Without a word, Junhoe takes my hand and leads me to the busy street of Itaewon. Street signs of every color appear on the sidewalk, each sign screaming, 'come inside!' The crowd fills the air with unrecognized chatter, some coming from tables outside the restaurants we pass by.

Junhoe's plaid jacket flutters between his legs as we take in the afternoon spring breeze. He tugs one side of the jacket across the white shirt he's wearing. His outfit today isn't something that'll make him stand out from the diverse crowd; instead, he looks like one of them. Even without effort on his part, he looks good, something I can't say for myself.

Patting my stomach, I sigh. "I need to lose weight."

With a funny look on Junhoe's face, he asks, "What are you talking about?"

As the cool breeze stops, the breath of the air stills as warm as it can get during this season. I've been patient with the occasional breeze, but the heat's bothering me. I roll the sleeves of my pink knitted sweater an inch or so. Paired with the jeans I don't wear often, it's the only thing I can wear today.

"With all the eating we're doing lately, some of my clothes aren't fitting me like they used to..."

Junhoe lifts a brow. He hooks a finger around one of my jean's belt loop. "This is already size zero. You want to look unhealthy?"

Remembering what happened earlier makes me pout. "Did you know I ransacked my closet for something to wear today?"

A high-waisted skirt is nice for today's weather, not until the buttons think otherwise. I tried my backups, but either they're too tight, they don't look good in me, or I can't breathe at all. With my eyes close to tears, I opted to wear jeans one size bigger than my usual since it's the only one comfy.

People say I have a nice figure, but they don't know it's hard to maintain. Even if I eat good food, I balance it out by eating clean. It only happens once in a while though, and rarely now, ever since Junhoe became my boyfriend.

This man who doesn't look like he eats for three looks good underneath layers of clothing. He goes to the gym three times a week and it's the only thing holding his weight down. Quite frankly, if he stops, he'll be in the same situation as mine. I kind of want him to stop since he's posting topless photos on Instagram...

"Well," he gives me a glance over, never stopping on his tracks as he does so. "you still look good in that."

I frown. He doesn't understand. "I want to wear pretty clothes, Junhoe. Not just this." I pinch my oversized sweater. It would've been ideal if I don't want to make an effort to look good, but today isn't one of those days.

"Then just buy new ones."

My boyfriend's response makes me sigh. "That's not the point. I'm gaining weight, Junhoe!"

"Okay, fine. I get it." He stops in front of an establishment, directing his gaze towards the big arrow signage. The block letters of 'Chick n' Chips Shack' is spelled out on top of the doors. Pointing in front, he turns to me and says, "Do you still want to eat here or do you want somewhere else instead?"

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. You recommended this restaurant too."

Shrugging, Junhoe lets go of my hand to pull the frosted glass doors and I enter first, with him following behind. The smell of freshly-made coffee, fried bacon, and onions hit me as soon as we enter. Chatter from selected tables becomes subdued with the western tracks playing on the stereo.
​
The inside looks every bit like a typical diner we see in the movies. Completing the whole aesthetic are the red booths, steely metal bar stools, black and white floor tiles, and hanging picture frames containing every cult favorites in the west.

The refreshing view of the diner makes me stop and stare. It's not every day I see something different from Korean restaurants after all.

Junhoe throws me a look over his shoulder as he leads the way towards a booth. When he sits down, he bumps his head on the hanging lamp above the table. He rubs the spot with a hand, lips protruding in a frown.

Massaging the sore spot on his head, I call out, "Ah... Junhoe!"

My boyfriend pats my hand over his head and sends me a smile. "Nah, I'm okay. Don't worry."

I sit down in front of him, removing my hand away as I do so. "Seriously, you're always clumsy with things like this."

The waitress, dressed in a blouse as red as the booths, paired with a white skirt, passes by and gives us two menus. She leaves a smile before walking to another arriving customer.

My sight follows her, slightly envious how the uniform hugs her figure well. I send a look towards Junhoe but he's too busy perusing the menu already.

My thumb goes over the peeling edges as I take in the back-to-back menu. Looking at every picture cause my mouth to water. Gulping, I turn to the 'Sides' when I realize the main courses are all fried food. At least they have a salad.

A thought strikes me odd. Out of the blue, I ask, "Will you still love me even if I become fat? And ugly? And wrinkly?"

Junhoe almost comes close to laughing. Sensing that I'm serious, his face displays a hint of amusement. "Of course."

"Hm." I lean forward, one arm propped to the table to place a knuckle on my cheek. "Why?"

"If I stop loving you because of those things, consider me stupid. Why would I give up someone like you? You're the only one who can put up with me." As an after-thought, he adds, "Finding someone like you is too troublesome."

"Are you saying you're only staying with me because it's convenient?" I say in response. I don't mean to sound offended, but the way he said it makes me kind of upset.

Sighing, Junhoe puts the menu down. "Finding someone like you is too troublesome because I know I have to comb through the world to do that. I'm scared, really, that it's you who decides to leave in the end. You can choose someone better than me. Although that'll take you a while too..."

With a laugh, I say, "Junhoe!"

🌺🌸🌺

Junhoe, as usual, orders more than one meal on the menu. Since I've been conscious of my weight, I decided to order a salad. Of course, when I do, I receive a brow-raise from my boyfriend, one that tells me, 'Are you sure with that?'

Now, as we wait for our orders to arrive, I'm starting to regret the whole thing.

Junhoe's orders come first; a basket of spicy chicken wings, deep-fried chicken pops with sour cream dressing, and french fries overloaded with cheese sauce all over it. Everything looks good and smells good that I salivate almost immediately.

