Choi Seunghyun was gone. Just like that he was drowned by the sea of fans and reporters that had come over to say goodbye to Big Bang and he was gone from my sight. Not going to lie it was harder saying goodbye to Seunghyun than my family back in the states.

 I drove the company’s van back to the Yg building with tears running down my face, ruining my mascara in the process. I didn’t care. I had just said good bye to my two best friends, to the group of guys that had welcomed me with open arms to their lives and to my love. If that doesn’t make one deserve a moment of weakness I don’t know what does. 

I dreaded walking into my apartment because as soon as I walked inside, the loneliness almost suffocated me, as if Seunghyun’s absence all the oxygen out of the building. 

“I can do this” I said out loud
 
And I immediately cursed Tablo for giving me the day off. Determined not to let depression and sadness over take the rest of my day. I changed into my running clothes and headed down to Han River, hoping running and the endorphins would do something to lift my mood.

After an hour of running, I didn’t feel the high that often comes after a great workout. Instead I’d successfully exhausted my body so that I could barely stand straight as I took a shower which only added to the feeling of gloom. I crawled into bed and settled on Seunghyun’s side, hugging his pillow to my chest and inhaled his scent. With my eyes closed I almost convinced myself that he was next to me but almost wasn’t good enough, as I was settling to fall asleep, my cell phone began to ring and I was instantly alert and cried into the phone. “Cielo?”

“Hey babe!” his voice felt like heaven “We made it, it’s been hectic, but we are here”

I sat up; glad he had found the time to talk “I’m happy to know that you guys made it there well. I miss you “

“Me too. How was your day?” he asked

“Miserable Cielo”

“aww, I’m sorry, But listen, I have to get going there still a bunch of things we have to do before we head to the dorm” he said “I love you  babe. I miss you already”

“I love you too” I said just before the call was ended. I hugged his pillow again and went to sleep. One day down, millions to go. 

The first week of Seunghyun’s Japan absence was definitely the toughest. At night I sat in the apartment, feeling so lonely I thought I would go insane but instead I decided to immerse myself into the world of composing. One week in and I had written a song with him in mind. 

How are you? How do you do?
Is it daytime or nighttime over there?
Is that city a nice one to go on vacations?
And is the hotel really as romantic and luxurious
As it seemed in advertisements wit