You’re still on my mind somehow
You’re fit and you’re shades of blue
There’s no way to go back now
Couldn’t get back even if we wanted to

– Arcadia (The Kite String Tangle)

***

In life, unfortunate things happened as if it’s regular. Broken wings, broken hopes, broken promises, and broken hearts are as usual as sunrise every morning or snow in winter days. When a day grew colder, only the soul inside who can decide to stay warm or freeze just likes the wind.

‘If this is not what you want then what?’

‘I don’t know. You tell me.’

‘Please don’t be that cold person I hate.’

‘I’ve been this cold since I was born. Since my Dad left my family with his glamorous mistress. Since life decided to play some filthy game on me. Since forever.’

‘You’re not. Don’t you tired of hiding?’

‘If this the only way to not being hurt, then I wouldn’t ever feel bored of it.’

‘_______, come on. Give me a chance. Give yourself a chance.’

‘You blown out once.’

***

A wound inside the heart had two choices. To be healed or to be neglected until it turned into crack that put some distance in between. Both of the options sure requires some consequences, whether it’s something joyful or something’s dreadful.

‘Not like this. Do you think I’m just a game that you can play when you bored?’

‘Who said that for God’s sake?!’

‘No one said but you certainly showed me that.’

‘It’s just your insecurity climb up the surface all over again. We passed that period long time ago, _______.’

‘I’ve came way too far to trust myself that I’d able to open up. You know that. You made it that way.’

‘It’s not you. It’s me you didn’t trust to.’

***

I must have forgotten to draw the curtain again.

It seems already in the morning when common sense back to strike my head. Surprisingly, no dizzy or heavy feeling attacked means last night I probably just overslept or too tired rather than spared some futile time at Key’s lounge or gulping down tons of coffee with Taemin at works.

When my eyes flickered opened, I caught shadow of other limb lying down beside me, his eyes perfectly shut.

Shoot! Someone’s in my bed!!

I wonder what kind of mess exactly happened last night. Not a morning person I am, I drive my eyes to my right side and found another clue.

This is not my bed. Crap.

By this rate, I’m almost 100% awake and ready to punch whoever sleeps next to me who seems irresponsibly acting like nothing’s happened. The table immediately turned upside down when I flipped my back facing the suspect.

Sober as hell, I still believe it’s angel fell down to the earth and decided to share bed with me. Then whose room and bed it is doesn’t matter anymore.

Soft bangs occupy half forehead but unable to cover the beauty underneath. They spread haphazardly but somehow appeared like high-end art. Eyebrows thick as blood being the perfect cope for the closed eyes under. He looks so peaceful, like nothing in this world could annoy him. Like any would dare to, though. Eyelashes brush his fluffy cheeks, making sure filled the space before dark circle came the other night.

I make my position more proper and unconsciously gulping air down when I had this urge to land my hand to the said cheeks and drift it down to the pouty plump lips and forever not leaving it. Looking down to his chest, I notice how he breathed so stably, in a way it could make an exquisite rhythm of lullaby.

And if still a debatable statement whether this guy is an angel or not, I chose to come out with another possibilities that he’s a five year old boy trapped inside an adult body. Take this innocent look as the evidence, everyone would believe he sounds like a little bunny.

“Are you done admiring me? Can I open my eyes now?”

Warm feeling crept up your face, leaving red blush as trace. As instant, I’m about to turn my back against him, but a soft hand cut me on the way, caught my own inside his and pulled my entire torso closer to his chest until I can feel his breath on my skin.

Heart thumping like crazy, I’ve come to realize he’s always able to find me and put me in his range just to make sure I’m perfectly save.

As smile bloomed on his face, his eyes gradually snapped open, drowned me on that deep dark coffee color.

“I wonder why I even broke up with you.”

“Twice,” I almost humming with the lump of air stuck inside my throat.

Slight of bitter life quick-crossed his face when he flee his hand to my face, fixing some bangs and tuck my hair behind my ear, “I’m sorry. I promise I would never leave you anymore.”

“Quite bull isn’t it? Don’t you dare promise me anything.”

“Let’s change that a bit, then. I promise I would never stop loving you because someday I might leave you.  For few hours, few days, probably months, or even forever. But sure, heaven knows that I will still love you.”

I didn’t notice tears streamed down my face until his fat fingers wiped it from my cheeks. Hand pushed the back of my head to his embrace where I followed quietly until he nuzzled his nose to the top of my heart.

Five minutes in silence until he drawn my chin up and our eyes reunited in giggles which feels a lot like first love. No matter how cold I am, how hard my heart is, this soul wrapped me here always able to melt my world. End of discussion, he is indeed an angel. It’s final.

“I love you, _______.”

Then I drown myself deeper when he rest his soft lips onto mine, brush it with care and kiss me like this is the last day on earth. Our way might be as chapped as our lips, but this kind of kiss, this kind of moment, sure will make everything’s easier than we had ever thought.

I love you, Lee Jinki.

***