Hoseok follows Changkyun out of the coffee shop. He slowly walks away from the door, the way someone who yet isn't into leaving does. He then pauses as he glances at the barista behind the window another time. Kihyun is already back to wiping  the tables once again, busy even that late at night.

The apron suits him. It looks cute. His hair... it seems to be soft.. How would it feel if h--

An elbow in his side pulls him out of his thoughts.

Jooheon wriggles his brows at him.

Hoseok eyes him slowly.

" What?" he then dwells.

" Nothing." Jooheon grins way too wide. With a knowing look he winks at Hoseok before he finally follows Changkyun who is already almost invincible in the dark.

 

 

" Hyung." Jooheon deadpans.

" I know..."

" The third bowl in two days."

" I know..." Hoseok whines once again when Jooheon starts to pinch the bridge of his nose.

" Wanna tell me what got you like that?"

Hoseok coughs slightly. " Nothing particularly."

Jooheon eyes him another second, before he bends down to gather the shards spread all over the kitchen floor. " You know. One could almost think you're not getting the barista out of your head."

Hoseoks ear tips betray him right that instant and Jooheon pauses, one shard in his hand.

" Your ear tips tell me I hit home."

" I don't know what you're talking about..."

" Hyung...", he says slowly, the -eating grin back on his face. " How about having some small chat in the living room?"

Hoseok has never left the kitchen that fast in his entire 23 years of existence.

 

 

It is him over there, bickering with some blonde guy Hoseok has never seen before and it would be a lie to say that the view of them being obviously close sits well with him. So he throws all of his fears overboard - because how lucky is he to meet Kihyun in the supermarket just like that -  and makes his way over to them.

Kihyun winces adorably as he addresses him and Hoseok will forever keep it a secret, that it was the most endearing thing he has seen in a long time.

 

 

" Best friends..." Hoseok mumbles, more to himself and the next thing he notices is a warm hand on his biceps. For a moment, his brain shuts down, his gaze frozen on the fingers touching him and, holy , his heart seems to stop for a second, simply because the guy he can't seem to get out of his head saved him from running into the street lamp.

 

 

" Hoseok."

It is Hyunwoo that finds him late at night in the living room in front of his laptop.

" Why aren't you sleeping?"

" I have to research things." Hoseok answers without looking up from the screen.

Hyunwoo furrows his brows in confusion and takes a seat next to him to peek at the screen.

" Diabetes?"

" Yes."

" Why?"

" Because."

" Because?"

" Because he is in love with Kihyun from the coffee shop." Jooheon leans into the door frame, already in his sleep attire.

" I'm not!" Hoseok yells, the blush back on his cheeks.

" Yeah. He is not love.", Hyungwon tiredly supports himself on Jooheons shoulder. " He's so far down the drain he'll puke rainbows soon."

The pillow thrown by Hoseok hits him right into the face.

 

 

He realises the first time that they might be right when he unexpectedly meets Kihyun in the bookstore after his night of researching things.

It is when he is talking to Kihyun, when the other is obviously nervous, when he way too often runs his hand through his hair in a clear attempt to straighten it.

When he genuinely smiles at Hoseok, when they have eye contact and Hoseok grows hot all over.

When it feels like the greatest thing he did all month and he is just helping him with carrying the books.

Being with Kihyun is easy.

 

" Why do you have his phone number and I don't?"

" Hyung...", an overwhelmed Changkyun desperately pokes his shoulder in his futile attempts to calm the older. " Are you seriously complaining about that. You kno--"

" No! I know nothing! I don't want to know anything!", Hoseok hides himself under another pillow on the couch. " I know! I understand! Leave Hyung out. Live your young romance. I'm fine. No need to consider my feelings. Or my broken heart. No big deal. You got his number. I don't... I'm fine."

" Hyung!"

 

 

Hoseok runs into his room and slams the door shut only to try to pull the necktie from his neck..

Why the hell didn't they tell him?

He stumbles over his own feet and almost runs face first into his closet.

