Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

– Somebody Loved (The Weepies)

***

Life is made not for a coward. Not for a person who didn’t have courage to step forward, who didn’t brave enough to take the risk of every planned he or she managed to list out.

It was a bright sunny day when he came with fluttering heart, called my name in the most beautiful melody a man could made. His face was gleaming, I remembered I had a thought about wearing shades around him to prevent eyes damage.

The next thing happened terrified me from head to toe despite it was the thing every women would expect and dreamt of. There’s nothing wrong with a proposal after six years of companion, in bad and good, in sick and health. He was the best thing ever happened in my life so far back then. We were so in love at each other to the point we could laugh about our flaws instead of hiding it behind our backs.

But once again, I was just a chicken, afraid to step out the comfort zone and not so ready to face the future. What if getting married changes everything? That was the only thought I could compose in my mind. Both of us were just perfect the way we were, so what’s the use of such a step that might ruined everything? There were our hearts put in stake. And I was too afraid with the possibility of him found himself made a wrong decision and left me in the middle of journey.

Feeling does change. Heart does change. Nothing could guarantee that our love would be the same as we grew. Not even a holy knot.

Looking it from where I stand right now, I can’t help but curse myself that I was an idiot back then.

***

Getting married to your best friend is the best feeling in this universe. Seeing that toothy smile every single day you opened your eyes is worth thousand lucks. Five years and a half passed after we exchanged our vows, after a huge effort he did after I rejected his first proposal. He made a right decision with being patient with me, didn’t stop asking me to agree to marry him. It had cost a lot of letters, sleepless night under my window pane, a week straight surprises until I said yes.

Since then, nothing’s changed, except the act that both of us are aging gracefully. Grow old together – even if we aren’t that old right now – as our heart matured by ups and downs happened in our path. That fondness I was afraid to be vanished earlier is only getting stronger day by day. His stupid jokes, corny words, lame surprises, and ocean-wide heart able to soften my stubborn head and melt my iron heart. And his smiles assured me that he would be there for me no matter what.

With a beautiful dawn as our company, I found myself lean on his chest, occupied the big couch facing the full window separated us from the balcony, enjoying the first sunrise of the year in each other’s embrace. Jinki made such a good choice in apartment. We need to work extra hard after, but the view we got every tired night or busy morning is worth to pursue.

“Few years ago, at this very hour, someone’s screaming at the top of her lungs while his husband almost fainted for such a wonderful moment.”

I could only chuckle on his statement. He surely knows how to turn terrible situation into a silly moment to remember later. It’s one of hundred things that made me head over heel to this very man I could proudly call husband.

“Happy new year, _______. I love you to the infinity and back. It doubles my hearts just so you know.”

“Stop being cheesy. It doesn’t match your klutz image.”

“At least I’ve tried. You like it don’t you?”

Another cracks brought us together once again, “Happy new year, Daddy.”

He kissed my temple while rubbing the bulging of my belly. It started hard to breathe when it hit the seventh month of pregnancy. But his touch always able to soothe me away, ease both my mind and my body.

“Mommy.”

The door on the side pulled open and a little head popped out from inside. He rubs his eyes with his right hand while on his left one, his favorite blanket is clutched tight as if he afraid someone’s going to snatch it away.

“Come here, Champ!”

Little Kibum walked closer as he told by his Dad. I straighten myself with some help from him. This baby inside better be a cute one. Jinki settled our baby boy between us, his little head this time leaned into his father’s side.

I ducked my head closer to make the same eye level with him but it’s so hard with a big belly on the way, “Happy birthday, Bummie. Know your present already?”

“A baby brother!” he chanted happily with his cute little bow lips.

 Jinki ruffled his hair after such an answer he muttered ‘smart boy’ to compliment his favorite angel.

“You got another one.”

“What is that?!” his slightly slanted eyes suddenly widen into twice size and I can’t help but laugh with such a beautiful scene.

“When he’s born later, you can give him a name you want.”

“Really?!”

“Of course! You’ve been a good boy last year and he’s gonna be your first best friend. What would you name him after?”

His head turned into his father before his expression changed into serious one. He thinks so hard for such a simple question. His cheeks jutted out when he pouted his lips. Jinki can’t help but squeals when he saw that.

“Ummm. Taemin?”

“Taemin? Why do you want to name him Taemin?”

“I don’t know, Mommy,” he shrugs, “It just sounds great. And my baby brother is a great brother.”

Jinki lifted his small body and placed him on his laps so he can slide closer to me, “You’re smart enough for a four years old toddler. Okay then, Taemin it is. Now why don’t you call your baby brother by his name and give him a kiss?”

Kibum jutted out his mouth and brushed my belly with them then he whispered, afraid that Jinki and I might eavesdropping. Still, he’s too loud just like a common kid around his age.

“Taemin-ah! Get out really soon so we can play together! I love you!”

While Kibum finishes his words by light tapping my tummy, Jinki and I drifted in a warm fuzzy feeling. We look at each other and agree: this is a good start for a new year.

***