" Minhyuk."

" No!"

" I haven't said anything yet."

" You want to tell me it is getting too hot and to move my out of your bed but I'm not going.", Minhyuk, who lies next to him and hugs him around the waits only tightens his grip and slings his leg over Kihyuns on top of that. " You can't force me to! I need Kihyun time! Those were horrible weeks and your are responsible for it! So now deal with me staying in your bed until... let's say Halloween."

Kihyun pats his head. " I wanted you to hand me the remote."

" Get it yourself. I'm busy." He nuzzles closer into Kihyun and closes his eyes in satisfaction.

The last weeks had an impact on everyone, Kihyun thinks.

He is taking his recovery pretty serious. The daily meals are a war to get the biggest amount of vitamines into him, he takes his pills perfectly on time and always laps every other bath robe wearer during his walks in the hallway. They wanted to force him to keep it down, but some time even the nurses started to notice that he would never ever overdo it.

He promised Hoseok to be okay and he won't break that no matter what. It is the only thing he can do for him at the moment.

Despite all of his motivation, he can't stop the situation from getting to him. The thoughts, and with them the worry and the fear hit him when there is nothing for him to do, which happens way too often in the hospital. The he finds himself in his bed, under the blanket, biting his nails while waiting for a call that never comes the right moment. Hoseok does call him, but mostly during the strangest times and the calls are always short.

He never tells Kihyun about his whereabouts.

At night, he often can't sleep because of the worry or nightmares that wake him at the break of dawn.

After he told them, his friends issue a sleep over time.

Changkyun goes to the extent of sleeping in Kihyuns bed and not in the empty one next to him. He told Kihyun he is doing it so the older won't feel lonely and while Kihyun is so thankful for it, deep inside he knows that the younger needs the contact more than him.

All of the three younger once became quiet clingy, more than they have been before.

Jooheon calls him several times a day, sometimes only to tell him a good morning, what he already did two times before. He is not coping well with the situation, mostly with not having a lot of contact to Hyunwoo. In an emotional moment he confessed to Kihyun, that he almost felt betrayed when those two left without telling him beforehand.

Kihyun wouldn't have expected anything differently. Hoseok didn't want them close to Taesan ever again.

Hyungwon became his personal nutritionist. When Kihyun naps - which happens quiet often - he sits next to his bed and pores over books, learning as much as he can about kidney transplants and the time after. The nurses are starting to get scared of him because he is starting to supervise them during Kihyuns check ups.

" Did you see the light?"

Minhyuks sudden question pulls Kihyun out of his thoughts.

" What?"

" I was wondering if you saw the light. You know: Come to me, I'm waiting. That thing."

" I thought I merely slept for around an hour and it were two weeks, so no. I haven't seen anything."

Minhyuk pouts slightly. He changes his position so he can comfortably rest his head on Kihyuns chest.

" Good thing you haven't. I was scared less."

He tells Kihyun at least once a day and Kihyun bestows it on him, again and again. Minhyuk seems in terrible need of telling him and Kihyun will forever feel bad about having scared him like that. He sometimes tries to imagine being in Minhyuks shoes and... shivers run throughout his whole body. Never does he want to experience that.

" I'm sorry.", Kihyun softly pats his cheek. " I will make up for it for the rest of my life."

Minhyuk lifts his head and looks at him with big eyes. " A long life?"

" Until you get tired of me."

" That will never happen."

He tightens his grip around Kihyuns waits, careful with the scar on his lower abdomen.

For a moment they are quiet and enjoy each others presence.

Kihyuns thoughts wander again.

" It feels strange."

" What feels strange?"

" The fact that Hoseok and Hyunwoo aren't here because they made a deal to save my life. I can't wrap my mind around that no matter how hard I try."

" Hhh...", Minhyuk agrees. " Reminds me of that bad mafia movie. Remember the one we watched in class once?"

Kihyun feels bad but still chuckles quietly. " How could I forget that piece of crap?"

" We should watch it soon."

" Never."

He sighs deeply, changes his position to rest more comfortably. " The worst thing is that I can't do anything. That scares me the most."

" Hoseok said it will be fine. Why would he lie?"

" You know he has that terrible habit of keeping everything only slightly dangerous away from me."

" He loves you."

" I love him. I don't want him to be in danger as much as he does and still he is not here at the moment."

The position seems to get uncomfortable for Minhyuk. He sits up and crosses his legs. He only just fits next to Kihyun.

" He shouldn't have gotten you that kidney?"

" I wonder about that."

