Sometimes I’m not sure
I’m all you’ve got
Sometimes I’m not sure if you love me or not
One thing I know
Girl I care for you
And the one thing that I want is that you care for me too

– I Care About You (Babyface)

***

Aside his cheery exterior and easy going personality, Taemin is a hardcore jealousy type. If you saw him holding my hand or clung his arm around my shoulder firmly when we strolled down the hallway, it’s more than just a public display affection stuff. For him, showing that kind of gesture is like a statement that I am his and subtlety telling some boys to back off.

It’s not that I’m not super happy having a boyfriend like him who don’t hesitate to give you a passionate kiss out of nowhere when you saw another female hyena scanning your man from head to toe. Once he pecked my cheek suddenly just because I linked my arm to his after I saw a junior with some booty job looking at him hungrily. On times like those, I’m more than grateful to have him closed by my side.

But things are getting annoying when he’s on possessive mode. Not only me who he successfully put in rage, but also Minho, my senior in photography class. We had an exhibition back then and needed to work hard on preparation. Taemin entailed close behind me wherever I moved, making such an awkward situation between me and the team. Minho told me to lock Taemin at home so our project wouldn’t be disturbed anymore. But my dearest boyfriend saw that as an evil trick Minho made off just to have some private moment with me. And being his usual ridiculous when he’s jealous, Taemin made sure he came not only to the workshop but also to the internal meeting which not all people allowed to join even they’re part of the team.

Or the other time when Jonghyun, the most wanted guy at the campus, shared a group discussion with me. He’s about to leave the room we’re about to start our discussion when Jonghyun flopped himself next to me to join the gang. Suddenly he shrieked at the door and turned his way back to my seat just to fit himself in between me and Jonghyun. Since it’s a real forum for our next hidden sea creatures project, Taemin as an art student get bored easily and threw some unnecessary silly comments that’s annoyed the group.

So I’m more than excited when our class is going to a study field to the marine biological research village for a week and a half which required the student staying at the village for full tour.

“Do you really need to go?”

He starts ranting when he helped me unload my luggage. The black bus that will brought the class already parked at the front gate. People started loading their belonging and jumped in the bus.

“Of course, baby. This is worth half semester credit. And I’ve been waiting this research like almost forever.”

His eyes broke in so many ways, my heart ached looking at that but I kept convincing my mind that this is the best.

“I’ll be missing you soooooooo incredibly bad,” he scooped me into his embrace and butterfly kisses showered all over my head.

“You think I wouldn’t feel the same? I’ll be back before Christmas I promise.”

“It’s way too long.”

I pulled away from him before he’s totally glued into me and I need begging the team leader to bring him along.

“You’ll be alright, honey. You had musical practice to attend, I’m sure that would be a great distraction.”

“Oh, my bitter life.”

“Bitter sweet, baby. Bitter sweet,” he placed the last kiss on my lips before letting me joined the other, “Stay away from trouble.”

“Just go before I changed my mind.”

I gave him last hug and head to the bus. Jinki greets me when I sit myself next to him, “Look at that poor, Little Bambi!”

We leaned to the window and found Taemin’s outside clutching his coat, pouting and looks like a lost child searching his dearie Mom.

“Well, your brother needs his ‘me time’ more than anyone else.”

***

It’s lunch time when Jinki throws his tantrum on me. It’s only one day passed. The student are not allowed to activate their mobile phone since one of the research is to observe the radio signal effect to some ocean’s plants, so only several people had permitted to. And Jinki, being the lecturer assistant at this trip had the privilege to put his phone on mode but unfortunately opened the access to his brother passing his frustration to him.

“It’s only three hours after we arrived and he already text me three times, means one an hour, asking me how are you, and are you alright, and to check you out every single time and make sure you eat a lot and no men dared to touch you. Gosh! Am I baby sitter or something? Even Kibum never behaved this extreme!”

I laugh so hard at his stressed face and pat him on the shoulder to calm him down, “Give me your phone.”

“Students are not allowed to use mobile phone, that’s the rule!”

“I’m helping both of us here, old man!”

“That’s Kibum’s. Don’t call me that,” he grumbled under his nose but giving his phone anyway, “Don’t talk too loud. Use texting instead, or the other will be start pleading.”

“Just, trust me.”

***

Jinki needs to kick my chair when he found me spacing out on a free time at the afternoon after we were back from the laboratory to the home stay. I never thought day would passed deliberately, there’re still six days remain until we finished the project here.

“Is Taemin still disturbing you?”

“Your skill is amazing. I sent him your voice message two days ago, and he just replied with this last night,” Jinki passes me his phone to a chat window that read:

‘Thanks, dude. You’re the best. Tell her I’m doing so well with my practice, no need to worry. Take care of her for me. Any scratch, I’ll burn you down.’

I have no idea whether I should cry in happiness or sorrow. For the first time in forever, Taemin held himself together not to text me or call me every single hour, especially when we were away from each other. Something’s burnt inside my chest.

“What did you say exactly?”

“Why don’t you listen to it yourself? It’s right there in your phone.”

“Kibum told me not to get nosy on people stuff and I learn not to trespass any privacy. I just sent the voicemail and prayed Taemin would stop nagging and voila! You did it! Go get a quick nap. Tonight I need you to help me with the new specimen.”

After settle my heart for a moment, I shrug and get up from my seat heading to the shared bedroom lazily. It’s not the kind of field trip that I want. Maybe it is, but being away from Taemin shows me how important his existence is in my life. The atmosphere would be a little less suffocating when he’s around.

It’s just because you never apart more than two days from him, _______!

“Are you alright?”

Jinki must be seen my weak steps cruising the icy floor, “Yeah. Just a bit cold here, I need to go inside preparing to suffer with your assistant request.”

