And when the cold wind’s blowing
Snow drifts through the pine trees
In houses lights are glowing
Likewise in your eyes that find me here

With all that I want.

– All That I Want (The Weepies)

***

Drink it up and careful not to catch a cold :)

That’s how it read on the post it attached to banana milk left on my door. It’s the second day someone put some treats right in front of my unit, still without the name of sender. Same color of paper, same handwriting and also the smiley emoticon. In a movie, I would just go to the post guard and ask them to rewind some clips from her CCTV set to find the culprit. But the unit you’ve been living in for these past three years is just a simple apartment that only enclosed four stories with six units in each floor so security came in the second after cheap prize on the top of the list. Even the land lady is not living in one unit with us.

Eyes looking around and found no one to take responsibility of this delicacy, I just decided to check the seal and expired date printed on the bottle. Seems like the banana milk is edible enough and I’m not one of famous people who some nemesis wanted to hunt me down so I opened the lid, sipping it in one go and within five minute the liquid safely moved inside my tummy.

Whoever sent this, thank you. Merry Christmas.

I pushed my key and entered my apartment, ready to drown myself on the bed after a long and windy day.

***

Dammit!

“Stupid alarm! Stupid alarm! Stupid alarm!! OUCH!!”

I stumbled on the puff chair in the living room in a pretty rush hour in one fine winter morning. The stupid clock failed to ringing at the correct set time, making me jolted awake from the bed when the sun flares seeping into the room.

Hair pulled to a messy bun on the crown of my head, I put my shoes on in a flash before snatch the coat laid on the couch.

“Jinki’s going to kill me!”

Something heavy slowed down my movement at the door frame. When I pulled the door in, a small rattan basket with several freshly baked cinnamon rolls double wrapped in transparent plastic with small yellow ribbon as its knot.

Another post it came along with the magic breakfast.

Christmas is about sharing. So enjoy the treats while sharing it with your friends! :)

Whoever put this hamper on my door surely had gypsy third eyes which able to see beyond the future because this is like a feast for a poor tummy like me after only an energy drink as my dinner.

“Hey! I know santa is not real, but thank you!”

I might looks like an idiot, but I’m not kind of person who just let it go when people do something really good to me.

***

It’s almost two weeks I’ve been living without spending even a penny for my daily necessities. Everything I need came from mysterious generous person who probably looked my door as her or his own personal trash bin as she or he always dropped something right in front of it.

Instant noodles, chocolate, flower, scarf, fresh sandwich, cheese bagel, pack of pretzel, anything you named it. Having job as junior architect is not giving that much to my account balance. Seriously, sometimes I need to take side job as graphic designer for some youth magazine. So this kind of treat indeed helps me a lot. But instead of sleeping soundly with full tummy and warm feet – yes, the other day a pair of thick and warm socks came into my sight – something clenched inside my chest.

How can I be this selfish? No matter how kin d and nice the person who provide me those stuffs, he or she needs some appreciations. I might not able to give as much as it, but at least a carrot cake and a sincere thank you is a compulsory in my life manual.

So the next morning, when I ready to go to the office, bundled up inside a coat, muffler, boots, and even beanie, I took times to paste notes on a yellow paper – I hope it’s visible enough for such a hurry person who left as quick as they came – as an exchange for two perfect round doughnuts with Belgian chocolate glaze all over its surface which I believe, costs my meals allowance for a week.

Hi, I don’t believe in Santa so instead of milk and cookies, I left this note for you. Thank you so much with the delicacies and winter first aid kit up until now. If you need anything as return, don’t hesitate to let me know. I might not able to give as much as you did, but I’ll try my best. For such a stranger, you are way too kind it put a lot of burden on my shoulder. Please, let me pay you once :)

“I think it would be alright.”

After three times checking the words I wrote down, I heaved a long breath and rushed down to catch a bus. It’s almost nine and Jinki will kill me. Twice.

***

Jinki is not killing me. He’s too nice.  But it doesn’t mean he can’t be cruel. He asked me to finish the landscape project of a block of villa that supposed to be presented mid of January but suddenly the owner need it to be pre-showed at his birthday on the fifth of January. How marvelous.

I’ve been staying at the office for almost three days and because my apartment is a bit further than Taemin’s – mine is seven bus stops while Taemin’s is only three – his apartment suddenly turned into my new basecamp.

