Laying low with our toes in the sea
I’ll be your mermaid, I’ll be your sea queen
It’s true love and I hope you won’t forget our first kiss

Drink ‘til the sun’s up and it twinkles in your eyes
I could never forget how you give me butterflies
It’s true love and I hope your won’t forget our first kiss

– First Kiss (The Aquadolls)

***

“Look at her cheeks! They’re too big almost squeezed her nose and eyes! Hahaha!”

“Who wears tutu with running shoes? She’s so weird! ________ is a crazy girl, crazy girl, crazy girl..”

“Stay away from her or your fingers would never grow and forever short like hers!”

“Look at her scary hair! She would never be a princess!”

“I’m moving! There would be no weird girl like you! I’m free!”

“Goodbye, Monkey Monster!”

***

I woke up with my face completely drenched, bangs damped and stuck on my forehead, cold sweat stream down my back. Another nightmare within this week. The third times to be exact. I clutched the edge of my bed and shook my head, breath still not in usual pace. This can’t be happening.

Hand snatched my phones from its dock and scrolling down to the very number I trust the most.

“I hate you.”

A husky voice greets me after my fourth attempt calling. As soon as he answered his phone, I knew I ruined someone’s dream.

“I need your help.”

“What do you expect from someone who just forced to wake up?”

“I’m serious, Jinx!”

“So am I!” But again, I sighed too loud and that’s how to turn Jinki’s heart into melted tofu, “I’ll make sure you’ll pay me later. Is it about nightmare again?”

Given the cue, the whole memories of the nightmares since day one continues rolled out my lips. Jinki’s humming some other time and I don’t care he’s currently listening or already drawn another drool on his sheet. I never had such a bad dream since high school. It’s started coming at night right after my Mom told me I’m coming with her meeting the family lived next door years ago.

“It’s more than 10 years, _______! He probably would forget you the first year he was away.”

“Then why I got this nightmares hovering me every single night?!”

“It’s because you’re over thinking about it! Take it easy!”

How could I take someone used to bully me easy? That boy might only a year older than me back then. But his lips, gosh his lips! It’s doubtlessly cursed since the day he was born. I wonder what his mother fed him because never once he lost words telling off me, convinced all the other kids behind him that I was that bizarre.

“Just come over my house later. I can’t think any logic advice right now. Don’t forget to bring at least chicken bucket. Ciaobella!”

He cut the line before I could raise my objection.

***

When I shoved my head passed Jinki’s door, Jonghyun already occupied the couch, his legs sprawled almost the edge. Jinki’s gotta be kidding me.

“What are you doing here?”

“You asked Jinki some help. And Jinki asked me some help. Sit down, peasant. Tell me what you got.”

Running back home is not an option since it would start another bickering between me and my Mom. My last choice is stay away as far as I could from her sight. When Jonghyun hand’s reaching the bucket I brought in, I spontaneously slapping it with all my might. He groans and shouts to the top of his lungs.

“It hurts, idiot! Jinki!! Down here! Now!!”

The latter tripped the last stair before he managed to join us in the living room. He grabs the bucket and pulls two drum sticks, one for him and one for Jonghyun, the bright hair guy here who spent his days at other’s house, from one to another. In a shortcut, a hobo.

“When I called you this morning, I expect some genius to help with my problem!” I pointed my chin to Jonghyun direction which makes him feels offended and put his chicken down. His stares furiously strengthen but I just snarl and move from where I am just to flop between Jinki and Jonghyun, “I am so screwed!!”

Jonghyun’s shoulder firm and warm at the same time when I lunged it with my forehead. My head goes up and down, right and left, following his movement when tortures the chicken. I hate these ignorant boys in my both sides, but they’re the only buddies who can handle my anxious problem.

“Wanna go see doctor?”

“Ain’t no sick!”

“Then why are you being like this? Ridiculous!”

