Mingyu jogged around here for the second round today, hoping to see Wonwoo again outside the library. Although that place was the only place they could be together without his friends, they couldn’t really have a real conversation so there was not really any progress in their ‘relationship’. And thanks to a certain young alpha, he knew that Wonwoo would hang out around the park with their friends, sometimes for work-out sessions, sometimes for other stuffs, at certain times of the day. Not everyday though, so he would only stumble upon the man if he was lucky enough.

And today, he was. ‘Wonwoo!’

‘Hey, Mingyu! What’s up?’ He heard another familiar voice and looked around to see the pack’s main alpha coming back from wherever he was. He sat down at the table where Wonwoo was laying with his eyes closed and invited Mingyu over. Sighing almost inaudibly, Mingyu complied. He could never say no to Seungcheol, afraid that angering him might cause him Wonwoo.

In fact, he couldn’t act freely around all of Wonwoo’s friends. And unlucky for him, they would always be there with Wonwoo, be it around him, or further, but with the male still in their point of view. To make things worse, they would never leave Wonwoo alone with him for too long, joining the conversation when it was getting good.

He didn’t really mind Minghao since the guy would sometimes even help ease the situation by teasing them both but Jun and Seungcheol was a completely different story. Jun would try to snatch Wonwoo away and silently threatening him with his sharp gaze whenever Wonwoo was distracted enough to notice while the main alpha was just, making him nervous. He would constantly be on guard, working extra hard so that his cover as a beta wouldn’t be blown and would try not to be as obvious in his pursuit. The alpha, unlike Jun, was more interested in conversing with him instead of letting him talk to the other, adding to his anxiety. Finally, there was Hansol, who although would not try to do anything to jeopardize his effort, was too unstable and distractive for him to trust not telling anyone about their little ‘pact’. To him, Hansol was the most dangerous one.

‘What’s wrong with him?’ Mingyu asked as he took a seat beside the older alpha. He was referring to Wonwoo’s pale complex, more than normal, and his frowning face.

‘His tummy’s been bothering him.’ Seungcheol replied casually, offering him a drink he probably bought for the sleeping man.

‘Is he okay?’ Mingyu was getting concerned.

‘Probably just gastric. He had it frequently during his first year from stress.’

‘Is he stressed now?’

‘Maybe. A lot’ve been happening…’ Mingyu noticed the other’s sad stare, wondering why. Hansol didn’t say anything about it, but he can never fully trust the man regarding the latest situation. But he did notice the same sad expression the younger alpha bore when he first started to talk about Wonwoo, as if something bad happened. Come to think of it, even the two Chinese had the same look whenever they see Wonwoo sleeping calmly, though both of them were quick to change them.

‘Did he go to the doctor?’

‘Yahh. You’re acting like his mom.’ Seungcheol tapped him and laughed a bit, eating his snacks and slurping his drink. ‘He’s old enough to make that decision. We did ask him to go.’

‘Did he?’

‘He did. Calm down. You medic students.’ He laughed and changed his seating position to face Mingyu. ‘By the way, how’s Dokyeom doing? Did you meet him lately?’

‘He’s busy with clinical rotations…’ he answered casually, wanting to get away. Wonwoo was sleeping and he could never have any special time with him anyway whenever Seungcheol was present, so he really just wanted to go back to his room and do something else. But who was he kidding? Nobody escapes Seungcheol. Except for Seokmin.

*****

Wonwoo eyed Soonyoung who kept avoiding his gaze since he got here at the café. He could sense the tense atmosphere. They were finally sitting down to talk about something, and Wonwoo placed his bet on the the other’s strange behaviour since his heat.

‘I can’t do this.’ Wonwoo looked up at the now dark blue haired omega who was playing with the hem of his shirt, seemingly nervous. He knew this was coming, he expected this to come sooner but it was still shocking to hear it being spoken out loud. And though he was prepared for it, he could still feel a pang in his heart, telling him that a chapter in his life was finally over.

