I woke up this morning with terrible headache. It feels like someone hit me with a hammer the night before. I raised my hands to touch my head but I felt something pressed my left arm. I looked to the right and shocked when I saw a woman slept beside me and she’s not Hye Rin, she’s Ji Eun. I rubbed my eyes with my hands, maybe it’s a dream, but the woman beside me is still her and we’re both….. She suddenly woke up and opened her eyes, maybe because I pulled my arm suddenly before. She looked at me and smiled.

“Oppa, morning.”

“What are you doing here?” I sit on the bed.

“Don’t you remember? We make love last night. You’re so good on the bed.” She gave me her lazy smile.

“Impossible. I’ll never make love with you.” I gave her fierce look.

“Oppa, what did I get for lying about this to you?” She replied.

“I’m sure I was with Hye Rin last night.”

“Stop mentioning her name! You were with me last night and that’s the truth.” She got up and sat on the bed now.

I still can’t believe I slept with her. Last night, I was definitely sure that I kissed Hye Rin but how can it turned out to be Ji Eun? Then I remember I promised Hye Rin to celebrate our anniversary in my apartment last night, where’s my phone anyway? What am I gonna told Hye Rin about this? I immediately rose from the bed and grabbed my pants and shirt on the floor. She grabbed my arm.

“Oppa, I love you. I always do. Can’t you leave Hye Rin and come back to me? I promised I’ll always be by your side.”

I pulled my arm and stood up. I didn’t look back when I talked to her.

“Put your clothes on and leave.”

I walked to the door, she suddenly rise from the bed and run after me. She wrapped her arms on my waist and tightened her grip. “I won’t give you to her.”

I pushed down her arms forcefully. “I’m warning you!” If she’s a man, maybe I already punched her face but since she’s a woman all I can do is clenched my fists and ended with punching the wall in front of me.

“You better get out now before I kill you and don’t ever show your face in front of me again!”

She looked shock when I punched the wall but I don’t have time to care for her feelings. I walked out from the room and closed the door behind me, she shouted from the inside.

“She will never accept you again after what happen last night! You hear me?”

She can say anything, I don’t care. I walked to the living room, searching for my cell phone on the couch. It was hidden under the pillow. I opened my inbox, no message and no calls from her. Did she forget to come yesterday? I walked to the kitchen to get some water when my eyes caught a cake box on the counter. Who brought this here? I opened the ribbon and look inside. The writing in top of the cake made me shocked. Happy 100 days anniversary. I widened my eyes. This cake must be brought by Hye Rin. That means she came here last night and—

I dialed her number immediately but it always rejected then I tried again couple times, this time she turn off her phone. I know I’ve done a big mistake and I think she won’t forgive me but maybe I should try to give her explanation about this, I must meet her today. I took a shower. I guess Ji Eun already left when I was in the bathroom cause now my apartment is empty. I grabbed my car key and heading to her apartment, I need to solve this matter before I took off next week.

Arrived at her apartment, I knocked impatiently at her door while still trying to catch her on the phone. There’s no answer both from the apartment and the phone. This time I left message to her voice mail. I keep knocked on the door.

“Hye Rin ah, I know you’re in there. Let’s talk. Hye Rin ah!”

Still no answer.

“Hye Rin ah, I’ll be waiting here until you open this door. I don’t care how long I have to wait.”

I sit in front of her door, my hand still busy with the phone. She still turned off her phone. I don’t know how many messages I’ve left on her voice mail. Its six pm right now, I’ve been waiting her for nine hours and the weather is chilled out here but the door still closed. Maybe she’s not home. I better come back tomorrow morning.

*****

I asked Ga In to take me anywhere, just to cool down my emotion and think about this matter in clear head. I don’t want my emotion took big part on my decision. She took me to the riverside park without any question. I thanked her for that because I can’t tell what happened yesterday until I prepared my heart. I took an empty spot in the park facing to the river, Ga In sat beside me silently. I sit there, hugging my knees and stared to the river without really pay attention to it. My mind’s wandering around. After an hour, I guess, I started to talk but I’m still looking to the river.

