Title: Armor Down

Pairing: Hyuken

Number of words: 6513

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

Note to my Giftee: I really hope you'll enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it
 

Armor Down

He ran through the bus terminal the fastest he could without crashing into every single person in his way and his heavy backpack knocking the air out of him every time it hit his back. He had severely miscalculated how long it would take to ride the subway to the terminal and he was now suffering for it.

He was going home to his parents for the summer. His first semester at Seoul University had ended and his mother had basically begged him to come home so she could see her baby boy again. They didn’t have the time to come visit him, with the farm to care for. He was glad to be going home for a while though; the hustle and bustle of Seoul was a drastic change from the slow and quiet countryside he’d grown up in.

The bus was still there when he reached the gate and had to scramble to show his ticket to the clerk. The elderly man nodded to him after confirming the bus number, time and date, and Sanghyuk could finally breathe with relief. He took a deep breath, calming his heartbeat and feeling sweat starting to form on his back from his run, as he stepped through the glass doors onto the platform. He felt a surge of happiness over going home. For his first semester in school being over. For getting to see his mother and eat her cooking again. With that in mind he smiled as he stepped into the overnight express bus, eyes searching for empty seats. All the seats in the front half were occupied, with the few exceptions being he needed to sit beside a stranger and sleep. He continued on in hope of finding a double seat to have on his own in the back, eyes scanning the seats intently.

He stopped dead in his tracks, a bit startled, when he saw a familiar face sitting in a window seat – the seat beside him empty but for a brown leather duffel bag. He felt a smile creep its way back across his lips. It was his childhood, neighbourhood friend. One of few. They had both moved to Seoul and to different schools and had lost touch in the chaos of attending a new school in an unfamiliar city. He hurried towards him, as if someone else would jump past him and steal the seat from him.

His friend didn’t notice him coming. He was staring out the window and in his ears were stark white earpieces blocking out the sounds around him and feeding him the music he loved. When someone blocked the light beside him he turned to look, and stared in surprise.

“Hey, Jaehwan hyung.” The boy standing beside him said. He turned off the music on his phone and picked the earpieces out.

“Sanghyuk.” He said and Sanghyuk flashed a brilliant smile.

“Can I sit with you?” He nodded towards Jaehwan’s bag. Jaehwan grabbed it hurriedly, fingers trembling. It made Sanghyuk wonder for a second, questioning why his friend seemed nervous to see him – not happy. Jaehwan struggled to fit his rather big and bulging bag on his lap, the seat in front of him leaned back and limiting his space even more than normal.

Sanghyuk reached his hand towards him. “Let me put it in the overhead for you.” He said gently. Jaehwan sighed, flushed, and handed him the bag.

“Thanks.”

Sanghyuk laid his heavy backpack beside Jaehwan’s bag as the bus driver’s announcements rang above his head and sat down with a sigh of relief, sinking into the seat and closing his eyes for a moment. The bus started moving. He was on his way home.

Jaehwan was tense. Sanghyuk glanced over to him and could see his hands working on the earpiece cables, folding and unfolding over and over. He couldn’t understand why, they were pretty close before they lost touch and it had only been 7 months since they last saw each other. Honestly 7 months wasn’t that long, he thought.

“So…” He started, dragging it out so Jaehwan would snap out of it and pay attention. When he did, he turned to look at Sanghyuk and smiled a tiny bit. “Going home for the summer?” Sanghyuk continued. Jaehwan nodded with a confirming hum. “I think Mom would cry if I didn’t.” He added and Sanghyuk chuckled. “Yeah. Mine too.”

Jaehwan went back to staring at his hands and Sanghyuk felt himself growing awkward from how he was acting. He wasn’t used to Jaehwan being like this. The Jaehwan from before was bubbly and hyperactive, always teasing him and joking around – to the point of seeming like he could take nothing seriously. But Sanghyuk also knew his serious side. The one who worried about his family and his single mother living with his two older brothers. Sanghyuk knew the guilt Jaehwan was carrying around for choosing to leave instead of staying to help at the family farm. Jaehwan’s mother and two brothers were all working hard to make sure Jaehwan could be the only son to finish University, which was a heavy burden for him.