Kihyun in his living room.

Kihyun.

In his living room.

The real one, not one of Hoseoks daydreams that haunt him way too often these past days.

And Hoseok gave the lamest entrance ever, in his worst suit.

" Shin Hoseok... you're a public embarrassment..."

He leans his forehead against the door of his closet and whines quietly.

" Pathetic."

" Leave me alone in my misery."

Hyungwon snorts and closes the door behind him.

" Shin Hoseok, feared by many, fears that tiny human."

" I do not fear him.", Hoseok mumbles, forehead still against the closet. " I..."

" You like him."

Denying is futile by now so Hoseok only shrugs as he turns to the younger, gaze to the ground.

Hyungwon approaches him and begins to loosen his still tied necktie.

" I looked like an idiot coming in." Hoseok mumbles.

" You looked smoking hot, as always.", Hyungwon winks at him as Hoseoks lifts his gaze not really believing his ears. " Didn't get unnoticed by Kihyun."

" You mean..."

" He was swooning over you like yourself over him. I saw Minhyuk fanning air to him earlier."

Hoseoks blushes and he bites his lips to suppress a smile that threatens to light up his features.

 

 

Wait... what...

" I'd love to."

Hoseoks heart is pounding in his chest when he stares at Kihyun with big eyes.

He accepted.

This freaking masterpiece in front of him accepted.

Kihyun will go on a date with him. He will go out with him.

The happiness spreads through his chest, wanders into his finger, in his head, everywhere. Slowly, the corners of his lips lift up, until he beams like an idiot, but it doesn't matter. He is the happiest idiot around.

" I'm so sorry, Hoseok. I actually don't know what to do but I'm happy so I am smiling at you like a maniac and... yes."

His heart spills only the more.

" Be a maniac as much as you want as long as you don't take your yes back."

" I don't plan to."

 

 

Once again they find him in the living room, covered by darkness,  the lamp on the table next to the couch only a small source of light.. He is wearing his thickest hoodie, now that Kihyun and Minhyuk left and there is no need to impress anymore and is deeply lost in his thoughts.

" What is it with you and sitting here lately?"

Jooheon takes the seat next to him, Changkyun on his other side. The younger leans his head against Hoseoks shoulder, like he often does when they watch TV together.

" You don't look too happy."

Hoseoks shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He sighs deeply.

" I am. Don't take it wrong. I really am. I mean... he is going on a date with me.", he smiles for a second, before the frown is back. " I can't help but to worry."

Jooheon peeks at him. " About what?"

" Everything. Too many things.", he shrugs. " I wonder if it is a good idea to get close to him. He seems so fragile."

" He's not. He is horribly sassy." Changkyun throws in and another smile steals itself on Hoseoks features.

" I know. He'd kill me if I'd ever call him fragile. It's not like I can stop worrying though."

They sit in silence for a moment.

Hoseok leans his head against  Changkyuns." All of sudden I have a normal job, a normal life. Normal dates. Where is the snag?"

" There isn't always a snag, hyung."

Hoseok knows, still he can't ignore it.

Jooheon pokes his shoulder with his finger. " You're not alone in this."

" I know."

" You don't."

He pokes him more until Hoseok smiles.

" There we go. You got better things to do. When was the last time you got laid?"

" Jooheon!"

 

 

 

 

Hoseok is fatally attracted to him by the time Kihyun starts to finally overcome his shyness and starts to smile without restraint.

So wide that his eyes disappear.

His smile is real by now, nothing forced or awkward left, only for Hoseok and he realises with full force how much he really is into Kihyun. How much he loves to have him by his side. How easy it will be to fall deeper than he ever has before.

 

 

 

He only pulls off his shoes before he walks over to the boys room, jacket still on. Hyungwons bed is closest to the door and that is where he ends up, close to the youngers body, face hidden in the back of  his neck.

Hyungwon stirs in his sleep. He slightly lifts his head, drowsily blinks into the dark.