“You’ll love them! They’re very unique ones! No one wouldn’t want to miss it, it’s your privilege, idiot! Vanish from my sight and stay away from any trouble!”

I just scoff to shake away the fact that Jinki is so alike with his brother in terms of guidance.

“I don’t want to be kick right on my face just because Taemin sees dark circle around your eyes!”

I think I missed him more than I thought.

***

Day 6.

“Any text from Taemin?”

Jinki’s in the middle of dating his colorful charts on his laptop and I just take a reference book from my room and decide to join him to finish my report.

“Nope. But I did call him this morning,” his eyes stuck on the screen reflected on his glasses.

I tried so hard not to be too much excited and casually ask him while flipping some pages, “And then?”

“He told me to call him later. He sounds sleepy,” soul’s living my body right away he finished his words, “He’s fine, by the way, if it’s what you want to know. Go get finish that report for me. I might be kind enough to let you call him with my phone.”

Jinki’s muttering those words as if it’s not something significant for me. The next second, I found myself engrossed to the papers in front of me.

***

Day 8.

Fail to finish my report before midnight, I couldn’t reach Taemin at all until today. And since our activity getting busier each day, I almost forget that I was thinking about him too much. When I get back home after collecting crystal salt under the snow near the beach, I found Jinki’s talking gleefully over the phone.

Sneakily, I wait behind the door to check whether he’s finish with his call and let me know who he had conversation with. So I just sneaked in and put my best smile at the door when he turned his back.

“God! You scared me! What’s the matter with you?!”

“Is that Taemin?”

“No. It’s Kibum.”

Disappointed, I just salute him and strolled to the dining room which my team already grouped around to discourse the possibility of genetic experiment over sea creatures. Knowing the need to focus with the topic, I chose to sit and catching up with them and leaving all the other matters aside.

It’s when we finished and ready to bed when Jinki passed me by and casually chimed in deep voice, “Taemin says hi. He said he’s busy with the practice but he’s alright. Safe and sound. He missed you so bad.”

If there’s only Jinki and I in the room, much chance I jumped on him to give him the biggest hug of the year.

***

Day 10. 2 pm.

Finally, it’s time for us to go back to the city and enjoy the Christmas holiday. I almost shouted when I got my phone back in my hand. Impatiently, I check it and scroll down any possibilities of Taemin in it. But nothing happened with that after five minutes, no missed call, no voice messages, not even a text.

Maybe because this village has a bad reception.

Well, I can live with that, then.

“Yaaa!! _______! Want to go home or not?!”

Jinki’s voice brought me back to reality. Never am I this happy when I saw a bus waiting for me.

***

Day 10. 6 pm.

I woke up with drools all over my face when my friend poked my arm. Startled by the light touch, I hit the window right beside me and let a stupid groan rolled out my lips. When I stretched my neck, everybody’s getting off the bus and quickly gather my belonging and follow the crowd.

People started calling their acquaintances, sent a quick snap in my brain.

“Taemin.”

Seems like the reception is not the problem earlier, no difference happened after I already back in front of the campus when people around me cheered happily since they can reach their beloved ones now. Jinki’s nowhere to be found, he might already inside Kibum’s car and going somewhere until at least midnight. And when the snow’s starting drizzled down the earth, I think I should stand on my own feet.

“Taxi!!”

***

“Baby! Open the door!!”

Several bangs on the door can’t bring me my handsome boyfriend, neither the phone call I made since I jumped in the taxi. The anger caused by his broken promise to pick me up after the field trip started getting replaced by worrisome of him getting hurt.

“Come on, open the door! Or at least pick up my phone!!”

My hand’s getting hurt but the door’s shut securely in front of my eyes.

“LEE TAEMIN!! OPEN THE FU––“

My body swung to the front when someone pulled the door from inside. Firm arms catch me right on the time before I perfectly kissed the floor.

“Baby, I’m sorry! I overslept oh my God, what the heck, I’m so st––“

Tiny part of me my heart breaks so hard when I feel his chapped lips on mine. Last week, it felt fluffy and full and warm instead of dry and cold like this.

“I miss you so much,” I whispered on his lips and he wrapped me tighter as consent. My chest’s thumping haphazardly when I heard his heart’s beating so fast, chest up and down, still unable to control his breath.

“I miss you more I almost threw up every single morning I was awake.

“You look exhausted. Why are you so worn out?”

The friction under my fingertips that stung when I wiped his bangs off told me how much this person means to me. It’s like finally find your home away from home.

“The practice is no joke. Swear to God, I can’t even breathe. Today I was coming home at nine. We’ve been practicing since last night. That’s why I couldn’t pick you up. I’m sorry, _______, I should be there and drive you home and––and stopped by our favorite restaurant to grab something warm. You must be hungry and freezing and tired back then, I’m so sorry I stood you up. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s alright, it’s alright now. I’m here, you’re here, and that’s more than enough.”

His bed head makes his eyes looks so droopy and adorable at the same time. Taemin kiss my forehead carefully as if I’m a fragile crystal bowl. Suddenly the world doesn’t matter anymore. Snow may piling on the street and brush some skin with its chill breeze but I would forever warm inside his arms. Being with Taemin is not always ended up in peaceful afternoon in couch cuddling mood, but I realized even if we’re bickering over his uncontainable jealousy, it is the best thing in the world after my family and I’ll make sure I won’t complain about it in the future.

“I don’t like being apart from you. It tortures me, my mind would gone wild thinking about you being happy without me or even worse, with other guy. I hate waking up at the morning and realize you’re out of my range. I hate leaving you alone without me being around.”

Standing on the tip of my toes, I rest my hands behind his neck to enclose our distance for another kiss.

“Then don’t.”

***