And I’ve got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can’t keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she’s inches from me

– Passenger Seat (Stephen Speaks)

***

“Put the groceries in the fridge and take out those empty milk bottles. Now I know why Mom left you.”

The said man entering living room with fire woods clutch on the chest and a little french bulldog tied on the lashes in his left hand, “I am the one who left the house and we’re not leaving each other just so you know. This is––”

“––the best decision for everyone. I know. I know.”

I cupped the dog into my embrace and dropped myself on the big beige coach occupied almost half of the room. Not so spacious, after all. Nearly a year passed after my parents’ choice to walk their own path. So starts this year, Christmas means splitting the works with my brother to help each parent preparing the upcoming holiday.

“How many times should I apologize to you? Your mother and I never thought our ship would sunken down like this.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” no, it’s still not okay, “Sorry for bringing this kind of ty talk to the surface again.”

It’s never okay, in fact. The perfect family portrait with the wicked Dad ever, the super nagging and caring Mom, and the annoying yet lovely brother burnt at once in the deepest hell when my parents gathered us, two weeks after New Year. Jonghyun left the house the hour later and came back home two weeks after whilst on the other hand I chose to ground myself inside the room and refuse talking with anyone.

When Jonghyun was able to convey me out of the bed, Dad welcomed me with his broken smile which I couldn’t help and rushed to his arms. Mom joined a second after with so many apologize came out . And here I am, at the suburb across the city to help my hopeless father who’s gonna spend his Christmas only with his dog.

“Why are you here instead of Jonghyun?”

“We thought about completing each other so the son helps the mother while the daughter stays with the father. Besides, he’ll burn your kitchen with a single snap.”

“If only you’ll stay here until Christmas.”

“I love being here, the house kinda comfy actually, but you know it’s Mom’s authority, Dad.”

“Yeah. You better stay at home since I plan to get really drunk until at least New Year.”

I refuse to get along with his silliest idea ever, “Home is where the heart is, Dad. And I will stay wherever you, Mom, or Jonghyun are.”

“Time flies so fast, my little pumpkin princess is already a grown up now.”

My heart’s about to explode when I feel my Dad’s sobbing while hugs me so tight. My life was shattered the day they came with the separation news but I knew before long, the real ones who got hurt the most must be my dearest parents.

“I’m done with the emotional part. It’s season of greetings, it means joyful. So, Dad, I’ve packed the meals inside the plastic containers. You just need to take it out from the fridge, heat it, and enjoy the treat. Ask the neighbor to join the feast.”

I pulled away from my father before the stream under my eyes turned into waterfall, patted his arm and let out the last big sigh.

“Right, right. Go get your coat and catch the bus. It’s already this late, if you’re not coming home on time, your Mom gonna send her secret missile over my house.”

At least, he is still as funny as before despite the huge crack in his life.

“I love you, Dad. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry  Christmas, honey!”

***

Not sure it’s because the big snow or almost Christmas, people seems filled the station with really huge crowds. A mom with their twins, old couple warms each other being with arms tangled closing the distance, a middle age man with two kids. Nonchalantly, I’ve sent back to years ago where Dad brought me and Jonghyun to the train station to enjoy the view of shuffling trains come and go.

I’ve brought back to the reality when the operator voice echoed from the big speaker telling the crowds the bus arrival and it might be the last one since the other didn’t make it to reach the station caused by the bad weather. What a cliché.

Lucky me, there’s no luggage came with me besides my backpack, so I easily slip myself among the crowd to reach the bus as soon as possible. As predicted, a lot of people struggle with their suitcases and bags when I saw them from the window of my seat.

Other passengers started entering the bus when I noticed they rarely traveled alone. All of them depart with family or lover or friends or other acquaintances, I don’t know, at least they would have someone to talk to for the two hours trip to the city. Or by this kind of weather, three.

“May I sit here?”

Young man with blue and white stripes sweatshirt approaches me, backpack slung lifelessly on his left shoulder. A crème brown coat’s folded neatly on the other hand. Not answering promptly, I drawn out my neck to personally check the seat availability for this guy. But seems like the empty one next to me is the only option he had if he wanted to make it to the city at midnight.

“Thank you!” He chanted it merrily I almost forget the frosty feeling inside my chest, “Visiting any relative?”

As soon as the bus departed, he opened his mouth trying to make the trip less boring.

“How do you know?”

“Your expensive boots don’t belong here.”

