Seunghyun's therapy Session part 1

“So Seunghyunah” Dr. Hong begun on that Wednesday morning. “we will be trying something different since we have short amount of time”

“oh yeah?” I asked, looking around the office. Nothing like the office she used to have in Korea. Even the doctor looked different. Back then she wore her hair long and loose, her clothes very cutesy. Now her hair was cut into sharp bob and her clothes crisp and professional. It had been more than 10 years since the doctor and I last met.

“we will be recording your sessions,” dr. Hong said, placing a voice recorder on the coffee table between us. “ so you can go back and listen to everything You’ve said”.

I stared at the small device. “is it really necessary”

“i think so. Somewhere along the way,  what we talk about will reveal a little nugget of truth. And I want you to be able to hear it later on.”

“this isn't how we did it last time.”

She shook her head with a tiny grin. She pushed her glasses of the bridge of her nose. “like I said, we're doing something different” she bend over and pressed record. “and you can just start talking”

“about what?”

“the last 10 years I haven't seen you”

 I shook my head, not sure I could do this “ I don’t even know where to begin”

“How about you start by telling me how did you came to be in a boy band”

I closed my eyes, thinking hard and I started talking.

I was a bit of a wild child when I was younger, as you may remember. I was into hip-hop and rapping so was not very popular in school. I knew i was heading down the wrong path but that was what I liked. Until the first time I met the Kwons. Jiyong first came to school about two months into the school year. I remember him vividly because he was skinny even back then, with floppy Brown hair and an easygoing smile. He walked around the school with confidence, like he owned the place. Word quickly got around that he was a child actor and a celebrity-trainee and by the end of the day, he already had half of the female students swooning . One day at school and already he was destined to be Golden boy. For someone who have been an outcast that didn't bother me much.

I hadn’t had my growth sprout yet so I was only 168m at the time I was chubby and not much to look at. JiYong seemed to be interested in music so I thought he was someone I could befriend and perhaps not be a nobody in school anymore. I started talking to him and it turned out we lived only a few houses apart.

Jiyong seemed like such a nice kid, He immediately invited me to his home. That was the first time I met his parents.  And Sora. Who is Sora? The simplest answer would be She is Jiyong’s cousin who lived with her uncles through our high school years. The most complicated answer is she is my first love.

Sora was a cute little girl. She was this little thing with brown long hair and almond shaped eyes. When I walked into the Kwon house, she came running down the stairs with an eager smile, but when she saw me her expression changed like she smelled something bad. I couldn’t really blame her, I wasn’t that great to look at. Then mrs. Kwon came out to greet me. 

“Jiyong, who is your friend?” She asked, looking me over. But she didn’t look  at me with  distaste like the other parents did. She just looked at me with Curiosity and maybe even some amusement.

“Choi Seunghyun,” Jiyong said as I bowed “ Dopest guy in school” 

I didn’t really agree with that but oh well. 

Dinner at their house was like revelation. Until then I’d never realized how nice it could really feel to sit at the table with a mom and a dad and talk about your day. The Kwons asked their kids and niece about their day and really listened. Then they asked me about myself and also seemed really interested.  They were what I always wanted in a family, but never got.  

Jiyong and I became really good friends. At first he liked me because I was the only one who would speak to him not caring he had been child celebrity. And I liked him because he was the only person in school who would actually talk to me. Eventually a real friendship happened.  

He is a hilarious guy, He is always telling me the funniest stories and he is smart, like really smart without even trying. The best thing about Jiyong is that he is loyal, I can’t tell you how many times other students came to him to tell him stories about me. Jiyong just shrugged them off and told them I was His friend regardless.  He is so sure of himself, a trait he got from his father, a retired business man. Jiyong was one of the best looking kids un our school and his confidence and that laidback smile really drove the ladies crazy. I was the invisible side kick  for the longest time. But then I auditioned to YG and they rejected me, because of my weight. So I dieted like crazy and I shot up in hight, and all of the sudden girls started to look at me too. Not in the “are you Jiyong’s friend?” Kind of way either. I wasn’t used to that kind of positive attention, so I took the cue from jiyong and played it cool.

Then something changed when Sora turned 13. I don’t know why but all of the sudden I saw her in a different light. I didn’t know what to do around her. So I started to say mean thin