All this he knew about Jaehwan, but still he couldn’t understand why he was acting like this after being apart for only 7 months. He’d never imagined things would change between them, even though they hadn’t been contacting each other.

“How’s school?” He asked after minutes of awkward silence, of staring at Jaehwan’s bony fingers working on the earpiece cable. Sanghyuk could swear he saw the smallest hint of a flinch in the other before he looked at him and smiled again.

“Great! I’m older than just about everyone, but I’ve always got along with younger people better anyway. School is hard though. I’m constantly drowning in assignments it seems.” Jaehwan answered, voice light and bright. Despite being three years older than Sanghyuk, he was accepted into a university at the same time as him due to having to rely on at least a partial scholarship to afford the tuition and dorm rent.

“What about you?” Jaehwan asked.

“Also constantly in risk of drowning in assignments.” Sanghyuk answered with a smile and Jaehwan hummed. He was having a great time at school, getting to know a lot a new people and enjoying most of his classes greatly, but he didn’t feel like elaborating that to Jaehwan at the time. It didn’t feel right. He could feel something was off.

They spent most of the bus ride in silence. Jaehwan mostly staring at his hands or out the window, never really relaxing beside Sanghyuk, and Sanghyuk alternating between dozing off and staring at Jaehwan’s hands. They exchanged a few questions here and there, quietly as to not wake the other passengers, but every conversation was cut short and followed by an awkward silence.

Sanghyuk woke with a start when the announcement saying his stop was next played.

Jaehwan was asleep, forehead leaning on the window. Outside it was dark and it was raining.

Jaehwan’s stop was after his, so Sanghyuk carefully nudged his shoulder to wake him.

“Hm?” Jaehwan looked at him, confused and clearly tired.

“I’m off here. Your stop is next, remember?” Sanghyuk told him, getting up from his seat to retrieve his backpack and bring down Jaehwan’s bag as well. He set it down in the seat for him.

“Thanks.” Jaehwan mumbled, still a bit disoriented.

He checked his phone for the time, 3:34AM, and wondered if anyone was coming to greet him at the bus stop or he would have to walk home alone without an umbrella.

The bus stopped and Sanghyuk gave Jaehwan one last, brilliant smile. “See ya, hyung.”

His father was waiting at the bus stop, two umbrellas in hand. It wasn’t raining hard, merely a drizzle. His face was stern, as always, but Sanghyuk knew he was happy to see him and stepped right into a hug as he approached him. “Good to see you, Dad.”

“Welcome home, Sanghyuk-ah.” His father told him, hugging him tight for a moment and then breaking away, handing him an umbrella – the biggest one – and starts walking towards their home.

He woke up around noon the next day after a troubled night of sleep, tossing and turning and plagued by stressful dreams. The smell of his mother’s cooking had spread throughout the house and was the only reason Sanghyuk didn’t try to go back to sleep again. That and the loud rumble of his unfed stomach. His mother hugged him tight when he entered the kitchen to greet her. She had been asleep when he arrived in the middle of the night, his father telling him she did her best to stay up for him but eventually failed around midnight already. She gave him a bowl of steaming rice and pushed him down on a chair by their kitchen table, rushing back and forth to the fridge to get him side dishes. It was obvious she had made a lot of them the day before, most likely anticipating his arrival. There were grilled mackerels, egg rolls, japchae, black beans and fried tofu among the usual side dishes his mother made when he still lived at home. His stomach started growling a symphony at the sight and he thanked her warmly and dug in eagerly. She sat down opposite him to watch him eat, just like she would do every morning when he was younger. After he was done she would eat her own breakfast, back then.

“I heard from Miss Lee that Jaehwan is coming home for the summer, like you?” She asked him when he slowed down his pace to normal, non-starving speed. He nodded while chewing down the food in his mouth.

“I met him on the bus.” He said after swallowing. She lit up.

“Really? That’s great! Are you heading over today?” She asked, but Sanghyuk shook his head. After the bus ride he had a feeling Jaehwan didn’t really want to talk to him. He thought maybe he would give him some space, maybe see if Jaehwan came to him if he wanted to hang out.

