thing happened is Jonghyun rushing to where I stood.

“Hi, baby.”

“Don’t you dare baby me.”

“Err, I thought you were shopping.”

“Doesn’t mean you could hang around with some bimbo!”

“But shopping is not my thing.”

“STILL DOESN’T MEAN YOU COULD FLIRT BEHIND MY BACK!”

Two kids near us jolted away when I raised my pitch. Jonghyun grins over them as apologize, “Baby, you scared the kids.”

“And you scared me by trifling that girl while I was in the mood buying something decent for my boyfriend!”

“Oh my God, not that jealousy again. She’s just happened to be someone I know back then when I was abroad. We met in one music class, that’s all!”

“Casual encounter doesn’t include giggles and light taps on arm for Pete’s sake!”

I remember how that girl came really in a good shape. Perfect and enormous chest, and that’s really intimidating. Not only for me, I bet.

“I was just being nice. I can’t just ditch her away and act like I didn’t know her!”

“But you CAN leave that female hyena and try to find your girl who desperately searching for her boy.”

He laughs. Nervously, when his eyes struck on mine which don’t find any funny thing to laugh about, “Honey, it’s you being the female hyena screaming out loud scaring people here.”

“What did you say?!”

“Come on, go get the things you want to buy and sip some coffee before home.”

He tugs my hand to his side but I chose to yank him away. The look on his face told me how dumbfounded he is.

“_______, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean leaving you there picking stuff but talking with her is really nothing.”

“Picking stuff?! Picking stuff you said? Listen, Kim Jonghyun. I’m not just picking stuff.”

“Okay, whatevs, let’s go back to the earlier store.”

“I’m not even finish yet. I see. We really are better to be away from each other. We would just be fine with distance between us. This Christmas and being together don’t suit our relationship.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Go away.”

“_______, baby, no.”

“Leave. Me. Alone.”

“…….”

***

The chill wipes my face when I walked down the road leaving the stores behind to get home early is not as cold as my heart. My chest was aching and I can’t brush away the heavy feeling tingling on my throat. Really, long distance relationship works better for me and Jonghyun. Fight is just a futile thing to do when we are apart because we really count the times we could meet on the phone or Skype time. This is the first Christmas we should be celebrating together, literally. Being over for the past three years, we miss this holiday for being distant. He was on his music course in London while I finished my college in Japan.

Last year I finished my college and back to town, waiting for him finished the master degree this May. Since then, I thought finally we could spend times just like ordinary people, eating at the proper restaurant, not facing each other with take-out Chinese via the laptop screen, or strolling down the park instead of struggling with the time zone. But really, maybe being at the same place doesn’t ensemble us. We would bicker, yelling, and even cursing at each other, stressed to adapt with this new relationship thing. Even moving in together doesn’t work and worsen the circumstance. There would be a warm days with us hanging on the couch clinging and listening to each other heartbeat, but there’s a day when we stormed out and slammed the door on each other face.

I need help. We need help.

“Another bad news?” Taemin greets me with lazy voice over the phone.

“He sneaked out to talk with some es when I was looking something for him.”

“Then?”

“I left him at the mall.”

“Where are you now?”

“Home.”

“Tell me that you exploded, cussed on his face, and being drama queen, then I would be ensured that this is you and Jonghyun we are talking about. So, are we on the same page?”

Taemin’s long speech sounds irritating in my ear, easily making fun of me.

“You should see how that girl tried to hook up with my boyfriend! She’s all girly, hot-bod, leaned closer, oh my gosh I really want to rip her face off!”

“Dude, you need some anger management.”

“Try being me.”

“Uh, I don’t want to. It’d be so stressing if I’m worried about my fiancée every second.”

“I thought he stopped being a player off high school. He needs to change his attitude.”

“And you need to handle your jealousy.”

“I’m not jealous!”

“Then what? Occurring premenstrual syndrome?”

I’m counting silently and yes, seems like my red dates is coming in about three or four days from now but I’m not giving up with this .

“Is it weird if I’m being protective with this boy of mine? I thought every woman would act like me when they got such a gorgeous man like him. Is it too much if I love him this hard? Is it too much if I don’t want to lose him?”

Taemin’s sigh roaming over the phone and he sounds tired, “Look. I need to go, but listen. Both of you passed those dreadful years being away successfully. The only thing you need to do is gather that trust back. For Michael’s sake, he loves you as much as you love him. Remember every night you cried over the phone telling me how bad you missed him. Remember those hard times and treasure this togetherness while it last.”

It cut me right on the throat.

***

“_______!”

Someone’s interrupting the calm atmosphere inside the house. Sure with who owns the voice behind the door, I continue scrolling my phone randomly and let the bangs fade in time.

“Baby, open the door, please! Why did you change the lock without my consent?!”

Let you feel how desperate I am. I found the name I looked for on my phone and text him about his best friend.

“This is not funny! How can I locked outside my own apartment?!”

“Excuse me?! I pay half the rent! This is my apartment too!!” I shout for the dear life just to reach those ears outside the door. As I expected, he did hear me and start cursing to the air, just like him being usual.

“Please let me in, _______.”

While Jonghyun’s voice getting weaker, I dragged my feet closer to the front door leaned to it and folded out in whisper, “You should think before you flirted with that girl.”

“Are you that jealous?”

“Of course, I am.”

“Don’t be stupid, honey! I won’t leave you even if you kick me away! Now open this ing door and stop being ridiculous!”