" Let me stay for a second." Hoseok says quietly.

" What happened?", Hyungwon asks, voice raspy from sleep. " How did the date go?"

It must have been the stories he told Kihyun. Of course he wouldn't want to have him next to him. How could Hoseok possibly think he would?

Hoseok tries to hide himself just the tiniest bit more under Hyungwons blanket.

" Just for a second... I'll leave soon...."

 

 

" Of course, Hoseok..."

" What of course?! What Kihyun?! Does something hurt?!"

" Of course I say yes."

It hits Hoseok like a blow to his stomach. Only this time, afterwards nothing hurts.

An incredible relief flood through him and he almost topples to his side.

And then, without knowing how he finally has Kihyun in his arms.

 

 

 

" First official date night as a team!"

Minhyuk throws his hands in the air while screams his lungs out into the night. Changkyun, already halfway drunk hangs at his side, Hyungwon and Jooheon snicker uncontrollably, arms around each other.

" We do need a team date night?"

" Apparently Minhyuk said so."

Hoseok tries to stop himself from laughing at Kihyuns pained expression and looses the fight when the others eyebrow start to twitch.

" What is Jooheon doing with the mailbox?"

" Don't worry. Hyunwoo is there."

His smile grows only wider when Kihyun sighs deeply, eyes on the mess they call their friends. But then his features soften. He can never stay mad at them.

Hoseok gently pulls him closer and hugs him.

He loves touching Kihyun. He loves touching and hugging all of his loved ones, but with Kihyun, it is the tiniest bit better. Warm, comfortable, the thing that speeds up his heart rate, the happiness at how perfectly he fits in his arms.

His boyfriend....boyfriend.

First, he was sure that he overwhelmed Kihyun a lot. The other blushed all the time, grew almost too awkward and it seemed difficult for him to show affection. And then, slowly, he started to take Hoseoks hand first, began to lean against him. During movie nights he lies more on Hoseok than on the couch and the kisses they share are not always initiated by Hoseok anymore.

But no matter how small the gesture, Hoseoks heart spills, so much that it almost hurts.

 

 

" I love you but you are as much of a petty I am." Hoseoks averts his gaze at Minhyuks eating grin.

" I don't know what you're talking about."

They are the only ones left in the living room as everyone else gathered in the kitchen.

Minhyuk elbows him when he takes another sip of his coke. " You used the hyung card to get Changkyun changed into the another shirt cause it was the same as Kihyuns."

Hoseok blushes madly and Minhyuk breaks out into loud laughter.

" Oh God, Hoseok. I love you so much. You're the best." he giggles when he wipes away the tears from his eyes.

Hoseok looks into his glass, way too ashamed to do anything else. " Going out like that everyone would think they are the couple."

" Petty and a possessive little ."

" Stop it.", Hoseok whines. " I know I am horrible."

Minhyuk pokes his side until he looks at him. " You know, I always hoped that would be the only horrible thing he had to handle in a man.", there is no malice in his gaze, just warmth. " I'm glad it is you. I'm serious here. Kihyun is happy. Even though he still doesn't know where to keep his hands."

It is good to hear.

Hoseok is as unsure as everyone else. A bit of confirmation that Kihyun is truly happy with him always helps.

" Still..." the eating grin is back on Minhyuks face as voices from the kitchen draw closer.

Hoseok slowly shakes his head. " Don't you dare."

"Kihyun! Guess what your hubby did!"

" MINHYUK!"

 

 

He sees Kihyun from afar and gets up from were he waited on a bench. He wants to wave him over but pauses, when all of sudden some guy approaches Kihyun, only to pull him closer with an arm around his shoulders. Kihyun pushes him away, they talk for a second before Kihyun storms off over to him after  the lights turn green.

Hoseok slowly walks closer, his gaze never leaving the stranger who is still waiting next to the traffic light, eyes on Kihyun.

When he is close enough Kihyun reaches out for him and takes his hand.

" Who was that guy?"

" No one you need to care about."