“Ga In ah.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t cut me until I finished talk.”

“Okay.”

“Yesterday was supposed to be my happiest day because it was our 100 days anniversary. We’re planned to celebrate it at his apartment. I wanted to come directly from the office but I thought of buying some cake would be great, so I stop by at the cake shop. But the traffic was and I came late to his apartment.”

I wiped my tears that fell down without I realized it and blinked my eyes then I continue.

“When I arrived there, I saw his clothes were scattered on the floor so I decided to picked them up and follow the trail.” I stopped for a while. “I didn’t have any suspicion until I found a woman dress on the way to his room.”

I took a deep breath then blinked my eyes again to prevent the tears falling down.

“When I opened the door, I saw him on the bed with someone.” I bit my lower lips to make it stop from trembling. “He slept with Ji Eun.”

I put my hand on my forehead and cried silently, my tears seems won’t stop falling. I hear Ga In gasped when I mentioned Ji Eun’s name. She moved to my side to hug me, I put my head on her shoulder and still crying. She rubbed my arms and patted my head; she let me cried for a moment.

“Hye Rin ah, I won’t cursed him in front of you cause it’ll only make you sad but what are you gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.” I wiped my tears but it still falling down. “I want him to give explanation about this to me but I don’t wanna see him or even hear his voice anymore.”

“Hye Rin ah.” She rubbed my arms again. “I’ll accompany you here as long as you want. Think about this matter in clear head and don’t make a rush decision that you’ll regret later.”

After Ga In said that, my phone rang. I looked at the screen, it’s him. I can’t stand to hear his voice right now so I turned off his call. He keeps on calling after that so I decided to turn off my phone. I don’t know if I should forgive him or not. If I forgive him, I’ll always remember when he slept with Ji Eun. But if I don’t forgive him, my heart won’t be at ease because I didn’t give him another chance. My mind and my heart keep fighting over it for the whole day.

I asked Ga In to go back when it’s almost dark. I already have my decision about him and I won’t regret it. When we arrived at the apartment, it’s almost seven pm. I my phone and I got fifty missed calls and ten voice mails. It’s all from him. I tried to hear the voice mails. In overall, he said that he needed to see me and explain about this misunderstanding. He told me to call him back when I got home. I didn’t call him, my emotion is still unstable and I don’t want to show it to him. I better took a shower and get some rest. It’s a tiring day.

I woke up this morning with a headache because I cried again the whole night. I walked out from my room and looked for some aspirin in the kitchen. The phone on my hand is ringing when I was looking for a glass. I forgot to see the screen first. I answered on third tone.

“Hello.”

“Hye Rin ah. Thank God, you finally answered my call.”

I was shocked when I heard his voice. The glass slipped away from my hand and hit the floor. I want to turn off but it seems he knew because he suddenly talked again.

“Please don’t turn it off, Hye Rin ah. I want to give explanation to you about what happened on Friday night. Can we meet and talked about this today? Please.”

I keep silent for a moment while thinking.

“Fine, but I set the time and place.”

“That’s okay. Just tell me where and when.”

I told him to meet me at the café near the office at eleven o’clock. I hung up the phone as soon as I finished told him the place and time. I sighed, just hear his voice already make me trembled. I need to clean the floor from the shattered glass, I saw Ga In come to helped me.

“Are you sure you want to meet him today?”

I frowned. She must have been listening to my conversation. I know she didn’t hear it on purpose. She must be shocked when she heard the glass broken.

“Sooner or later I must face this situation so I think I better solve it now. It doesn’t bring any good to me if I keep on avoiding him like this.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” She looked worried.

“No, I can go alone.” I give her my forced smile.

“Okay. Be careful.”

After finished clean the floor, I took a shower while preparing my heart for the worst case. I took a bus, enjoying the ride and scenery along the way just to ease my heart. When I finally arrived at the café, it’s already 11.15. I saw him at the corner, I walked approached his table. His condition is not better than me, he looked messed up. His face looked tired, I guess he didn’t get enough sleep and I can see he hasn’t shaved. I took a seat in front of him and we’re both switching gaze for a moment in silence.