“Why not?” She asked, immediate worry furrowing her brows at him. Sanghyuk sighed, knowing what was coming next.

“He’s probably busy, Mom, I’ll go see him another day.” He said, eyes pleading. But his mother turned stern and he knew he was heading into a battle he had already lost.

“That’s no good, Miss Lee wants to see you too! Look how much you’ve grown, she’ll barely recognise you.” She got out of her seat, rummaging through cupboards and the fridge and back like a whirlwind. He groaned, making sure she could hear it, then blushed in embarrassment when realising how childish that was. She returned with a bunch of boxes filled with food, wrapped in a stark yellow shawl, and set it on the table beside his food.

“Here. Take this to Miss Lee for me.”

“Mom.” Sanghyuk tried one last time with a slight whine in his tone. He was done eating, his incredible appetite out the window. In return she hit his shoulder, not hard but enough for him to flinch. “Fine! Fine.” He yelped, making her smile.

“Good puppy.” She said then, hand moving from his shoulder to pet his head carefully. She kissed the top of his head quickly. “Mom is happy you’re home Sanghyuk-ah. Now go play with your best friend.” She said softly.

“Love you, Mom…” Sanghyuk told her softly, meaning it. It felt good to be home. To eat some proper food again. Back to being ordered around.

In the hallway his old, worn and torn Adidas slippers were waiting for him. Summer at home meant walking around solely in those slippers, even if it rained, unless you were working in the mud. Jaehwan and him had bought the exact same pairs many years ago, Jaehwan the one insisting on buying the more expensive name brand slippers despite Sanghyuk telling him it was only slippers, not shiny new trainers. They had served them well, but as he stepped into them he realised sadly he had started to outgrow them. His feet had grown a tad bit too long since last summer.

The sun was blazing, the air hot and humid and immediately making Sanghyuk’s back wet as he walked along the country road towards the Lee family farm, his slippers flapping, the sound familiar and nostalgic. It was a good ten-minute walk over to Jaehwan’s, using the shortcut trails made between the Lee family’s farming fields. He spotted one of Jaehwan’s two big brothers working on a field in the distance and waved in case he could see Sanghyuk too. He waved back cheerily, a smile barely visible in the distance.

“Oh my, oh my, look how Mrs. Han’s little puppy has grown!” Miss Lee greeted him with a teasing glint in her eyes, in front of the house when he arrived. He bowed in greeting.

“Good to see you Miss Lee.” He smiled at her and handed over the shawl. “Mom told me to give you this.” She accepted it from him and hugged him lightly, tapping his back as she did.

“Thank you, Sanghyuk-ah. Jaehwan is inside eating his breakfast, you should go say hello!” She pushed him towards her house. Sanghyuk suddenly felt nervous, a little scared Jaehwan would be annoyed to see him.

He stepped in and shuffled off his slippers beside Jaehwan’s own matching pair, smiling a bit when realizing they looked exactly the same even when worn. He moved quietly through the living room and peeped timidly into the kitchen to see if Jaehwan was still eating.

Jaehwan’s back was to him and he was reading an old Marvel comic – he could spot the red armour of Iron Man from all the way over there – while eating a breakfast very similar to Sanghyuk’s; an abundance of side dishes. They wouldn’t be needing the dishes his mother had him bring over, clearly. He didn’t want to startle him, so Sanghyuk knocked on the open door carefully before entering.

Jaehwan turned to look. While Sanghyuk wasn’t exactly expecting a big, welcoming smile from him, the flicker of worry that passed Jaehwan’s face at first took him aback. He almost stepped backwards before Jaehwan caught himself and smiled softly. “Hey.”

Sanghyuk stepped into the room, feeling a little cautious, and smiled a little awkwardly.

“Hey again.” He sat down at the table, on the opposite side but not directly in front of him. “Did you get any sleep?” He asked to try keeping them from going quiet again. Jaehwan kept eating, taking small bites - which was unlike him - with his eyes trained on his bowl of rice, the comic set aside.