Minhyuk scoffs and gently smacks his forehead. " I don't want to hear about that."

" No, really.", Kihyun massages the slightly hurting spot. " Of course I'm happy I didn't die. I have a new kidney and diabetes is the only thing I have to be cautious about in future. I most probably will live a happy and quiet healthy life if I follow the rules but... I guess a heart is still more important than a kidney and... yes... my heart wandered off to somewhere else."

He can see the sympathy in Minhyuks eyes.

" It's difficult, I know but...", he starts. " Being away doing potentional dangerous work is still a lot better than being dead."

" I know."

" See", Minhyuk says with a smile. " We just have to wait."

" Of course I will wait. But in worry and fear."

Minhyuk nods. " As long as you do wait."

" It's difficult though."

Minhyuk seems to remember something an sighs way too deeply. " Look at me."

Kihyun lifts an eyebrow in question.

" At least you know your man will come back to you. I haven't yet managed to get into Hyunwoos pants a now he's gone and surely meets those y gangsters princesses. You should stop moping around and pity this poor soul that is your best friend."

For this, a laughing Kihyun throws a pillow right into his face.

OOO

" What is it with you and carrying me around?"

Kihyun deadpans as he finds himself on Jooheons back on their way to their apartment after he finally go discharged.

Jooheon has his hands securely around Kihyuns thighs. " I think I get why Hoseok hyung likes to do it. You're as light as a feather."

" We need to feed him more. He is too thin." Minhyuk states from where he walks behind them.

" I found this new book in the store."

Hyungwon and Minhyuk start to discuss in the background and Kihyun resign himself to his fate that awaits him the next weeks.

He thinks about the apartment when they enter the elevator. It has been weeks since he has been inside. And it will be the first time being there without Hoseok.

" It will be empty without them." he mutters and tightens his grip around Jooheons neck.

" Don't worry, hyung. It won't be forever."

He got used to the situation, as much as someone can get used to it. It helps that Hoseok calls a lot. Even though sometimes their talks don't end well.

" Why can't you just leave?" Kihyun asks him the week before.

Hoseok sighs deeply into the speaker. " Kihyun. Not again."

" Why?"

" Because I made a deal with Taesan and he is taking that pretty seriously. What do you think will happen if I just show up where you are?"

Kihyuns face falls. " You keep telling me you'll be back but you still aren't."

" I promised you."

" And I told you I trust you, but not him."

" Can't we talk about something else?"

" But that is the most important topic at the moment. I can't tell you about anything else knowing you're in danger."

" Let's not fight." Hoseok tries to sooth him.

" We're not fighting. We're discussing things." Kihyun states but Hoseok just scoffs.

" You sound like you'll explode soon."

" Because you need to take this serious."

" Of course I do!"

That second, something in Kihyun snaps. When he remembers later, he is sure the worry was just too overwhelming.

" If you just had let thinks take their course you wouldn't be in that situation right now."

" That was most ed up thing you ever said."

And then Hoseok is gone from the other end of the line.

His sudden anger disappears in a matter of second. He just stares at the mobile in his hands. Hoseok is calling him from a public phone booth. Kihyun doesn't have a number. He can't call back...

His eyes widen only the more when realisation hits him.

He can't call back.

If anything happens to Hoseok.

Than that was their last call.

He can't call back.

He almost slumps down on the bed when a few agonizing seconds later someone calls him.

He needs two tries to answer it.

" I'm sorry!" They yell into the speaker in unison.

Kihyun pauses, blinks in confusion. " Why would you be sorry?"

" Because I hang up on you." Hoseok whines quietly. " I regretted it the second after."

" I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry." Kihyun apologizes, finding his breath again.

" It is okay... just... let's not fight, okay?"

" Okay."

" Hyung. Hey."

Changkyuns voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

" We're there."

Yes.

Kihyun got used to the situation.

Still, when he is in their room a moment later, sees one of Hoseoks forgotten shirts that hangs over the chair, notices his smell everywhere, that is when he all of sudden truly realizes how long he hasn't been with him anymore. How much he misses him by his side.

" ty kidney....", he furiously eyes his stomach. " You old stupid thing. Do you even realize how much you ed up?"

" Who are you talking to?" Minhyuk asks from behind.

" My old kidney. That stupid thing is responsible for all of this."

Kihyun moves over to Minhyuk in a sudden need of contact. He hugs him tightly.

" I miss both of them."

Minhyuk draws circles on his back and leaves him be for as longs as he needs to hug him.

OOO

It is two days later and everyone is gathering in the living room around a phone.