“Hye Rin ah, thanks for coming to see me.”

All my preparation from home was all messed up when I saw his face. My heart feels happy to see his face again but at the same time it feels ached when I remember what he did to me. It looks like the wound’s bleeding again. I had to cover it up before I talked to him about my decision.

“Wait, before you continue I need to go to the toilet first.”

I left him and rushed to the toilet. I stand in front of the sink and washed my face then looked to the mirror. Hye Rin, you can do this. Just say it and it will over. You must be strong.

I took a deep breath then grabbed some tissue to dry my face. I walked out from the toilet when I saw a woman and a man standing at our desk and suddenly she slapped Chang Sun face. I widen my eyes and walk faster to the desk, all the people in the café are looking at them now. When I walk closer, I recognized that voice. That’s Ga In voice, what is she doing here and why she brought along Sang Hyun?

“You’re lucky that I only slapped you in the face. I knew you’re a fraud since the beginning. I just respect Hye Rin’s decision when she chose you over Byung Hee because I saw she really like you and maybe you can take care of her but I was wrong. I shouldn’t let her chose you.”

I saw Sang Hyun hold Ga In’s arms to hold her in the place because she wanted to attack Chang Sun again. Ga In looked furious now while Chang Sun didn’t say anything. I stand in front of Ga In and hold her hands.

“Ga In ah, what are you doing here? People are watching us.”

“I don’t care! I want to give him lesson for not messing up with you.”

“Just go home okay. I can handle this matter by myself.” Then I looked to Sang Hyun. “Sang Hyun ssi, please take Ga In home.”

Ga In answered me before Sang Hyun did.

“Okay, if that’s what you want.” Then she looked back to Chang Sun. “Don’t ever show your face in front of me or her again.”

Ga In walked away followed by Sang Hyun. I apologized to the others for making such a fuss and get back to my seat. I tried to hold myself from asking him about his cheek, he looks doesn’t feel anything either.

“So, what do you want to explain to me?”

“First, I want to apologize for what I’ve done. I was unconscious when that incident happened.”

Then he told me what happened on Friday night at his apartment, how he met Ji Eun at the club then Ji Eun brought him home and finally ended up slept with her. He convinced me that he really thought it was me who’s with him that night.

“Chang Sun ssi.” I stopped for a while and sighed. “I know you’re innocent in this case because Ji Eun was trapped you on purpose but there’s one thing I can’t forgive you.”

“What is that?” He frowned.

“Do you remember when I told you that I don’t forbid you to have friends but at least you tell me where you’re going? That night, you didn’t even tell me that you’re meeting her. You lied to me.”

“That night Ji Eun told me that it only take a while because she wanted to say goodbye so I didn’t told you about this. I don’t want to break your concentration on the meeting. I never thought she would set up a trap like this.”

“That still considered as a lie and I can’t forgive that. I’ve decided.” I took a deep breath. “I think we should end here.”

I bit my lower lips and blinked my eyes so that my tears won’t fall down in front of him. My heart’s hurt when I spilled out that words, it feels like someone stabbed my heart with a knife over and over. He looked shock. He grabbed my hand on the table and held it but I pulled it back. I don’t want him to touch me.

“Do you really mean it?”

“Yes, what I saw at your apartment on Friday night had been strongly framed on my mind and I can’t erase it. It’ll keep popped up whenever we’re together.”

“Hye Rin ah—“

I cut him fast. “I know it sounds lame but I think this is the best way for both of us, we don’t have to hurt each other again because of those memories.”

He fell silent for a while. He stared at me in disbelief. I saw he hurt in the inside too just by look at his eyes. I stared in other direction because I can’t handle his gaze on me then I looked back at him when he called my name.

“Hye Rin ah, I know I can’t changed what already happened but I want you to reconsider your decision. I don’t want you to rush decided things just in two days. You still have one week to think about our relationship before I took off to New York and I’ll accept whatever your decision on that day. If you still cherish what we had, I want you to come see me off at the airport but if you don’t come I’ll take it as the end of our relationship and I won’t disturb you anymore. I’m on four pm flight.”