“Yeah, some.” He answered. Sanghyuk cursed his brain for going blank, but he found himself completely unable to find a conversation.

“Iron Man, ey?” He asked awkwardly. Jaehwan’s eyes flickered to the comic and then his shoulders visibly relaxed. Sanghyuk hadn’t even noticed Jaehwan had been tensed up. “Yeah. I didn’t bring any comics up to Seoul so I really missed them.” Jaehwan said. Sanghyuk smiled, properly this time because this felt like familiar ground. They had always shared a love for comics, always lending each other their favourites and making deals on who was going to buy which series, so they didn’t waste money on overlapping each other. Jaehwan was in charge of the Avengers while Sanghyuk of X-Men, for instance.

“Same. I’ll probably be reading up on my own too.”

Jaehwan finally looked up at him and for the first time since they said goodbye at the bus station in January, Sanghyuk felt like he was meeting his best friend again. Joy and warmth spread throughout him in waves, making him smile softly at Jaehwan. Jaehwan who was looking at him – really looking at him – properly for the first time since then too. Their eyes met and Jaehwan’s eyes flickered to his smile and then they lost each other again. Sanghyuk quickly looked away, clearing his throat, and Jaehwan quickly looked back down on his rice.

The warm waves within Sanghyuk surged upwards and he felt his cheeks go hot. He reached over and grabbed the comic, desperate for a distraction and to go back to talking about it. He looked at the front page, checking which arc it was. He saw it was an issue in the Mighty Avengers story arcs, the first issue in fact; meaning Jaehwan had only just started reading that morning.

“We should sit down and watch the movies together sometime.” Sanghyuk said, breaking the silence. Jaehwan stopped chewing. He swallowed.

“Yeah, sure.” He answered, and the lack of enthusiasm left Sanghyuk a little disappointed. Their movie marathons used to make Jaehwan so excited. As much as two new Marvel movies had been released while they were in school and they hadn’t watched them together yet. In the past that was simply unacceptable in their friendship and a movie marathon would’ve been immediately arranged, Jaehwan always the most enthused.

Sanghyuk had a growing feeling something was wrong.

--

Sanghyuk felt ty for giving a half assed excuse and fleeing Jaehwan’s farm as soon as possible when his friend proved impossible to keep a normal conversation with. He walked quickly along the road, hunching with his hands deep in his sweatpants pockets. He couldn’t make sense of Jaehwan’s behaviour. Was he angry with him? For not keeping in touch?

Jaehwan hadn’t tried to keep in touch either, so he had thought it wasn’t a problem. Time had flown by and suddenly his semester had ended before he could even blink. His mood went dark as he walked, shoulders tensing uncomfortably at the thought of being in the wrong.

He would have to go talk to him again, he thought. Their friendship was not one to be defeated that easily. He refused to give up on them so easily, even though it was all kinds of uncomfortable.

He walked past the recycling bins outside the gate of his house and spotted a plastic bag full of bright green soju bottles, which gave him an idea. He stopped and stared at them, mind working. If he could get Jaehwan drunk, then maybe he would loosen up and tell him what was wrong?

He his heel, walking back the way he came to walk to the store. He would buy soju and snacks and ask Jaehwan to come over that night, he thought as he powerwalked away from his house. Then he stopped abruptly and tapped his pockets quickly before turning on his heels once again. First; he needed his wallet.

--

It was later that day Sanghyuk stood outside the entrance of the Lee family home, feeling rather nervous and kind of regretting coming over, for the second time. It was past dinnertime and Sanghyuk was dangerously full after his mother had spent all day cooking just about anything she could remember Sanghyuk ever telling her he liked and forcing him to taste every single one of them. He usually had the appetite of a starved animal all the time, but he had hit a wall that day. The walk to the Lee farm had been a painful relief.

There was no one in sight when he came to the house, so he did something he could not remember ever doing; knocking on their front door. In the past he would’ve just waltzed in and that would be normal. It didn’t feel like he could do that anymore, so he knocked.

“Come in!” Jaehwan’s mother cried from inside and Sanghyuk obeyed, slipping off his slippers beside Jaehwan’s and awkwardly entering. He didn’t know what to expect when coming there anymore. He wasn’t sure Jaehwan would be happy to see him, that was the thing. He never would’ve doubted that before.