Today, after five sleepless nights, Jinki allowed us to have some decent nap before giving the finishing touch next week. My head is full of bed and blanket and comforter and snuggle plushy and I might already dreaming on the way upstairs, so it’s kind of blur when I saw someone’s standing on my door and then vanished for a while before appeared again in front of it.

Good. Now even my door is luckier than me to have a date in this cold evening.

I walked slowly, trying so hard not to make noises more than ten decibel. When finally I reached the end of the stairs and found the back of the person who suspected as my door’s date, I realized he’s not alone.

He’s there with wilted orchid in a small pot on the floor, basket of cookies on its left, new room shoes, pack of yoghurt, and can of sardine. And that’s not including strawberry milk on his hand. My drowsiness evaporated into the air.

“If Santa is not real then what are you?”

It just slipped out from my mouth. And I need to thank God that the cursed following behind able to be swallowed back to my throat.

It’s when he finally turned his back, I believe Christmas is one of magical season that heaven let its angel dirtied their hands by landing on the earth. He’s not tall, but surely has a vibrant yet shy smile. Jaw craved perfectly, making such a strong line on his face. His hair dyed darker, but failed to hide the remains of bright color he put before.

“I can explain.”

He scratched his head and did the sinful gesture I claimed as my weak spot since I was in high school, biting his lower lips right before my face.

“Well, that explained everything.”

I pointed to the ground when the evidence hasn’t left the crime scene. He ducked his head for a while before he broke the silence wrapped us.

“I don’t have bad intention. I saw you several times in the building, and I swear to God, you looked like living zombie. The pretty one though.”

Architect’s life is never been easy. It your soul into its deepest core before you realized you had soul that deserves a happy life. And yes, looks like a zombie is definitely our trademark. With such a tight hours and loads of works, it’s hard to be seen bright and decent.

But wait. Did he say pretty just now?

“So I asked some people in the building. The security at the front told me that you’re an architect. I had a friend who worked as an interior designer and yes, he’s as lifeless as you. My job as a radio DJ gave me more times to take care of myself. And probably you too. I left choco-cheese bread, and surprisingly, you took it.”

Embarrassed by my own behavior, I cleared my throat nonchalantly, “I thought it would be such a waste if I left it there.”

“It’s okay. That’s what I hoped. And I encouraged myself to put another meals or anything that at least could warm you up.”

You did it. You warmed me up.

Wait. WHAT?!

His words seemed unfinished, “I was so happy when I realized the stuffs I gave always disappeared from my sight when I passed your door later at the afternoon. All of them. No matter where it ended up to, your tummy, your wardrobe, or your trash bin.”

“I still keep the yellow roses you gave me earlier. Salt helped a lot.”

His smile arose, this time wider than the ten minutes ago smile.

“Then I wonder why you didn’t take care my gifts these past five days. I just–– just afraid.. if something bad happened to you.”

The last time person this nice to me was a long time ago. Jinki and Taemin are good people, but this felt different. They’re already close to me for years. They already knew me. But this man standing before me barely knows my name. Or maybe he does, but I certainly don’t.

“I was on a deadline. We just finished it this morning,” he nods and I smell awkwardness filled in between, “So, you got my notes then?”

“Ugh, yeah. I didn’t mean to put such a burden. I just thought it would be nice if I share what I had with you.”

There’s nothing that I can do but smile back. My heart swell and warm fuzzy feeling started crept up from my toes.

“Can you help me, then?”

“Of course!! What can I do for you?!”

I walked closer to him, key’s ready in my right hand. Once I only inched away from my door, I crouch down to scope the orchid into my arm, “Can you help me bring these stuffs inside?”

He did as he’s told. In a second, all moved to his arm. I pushed the door opened and hold it for a while, “And when you’re inside, why don’t you sit down and be my dinner company? I know how to make a delicious cream soup. Besides, these are too much to be finished by one person.”

Wide grin landed on his face again, tickling my stomach inside out. But then worry eyes being cautious just in time, “Wait. You just had a deadline. You should have some rest.”

“Don’t worry. The food definitely would help me towards dreamland.”

“Well, if you insist,” he laughs and it’s contagious because I can’t hold my own burst, “Jonghyun. Kim Jonghyun.”

Struggling with the load on his arm, he still able to stretch his right hand out. As expected, I met soft skin and warm feeling enveloped my own when I reached it.

“My name is _______.”

And despite the fact that I don’t believe in Santa, a handsome, manly, y, but sweet guy definitely can make a good one.

***