He wants to leave in way too much of a rush. Hoseok doesn't move from his spot when Kihyun tries to pull him away.

" Seriously. Who is that guy?"

" Just the creeper Minhyuk talked about."

The words spike something in Hoseok and worry, the one he tries to keep at bay all the time, slowly rises.

" He keeps bothering you?"

Subtly, he tightens his hold.

" It's fine. He's just an idiot."

Still, Hoseoks gaze doesn't leave Chihwan in the distance. He doesn't like how the other is fixated on their hands.

" Hoseok.", Kihyuns touch pulls him back. " I promise you I can handle it. He is annoying as but that's it. Alright?"

It is not alright. Not in the least.

Not when Hoseok knows what kind of people Kihyun could meet out there. Not when he knows what people can do to each other.

He is overdoing things, and he knows.

He will try to keep it down, if Kihyun wants him to. Hoseok will never tell him how fragile he thinks of him. Kihyun doesn't want to hear and he will respect that.

" You tell me if he gets too much."

" I will."

 

 

" Stop it, Jooheon." Hoseok opens his jacket way too forceful after they entered the apartment in the evening.

" Let me explain.", Jooheon closes the door behind them and follows them through the hallway, shoes still on.

" You shouldn't have done that, Jooheon." Hyunwoo, normally not one for strong expressions, looks way more upset than ever before.

" Let me explain!"

" I do not care. You promised." Hoseok snaps back.

" I never promised anything like that! We only swore we'd never do business again! She's not with them anymore!"

" We're not having this discussion. It's done and you're not seeing her again."

" She needs help!"

I need you to listen! I need all of you to be save! I'm terrified to see you being pulled back into this! I need it more than she needs your help!

He wants to tell him so many things, but he can't. Jooheon is no one who listens when he is upset. Hoseok has to be the responsible one. Always has been and he loves all of them too much to let it slide.

" I can't just leave her alone!"

Hoseok tiredly shakes his head. " Today I'm disappointed in you."

A last hurt look, then he vanishes in his room and slams the door shut.

Hyunwoo and Hoseok exchange a look, after which Hoseok runs a hand through his hair.

" Later. Okay?"

He slowly walks further down the hallway.

Kihyun is fast asleep on the ground, a pillow and a blanket with him. Hoseok has told him a million times to just use the bed but he will never listen when he is tired.

With a heavy sigh, he sits down next to his boyfriend, close enough to run his fingers through his hair.

Will things ever be easy?

 

 

Kihyun is his better half. Who would have know there is someone out there that could complement him to that amount? So easily, without problems. Without a lot of words.

" I don't know what is going on-", Kihyun repeats with more emphasis. "- but I do know that you have to talk things out. So if Jooheon comes to you later, please listen to him and try to understand things from his point of view and don't just see what you want to see, okay?"

" Okay..." Hoseok mumbles quietly.

Kihyun pokes his chin. " Okay?"

" Okay. I will try."

Kihyun smiles at him the way that already became something way more important to Hoseok that he could have imagined in the beginning. His boyfriend puckers his lips in a childish way and he leans down to kiss them.

I love you.

It becomes harder keeping it to him but he doesn't want to tell him too soon in order not to scare him away.

 

 

It is in another alley where he finds Chihwan.

The other has a hard time keeping himself on his feet. The mix of alcohol and whatever Jooheon did to him  seems to work well on him.

Hoseok doesn't feel the slightest bit of pity when he has to support himself against the wall. There is not a lot of anything that Hoseok feels.

A horrible silence he knows too well.

And the knowledge that this man dared to threaten Kihyun. Dared to put him into a situation where he could have ended up way more injured than he already is while himself has been a mere few metres away.

Kihyun is not someone he can simply do that to and the only thing Hoseok regrets while taking closer steps is that he hasn't intervened earlier.

 

 

 

Hoseok leaves the office for a moment before he answers the call.

" Hoseok..." Kihyun whines before he can even greet him.

Hoseok loosens his necktie slightly and smiles when he walks over to a window.