Miss Lee was sitting on the floor watching TV when he entered the living room. She smiled brightly at him, showing him as clearly as always just who Jaehwan inherited his own charming, crooked smile from. He had yet to see that smile. Oh, how he missed it. Affection rose within him at the sight and he smiled warmly at her.

“Hey Miss Lee, is Jaehwan hyung in?” He asked her.

“He’s in his room, Puppy.” She answered, her voice affectionate while she used his old nickname. He blushed a little, feeling a bit embarrassed by it, which made her laugh. He ducked his head and escaped her mad cackle (her signature laugh, which Jaehwan had not inherited) in favour of Jaehwan’s bedroom beside the kitchen. Forgetting himself he threw himself through the door without knocking, closing the door behind himself immediately only to see a clearly startled Jaehwan lying on his stomach on top of his bedcovers, reading another comic. His eyes were round as plates and they were both speechless for a few seconds, Sanghyuk’s back on the door – staring.

“Hi.” Sanghyuk broke the silence in a huff and Jaehwan blinked out of his apparent trance.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jaehwan answered, strained. He sat up hurriedly, carefully setting the comic aside. Another issue of Mighty Avengers. He was reading fast; Sanghyuk spied the cover and knew it was several issues later than what he was reading that morning.

“Have you been reading all day?” He asked lightly, trying to fix the strained air in the room. He felt like he couldn’t move from the door. Like Jaehwan was using his mind to keep him at a distance. Jaehwan suddenly looked a little embarrassed.

“That’s the official story. I’ve been hiding in my room all day, would be the truth.”

It was like the force that was keeping Sanghyuk by the door just fell away by those words. He felt like he could relax, finally, and with a sigh he walked over to Jaehwan’s bed. He sat down on the floor beside him, back leaning on the bed. He let his eyes look around and the room felt like a time machine. Countless hours had been spent in that exact position on the floor, Jaehwan on his bed, reading comics together in complete silence.

Jaehwan was biting his lips, still not quite relaxing. But Sanghyuk had gotten the ice breaker he’d needed.

“Why are you hiding?” He asked directly and immediately Jaehwan’s breath hitched. He hadn’t expected him to be direct about it. It was true; Sanghyuk usually avoided serious conversation. But he was sensing a friend in need, and that was more important than his damn comfort zone.

“I don’t know…” Jaehwan deflected him, looking away, hands rubbing together between his knees – right beside Sanghyuk’s ear. The sound of dry skin rubbing was maddening. Sanghyuk turned his head in an effort to get eye contact, but Jaehwan wouldn’t look at him.

“Hey.” He pushed, bumping his head on Jaehwan’s knee to catch his attention. “We’re still friends. I know we haven’t talked in a while but nothing’s changed. You’re still my best friend and you can tell me anything.” He told him with uncharacteristic sincerity.

Jaehwan’s hands went still. In fact; his entire body went still. Sanghyuk’s cheeks were burning so he trained his own eyes on his own hands resting in his lap, anticipating a response with jitters beneath his skin.

Jaehwan was silent for what felt like a really long time. Sanghyuk’s initially good feeling soon turned insecure. Sanghyuk was just about to speak again when Jaehwan inhaled as if he was about to speak. The he sighed.

“Sanghyuk-ah…”

The way he said it alarmed him. He turned his body so that he could look at Jaehwan properly. Jaehwan looked scared, an emotion Sanghyuk had rarely seen in him. They were so used to knowing everything about each other, seldom even needing to tell each other anything because they just knew. Either by being there or by understanding. Their time and distance apart had put them in an unfamiliar territory where they actually needed to catch up.

Sanghyuk put his hand on Jaehwan’s knee and Jaehwan stared at it, working on his lips with his teeth like he was keeping the words in.

“Something happened. In Seoul.” Jaehwan said with a sigh. “And I don’t know how to talk about it.” He confessed. Trying to be assuring, Sanghyuk rubbed his thumb on his knee.