I stared at him. This situation really makes me confused. At one side, I really want to forgive him right now but in the other side I can’t forget that he slept with Ji Eun. I stood up, ready to leave him.

“I—I better go right now. I’ll reconsider about it but don’t hope too much.”

I immediately walked away from him and didn’t even look back. My feelings for him won’t be erased that easily so I’m afraid I’ll end up run to him if I looked back. I walked out from the café without destination, just follow where my feet take me to. My journey finally ended in a bar, I stepped in and found a seat on the counter. I ordered a brandy and grabbed my phone. I called Ga In to accompany me tonight. She arrived twenty minutes later and sat beside me. I already had my second glass when she arrived.

“Hye Rin ah, you should stop drinking or you’ll get drunk. It’s your second glass.”

I smiled to her. “Don’t worry. I won’t get drunk tonight. I know my limit.”

“But—“She hasn’t finished her words when suddenly her phone ringing. She looked at the screen. “Oh, I guess I should take this outside. Don’t drink again, I warned you! I’ll be right back.”

“Okay. Just go.”

I think my senses have been dull tonight because I don’t feel drunk no matter how much I drink. But I want to drunk tonight to forget my problems so I ordered one bottle. I keep fill my glass and drink it but still didn’t feel anything. By the time Ga In back inside, I already finished one bottle of brandy. She shocked when she saw an empty bottle near me. She widened her eyes and shook my shoulders.

“Ya, Moon Hye Rin! Did you drink all of that alone?”

“Hah? No no no.” I shook my index finger in front of her and smiled. “I only ordered one bottle..*hik* and pour it to my glass..*hik* only this much..*hik*”

I squinting and showed her how much I pour the drink by making a space between my index finger and thumb. I can’t stop smiling and my body keeps on swaying back and forth.

“You crazy girl, you already drunk!”

“Me? Drunk? Ayy, that’s impossible. *hik* I already told you I only drink this little..*hik* but suddenly the bottle is already empty. *hik* I guess the bottle must be leak somewhere. *hik*”

“That’s it. I’m taking you home right now.” She stopped for a while then continued. “Maybe I should call Byung Hee to help me carry you.”

She called Byung Hee while keep her eyes on me. She had some difficulties to hold me stay on my chair cause I always want to climb up to the counter. Thirty minutes later, Byung Hee showed up in front of us. I looked at him intensely then smiled. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Byung Hee ssi. I missed you so much. *hik* How can I chose that bastard over you? *hik*I’m telling you….*hik*”

“Don’t mind her, she’s drunk.” I heard Ga In told him.

“I’m not drunk....*hik* right, Byung Hee ssi? *hik* Tell that to her. *hik*”

They didn’t reply to my statement. Byung Hee loosened my arms from his neck and put it around his shoulder then curled his arm on my waist. Ga In grabbed my bag and we walked out from the bar to his car. I looked up to the sky while he searched for the car key on his pocket.

“Oh, there’s so much stars tonight in the sky..*hik* and it’s so bright*hik* The star in my heart..*hik* already die and it won’t shine again*hik*”

They put me inside the car then Ga In sat beside me. I only hear a little bit conversation between Ga In and Byung Hee but I don’t know what it is because I’m already worn out and fall asleep just few minutes after we left the parking lot. I don’t remember anything after that.

*****

I woke up on Monday morning with a headache. I can’t sleep well for the whole night after my encounter with Hye Rin. She wanted to end it here but I won’t give up so easily, I want her to remember what we’ve been through and I think it’s worth fighting for although I’m not sure she will change her mind. I took a shower and go to the office, there were several things that I need to settled before I left his Saturday.

I saw Byung Hee Hyung looked at me unlike the usuall today but I didn’t pay too much attention to it. When I sit on my chair, I didn’t see Hye Rin on her desk. I asked Sang Hyun whether he knows where Hye Rin is. He told me that she took leave the whole week. It means that I’m only able to see her in the airport, if she decided to show up on that day. Then I got email from Hyung, he wants to talk with me after office hour in the garden.