" What got into your pants?"

" I felt a bit dizzy earlier and made the mistake to tell someone. Now Changkyun - Changkyun!- forced me into bed. I'm currently suffocating under three blankets and I heard Hyungwon is trying to cook which frankly said is terrifying me on a whole new level but I can't do anything since Changkyun just came back and tugged me under another blanket."

Hoseok is a tiny bit proud of them.

" I'm bored.", Kihyuns whining continues. " I feel better. But as soon as I move they seem to notice. They threatened to call Minhyuk. Minhyuk! You do not joke with that matter!"

Hoseok tries not to laugh with all of his strength.

" You're not taking it serious!" Kihyun fake sniffs and Hoseok almost coos in the hallway.

" I do. Really. Calling Minhyuk. Terrifying. But let them look out for you. They're happy when they can once in a while and I also feel better knowing a while bunch of people takes care of you while I'm at work."

" I feel like a burden."

" You're not."

" Even if you say so, I feel like one."

Hoseok is used to those days by now. Days during which Kihyun curses his body and the world and simply feels bad. He would never admit that he enjoys the attention and that he needs the help. Hoseok wished he could do more.

" I love you, my non-burden." he quietly says and his smile widens when he hears Kihyuns surprised exhale.

Now, that he can tell him no day goes by in which he doesn't. Even though Kihyun gets used to it only slowly and always blushes the deepest crimson red. Hoseok will never force him to answer, but every time Kihyun does his heart almost jumps out his throat.

" Me...too..."

It is quiet and shy, more a stutter than anything else but it is there and that is more than enough.

 

 

" Kihyun." Hoseok mutters, followed by a yawn.

He just woke up. He got spared the worst hangover but would love to sleep for another hour or two, maybe twelve. After checking on Changkyun he snuggled back into the blankets on the floor. for another few minutes.

" Why do I wake up to your message telling me that you went home last night?"

" Urgent business. You were dead so I didn't want to wake you."

" I see. But... what business at night."

" Is Changkyun home?"

A sudden change of the topic.

" I saw his hair sticking out from under the blanket when I checked earlier.", he yawns once more. " But seriously. Why are you running around at night?"

His eyes almost shut again.

" Have you talked to Jooheon?"

Something is fishy. He can figure that out, even in his half awake state. With all the self control he can muster he pushes himself up and stumbles to the bathroom.

" About what? We talk a lot."

" Your fight."

" He promised not to get too involved and I promised not to freak out if they see each other from time to time."

He splashes a bit of water in his face and feels better already.

" You have to promise to stay calm."

Okay.

The alarm clocks go off.

" Is it your kidney?" Hoseok asks alarmed.

" No, no. It's fine. Just... I know you don't like this topic so promise me to keep it down because I'm tired and I can't deal with this before work."

" You do know you're making me nervous every time you start like this?"

By now, Hoseok is wide awake.

" I'm trying my best not to."

" So, what is it?"

" Did you promise already?"

" I can't promise for anything. But I will try."

He is not sure he can try.

" I might have made things look worse than they actually are. Last night, Jooheons phone wouldn't stop ringing. I answered it and the end of the story is this girl named Hyorin spend the night at our apartment beca-"

" You what?!"

His phone almost falls into the sink.

" Hoseok. Let me speak f-"

" You're home?!"

" Yes. B-"

He hangs up and hurries over in his room, puts on the next best clothes and runs back into the bathroom to wash up fully.

" Jooheon!"

 

 

 

 

Hyorins appearance scared him more than he can ever tell anyone.

He doesn't want them to know.

None of them and at least Kihyun who is already in a lot of pain and doesn't need more stress.

Hoseoks finger carefully wander over Kihyuns legs. A few minutes ago, he fell asleep, his lips slightly parted.

 

Now you're with me. You don't have to worry anymore.

 

Remembering his words feels warm, a safe haven in this mess. .

Maybe one day all of his fear will be washed away.