“I can wait.” Sanghyuk told him softly. Jaehwan shuddered and closed his eyes. He let out a shaky breath, which made Sanghyuk realise Jaehwan had been keeping himself from crying.

“Tell me whenever you’re ready, alright?” He added. Jaehwan nodded reluctantly.

Sanghyuk moved to get up. He felt like giving Jaehwan some space. Small steps, and all that.

Jaehwan’s eyes followed him as he rose with effort, legs stiff from sitting still on the floor after walking.

“Wanna come over tomorrow night? We’ll have a barbecue and catch up and talk about the old days, like old men.” He smirked and felt relieved when Jaehwan smiled back. Properly this time. Not a false one.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

--

While Sanghyuk had personally planned to prepare for the barbecue on his own, his mom would hear nothing of it.

“You’ll poison poor Jaehwannie if I let you do it, no, it’s better this way.” She had told him and shoved him away from the kitchen. “Go prepare the garden grill instead. Go!” She commanded, and he stumbled out the back door feeling a little flustered. It was a hot day, the sun high on the sky and no clouds to see anywhere and a lot less humid than the day before. His father was in the garden tending to some vegetables. They used to farm back in the day, but his father had retired recently and sold the fields to the Lee’s. Now his father kept himself busy experimenting with a small kitchen garden behind their house. He looked up when Sanghyuk stumbled out, giving him an eyebrow before returning to his tomato plants.

“Dad.” Sanghyuk said to get his attention. His dad hummed in answer, not stopping or looking at him.

“Where are the coal bricks?” He asked him.

“In the shed.”

“Okay, thanks.”

His father was a simple man of few words and expressions and with an air of authority around him. Most of Sanghyuk’s friends who had ever met him feared him, thinking he was angry at them most of the time, but Sanghyuk knew his father too well. His father was almost never angry and very kind, especially to his mother, but strict.

Sanghyuk opened the shed and found the heavy pair of gloves hanging on the inside of the door and used them to pick up the coal brick. The gloves protected him from getting soot all over himself. He placed the brick in the brick oven beneath their grill and that was it.

There were still hours left until Jaehwan would come over and he didn’t know what to do with himself while waiting. He felt too restless to sit still and watch TV or read comics. He turned to his father, who had turned to the zucchinis.

“You need help with anything, Dad?”

“No.” He answered plainly, his mind clearly busy somewhere else. Sanghyuk sighed, waving his arms around to try taming some of his excessive energy. He felt like running, which never happened.

In the end he decided on taking his bike to go buy some more snacks. Jaehwan loved all kinds of snacks and Sanghyuk was a bottomless pit, so buying more could never fail. So he bought more snacks, more drinks and more candy – so much his father gave him a look when he returned and set it all up in bowls. It was excessive, he knew.

He helped his mother bring out a bigger table and two foldable chairs and set up the table with all the dishes she had prepared. The big table with room for six people was full of bowls and plates of food. Side dishes, main dishes, soup, stew, raw pork belly for the grill, snacks, candy and more soju bottles than they would ever be able to drink in one night. By the time they were done and Sanghyuk lit the grill, it was late in the afternoon. Jaehwan would come by any time and Sanghyuk felt excited. He was sure they would return to their normal selves that night and they could spend their summer in blissful friendship. He was sure of it.

“Whoah.”

Jaehwan was taken aback when he walked through the back gate to the garden to see all the food and Sanghyuk standing by the grill with a bright pink frilly apron with white polka dots, which was too small to cover his chest. He grinned at Jaehwan who stared at him in shock.

“Mom went a little crazy when she heard you were coming over.”

“I can see that. Did you tell her my entire family? ‘Cause I thought you meant only me.” Jaehwan said, pointing at himself and looking a little worried for a moment. Sanghyuk shook his head.

“No, it’s you and me only.”

“Okay, good.” Jaehwan sighed in relief and came over, setting down a plastic bag of his own.

“I brought some soju, but I can see we won’t need it.” He grinned a little, enough to make his lower lip go crooked and Sanghyuk felt a surge of happiness at the sight.