I thought he was mocking me, but when I turned to his face, instead of sinister look, it’s mischievous jokes in his big cow eyes. The only thing I could do is scoffing, “So does your cashmere sweater, dear.”

And my earlier though ensured by his laughter, “You meant present from some parents who busy making money and leave their son with the grandmother? Yeah, it is.”

“Wow. That’s a lot.”

“Nah. Not really, Minho by the way.” He stretched out his hand from under his coat.

Reaching his hand, I feel sudden warm seeps under my skin, “_______.”

“So what’s brought a city girl to the devastating suburb?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, try staying more than a month in winter.”

“I was visiting my Dad. He lived here since.. My parents divorced last winter.”

“Ugh, sorry.”

“Never mind, it’s okay. Besides, I quite enjoy it, how people sent me their pitiful look,” talking to the window beside me, I couldn’t hide something clutched inside my tummy.

“Judge by your cover, I thought you’re not that desperate.”

“I’m not as pathetic as you think I am. Just, when they sent their piteous look down at me, I feel.. exist?”

“Well that sounds desperate to me for such a pretty girl like you.”

Even though it’s not the perfect time to blush, my cheeks did it anyway, “Enough with the depressing minutes. So, what kind of occasion drove you to the city?”

“Let’s say the almost unseen parents come back to town, apparently.”

“Glad to hear that. At least one of us could celebrate this Christmas with both parents.”

“Umm, they’ll come after New Year, by the way.”

“Then why are you leaving early?”

Oh, God, I wish I could sounds less nosy and more casual.

“A friend of mine invited me to stay at his until they arrived. His Mom making a quite big supper for three of them, that’s what he said, so here I am, sitting on the bus next to you hoping this trip a bit more enchanting than stuffing my ears with some music to prevent hearing damage after two hours full of snores.”

“Oh, you took the wrong seat, then. I probably start drooling in about.. five minutes?”

“At least if that’s you, I can easily push your face toward the window. Imagine I’m doing that to an old man.”

“Ouch. That would be cruel.”

He nods and we continue the getting interesting talk. He loves soccer as much as I love piano. When he mentioned about his grandmother, his eyes burning in such a fire, poles apart when his parents rolled out the tongue, he hardly shows enthusiasm. We got scold by an old woman behind us because laughing too loud, after her bitter words, we ducked our head while giggling to each other just like five years old kids. Minho had this super deep and soothing voice that lulls my heavy eyes away.

“Wait, your Dad lives near the bun’s house?”

“Hmm. That bun’s house is definitely the best despite its tiny size.”

“You can’t be serious!! It’s only two blocks away from my grandma’s! We were closer than we thought! Ah! If only I see you earlier.”

“What? Are you gonna treat me some meals?”

“Well, I can do that. But at any rate, I wouldn’t be so bored to death for this past year.”

“I had light schedule on visiting my Dad. Once a month or my Mom would b––“

His phone rings madly, I can hear the ringtone passed through his thick backpack. Minho tossed the coat aside and scooped his dear bag to pick the troublesome phone. After look up the screen he turned his head to me, “Excuse me, can I..?”

“Oh, take your time!”

He gave me his last smile before engrossed too much on the line. He laughs several times and told off by a man across the aisle, but he doesn’t care at all. This person he talked to must be someone important or at least close enough to make this guy’s bliss more prominent. Sometimes he would wipe the tears formed under his oversized eyes caused by too much happiness. His voice sounds like.. home. Warm and secure.

***

And I did drool. Crap.

Seriously, my lower lips damped when Minho woke me up at the city station. The bus just arrived at the last stop, hasn’t properly stopped yet and I’ve been occupied the man’s shoulder next before me for the past hour. I jolted in panic when my brain gathered enough sense, almost knocked his jaw with my head. The last thing I remember is I leaned to the window while eavesdropping his conversation through the phone. How come I ended up nuzzling his arm like that?

“You’re a keeper.” He said when finally ended his phone call which rather time-consuming.

“And you are not, I’m so sorry. You could just push me away the first time I feel asleep. When you get down there, you better check yourself for dislocation possibility.”

He just laughs and that makes me more uncomfortable and embarrassed, “Why would I wake up somebody who slept like a baby?”

“Did I say something in my sleep?”

“Quite much. I thought you’re talking to me.”

Fortunately, the bus door already opened and people start shift to the front and get down, I could hide my sleepy head face reddened as bright as cherry when he stood up and made a way for me to walk out first. Right after I jumped off the bus, I tighten my backpack and ready to say goodbye with the new gorgeous friend I just met. Though, something in my heart fluttered inside, waffling down to my feet, trying to hold me there as long as I could.

