set after o7. when he makes me upset | set before 13. ten reasons why i love my boyfriend

-🌸-

When the midterms come close, it's bound to get busier. Professors arrange quizzes, some even on the spot, so that they'll 'help' us for the big tests. To be honest, some give them out just so they can fill up their records, proving they're doing their job in the classroom.

Because of these things, plus the projects they give us, it's easy to disregard the importance of health. In my case, this isn't a good thing. My immune system's weak compared to normal people so I'm strictly reminded to take it easy. The problem is, I always forget. The desire for good grades gets me that.

I'm currently with Junhoe to get lunch in the cafeteria. We were going to eat out of the university but I changed my mind, the reason being that I feel lightheaded to walk in the sun. Of course I don't tell him the last bit. He'll get worried.

Last night, instead of calling, I messaged him that I was going to sleep early so that I could review in peace. I had to review for a practical test and I was too into it I didn't notice the time. If Junhoe knew I only slept for three hours, he'd kill me.

The distant chatter of students in the cafeteria falls in my ears. Junhoe tugs one sleeve of my sweater, guiding me towards the line for us to order. I blink when I start seeing dark spots in my vision, hoping it's just a mind trick. It disappears, fortunately, just as we arrive at the end of the line.

As if sensing something's wrong, Junhoe casts me a worried glance. "You okay?"

I show him a bright smile, one that creases my eyes so that they disappear under my lids. "I'm fine."

"You sure? I mean, I can get you water and...."

His voice turns into a lull, fading into nothingness, as I feel my world spinning. Gravity decides to pull me down for no reason and my body responds with no restraint. Before I can feel the expected impact, everything becomes black.

🌺🌸🌺

The first thing that registers in my mind is the trademark smell of cleanliness; antiseptics. It makes me remember my trips to the hospital when I go for check-ups. Opening my eyes, I'm welcomed with the sight of unfamiliar terrain with a white ceiling. I blink repeatedly to chase away the disorientation, hoping that my brain catches up.

An explanation doesn't arrive yet on how I arrived here without remembering it. The bed I'm lying on feels plasticky, low-quality sheets wrapping it. With the closed curtains around the bed, the surroundings look dim-lighted. A halo of natural afternoon light peeks through the top portion of the curtain. Something feels heavy on my right hand but it gives me a feeling of security. Turning to look at it, I recognize Junhoe's messy mop of a hair. His head's leaning at the edge of the bed. Is he sleeping?

"Junhoe...?" I didn't expect my voice to come out raspy.

I half-expect him not to respond since I thought he's sleeping, but he proves me wrong when he raises his head. Warm eyes meet cold ones. A click snaps in my brain. Suddenly, I remember why I'm here.

It's not the hospital; it's the university clinic. The details are quite hazy but I know I fainted. It's the only explanation if I can't recall anything for the last minutes, or hours, I guess. This isn't the first time.

"Water?" my boyfriend asks. Even before I can respond, he's already reaching out for the water bottle on the corner table. He unscrews the lid off and offers it to me. I accept it, sipping the contents timidly. I try my best to avoid his eyes since the words are teethering at the edge of his tongue. Still, even if I avoid it, nothing will stop him.

"Chaeyoung," Junhoe begins, every syllable uttered with depth. "How many times did you lie to me?"

"Junhoe..."

"You're anemic, in case you're forgetting." He combs the bangs away from his face and lets out a frustrated sigh. "You always say you're sleeping early. Is that just to get me off your back?"

I gulp in guilt, like a criminal does when cornered with a crucial question. It feels like washing the truth down with saliva, hoping it'd somehow take the words I have to say with it. It's useless to lie with Junhoe. He'll always find out; the main reason why I crafted my lies through texts in the first place.

My tongue recoils before it can say yes. Instead of admitting the truth, I did what I'm best at, apologizing, as I place the bottle back to the table. "I'm sorry... I didn't know it'll lead to this."

His eyes flash with a raw emotion, similar to what he does when I say something he doesn't like hearing. "That's what you said the first thing this happened to you."

I don't say anything to defend myself. What am I supposed to say? Standing my ground only meant that we'd fight more. Truthfully, I'm not in the mood to talk. I'm tired and sleep-deprived and a mess of emotions. I don't want to cry, not in a place like this.

I'm being emotional, I know, but everything hits me then. When I'm drowning myself with notes, projects, and reviewers, it's easy to ignore it. But I'm stressed, so so bad. I want to aim higher. Instead, I'm blacking out. I'm pressured to do well even if no one's pressuring me to do well. I feel like I'm letting myself down, like I'm useless, never going to do something worthwhile in my life forever.

It's already a year since I'm trying to earn a spot in the dean's list but even with my efforts, nothing's happening. No matter how hard I study and ace my tests, it's still not enough. It's only this one I can do yet I fail so badly at it. I feel like a failure. I am a failure. They say that with hardwork, you can get anything. It's not. Look at me; a big mess of a failure.

I'm not even studying anything big like engineering or accounting or economics or whatever, yet I . All the countless nights studying late at night are gone in the trash because I'll never amount to something when I'm already nothing. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid—

Warmth comforts me. It's Junhoe's body pressed against mine. He creates soothing circles on my back, hoping it'll help calm me down. Why...?

The answer doesn't come until I feel something wet on my cheeks. Oh no...

"Ssh. It's okay."

Not in the position to decline anything, I hook my arms around his shoulders and bury myself in his scent. Muffled but still recognizable, I mutter, "I'm sorry," over and over again.

"I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry if I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I want to be on the dean's list so bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry—"

"Chaeyoung."

"—I'm scared of failing. I feel like I'm failing. I feel like I'm failing everyone. I feel like I'm failing my parents if I don't do my best. I feel like I'm failling you. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I promise I will not let it happen again. Please don't get mad at me I—"

Junhoe stops my rambling by putting distance between us. "Chaeyoung." He smoothes his hands over the sides of my face and wipes some tears with his thumbs. "You have more than enough As to counter the Cs. If anything, I'm more likely to fail.

"Hey. Look at me. You're making everyone proud. I don't understand why you're working so hard. What I do understand is, you don't deserve to put yourself through at the expense of your health. You being alive is more important to me. I don't want to lose you because of this. You're Park Chaeyoung. You're the love of my life. You get me?"

Nodding is the only thing I can do since I can't open my mouth to speak, too strained with my own emotions. Junhoe hauls me in his arms again and I cling to him like he's my lifeline. He continues to give his reassurance by combing his fingers through my hair. "You don't know how I was scared less when you fainted. If I have to, I'll sleep next to you and make sure you're sleeping. Studying is worth it but you have to take care of yourself." My boyfriend plants a chaste kiss on the top of my head, almost unnoticeable. "If you don't, how can we get married in the future?"

"Junhoe..." When I pull away from him, all I see is him grinning at me. Such an idiot...

"Call me from now on, okay? If you have to study, let me know then I'll not disturb you. But you have to promise me that you will not do it at the expense of your health, got it?"

I nod while giving him a smile.

"That's my girl."

It would've been romantic, not until his stomach grumbles. We exchange looks and because he looks more startled than I am, I laugh out loud.

"Let's go eat!"

~🌸tbc.

this is for all the people who are still in school... it's hard to be a student but place importance on your health too <3 (this was written ages ago!!! woah...)

i also know you're waiting for the end but bare with me please... we have less than a few chapters left before i can put 'completed' on this work ;) the next sat updates will be crazy (at least on my part trying to finish my personal deadline) so thank you so much!!!