Another slap landed on Jonghyun. This time on his temple, “If you keep slapping me I swear to the whole Jinki’s belonging, I would slay you in every possible way!!”

Jinki and I laugh in sync saw his outrageous outburst. Just for a while, I could forget how it felt waking up with heart almost jumped out my chest and brain shrunk into a small dot inside my head.

“He should be away forever and vanished from this whole universe.”

“Why are you so damn afraid with him?”

“When this guy was born, he named after bundle of evil instead of joy. His tongue is sharper than diamond even he was only six. Due to his innocently harsh words, for whole my elementary years, I used to believe that I was weird and awful and super disgusting and wasn’t suitable for society. Which kept going in middle school since his ‘people’ were too much loyal toward their master although he had gone to the other half of earth. What do you expect from a small town like this? You’ll meet the same people in your next grade!”

Until I found Jinki and Jonghyun in high school that convinced me that everyone has their right to be happy no matter how stupid or ugly they are. Their free souls and vibrant personalities make life seemed easier. And now that Satan’s extended hands is coming back home, ready to start his mission demolishing my existence.

“People change, _______.”

“He needs The Avengers come down here and wipe his all over his cute little face to make him changes.”

And Thor might need Loki to help him this time.

***

Not sure whether I lived in a decent house or sunken ship, because right now there’s a huge mess inside my bedroom. My wardrobe looks like just exploded few minutes ago. T-shirt everywhere. Coats spread out on bed. Dresses lie helplessly on the floor.

My Mom finally made her decision, come with her or she cancelled the family holiday to Prague next year. She definitely knew how to be the queen of a household.

“I have nothing to wear!”

“Absolutely. I can hear from where exactly I sit right now, your wardrobe cries for some lucid people to put them back together,” and I can hear Jinki’s munching something between his jaws, “Just take some jeans or cargo and put it together with any outer you could find!”

“I’m not going to make fun of myself!”

“You already make fun of yourself by obeying your mother!”

“Oh, looks who’s talking? Right! The best mama boy in town!”

I put the call in a speaker phone before throw it to my bed and trail down anything left in my wardrobe.

“Mama boy is still sane enough to make his own decision not to attend some ridiculous lunch!” I heard Jonghyun storms out behind Jinki.

“Hah! Heard that?! Even Jonghyun got smart this time!”

“Can you be a bit more supportive for once?”

“We are! Never once we told you off! You’re just fine! You’re not odd at all! Stop fussing around!” Jonghyun took over the conversation right now.

“But I still got this baby fat under my cheeks! I still wear my dress with running shoes! I still obsessed with monkey! And banana! And my hair! Oh my dear Lord! My hair is like mockingbird’s nest above my head!”

“Yeah, the last one’s pretty awful.”

“Kim Jonghyun!”

“_______!!”

“What?!”

“Just go. Choose whatever. When he throws some negative comments, Jinki and I just a phone call away. Our Minho needs some practice on his kick boxing, anyway.”

***

Like a huge television, the giant window shows me people wandering around bundled with colorful coats to prevent the wind blows even harder. Meanwhile, I stuck inside this fancy restaurant, Mom doesn’t stop ranting by my side.

“You should put more decent clothes on.”

Nothing I can do besides spare her a questionable knitted together brows. Like, more decent than this? Excuse me, I’m not having lunch with Prince Harry. Midi pencil skirt should be enough. And surprisingly, Jonghyun’s idea to wear a statement top came out really well.

“This is proper outfit, Mom.”

“Flare skirt or maxi dress would be better.”

Seriously? Maxi dress? On a very windy day? No, thank you. I’m not putting something that less warm than my parka which the waiter told me to discard it ten minutes ago when we entered here. Now I feel sitting among full dressed people, button up shirt, perfect lining suit, tweed blazer, formal dresses, long sleev-

“Oh I’m sorry, dear! I didn’t think the traffic would be this bad! Ah, it’s _______, isn’t it? Who knows you grew up into a beautiful young lady!”