Initially, I’m gonna ease myself up and stop this hide and seek game. But some words are meant to be the mood crasher and unfortunately I had too much pride to let it slip.

“Oh, keep begging to the door! Because that ridiculous! Nice try!”

All the anger summed up in one go and without ado I rushed to the main bedroom and slammed the door as hard as I could hope that Jonghyun is sensitive enough to catch that. I covered my ears with pillow and successfully suffocated myself after five minutes breathing under the plushie and decided to do anything else to ignore Jonghyun’s roaring from the outside. How I wish my neighbor would send him off the building because of that.

“Jinki, where are you?!” I cut him off before he could say hello, “Why are you not answering my text?!”

“Err.. I––i had s––something to d–do. Which.. text?”

Why everyone is so weird today?

“Forget that. I need your help.”

He muttered ‘stop-it’ to someone beside him and put the receiver back, “I said I had something to do. Can you call me late––”

“I had a fight with Jonghyun again.”

“Oh my dear Lord. Have you checked your calendar?! Is it the right time for throwing your premenstrual tantrum?”

“Dammit! Why does everyone know my cycle?! It’s not public consumption!!”

“Try loosening yourself a bit. It’s not all Jonghyun’s fault. You ne–need to manage your att––titude too!”

“Are you alright? You sound like you need some medication. Wait. Your asthma, oh God.”

“NOOO! I’m fine. Just called me lateeer!!”

I pulled my phone away when Jinki shrieked at the end of his words. Why did I surrounded by some idiots?!

“Fine! Is Kibum with you?!”

“Of course. Bu–but he kinds of bu–––busy.”

“Jinki why are you stuttered?! Is everything alright?!” suddenly I forget about problem and worried about him instead. But as quick as my worry came, it’s gone in a flash when I heard someone smooching on someone’s skin and Kibum grumbled in between. The only thing I could do is rolling my eyes back.

“Eve–eeeeeerything is alright, I told you.. Kibum really can’t t-talk ri–right now..”

‘I’ll kill you if you don’t shut the ing phone down’

“Well, _______, I’m..”

What do you expect exactly from the new lovebird who finally able to be together after two years struggle and subtle confession, “Yeah, yeah, I know, my bad. I’ll call you later.”

Should I open the door? Or should I let Jonghyun aware of my final enduring? Jinki’s right, it’s not all Jonghyun fault, I shouldn’t ditch him for my shopping obsession. But that’s for him, isn’t it?! I was checking the coat for him! I can understand the part of him being polite to an old friend. But ignoring my phone calls three times? That’s unacceptable, honey.

‘Remember those hard times and treasure this togetherness while it last.’

Taemin’s words hanging on my mind. Almost cried, I stomped out the room and headed to the front door. While I expect those puppy eyes greet me, I faced empty hall instead. I even check two units on the left and right, but it resulted zero.

‘I won’t leave you even if you kick me away!’

Bull.

***

I went to the mall by myself anyway. No matter how much I hate Jonghyun at the moment, the perfect picture of him wearing the coat I supposed to buy earlier is lingering still. So yes, the said coat now securely saved inside the shopping bag I hold on my left hand. I’m planning to give it to him once the storm sailed away. Of course after Jonghyun reflected to himself and apologize to me.

With rage level still as high as the sky, I didn’t expect I would be taken aback by the view I got when I got off the elevator and ready to sneak in the house. It’s already almost eleven and in the middle of winter, so people supposed to stay inside their home or under the blanket.

But not for Jonghyun. His leg sprawls half the hall, head leaned to the door behind him, drools all over his rather huge but oh so lovely mouth, eyes closed under his new dark grey bangs. As if that view not enough to melt my jelly heart, a lime green post-it with his scribble ‘please, forgive me, I love you’ pasted on the door and stuffs around him such as huge fluffy unicorn door, stack of pepero, pack of macaroons and bucket of white rose on his laps successfully makes my feet wobbly.

If I’m not crying right now, I must be screaming at the top of my lungs with such a romantic scene like this. Just like a fallen angel, he sleeps peacefully despite the chill roaming the hall, jabbed me right on the stomach with the remaining pride that not worth this beautiful treat. I wonder how long he waited outside until he knocked off.

Dropped my belonging, I kneel down beside him, wipe the bangs from his face and kiss the revealed forehead. Admiring his innocent face, I realized my fool over-arguing tiny little rock in our relationship. We successfully cruised the ocean between us before, why not continue until the finish line?

I must be sobbing too loud, because Jonghyun’s fidgeting in his nap before his eyes flickered open. As soon as he saw me, he takes my hands and soothed them with a soft caress, as if it were precious diamond.

“_______, I’m sorry. I really really am. I–– “

His words cut by my own lips, sealed his mouth in forgiveness. In love that I’m sure is the one thing linking our heart wherever we go, even if it means distance in between. My hand released to my side but my cheeks cupped by firm hands when he deepened the kiss. I can feel his lips curl up into smile when I giggled on his lips.

“It’s Christmas soon, I’m going to kill that girl later.”

He laughs and shut me up with another kiss. I rest my hand on his chest and feel his heart beats in an exquisite rhythm.

“Let’s go inside, dino. I have present for my getting-ier-with-dark-hair boyfriend.”

He pecked my nose for the last time, “I love you so much I won’t ditch you for some glamorous women with long hair and nice legs. I love you so much I’d rather die if you ever leave me.”

I help him gather the stuff lying around us, “I know baby, I know.”

***