SAERA

Is this for real?

I’m standing right on the very stage I used to perform at before. I turn to my husband still with a surprised face. I try to decipher any thought in my head, thoughts that I might be just dreaming. It’s been like. . . three years since I last stood onto this stage. That moment my husband parked on that familiar lot, I start hyperventilating. He brought me to our old university. Fortunately it was a Sunday so there wasn’t any student.

“Are you for real?” I asked in a daze as I begin laughing. “What? Too excited, Miss Swan Lake?” Baekhyun banters while having his hands inside his pockets. “Isn’t this closed every Sunday though?” I interrogate, my brow arched questioningly. “What can I do?~ I have such power.” My conceited husband proudly answers while looking around. I roll my eyes but somehow, I couldn’t help but to smile widely.

“Just come here and thank your romantic husband who did this for you. C’mon.” Baekhyun calls while spreading his arms wide. “Aish…” I groaned with my judging look but eventually stride over to him for a hug. “Do you want to dance?” He asks and pulls away from the short embrace. I pout. I’m not flexible anymore, I don’t know if I can. I’m too scared to try and realize I’m not good enough anymore. “I’m fat now.” I answer. I see a frown forming in his face. “You’re not fat, what the hell. C’mon I know you always missed dancing.” He said and gently pushed me towards the center. There weren’t anyone inside but I suddenly feel ashamed and intimidated when I arrived there.

Looking at the seats which used to be filled with people before as I dance before them.

It kind of put me into a pensive mood.

I’m not as young and active as before.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I hear Baekhyun’s worried tone nearing behind me. “I brought you here because this is where we first met. This is where I realized how much we sync. My music. . . and then your moves. It jived perfectly.” He whispers, his hands settled on my shoulders. “But there’s no music.” I answer absently, my voice clipped into my throat as I feel a lump. “There is. Can’t you hear it?” Baekhyun asks and his arms snake around my body for a back hug. He started swaying making me move along. It finally puts a smile on my lips. This kind of scene, I used to find it very corny to do. We look like grandparents having the last times of their lives dancing to a non-existent song.

But we feel like we own the world.

We indeed started here.

“What are you doing here? Will you play for us again?” I skipped towards the back stage when I saw my good friend, Baekhyun, from the music major department. “No, I was just thinking if you’re free tonight? Dinner?” He asks. “Oh. . . But we have recitals for this week. I can’t eat dinner.” I answer. I could see that familiar disappointment from his face that I always see whenever I show him my lifestyle, my eating habits. We’ve been friends for months and still he isn’t used to it. “Could you just ditch that? I mean. . . just eat. Bec—“Fine. I will eat. It’s easy to throw up later.” I answer. I wanted to be honest with him, although I didn’t know. I once told him I do it sometimes when needed. His eyebrows curled into a more disappointed look this time and I know he was mad.

“No you will never do that again.” He said and suddenly grabbed my wrist dragging me somewhere else. Near the exit of the theatre room. “Why can’t I? Just to accept your invitation.” I answer. “What? I’m not even insisting so much but the fact that you still have such. . . bad thing in mind is what I’m mad about. You’re killing yourself doing that.” He scolded. That furrow in his brows, the frown on his thin lips, and his nose flaring with worry, I could see them all while his eyes locked at mine. I maintain a straight face but I could feel my heart punching onto my chest giving me a hard time to breathe. “W-why do you care then? I’ve been doing it even before I knew you. So what if you don’t want to? So what if I die?” I ask mockingly showing I wasn’t scared but my fingers were already curled onto the hem of my ballet skirt. “Of course I don’t want you dead, I love you!” He blurts out and once he did, I see his lips purse together in a fine line.

“You what?” I ask, my head shifting to the side but my eyes stayed on his. “D-did you just say that?” I add with my already crimson cheeks. He turns away, his hand reaching up to his hair right away pushing it up from his forehead.

He suddenly looked tensed.

Was he not supposed to say that?

“Baekhyun. Don’t leave me hanging here. You need to clear it out bec—“Fine. Yes, I do. So what.” His eyes shifted down to the floor avoiding mine. I felt like throwing up. No I’m not even forcing it right now. I really feel like throwing up but in a good way. I never really imagined us together but out of nowhere, I couldn’t imagine life if he didn’t say that. I never thought of it before but I suddenly want to hear it again.

Over and over again.

Because it was Baekhyun who just said that.

“How about you?” My thoughts got interrupted when he spoke up again. My knuckles already turned white as I still grip on my skirt. I try to process the question into my mind although it was very simple. “You. . . you have had a relationship before but I never had. I d-don’t know if. . . you know. I only focus on nothing but ballet. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve given my life to this. It’s my everything.” I answer. Oops, I think it isn’t the right answer. I saw the devastated look on his face. I’m not rejecting him. Did it sound like that? “Yeah. . . I expected it anyway. Sorry if I caught you off-guard. Forget it.” He said and turned around ready to leave but I just had to stop him. “B-but. . . my mentor told me it isn’t bad to fall in love too. I just need to know my priorities, still. But either way, I already fell so. . . I think I don’t have a choice but to just a-accept the feeling.” I hush, barely audible, but that made Baekhyun turn abruptly again making me jump in surprise.

With his loving smile that I never really noticed unt