It should be a happy moment, but it almost breaks Kihyuns heart.

" Hyung.", Jooheon says happily. " I got a B+."

" Really? Well done."

" I learned how to make chocolate cake." Changkyun butts in and Hyunwoo sounds truly surprised and proud. Jooheon glares at Changkyun for stealing his attention and the younger sticks out his tongue.

Kihyun feels horrible.

He takes a pillow and hugs it tightly to his chest. How much they seem to miss their hyung and how much they really need him. Like kids, they gather around the phone, fighting for his attention and Kihyun can't help but to feel miserable because he is the reason they can't be with them.

Someone pokes his side. He lifts his gaze, meets Hyungwons. The other looks at him in sympathy. As if he understood what is going on in his head.

" Guys.", Kihyun says quietly. " Would you mind if I talked to hyung for a second?"

They share a gaze but then Jooheon hands him the phone.

Kihyun takes it with a smile. " Just for a second. I want to ask about Hoseok. You know how he never tells me anything. Do you mind?"

He motions for the door and gets up when they shake their heads.

He leaves for his room and quietly closes the door, only to lean against it.

" Hey."

" Kihyun?"

Kihyun looks at his feet. " Hoseok... is he close by?"

" Checking the outside."

" Can he hear us?"

" No."

Kihyun wanders over and takes a seat on the bed. " I want to talk to you for a second. Without him knowing."

" Sure."

" Will you be honest with me?"

A pause."

" About what?"

" Hoseok. He doesn't tell me a lot."

" I know."

" He tries to.... keep everything from us. And the others seem to believe his every word. That you'll be back soon. A few jobs, and you're done, that Taesan will let you leave one day, that there is a way. But... it isn't that easy, is it?"

For a moment he expects Hyunwoo to talk around the topic, like Hoseok does.

But no.

" I don't think Taesan will keep his word. I strongly believe that this won't be over in just a few weeks or months."

A heavy frustration covers Kihyun while he takes in his words.

" There is nothing you can do?"

" It's not like we aren't planning things on our own."

" But?"

" Kihyun, listen. You almost dying, it did something to Hoseok. Half a year before, he wouldn't have put up with the situation that easily. But now... it is like the only thing in his head is keeping you save no matter what. It is difficult for me to even start talking about the topic."

Another blow to Kihyuns stomach.

" I haven't felt this bad for a long time. I'm so sorry..."

He knows that Hyunwoo is smiling. " I came here on my own free will."

" Still..."

" Kihyun. He wanted us back from the beginning. It would have happened another way if you hadn't ended up in hospital before.", he pauses for a second. " Hoseok. He is coming back."

" Thanks for being honest with me."

It is only a second.

A long second, in which Kihyun thinks it would be better for him if he ended things with Hoseok.

In order for Hoseok to put focus on himself and his well being.

In order for all of them to be free.

A short, horrible second, destroyed by one word of Hoseok.

" Hello?"

" Hey." Kihyun says, realising that the second is over, and that, no, there is no way he will leave him. How could he when Hoseoks sounds so much more happy just by hearing his voice?

" Kihyun!", he says, the happiness audible in his voice. " I thought he was talking to Minhyuk."

" It was me. Talking about Minhyuk."

Forgive me the small lie, he thinks.

" Good I'm here now instead of boring teddy bear.", Hoseok chuckles before he continues with a slight whine. " I miss you."

" Me, too."

" How is it back home?"

" Good. But its not the same without you."

His gaze wanders through the room.

No forgotten cups in the room Hoseok only puts into the dishwasher when Kihyun starts to threaten him with draconic punishments.

Not his favourite pair of shoes next to the door.

Not the obligatory bag of chips next to the bed, which is always only empty halfway.

Kihyun doesn't want to get dramatic now so he swallows down the tears and the sadness, just like Hoseok is doing because there is no way he can be as happy as he is acting in this situation.

" Are you doing well?" Kihyun asks him.

" Now I'm okay."

" Really?"

" Really.", Hoseok answers, voice gentle. " It means a lot to me, even though I can just hear your voice."

" I'm glad I can at least do that for you.", Kihyun gets up from the bed. " When will you be back?"

Always the same question.

" Soon."

Always the same answer.

This time, Kihyun is fed up with it.

" Do you want to talk to the others? I think they are only waiting for me to give them the phone back."

" Sure. But you'll stay around?"

" Of course."

Kihyun stays on the couch when they are back to gathering around the phone.

He needs his space for a moment.

Yes.

He is finally fed up with it.

Today it is finally the time to step in.