Dipping one chicken pop to the dressing, he says, "The reviews here say this is good."

After dipping, he holds the food to my mouth. As a reflex, I eat it, forgetting for a second that I'm on a diet. How can I not? The chicken's saltiness mixed with the sauce's tangy creaminess burst like fireworks in my mouth. Not only that, but the moment I bite into the tender meat, the cheese in the middle melts too.

With wide eyes, I look at Junhoe. "It's really good!"

A proud grin appears on my boyfriend's lips. "What did I tell you?" He tastes the chicken pop himself, eyebrows shooting up in surprise while nodding as he chews.

"It's not too oily, isn't it?"

He nods, unable to say anything yet. When he finishes, he picks another chicken pop and holds it in front of me. "Eat more."

I gladly accept it as I open my mouth. It may be unintentional but the food makes me dance a little on my seat, something that makes him chuckle. I can't help it! The chicken pop, although deep-fried, is a lot different compared to fast food. The oil's drained well, the meat's tender, and most of all, the sour cream sauce is its perfect combination.

"You want?" Junhoe asks in between chews as he picks up one chicken wing.

I shake my hands in front of him, dabbing sauce away from my face with a tissue. "I'm good."

"You sure? I mean," He takes a bite out of the fried chicken, the food producing a solid crunch when he does. A few chews in and he continues, "this tastes too good to pass up, Chae!"

Seeing him munch on the crispy chicken wings makes me gulp. Before I can get tempted to get one for myself, I look away.

Junhoe has another thing in mind. He takes one and holds it in front of me, the plump and crunchy chicken skin beckoning for my attention. I feel myself gulping again.

"Junhoe, stop," I say as I push his hand away.

My boyfriend chuckles and takes the chicken wing back, only to bite on it, intentionally making it louder so that I can hear the crunchiness of the skin.

"Mmm... so good!"

"Junhoe," I warn. "If you don't stop that right now, I swear—"

"This is so damn good. You're clearly missing out." Trying again, he slides the basket of chicken wings close to me. "You have to try this, Chaeyoung."

I stare at the food, then back to Junhoe. He nods while grinning, flicking a hand over the basket, beckoning me to try. With a sigh, I pick the smallest one out of the bunch and take a timid bite.

The spiciness doesn't come like a punch, as I expect to since Junhoe likes spicy food so much. Instead, the spice comes gradually, something that burns a little but doesn't sting my tongue. Chewing more, the saltiness of the chicken emerges once the burn dies down. The inside's tender, its fresh-from-the-oven claim evident on the little steam I get from biting it. It's for all these reasons that I go silent eating the whole piece.

"Good, isn't it?" Junhoe prods, his smile showing as he expects an answer.

Unable to hide my contentment, my eyes light up. "Very!"

He points to the basket using his eyes while putting a knuckle below his chin. "You can get more if you want."

On normal days, his offer would be received with a positive reaction from me (since it's rare for him to share his food). However, this three-item meal isn't enough to fill a man like him.

"Why are you giving me this much food?"

Shrugging, he replies, "Your salad's taking too long. 'Sides, I want to eat now. If I'm eating and you're not, you'll become grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy."

"Says the one who picks a fight with me when she's hungry."

My mouth opens for another retort but closes it right after, remembering the numerous times I snapped at him for no reason at all. He's right.

"Okay, you may be right but that doesn't answer why you're being generous." Narrowing my eyes at him, I continue, "Why, Junhoe?"

When he realizes he's not getting away with this, he sighs, wiping the side of his mouth with a thumb. "If you're having fun doing something, don't you want to share the happiness too?"

"Junhoe..."

His eyes radiate warmth, something that reminds me of bonfires and blankets. "Just forget dieting and eat delicious food with me."

I find it sweet that he thinks like that, but the insecurities at the back of my head creep in like a monster, its ugly head rearing to bite me in the face. When I looked at the mirror earlier, wearing all the backups that didn't look good on me, the scary thought comes. It comes in a feeble whisper, but words strong enough to affect me.

You look ugly, undesirable... Junhoe's better off with someone prettier... no one will love you like this...

Who will love me when even I don't love me the way I am?

"I want to but Junhoe... what if I really gain weight so much you can't recognize me anymore?"

"Wouldn't that be good though?"

"Why is it good?"

"So that other guys wouldn't snatch you away from me."

I send him a frown. "Are you saying I don't look good if I gain weight?"

"No, I don't mean that." Frustrated, he adjusts on his seat. "come on, Chae. Between the two of us, I should be more worried about my weight." He turns his face from side to side. "look at my jawline; it's already missing!"

His response brings laughter to bubble from my chest. It's quite true but he's still in good shape. "Even if your jawline's missing, you're still handsome in my eyes."

Shrugging, he says, "See what I mean?" Junhoe leans forward. "You don't become pretty when you meet the weight standard. To hell with that. To hell with anyone who says you need to be slim to look beautiful. You'll always be beautiful. Heck, I can even love you with my eyes closed."

"Oh, Junhoe..."

"Now, are you going to eat like normal and enjoy this food with me?"

With a smile, I reply, "Okay." Before I can take another chicken wing though, he takes the basket back and waves a waiter over.

"One more order of all of these, please!"

~🌸tbc.

this chap almost didn't make the cut lol. as opposed to me saying i'll only post the ready chapters, this one's recently made. this is inspired by interviews from beautiful girls (like, miss universe beautiful) who feel ugly from time to time. i guess that one thing's universal. we do have our off days, right? beauty is overrated anyway. be your own kind of beautiful ;)