A chatty lady appeared abruptly, cutting my spacing time right away with her chirpy voice. She took the chair in front of my Mom after they hugged and few light slaps on each other arms. With her eyes locked straight ahead, my Mom’s elbowing me to show the guest some manner she taught me.

“Oh, yeah, Mrs. Kim. It’s been long time, nice to meet you!”

“Look what a decade can do to a small girl who used to cry on her way home!” she’s quite royal in praising, making my Mom proudly rolled her eyes back, “Kibum.”

“Mrs. Lee, nice to meet you! It’s almost fifteen years and you’re still the same beautiful woman!”

“Ah, you’re flattering me!”

Sitting next to Mrs. Kim, there’s a young boy with flawless pale face and a pair of feline eyes who just flirted with my mother. His lips curled into a cute smile. While his right hand held tightly by a woman I’ve been called Mom for years, his free left hand tousled back his dark auburn locks. His high cheekbones can’t hide rosy shades under his eyes that appeared after my Mom said how gorgeous he is.

He might just now realize an intense gaze came from across him, because he finally his head to me right away. His eyes soften in so many possible ways. He waves his hand and stretches it in front of me.

“Hi, Monkey Monster!”

***

During lunch hour, as usual earth should be, the street almost cramped with people buzzing off from one to another, keep me sane and safe. While sky as cloudy as my mind, wind as chill as my heart, I can feel those stares stab my back and crushed my bones.

Okay, I know I was over reacting. But I didn’t expect to be greeted by warm words and a sincere smile. Where that filthy cussed head gone? It’s too late to regret, anyway. I don’t have any face to turn around and back to sit inside that restaurant and innocently eat my steak as if I didn’t do anything stupid.

“Hey! You’re going to get sick!”

Someone’s shouting from behind. Of course. I know I would get cold if I wander around with only tee and skirt on in the middle of winter.

“I said.. stop..”

A tall figure blocks my way. He bends his torso, hands on knees, and I can hear he’s panting for the dear life from sprinting away.

“Are you nuts?! What’s with running outside without any coat in such weather?!”

No words came out my stiff lips. I’m not sure what caused this, the weather or the heart attack I experienced a little while ago which now is hitting back again.

“Here, put this on.”

My favorite parka firmly held by long fingers and once again, I’m unable to speak.

“Oh, Jesus Christ..” he rolled his eyes and spread out my jacket and then he stepped closer, let that clothes hanging loosely on my shoulder. My ribcages almost burst out with such limit distance, my face almost touch his chest and mixed of musky, mint, and vanilla scent wafted my nose.

“Was that considered rude? Leaving while other’s talking?”

“Why are you coming back?”

He placed his hand inside his pocket and I bet people would believe he came out from the window display from male boutique at the end of the road, “Because my Dad got transferred here for his job.”

“Why are you coming back?”

“Geez! I told you my Dad..”

“Why are you trying to ruin my life once again?! It’s enough for me to spend my teenager years convinced that I was weird! Your friend told me off and mocked me every single day after you left! I cried during my puberty because no one wants to be my friend! Because people believed what you said! Because people saw what you said! Because people treat me like how you used to tr..-”

Soft lips cut me on the way. It’s more than shut-up-or-I-can-do-more. It’s more than I’ve-changed-and-I-miss-you-now-moron. It’s more than every single new words Minho used to come up with. It was considered quick peck, but enough to cut 10 years from my life time.

His cheek bones still as high as sky when he finally pulled away, “I came back for that, Monkey Monster.”

“Did you just..”

“Yeah.” He got cocky and all. A smirk appeared on his face but instead devilish, it’s a quirky cute one.

“Why?”

“Why?” his broken eyebrow raised a few millimeter.

“You hated me back then. And probably still. You blow out those rumors. You made fun of all my physical appearance.”

“So other boys would think that way. And leave you alone.”