 

 

 

 

 Kihyun still hasn't answered his calls and slowly, Hoseok grows restless.

For the fifth time in the last 20 minutes he takes his phone from the table and checks for messages or calls but nothing.

" He hasn't answered yet. He should be finished by now."

Minhyuk looks at him. " He shouldn't be working today at all. I can't remember him having a shift tonight."

Hoseok tries to calm down. He sits back down, tries to follow the movie, but nothing helps.

Another hour later and he can't keep still anymore.

" He's not at work.", he swallows heavily, hands running through his already dishevelled hair. " He's not there. Where the hell is he?"

" Hyung..." Jooheon tries to calm him down but it is not working.

" What if he collapsed somewhere? What if no one finds him then?! What if--" he pauses, doesn't even want to think that far.

What of their past caught up with them?

 

 

 

Kihyun falls asleep before Hoseok can finish preparing him for bed. His first dialyse left him with no energy at all.

Hoseok gently picks him up and carries him into his room where he carefully places him on the bed. He pulls the blanket over him, until he is sure that he won't feel cold.

For a moment, he takes a seat on the mattress next to him, runs his fingers softly through his hair, curses how pale he is, the dark shadows under his eyes. Hates, that he can't do more and nevertheless feels the endless love for Kihyun the most.

 

 

 

" Kihyun will tell you that my sandcastle is way prettier than yours."

" Please.", Minhyuk scoffs. " He's clearly biased. I demand Hyungwon as the judge."

Kihyun plops down in the sand next to them. " Why again did I have to come over?"

" SandcastleBuilding Competition." Both of them say in unison, deadly serious, and Kihyun can't help but to snort.

" You serious?"

" What else is there to do on the beach?", Minhyuk tugs at his sleeve. " Look at my masterpiece."

Hoseok pokes his side. " Mine first!"

" Guys... please..."

" Kihyun." Minhyuk whines.

" Just say it." Hoseok repeats.

" Okay.", Kihyun sighs and examines one sandcastle after the other. " Well, if you ask me like that..."

" Yes?" Hoseoks eyes grow wide.

" Minhyuks might be a tiny bit better built."

" Ha!", Minhyuk jumps on his feet, finger pointing at Hoseok. " that up!"

Hoseok scoffs and demonstratively shows them his back.

" Hoseok...", Kihyun can't help but to chuckle. " Yours  is also pretty."

" I'm not talking to you. You chose the enemy over me."

Another chuckle and a finger that pokes his side. " I just choose his sandcastle over you."

" Outrage."

" Hoseok. My favourite sandcastle builder." Kihyun coos.

Hoseok crosses his arms in front of his chest. " No."

" Babe... I love you..."

Oh great, using his weakness. Hoseok glares at him out of the corner of his eyes.

" You sneaky thing know I'm weak to that."

" I'm weak to you."

" Wow. You really know which button to push."

And then, the ultimate knockout, his bright smile. Hoseok moans in all of his whipped misery, meanwhile pulling Kihyun to his side. In the end he is simply glad that Kihyun isn't too depressed anymore. " Stop being so ing cute. I can't stay mad at you."

" I'm not cute."

He still lets Hoseok kiss him.

" You are. Don't deny it."

" Forever and ever I will."

Forever and ever sounds good in a lot of occasions.

 

 

He quietly gets up when Kihyun finally fell asleep and leaves the room. In the room of the boys, the lights are still on.

" Boys?"

He opens the door and finds all of them sitting in their beds.

" Can't sleep?"

Changkyun gets up from his bed when Hoseok closes the door behind him and walks over only to hug Hoseok tightly. He is and will always be the youngest.

" I've been worried since Kihyun said he feels like he is being watched." he then says, voice muffled."

" I know.", Hoseok calmly pats his back. " It's okay."

" What will we do?" Hyungwon asks.

" Nothing."

" Nothing?"

Hoseok still holds Changkyun. " We're out of business. If it is them there is nothing they can do."

His gazes wanders from Changkyun to Hyungwon and Jooheon.