They sat down at the table side by side and Jaehwan filled an opening shot for them to down before eating. They clinked their tiny shot glasses together, both grinning, and downed it. The refreshing alcohol burned in Sanghyuk’s throat and beside him Jaehwan expressed his delight with a loud aahh. He was smiling with his eyes closed and Sanghyuk found himself unable to look away. Jaehwan’s eyes opened and he looked back at him, letting an entire moment go by before they both looked away.

“Ahh, the meat.” Sanghyuk mumbled and got up to save it from burning. Jaehwan cleared his throat and quickly downed another shot. Sanghyuk cut up the meat in bite-sized pieces and brought it over to the table.

As they ate their conversation slowly but surely started, catching up on how they were doing at school and the challenges of being a freshman in university. The alcohol flowed freely and they both became increasingly full and drunk.

Only a fraction of the food was gone when they both had to stop eating, turning to the chips with hands that wouldn’t stop reaching for it no matter how full they felt. The drunken craving for salt was too big.

Sanghyuk kept staring at Jaehwan’s lips. The spicy food and the alcohol had left his lips swollen and glistening and Sanghyuk found them absolutely mesmerizing. He found it hard to pay attention to Jaehwan’s talking when he first noticed, his eyes glued to the sight. He’d always had a thing for Jaehwan’s smile, but he’d never seen it like this. Without thinking he leaned in a bit more, Jaehwan too immersed in talking about some professor he didn’t like to notice.

“-and then he gave me a bad grade on my paper just in spite, I’m sure of it!” Jaehwan vented, filling two more shots for them. Sanghyuk’s head was buzzing and Jaehwan’s voice was drawling when he spoke, so Sanghyuk pointed at them and said firmly:

“Last ones. I mean it.”

Jaehwan frowned at him but agreed, lifting his shot up for a toast. Sanghyuk copied him and then downed their last shots quickly. Jaehwan’s lips were wet from leftover liquor and his tongue darted out to it off. Sanghyuk watched intensely and sudden want spiked in his stomach. He was so surprised he jumped in his seat, eyes darting away quickly as if Jaehwan could see it. He felt himself starting to blush and was just about to pour another shot before he caught himself. His lifted hand redirected and grabbed a can of soda.

“Sanghyuk-ah.” Jaehwan said in a tone that made Sanghyuk’s skin tingle. He turned to look at him and the older had suddenly turned serious.

“Thank you.” He gestured at the table. “For all this. I really needed it.” He added sincerely. A hand landed on Sanghyuk’s shoulder suddenly, and he was forced to lean forward towards Jaehwan.

“No problem, Hyung, I’m just glad you wanted to come.” He confessed. Jaehwan’s expression turned sad and Sanghyuk instantly regretted it. He was about to rephrase it when Jaehwan beat him to it.

“I know, I know, I’ve been acting like an . Sorry.” Jaehwan pouted, another thing Sanghyuk had missed seeing without realising it.

“Nono, it’s fine, I get it. I do.” Sanghyuk tried to reassure him hurriedly, flustered.

“No, it’s not. I was scared of telling you even though I should know I can tell you anything.”

Sanghyuk held his breath and waited for more.

“I met a friend.” Jaehwan started, letting Sanghyuk’s shoulder go and sagged back in his chair as if his life had poured out of him like air out of a balloon. “And we became really close and all, hung out all the time, shared a dorm room, ate all our meals together… We were inseparable.”

Jaehwan paused and eyed the soju bottle with longing. Sanghyuk’s heart ached because he already knew this didn’t have a happy ending.

“So, I trusted him, you know? I thought he would understand if I told him, but I was wrong. I was so wrong.”

Jaehwan looked upset and Sanghyuk sat up to lean towards him. He had a growing feeling of what exactly had happened, and his heart ached for him. Jaehwan’s eyes flickered to his and Sanghyuk smiled to be assuring. Jaehwan bit his lip a little, which was distracting to say the least.

A deep breath.

“I told him I was gay.” Jaehwan looked at him with fear in his eyes, but Sanghyuk only smiled warmly at him. Jaehwan’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“I thought you’d never tell me.” Sanghyuk explained. Jaehwan sputtered, sitting up abruptly. “You knew?!” He exclaimed in disbelief.

