6-27-13

(Donghae POV)

 

"Donghae-ah.." -Eunhyuk, knocking the door.

 

"Its lunch already.. don't you wanna go down and join us? I'm trying to be nice here."

 

"I'm not hungry..." i responded.

 

I've been here in my room for days, not goin' out for work, not joining them downstairs,

 

I've been lying here in my bed, i only eat ramen here inside, i just can't help it but to be alone, when i really saw Jessica, i became like this again, and the pains are coming back to me.

 

I never get the chance to talk to anyone in this dorm, since its Ryeowook i mostly tell my problems and everything.

 

I can't face Jessica yet.. not because i'm a coward but the feels are coming back to me, and it hurts so much.

 

 

Eunhyuk knocks the door again, “Donghae yoohooo.” He whistled.

 

"I'm coming in, hae." Eunhyuk, slowly epened the door, he sat beside me and put the food tray down on the desk.

 

"Do you want me to feed you?"

 

"I told you already, i'm okay." I said, with my eyes closed.

 

"No. You're not. But hey. Siwon's back, don't you wanna go down and welcome him?" He asked and taps my abdomen. "Let's have a date! My treat~"

 

I looked at him and smiled slightly, and then looked away.

 

"Let's have an exercise here then?" He went on top of me, and he took off his shirt. "Shall we?" He put his face really close to mine, and i stared at him with no emotion.

 

He was about to kiss me, but then.

 

"What the hell are you doing on top of him, hyuk!?" It was Siwon, with his derp face again.

 

Eunhyuk quickly stood up. "Damn. I'm not really good at this." He whispered to himself.

 

"Put it on!" Siwon, handed Hyuk his shirt. "You're scaring him."

 

"He seemed like it." Eunhyuk smirked.

 

"Stop the hell out of this hyuk. You can go now." Siwon, pushing Eunhyuk out of the room.

 

"So. What happened, hae?" He closed the door, approached me and sat down on the floor. "Is it true? You're not joining them for days?"

 

He keeps on asking me, but i was just ignoring him,

 

"Hello? Am i literally talking to a fish?" He then snaps his fingers in front of my face.

 

"Oh. Good morning siwon." I greeted.

 

"Its already afternoon." He corrected. "So.. why don't you join us? Let's have some coffee."

 

"I'm okay."

 

"No."

 

"Yes."

 

"No you're not--"

 

"Yes i'm really okay.."

 

"If this is about Jessica, well you're not."

 

So i shut myself and looked away from him.

 

"You see. Its only 3 years since she left, you should really go and face her already."

 

"I can't."

 

"You are a man hae! Don't be like that."

 

"I don't know what to do! I suddenly feel down and frustrasted when it’s all about her and ugh! I don't know whyyy. I tried to but i can't... i honestly want to talk to her, hug her, laugh with her, and cry with her!... but i can't.. the wound is too deep.." I suddenly burst out my feelings and emotions to him, and started crying.

 

I was trying to suppress my feelings but couldn't help it..

 

"Alright i'm sorry dude. I'm sorry." Siwon, trying to calm me down.

 

"I shouldn't be like this.. i really don't know why i feel so much pain..." I hugged Siwon so tight.

 

"There.. there.." he wrapped his arms around me.  “You have nothing to worry about anymore.. I’m now here for you fishy.”

 

“Thank you..” and I can’t stop crying, like a baby.

 

“Don’t cry okay?” He then wiped my tears and I gave him a soft smile. “They’ve been waiting for you. The dorm turned into blue since you locked yourself in your room huh buddy.”

 

“I’m really sorry..”

 

“It’s alright.” He stood up. “You need to rest, if you need me, I’ll be in Yesung hyung’s room okay?” He then gave me a big smile.

 

“You’re staying at his room again?”

 

“well yeah, since my bed is still there~” He chuckled. “I’ll be going now” He waved his hand and closed the door.

 

I laid down in my bed again, thanks to Siwon, I kinda feel better now, but I don’t really understand why I’m always emotional and suddenly depressed, even in small things, I’m really okay and relieved when I saw her face again, but some sudden feelings of sorrow, pain and hatred in my heart, and that’s why I’m always like that, like this.

 

I think there’s something wrong with me… I’m not like this before, I want to be strong like them…

 

I checked my phone and it has so many messages,from Jessica.

 

“Oppa? Talk to me please”

“Just give me 3 minutes to explain..”

“Please?’

“Yeobo?”

“Let us meet one more time.”

“If you’ll listen to me, I will never ever show myself to you again..”

-Jessica

…

 

Messages from her... Should I reply to her now? Is this the right time for us? Nah Donghae, think again..

You’re still hurt right? Don’t be too quick.

 

…

 

While I’m having deep thoughts, I hear everyone from downstairs, making noise, looks like someone arrived. Is it Jessica?

 

So I got up and peeked through the door, i can’t see Jessica there, but why are they so noisy about?

 

While peeking, Leeteuk suddenly noticed me,

 

“Donghae-ah!” He pointed at my room, so I quickly closed the door.

 

I sat down behind the door, leaned down on my knees, took a deep sigh and looked up the ceiling.

 

“How are ya fishy!!” voice of Kyuhyun.

 

“Maybe he’s okay now!” -Heechul hyung.

 

And I hear a voice of a girl, coming from downstairs, sounds like Jessica, is it her?

 

So I slowly opened the door again and was about to peek.

 

And I saw a girl standing, in front of my door, so I stood up and widened the door,

 

I suddenly widened my eyes, and came out of the blue,

 

..

 

“Donghae-oppa..”

 

“Jessica..”