“You did really well. Because not only boys, girls thinks that I’m ugly and I can’t sit with them because I am not a princess! Is that what you want!?” here you go, things I want to ask him years ago.

“You have no idea how cute you were! Those little fingers looked so adorable every single time you cover your face! And that drove me insane! Come on! I was not so smart when I was a kid and I was only 6 years old when I got that thought to shoo the other boys away!”

The red blushes now look so obvious on his pale cheeks. No matter how low he ducked his head down, the way he bites his lips perfectly pictured the innocent 6 years old boy I used to afraid of. I remember now how he slipped his lower lips between his teeth right before he ran away every single time he yelled at me.

“I am sorry, I was childish. What do you expect from spoiled six years old boy?”

“You have no idea what kind of nightmare I’ve been living in.”

“I didn’t know I was causing such heartache. I didn’t mean to hurt the cutest girl I like the most.” Here comes another heart attack. The thumping sound marches in fast rhythm that my breaths barely catch it up, “Am I forgiven?”

My head snapped upright. No matter how the person before me grew up into a heartthrob with super gorgeous coat and hair, it’s always that little boy with cute curled up lips and full cheeks who stole my heart. Years ago and right now. He’s already let off such a long time ago. Jonghyun is not really an idiot when he said I have unfinished business with this man and actually can’t wait to meet him after such a long separation.

“For what? Making my life such a horrible comedy show or steal my first kiss just now?”

People started staring when he cracks into a huge laugh and embarrassing not only him but also me, “Sorry, what did you just said? Stole your first kiss? You mean this is the first time a guy ever kissed you? Seriously?”

If I’m not in a public I might just cry and weep in place. He hasn’t changed at all.

“No.. No! Don’t cry! I’m sorry, okay?! I just.. I’m just super glad! You really put me at the top of the world!”

“What?! By making fun of me? By making my first kiss an experience I would hate the most?”

“Your second, honey. Second.”

“What second?!”

“I’ll tell you later. Now, let’s go back to the restaurant. I’m thrilled but not my tummy!”

He grabs my wrist and put it inside his pocket’s coat. I’m not surprise that I don’t fight it and realize the butterfly or everything inside my stomach just flipped back and forth in happiness. When I tilted my head up, I saw his face’s gleaming and smile doesn’t leave any second.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I told you I’m happy! So contented finally coming back home, _______.”

A huge nail dropped from heaven and plastered my feet to the ground. Kibum released my hand in instant, “What? Did I hurt you?”

“You.. you just.. called my name..”

He rolled his eyes and drowns in lark, “Of course I called your name!”

“No more Monkey Monster?”

He shakes his head and put his eyes on my level, “The Monkey Monster is gone. It’s ‘Kim Kibum’s’ now.”

I got stoned twice. First, because the new nick name he gave me. Second, because he lands another peck, this time on my lobster cheeks.

***

A little girl sits on the stairs in front of her house. Her little head throws small and quick glances at the house next to hers. Her longing eyes are following the movement of a boy with a sulky face and red eyes. From his porch, to his front yard, to his gate, and finally to her gate.

“Hey!!”

He dropped himself next to the little girl, tried to act as natural as he could. But the little girl keeps her gaze down. When finally she lifted her head up, the boy can’t hide his urge to cry.

“Are you going somewhere?”

Afraid to spill tears, the boy just nods in silence.

“Where?”

“London.”

“Is it far?”

“I don’t know but Dad said it’s.”

The girl starts weeping. Her little fingers balled in fist wiping the tears drenched her face. After five minutes and she’s still crying, the boy beside her grabs her shoulder and put them face to face. The little boy pulls her hands aside and brushes her small lips with his own.

“Keep this. Don’t cry. I promise I’ll be back and take it again. Understand?”

The girl nods and the little boy forced a broken smile before patting her head half-heartedly.

“Good. See you, Monkey Monster.”

***