Promise



*Sigh*

There hasn't been a single day where I haven't missed her. Her sweet, undying smile, which melts my heart every time I see it.

And now, she's gone. All that's left of her is a photograph.

Memories of what once was.

Her pictures, framed on my desk, are only mere pieces of paper.

Her laughter still echoes in my head, haunting me while I sleep. Alone.

I am empty, void of any life.

I miss her. I miss feeling the soft threads of her hair, and the smell of her lovely strawberry shampoo.

I want to hold her, to feel her in my arms. We fit together, like pieces of a puzzle.

The house is quiet. The only thing I hear is the beating of my broken heart, still hurting, yet still beating.

*Sigh*

It happened last winter, on a snowy day...


Flashback


"YAH! Hurry up! We're going to be late! If we are, I am SO blaming you!"

There was nothing I could do but laugh at her childish ways. 

She ran to me. "KIM TAEYEON, you got a death wish?"

I could only laugh. I ran my fingers through her hair and looked into her creamy, chocolatey eyes. "We won't be late. Trust me."

We weren't late. The movie starts at 7 PM. It was only 6:30.

We wandered around the city plaza, where the Christmas lights illuminated the night.

"Wow, Tae Tae! Look! The lights are so beautiful tonight!"

They were. But she was more beautiful. "You're more beautiful."

She laughed and slapped me. "Tee hee! Dork!" She stopped laughing and shivered. "Tae Tae. Hold me."

I did. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she buried her face into my neck. "Don't let me go. Ever."

"I won't."

She looked up, her brown eyes staring into mine. "Promise?" She stuck out her gloved pinky. I smiled.

"Promise."

Flashback ends.



Some promise.

I can still see her bloody face from the car accident. The one where I should have died. I should have been more careful, should have watched where I was going. It was too late. The car came at me, high speed. I had no time to react. Fany pushed me out of the way and took the hit.

I still remember seeing her smile through her bloodied face, while reaching for my hand.

"Fany-ah. Don't..." I choked.

"Hold...my...hand...."

"I-I am." I intertwined our fingers together.

"Promise...me...that...you'll...live...on...." She stuck out her pinky, weakly.

"I-I promise." I pinky-promised her.

She smiled weakly. "Your...turn..."

"P-p-promise me, that you'll live, so that we can be together forever."

She smiled, knowing that this was impossible. "I'll...try..."

"N-no! You gotta promise!" Our pinkies were still intertwined.

"Ms. Kim? Ms. Hwang needs to go for surgery now." The doctors were now here to take her away from me.

"F-Fany. Promise."

She smiled. "I...promise...you......I'll...always....be....next....to....you...." Then, she had to go into the surgery room.

I waited. An hour went by. Four. Five. Six. Ten. Still no word.

Then, the door burst open. The doctor slowly walked up to me, avoiding eye contact.

"Is she...?"

He shook his head.

She died during surgery.

I went crazy after that, refusing phone calls, and spent my days withering away in my now empty bedroom, thinking of her, wanting her there next to me.

At her funeral, her father, brother, and sister were all there, crying. I just stared at the lifeless body in front of me. "Y-y-you p-promised..." I looked at her pinky. I reached for it.

"Taeyeon? It's time to say good-bye."

I looked at her once more, taking in every bit of detail. Her long, flowing hair, her flawless skin, and those beautiful pink lips that I used to kiss.

They closed the casket and lowered it into the ground.

The rain began to fall. Everyone ran away, finding shelter from the rain. But not me. I stayed there, half-expecting Fany to burst out and yell, "SURPRISE!"

That never happened.

She was gone. She was actually gone.

At last, I started crying. My heart ached, and I felt as if a part of me had gone missing, never to return. The storm in my heart never ceased to die. I looked at the grave in front of me; at Fany's smiling picture engraved on the grave.

If I could see that smile, just once more. 

If I could kiss those lips, just once more.

If I had just one more chance to be with her, I would hold her tightly, and not let her go. I would promise to love her, forever, and tell her that she was the only one in my heart.

Everyday, I would go to the florist and ask for a single, pink rose. Her favorite.

I would lay it on her grave.

I visit her grave everyday. I tell her stories of how my day went, and I would end our "conversation" each day saying that I loved her.


It had become a ritual for me, visiting her everyday. I still hadn't gotten used to waking up alone. I used to wake up to the fresh smell of breakfast, and an imprint next to me, telling me that she was still here.

Now, I wake up to a mere memory. A memory that haunts me each and every single day. I used to dream of holding her again, laughing with her, loving her.

I expected her to come comfort me during my bad days, to whisper in my ear with her husky voice, telling me it's going to be ok. I wanted to feel her warmth, to feel her next to me on those cold, rainy nights. I now sipped hot chocolate on my own.

I've considered death. I've considered joining her up there, so I could be with her for eternity.


But every time I do, I get held back, by some unseen force. "No. Tae Tae. Remember?"

Of course I do. I feel her ghostly arms wrap around my waist. "Not yet."

"I won't."

"Promise me." She stuck out a ghostly pinky.

"I promise." I stuck out my pinky and met it with hers. "I promise."

Waahhh~ Super depressing, lol. I'm only writing such sad things because finals have gotten to me. Yep. I've lost the holiday spirit :'(
jkjkjk
How was it, though? Besides it being depressing...

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