Jimin

Yoongi has been asleep for a couple of hours now, but I’ve yet to sleep. That’s usually how it is when I’m with him in the hospital. After five years of sporadic stays, I’ve learned it’s much easier not to sleep at all than it is to get a half- couple of hours.

I open my laptop and pull up my messages to Jungkook, then send him a quick hello to see if he’s online. We haven’t had a chance to discuss the fact that I asked him to move out, and I hate not knowing if he’s okay. I know it’s wrong to be messaging him at this point, but it seems even more wrong to leave things unsaid.

He returns my message almost immediately, and the tone of it already relieves some of my worry. I don’t know why I always expect he’ll respond unreasonably, because he’s never once shown a lack of maturity or regard for my situation.

Jungkook: Yeah, I’m here. How’s Yoongi?

Me: He’s good. He’ll be discharged this afternoon.

Jungkook: That’s good. I’ve been worried.

Me: Thank you, by the way. For your help last night.

Jungkook: I wasn’t much of help. I felt like I was in the way more than anything.

Me: You weren’t. There’s no telling what could have happened if you hadn’t found him.

I wait a moment for his respond, but he doesn’t. I guess we’ve reached the point in this conversation where one of us needs to bring up what we both know must be discussed. I feel responsible for this entire situation with him, so I bit the bullet and lay it out there.

Me: Do you have a minute? I really have some things I’d like to say to you.

Jungkook: Yes, and likewise.

I glance up at Yoongi again, and he’s still asleep in the same position. Having this conversation with Jungkook in his presence, as innocent as it is, makes me uneasy. I take my laptop and walk out of the hospital room and into the empty hallway. I sit on the floor beside the door to Yoongi’s room and reopen my laptop.

Me: The main thing I’ve appreciated about our time together over the last couple of months is the fact that we’ve been upfront and consistent with each other. With that being said, I don’t want you to leave with the wrong idea about why I need you to move out. I don’t want you to think you did anything wrong.

Jungkook: I don’t need an explanation. I’ve more than worn out my welcome, and you have enough to stress about without adding me into the mix. Namjoon found an apartment for me this morning, but it isn’t available for a few days. Is it okay if I stay here until them?

Me: Of course. When I said I needed you to move, I don’t literally mean today. I just meant soon. Before things become too hard for me to continue to walk away.

Jungkook: I’m sorry, Jimin. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

I know he’s referring to the way we feel about each other. I know exactly what he means, because I didn’t mean for it to happen, either. In fact, I’ve done everything I could to stop it from happening, but somehow my heart never got the message. If I know it wasn’t intentional on my part, I know it wasn’t intentional on his part, so he has nothing to apologize for.

Me: Why are you apologizing? Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, Jungkook. Hell, I’m not even sure it’s my fault.

Jungkook: Well, usually when something goes wrong, someone is at fault.

Me: Things didn’t go wrong with us. That’s our p