warning: mentions of suicide // if you choose not to want to continue reading, I will do a re-cap of this chapter super briefly in the next chapter // this chapter is a little weird because it’s basically like the character is talking directly to you as I wanted a little more background on Hyein but enjoy anyways :):  and btw, comments and upvotes are incredibly appreciated!!

Hyein POV

“Bye!” Jihoon said to me as Woojin glared at me in the backseat of the car.

Let me tell you, that day got really awkward. Jihoon’s confession, Woojin’s aggressive confession, and just everything. 

Thank god that was over. Never doing that again. Never trying to hang out with two loveless people. 

Quickly entering my house after waving bye to Jihoon, who was still quite bright even though it was extremely awkward, I already prepared for what was to come. 

I could smell the alcohol from a mile away.

I tightened the grip on my bag as I warily walked in.

And he was asleep.

Thank god.

You see, I’ve never really told anyone about him. Or about all the things he’s done to me. 

Just enough things to bring me to my worst and never even glimpsing at the best. 

I really did try my hardest, so why is my life like this. Why do I have to wake up everyday, knowing that I have to go through hell. 

I’m so sick and tired of it all. It just feels like I’m so trapped all the ing time and it hurts. The words hurt. The actions hurt. And I can’t really do a damn thing about it. I really can’t escape it. All the failed suicide attempts, all the fake smiles, all the lies, I’m ing sick of it.

I really don’t think that, that monster actually realizes that doing those things to a young kid ruins them. Emotionally. Physically. Everything. Everything’s been ruined.

I’ve cried way too many times, bled too many times, scarred too many times, and belittled myself too many times. 

You’re probably wondering by now, how often do I get these messed up thoughts.

Everyday.

Truly everyday. It gets worse. I’ve tried all types of things to get through the pain. But no one else really understands it. 

I’ve talked to the doctors, I’ve taken the medicine, I’ve done everything. 

So why do I always feel pain?

Why is the pain always so unbearable to the point where everything is screaming at me?

Why won’t it ever go away no matter how hard I try?

[flashback- 7 months ago]

(sirens blasting)

“Hyein!” my brother yelled as he banged on my door, while uncontrollably sobbing between breaths.

While he was continually banging on the door, everything was spinning. But I seemed too happy. Too happy to be dying.

The pills, spilled all over the bathroom door, seemed to be taunting me, and the blood, running from my arms, seemed to pull me even farther away from reality. 

Steadily, the yelling grew louder as the heavy pounds on the door grew more frequent and more forceful.

But everything went black.

And once I opened my eyes again, all I could see was the flashing lights from the ambulance.

“Please, please, please,” I screamed to the people lifting me into the vehicle, “Leave me alone!”

[end of flashback]

Tears rushed down my face frantically as I re-called that terrible chapter of my life.

Just a few months later, my brother had to leave before me, and although it was terrible, I wish I was the one who went to where he had to go. 

One after another, my life fell apart. I was the happiest and all of the sudden, everything changed way too quickly.

Even now, my life is changing. And I can’t be more thankful that it is. 

Jihoon. 

Thank you for inviting me out again even though today was uncomfortable for all of us. Thank you.