CHAPTER NINETEEN

I’m here to save you (I’m here to ruin you)

Sunggyu sits in his room, thinking about how to capture what happened in the living room. He subconsciously rubbed his temple from the growing headaches, which throbbing painfully from having his future gamble again in the hands of someone that’s so selfish and egoistic and Sunggyu can’t complain even if his life depended on it.

An hour ago, which is at exactly eight in the evening, Mr. Nam, and his PA that Sunggyu has recently run an interview for came in for a lovely visit. They were here to bring Woohyun for an unplanned dinner with their business partner.

that bull, Sunggyu knows really well what kind of dinner it is.

It’s Friday and they were ready to make a usual visit to the Exclusive Club downtown and get loose of their stress and probably has the mind blown and sped up their game. Which of course, with the existence of the old man in their living room, it won’t be happening anytime soon.

He closes his eyes and allows himself to reprieve from his cynical inner voice and try to eavesdrop their conversations after losing the entire rationality. Rationalization is a process of not perceiving reality, but of attempting to make reality fit one’s emotions.

“You’ve got to be ing kidding me,” Sunggyu heard a sudden voice (which he’s sure is Woohyun) over the mess of shouting and cursing. Taking a quick step to the entrance door, he looks up at the scene in front of him from the slight jar of his door.

Mr. Nam was sitting in their single coach, leg crossed on top of the other, eyes never once leaves his son’s anxious figure.

Woohyun were pacing back at forth in front of his old man. He stops for a moment to glare at Mr. Nam’s PA before narrowing his eyes at his father again.

“Why is your secretary here, Nam Woohyun?”

“It’s none of your concern, dad.” Woohyun emphasize the words ‘dad’ to tell him to stay away from his business. Clearly, by the look that Nam Jaehyuk currently portrayed right now, it doesn’t work.

It doesn’t take a genius to guess what his father was thinking right now. Like a broken recorder, he keeps on hearing his father’s words.

.

“You refuse to attend the dinner that I’ve arranged for you, and I saw him here right now. What would I supposed to think, young man?”

“Can you stop churning out my head like a ing smoke, yeah?”

“Fired him.” 

Sunggyu’s eyes almost popped out of his socket when he heard that ultimatum. Fired him. A simple sentence covered with a thousand of malice; fired him, throw his existence away from your life, and follow me. Disbelief held the brunette down inside his footsteps, making his body heavy but his heart wild.

Sunggyu’s hand were fist on his long sleeves t-shirt. He wants to run and shook Woohyun from his daze. Wake up, please. 

“W-what?” Woohyun asked, too dazed to even notice his voice was cracked under too much pressure. If he behaves as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe he won’t trembling that bad.

And then, Woohyun looks up and break his glaring contest with his dad before instinctively tried to find the face of his boyfriend. He saw how Sunggyu staring at them form their bedroom, the dark shadow beneath his chin. 

He could not bear to see the way Sunggyu was looking at him—right through him—without seeing him. He did not see a man, a lover. He did not see Woohyun, the man he had been so passionate with two years before. He saw a coward, a stupid mumbling idiot. Woohyun swallowed hard and looked away, hating the weakness of his spirit. 

Woohyun knows than Sunggyu was more than this, a wilting flower. He was stronger than this. But damn it, this hurt.

It hurt because he was the man responsible for making him burn. For making he feel like an obstacle, a disturbance. It hurt because it had been a trick. An illusion. And it hurt most of all because Sunggyu believes him. He has so much faith for Woohyun.

“I expect him to be gone by next week. You’re young, son, you’re bound to lose someone. And I hope that’s not your family.”

Betrayal is too kind a word to describe a situation in which a father says he loves his children but claims he must teach him about the horrors of the world in order to make him a stronger person; a situation in which he watches or participates in rituals that make him feel like he is going to die. He experiences pain that is so intense that he cannot think; his head spins so fast he can't remember who he is or how he got trap in this mess.

All he knows is a pain. All he feels is desperation. He tries to cry out for help but soon learns that no one will listen. His father orders him to get rid of that one person that means the world to him and tells him it is for his own good. 

He tells Woohyun that he needs the discipline, or that he has asked for it by his misbehavior. Betrayal is too simple a word to describe the overwhelming pain, the overwhelming loneliness, and isolation he experiences.

Right after Nam Jaehyuk and his PA whose face has gone pale from the intense atmosphere leave Woohyun’s penthouse, Sunggyu pull open the door with a full force causing it to slam into the wall, making a loud ‘bang’ sound that resonating across the wall and fly straight to Woohyun’s heart. 

“Fired me, Woohyun? Are you ing kidding me?” Sunggyu’s voices were so loud, making his interlocutor startled and getting his defense up for some excuse.

“Just calm the down and let me explain.”

“I wasn’t asking for your explanations. You have the opportunity to tell your dad just now Nam. Why didn’t you explain to him?” Sunggyu obviously mad right now. They have a fair share of an argument, but this is something that Woohyun has never seen before in their two years of relationship.

“YOU KNOW IT’S HARD FOR ME TOO!” They were involved in a mess of shouting by now. “I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO LOSE IF I DID THAT.”

“I’m tired. I’m tired to pretend like I don’t get jealous with that that can openly cling to you. Having to hide this from my co-worker, from everybody. I’m tired of pretending that I’m nothing for you. I can't do this anymore.” Sunggyu finally lets out his true emotions that he has been feeling from the past two years. 

He wants to let everything out tonight. He chokes at the last sentences, difficult for even him to acknowledge.

“Have you really become so selfish that you have forgotten? I dropped out of college to take over the company in the future. It’s not just my dad that I need to come out too, it’s the rest of the ing world! Do you think the fact that I’m gay going to sit well with everyone?”

“Selfish? You’re calling me selfish?” Sunggyu lets out a maniacal laugh. “ you, Nam.”

He felt so sad that he can’t even cry right now. Loving Woohyun is giving him the power to break his heart, but trusting him not to, and Sunggyu believes that Woohyun would be different. Guess not.

“The fact that you’re gay doesn’t even sit straight