“This is it.” the said goodbye slipped out my mouth half-heartedly.

“Time for goodbye isn’t it?”

“I think so. Well, enjoy your visit. Don’t forget to check your shoulder,” he cracks again with his hand rest on his belly, “I mean it.”

“Aye, aye, captain!”

Smile eventually crossed my face when I waved him farewell, “Goodbye, Minho.”

“See you soon, _______!”

***

‘It’s getting crazy lately! Don’t leave your house after 10 if you really don’t need to!’

‘This is serious, _______! Some erts went too far this time, they stalked you secretly and voluntary molested or even killed you when they got a chance!’

‘Especially on the street near the abandoned skate park!’

. Why on earth I should remember Kibum and Taemin paranoid gossip? And why should it be now? When the clock barely passed twelve and I’m still wandering outside by myself after no taxi want to pull over? The icy harsh winter wind filling up the air after the snow forced me to ball my fist inside my pocket.

All is well, _______. All is well.

Without ado, I speed up my steps when I felt shiver all over my back. Hair behind my neck stands out its end when I sensed someone’s following me. I looked back slyly and indeed, a tall building walks about a hundred meters behind. Afraid to increase the chance of being attacked, I just tighten my coat and walked faster.

The road was empty and only few street lamps dare to shine. I promised I’ll sue the local government right away once I get home by neglecting some public facilities like this. Skate’s park next to the street looks darker than usual and it seems the distance further than usual.

I tried to be positive by thinking that the man behind is a passerby just like me, but the fact that he choose to turn the exactly same path with me makes me scream internally. Murphy’s Law seems make sense when I checked the phone inside my coat and it blacks out. And the street lamp two feet away just flickered off in front of me. Perfect.

When I reach the neighborhood, I can’t hold not to run for my dear life because I saw this man behind me just about catch up my pace with his long legs. This can’t be Nightmare Before Christmas came to real life. I almost passed out when I saw the blue fence I love the most and kick it – literally – before landed securely in front of the door.

“Jonghyun!! Open the door!!!” I press the bell and bang the door at the same time but no one came out after several shouts. Oh, please don’t go sleep yet!!

“Kim Jonghyun!! Now!!” I checked the street and hooded man walked closer to the place I stand.

“!! Jonghyun!! Open the door!! Mommy!! ! Where the hell are you people?!!”

“Jonghyun!!! Open th––,”

The door swung inside, a sulky face greeted my pale face.

“Call the police right now! Someone’s following me!!”

“What?!”

“A serial killer chased after me! Oh my God!”

“Did Dad feed you something weird?!”

“Someone is stalking me! Some crazy ert Taemin ha––“

“Oi, Kim Jonghyun! Why is it so hard finding your house?!”

Jonghyun pushed me aside to check the voice called him just now, “Is he that you mean by serial killer?”

A man stomps his feet to the ground, trying to dust off the pile of snow attached to him. He pulled off his hood and lift up his head, shows me the face that I left less than an hour ago which should be visiting his dear friend to celebr-

MY DEAR LORD.

“_______?”

Froze at the porch, the dull light from inside the house hide my terrible shock perfectly, and Jonghyun needed to slap my head lightly to activate me again, “You know this guy?”

“We took the same bus.” Minho answered that for me.

“Oh, right. Almost forget I have father who lived there. Long time no see, dude!”

Jonghyun and Minho shared one big hug like long lost brother finally met each other after ten years of separation. Still, I couldn’t swallow what exactly happened on my porch right now.

“Welcome to our house. This is my baby sister and she’s annoying as hell.”

“Not that I knew,” he smiles and giggles uber-cutely for such a grown up and Jonghyun just laughs as respond.

“Let’s get inside. You hate cold, don’t you?” Minho nods and Jonghyun clung his arm awkwardly on Minho’s shoulder since the latter is taller than him, “How’s the trip?”

“Good enough besides the delayed arrival since snow’s everywhere. I need to go to the nearest clinic at the morning, though.”

“Are you sick or what?”

I closed the door behind me after the two left me alone with their chit chat.

“Not really, but someone insist that I should check my shoulder for some dislocation possibility.”

As if a whole apple stuck on my throat, I suffocated myself with what just I heard. Jonghyun’s muttering something inaudible when Minho smiles stunningly over his shoulder to the fixed me.

And I believe the said man just winked at me.

***

I think I might visit my Dad more often than I should be. Mom would understand, wouldn’t she?

***