I waited in the garden like he told me to then he came not long after. I stood up but he suddenly punched my face. I looked at him fiercely and was about to ask him what happened but he already cut me.

“What have you done to Hye Rin? I already told you if you hurt her, I won’t forgive you.”

“Hyung, how did you—“

“—know about this? I met Ga In last night but she didn’t tell me what really happened between you two. Don’t try to defense yourself.”

“No, I never thought this as a defense but I want you to hear the truth then you can judge me after that.”

“Fine, let’s hear.” He folded his arms and wait for my answer.

I sat on the bench and told him everything that happened on Friday night. He nod couple times and thinking about the situation. His emotion has cooling down and he sat beside me on the bench. He seemed confused too with this situation.

“Have you apologized to her?”

“I have but she wanted to break up. I asked her to reconsider her decision for one week before I go. I just hope that she will follow her heart, not her emotion.”

“Good, at least you admitted that you’re wrong. I know I can’t make her changed her decision but at least I can try talked to her.”

“Thanks, Hyung.”

He left me alone in the garden. I took a deep breath and looked to the sky. I blame myself for being such an idiot and didn’t realize the motive behind Ji Eun’s comeback. I forced myself to work till late everyday so I don’t have time to think about my problem until the day I have to go.

It’s Saturday, the last day I’m in Korea and the day that determine my future with Hye Rin. I hope she decided to give me another chance. I arrived at the airport at three o’clock, check in my luggage and got the boarding pass then wait her in front of the departure gate. Thirty minutes has passed and still no signed from her, maybe she’s late so I waited again. My eyes scanned the room then I heard the announcer make a last call announcement for the passenger before the gate closed. I scanned the airport for the last time before I entered the gate. I took a deep breath. She decided not to give me another chance so I guess this is the end of us. I respect her decision and I won’t bother her anymore. Goodbye, Hye Rin ah. It’s nice to know you.

*****

I decided to take leave for a week because I don’t wanna meet him at the office. I need to settle my heart first before I saw him again. I can’t believe when Ga In told me what I’ve done when I was drunk last night, I embarrassed myself in front of Byung Hee. But Ga In said that he didn’t take serious of what I said. I don’t know how to face him in the future. I’ve been thinking over and over again about his request to me. I really want to give him another chance but my heart still burdened. There were couple times I want to call him but the image of him and Ji Eun always popped up in my eyes and made me turned down the call.

It’s Saturday, time to make final decision. He said that he’s on four pm flight, its two o’clock now. If I decided to give him another chance then I should be at the airport on 3.30 at the latest but until now I still can’t decide what I should do. I sit on the living room watching TV but my mind wandering around. Ga In took her jacket and looked at me.

“Hye Rin ah, I’m going to the supermarket. Do you wanna come?”

“Nope, I guess I’ll stay at home today.”

She frowned. “You’ve been locking yourself for one week in the apartment; you even didn’t want to see Byung Hee when he came here. You should get some fresh air.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I just need time to get through this and when I’m done. I’ll be back like the usuall me.” I smiled.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“Okay, call me if you need anything. Bye.”

When Ga In left, suddenly I feel the urge to see him for the last time. I’ve finally decided to gave him another chance because deep in my heart I still love him and my future won’t exist if he’s not with me. I grabbed my coat and stopped a taxi. If the traffic is normal, I’ll be arrived at the airport just in time before the gate closed. In the taxi, I prayed that God will give me chance to see him for the last time. I don’t want to lose him because of my stupid ego.

As soon as the taxi pulled over at the airport, I run through the crowded and looked for the departure gate. My eyes keep scanning the room, looking for his figure but I don’t see him anywhere. I stopped at the schedule board, searching for his flight. My tears suddenly fall down and I closed my mouth with my hands, I’m late. The gate has been closed, he’s gone forever without even know I’m coming. Our fate ends here.

Goodbye, Chang Sun ssi.