" Just promise me to be careful, alright?"

I love all of you. I don't know what to do if something happens to you.

" Be careful. Look out for each other. And keep an eye on Minhyuk and Kihyun. They're in this now, as much as we are."

According to their determination on their faces, he doesn't have to worry about that.

 

 

 

He is dying.

He is dying...

Kihyun is dying...

" Hoseok... breath..."

His stomach is already empty, he hasn't been eating well for days but he doubles over when another wave of nausea hits him with full force. It hurts, when his empty stomach clenches once again, as if it has to make space with full force for the horrifying fear the words of the doctor brought over him.

" Hoseok. Please..."

Hyunwoo followed him into the bathroom, his hand a steady touch on his back, that brings no relief and only reminds him of the fact, that this isn't a bad dream.

Another sob rips through his body.

Kihyun is dying.

He won't wake up again.

And another time, he throws up.

 

 

It is Jooheon that answers his call. Hoseok clings to the phone, tries to prepare himself for the inevitable in any way, even though there is nothing he can prepare himself for.

" He's awake."

His legs almost give in. Only his hand on the glass front of the phone booth saves him from falling to his knees.

" Awake?"

" Yes.", there is a smile in Jooheons voice. " Awake and going to be better."

Tears fall down before he can even try to stop them.

" Can I...", he swallows heavily. " Can I talk to him?"

" Of course."

 

 

" Today I wanted to walk to the cafeteria."

" You aren't allowed to walk there yet."

" That is where the problem lies.", Kihyun grumbles. " Halfway down the way - the responsible me was walking slowly of course - Minhyuk and Jooheon got me. Can you even imagine what they dared to do to me?"

" You will tell me now."

Hoseok leans against the glass front of the phone booth, a content smile on his lips as he listens to Kihyun rambling.

" Jooheon threw me over his shoulder without a single warning and carried me back to my room while Minhyuk dared to scold me in front of everyone! And the nurses!"

" What did the nurses do?"

" They cheered them on!"

" Tell them they did well."

Kihyun intakes sharply and mumbles something.

" What?"

" They... they didn't have to. I would never do something to risk what you gave to me. I promise." he says quietly and Hoseok couldn't be more thankful.

It is not only Kihyuns life on the line anymore. Hoseok himself would wither down with him if something happened  and Kihyun would be gone for real. He now knows better than anyone else.

" I love you, Kihyun."

He smiles into the dark.

" Me, too."

 

 

Again, it is a sleepless night for him. He sits next to the window, gaze out into the dark night.

He knows that Hyunwoo isn't sleeping as well.

" I want to go home." he slowly says, gaze still on nothing outside.

" I know." Hyunwoos quiet words from where he is lying in bed.

" More than that I whished that everyone would be okay."

He can handle it.

He will handle it.

 

 

This is it.

This is home, this is happiness and calmness, relief and protection, his safe haven.

He barely dared to hope that he could see him again, all of them. Too horrible was what had happened the days and weeks prior. Still, today he was able to meet them again. Was able to run a hand through Changkyuns hair, to listen to Hyungwons stories, to see how Minhyuk and Jooheon fought for Hyunwoos attention.

And now he is able to fall asleep next to Kihyun, as if nothing ever happened.

As if he didn't have to miss him like crazy for way too long.

He holds him close, not a centimetre between them. It is warm under the blanket, almost too warm combined with their body heat, but it is perfect.

He won't let go tonight.

 

 

" Taesan comes for you-", he squeezes Kihyuns hand tighter, as if he is the life line all of sudden. " I do not trust Jihoon with this and if he comes for you, you run. Okay? You're not staying because your conscience is telling you to. You try to get out of here. I can't do this once more. Not when I just got you back. You will look after yourself only and you will get out of here, okay? No matter what happens to others."

" I don't think I can promise that."

He needs Kihyun to promise him.

He thinks he does know by now what the man is capable of. He doesn't. Not when he is angry like this.