Wonwoo gave him a smile, a forced one as he was in fact, truly saddened by it, but that only caused the other to laugh, trying to hold his tears. ‘You don’t have anything to say? That’s right… it’s my choice. You won’t try to tell me otherwise…’ He continued, his voice soft, trying to cover his loneliness. ‘I’ve been seeing someone else. An alpha. Since the very beginning.’

‘You’ve been…’ he swallowed. He knew something was wrong, but he never expected this. Being cheated on? ‘Cheating?’

‘I guess you can call that cheating. I mean, let’s be honest. We were not really dating. You refused to help me when I needed you the most… he was there to take your place. And you never really want to be involved in what I do, afraid to leave your mark in my decision-making. You don’t want to talk about our relationship. You kept on leaving me hanging. You cut contacts for half a year. Were we really dating Wonwoo?’

Wonwoo looked at the table, trying to process what had been thrown at him. That was true, with the intention of respecting Soonyoung’s privacy, he failed to notice the man’s basic necessities as an omega. He made decisions for both of them, thinking he was doing the omega a favour, irregardless of what the other wanted. Thinking he knew omegas better based on his observations and experience. He never asked, nor take the time to understand the omega’s biological needs. And that alpha did. That alpha filled the void left by him, taking care of his lover physically and emotionally.

Wonwoo could only blame himself for this situation. This time, it was not his present to be blamed.

‘I know you’re having a rough time right now. But I can’t keep this up anymore. I can’t lie to you. I tried to hold on to you, but I can’t be with an omega. I wanted to but I just… can’t. I’m sorry.’

‘Soonyoung-ah… I’m sorry.’

‘Let’s not meet again. At least, for a while. I still like you as a friend. We were always… just friends.’

‘It’s impossible to fix right?’ He tried, but he knew deep down, he didn’t want it to be fixed. He, too, wanted this to be over. Truth be told, he was not prepared to have a forbidden relationship either but he was afraid to say no, afraid to lose his precious ‘friend’.

Soonyoung nodded and stood up, ready to leave before turning back at him. ‘Not all alphas are like you attackers. I hope you realize that.’

Wonwoo looked away, not wanting to accept that last piece of advice. All alphas are bastards who only want to omegas. Nobody cared whether he didn’t want it. They only cared about what satisfy themselves.

*****

Wonwoo stared at the calm water. He can see everything inside it, the fish, the pebbles, the random turtles… Sometimes even the ducks came close enough for Wonwoo to step away from the lake, afraid to be bitten before realizing they were just as scared as he was. The one and only time he was here alone was the orientation night. He never realized how calmingly lively this place was during the day.

Sitting down on the ground, he leaned back, supporting his weight with both his hands, and took a deep breath. Away from other people, this place was very relaxing. All his worries didn’t seem to matter anymore. At least, for now.

Soonyoung, he deserved to be with the alpha. Despite what happened, he somehow was not as disappointed, as angry, or as surprised as he thought he would have. In fact, he was actually a bit relieved. After calmly rearranging his thoughts and feelings, he realized deep down, what they had was never really love. Yes, he enjoyed the smaller one’s presence, but that was merely adoration. Soonyoung was the first omega he ever met besides his family who had that shameless, in-your-face personality, who knows what he wants and is adamant about it. And yet he was adorable, lovable, awkward, and somewhat lonely, which made Wonwoo feel protective over him. He felt the same way about his family, he realized that now.

That could be why he rejected anything physical with the omega, it just never felt right. The fact that he easily cut off contacts after the incident, almost forgetting about the other, was proof enough of his real feelings. And yet, when the omega came to him, telling him his life could stay the same, he held on to it. Not because he loved Soonyoung, but because Soonyoung was his past.

The past that he was still not willing to let go.

Looking up at the bright sky, he closed his eyes. His stomach still felt a bit bloated but nothing the painkiller cannot fix. He knew he had to go to the doctors, he went there 3 times, but the every time they told him to prepare for ultrasound, he got cold feet and ran away. The word ‘ultrasound’ usually associated with pregnancy did not sound good to him.  

Ignoring the slight pain, he reached out for his soda, only to find it gone.

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