“Of course.” Sanghyuk grinned at him.

“And you didn’t care?”

“Why would I?” He shrugged. “It’s not like you suddenly turned up on my doorstep drastically changed. I just assumed as much over time.”

“Am I that obvious?” Jaehwan looked panicked. He was scared of his family, for sure.

“I don’t think so. I know everything about you, Hyung. I always have.” He skipped a beat. “Until now.” He added with a frown.

Jaehwan looked at him for a long time and Sanghyuk felt exposed. They were both leaning towards each other and Sanghyuk thought about the one thing he knew Jaehwan didn’t know about him. His longest kept secret.

“I wish my friend was like you.” Jaehwan said softly, eyes looking at him sadly. “He didn’t take it very well.”

Something hot awakened in Sanghyuk’s gut. “Did he do something?” He asked, voice tight.

“Not physically, but he broke something inside of me. I really did think he wouldn’t mind, you know? It really hurt when he cursed at me and called me a liar.”

Sanghyuk cursed at him inwardly, hoping a piano would drop on his head one day. But he wasn’t only angry. There was something more.

“Did you love him?” He had to ask.

“Only as a friend.” Jaehwan answered with a sad smile.

Sweet, glorious relief surged through Sanghyuk like a fresh breeze on a smouldering hot summer day. Happiness bubbled up and he couldn’t help but smile despite how sad Jaehwan looked.

The alcohol had numbed his impulse control.

So, naturally.

Of course.

He had to kiss him.

He grabbed Jaehwan’s neck and carefully guided him in, giving him the leverage to stop him. Right before their lips would meet he stopped and looked him straight in his eyes. They were big and bright and wet from almost crying. Inside them was a storm of emotions, Sanghyuk could see it.

“Well, I don’t.” He said firmly and kissed him hard. Jaehwan’s response was immediate, his surprised moan spiking higher temperatures within Sanghyuk. They kissed until there was no air left in their lungs, then parted, gasped for air and clashed together all over again. Jaehwan tasted like alcohol. His lips were soft and good, so good Sanghyuk never wanted to stop kissing them.

He knew it was risky. His parents could pop out into the garden any time and see them like that and he had no idea what reaction it would bring. But he didn’t care at the moment. Hell could rain down on them and he wouldn’t stop even then. He had waited years for this. In doubt, in agony, confused and scared.

He didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Their friendship was far more important to him than fulfilling his lovesick fantasies. He had known Jaehwan was most likely gay, but that didn’t mean Jaehwan liked him that way.

When they finally stopped kissing he felt happier than ever for daring to take the risk. Jaehwan had kissed back. That had to mean he hadn’t just thrown their friendship down the drain. Instead he had made it evolve into something far better. Something far more beautiful.

And a lot more dangerous.

They were panting. Jaehwan’s expression was something that could only be described as a smile, but at the same time it wasn’t. Sanghyuk could see he was thinking. He could almost see the storm within his brain trying to figure this out.

“You’re gay?” Jaehwan finally asked in a whisper. Sanghyuk couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I think I’m biual, but that has yet to be proven true.” He shrugged. He was a , after all. For all he knew he could be in bed with a girl and suddenly realise he didn’t actually want it; he had just been told that he did because he was a man and men liked women. He knew for sure he wanted Jaehwan though.

Jaehwan laughed, much to Sanghyuk’s surprise. It was a wonderful sound; the quiet snigger that was so completely opposite of his mother’s. His smile was full-blown, big as the sun, crooked as the tower of Pisa, more beautiful than anything Sanghyuk could ever think of. He leaned in and shut him up with another kiss.

--

The summer had passed in a blissful blur for Sanghyuk. Together they had spent it discovering whole new sides to each other. Sanghyuk was more in love than ever, and how perfect was it to fall in love with his best friend?

Jaehwan’s head was resting on his shoulder, their hands holding in Jaehwan’s lap. They were on their way back to Seoul, sitting in the same seats and on the same bus route but everything else had changed. They wouldn’t drift apart this time, he knew that for certain.

- The End.