Kihyun can't be the receiving end of this.

If he would just promise to run.

Why did he let him stay...

" Kihyun... please."

His voice sounds hollow, even to himself.

Where does this fear come from? Did he carry it around all this time? If he did, then how? It almost crashes him.

He doesn't want to go back.

He doesn't want to go back to the days, when he cried next to Kihyuns bed, not knowing if the nightmare would ever end.

Never again...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By now it have been too many days.

Too many days in which they weren't happy.

Why can't they just be happy?

Calm days, in which they fight over food, over Changkyuns marks. Over who will tell Hyungwon that he newest pickup is horrendous. Days on which they laugh about a clueless Hyunwoo when Minhyuk tries to get into his pants once again. Days on which they only have to remember how bad times were then.

Then.

Then in the past.

Not anymore.

But they took him again and this is how the future will look like.

Not the calm days but agony, pain, loneliness.

He is so tired... so horribly tired...

" Get your together!"

Hands grab him by his shoulders and shake him violently.

It hurts.

They punched him before they left him on the ground and it is a wonder he is still conscious.

" Get up!"

Jihoon, he then notices. Jihoon with a bloody nose.

Why would he... why....

Why...

Like lighting, the memory rushes through him. He sits up with a start and looks around in a rush.

" How hard was the hit?"

" Hyung..."

Jooheon kneels next to him as well, he can make out the rest of them in the background. They seem to be okay and every other moment the relief would have had him with all its might but... he can't see Kihyun.

" Where's Kihyun?"

" Hyung. First let me take a l--"

" Where is he?!"

" Let him take a ing look at your head!", Jihoon snarls. " You should have just stopped moving!"

Hoseok fixates on Jihoon. " How long was I out of it?"

" A few minutes. Can yo-"

Hoseok pushes his hand away. " You promised to take care of it! You promised he wouldn't be able to do anything!"

" Shut it, Wonho."

" I only left them here because I trusted you!"

For a second the scowl is gone from Jihoons face, replaced by something deeper, more hurt. Hoseoks word seem to hit him more than he wants to show. Then, the anger is back in his eyes, as if it has been there all the time.

" Your psychotic boss called his whole load of bastards here! You think I believed Kihyun could rile him up enough to loose all of his composure?! He ing punched him that's all! He didn't kill his first born!"

Hoseok knew it. He knew it all along. Jihoon never knew enough. He had never seen enough. He should have taken them... he should have taken Kihyun just like his feeling had told him to.

Why did he listen to them?

" I need to get him."

He is on his feet before anyone can stop him. His head hurts like hell but it works. He can walk fast enough. Only down the stairs, they will still be down there.

Nothing will be cruel enough to put him through the same horrible experience once again.

He doesn't get far. He can only take a few steps until two arms get a hold of him from behind. Hoseok isn't weak but right now he is no match for Hyunwoo.

" Let go!"

Hoseok tries to release himself with all his might but when Jihoon also gets a grup on him it is futile. Jihoon almost painfully pulls his arm back when he tries to take a hold of anything.

" What do you want to do!"

" I don't know! But-"

Not this.

Not simply looking while they take him away.

Again.

How often will he have to get through this?

" Jihoon! You need to stop them! I swear to you if you don't... I... I..."

" What then?! Jihoon yells over at Minhyuk who is restrained by Jooheon.

" You think I want this?!", he spins back to Hoseok, his face still contorted by anger. " If you both calmed down I could call people!"

All of his strength leaves his body all of sudden.

Hoseok feels small.

So ing helpless and small, at the mercy of a world that doesn't want to leave Kihyun by his side. And he can do nothing.

" It will be fine." Hyunwoo still holds onto him as Hoseok crumbles down.

Desperately, he looks at the older. " Why is he always being taken from me? What did I do?"

" Nothing."

" He gets taken away again and again. What did I do wrong? Why again?"

Hyunwoo only holds him closer.

It is the only thing he can do. It is not like he has the answer to stop Hoseoks agony.