BAEKHYUN

Sitting alone on a bench right outside my mother in law’s hospital room, I stare in space as scenes from last night flash back in my mind. Saera’s right, I fought back. I got angry, I burst that I ended up saying hurtful things to her mother. I did not mean any of it nor I meant to put her into this position.

And now my wife is so disappointed at me.

Even I am disappointed at myself.

If I knew everything would turn out like this, I could have just held it in much longer than my capability.

“Eomonim, please let’s not argue anymore.” I speak while driving, I tried my best to focus my eyes at the road. “We’re almost the—“No, since you’ve mentioned that one time on the restaurant. Yes, I am humiliated of having a relative like you. It’s true and I’m not going to hesitate to tell it to your face.” She cuts me off. I tae a deep breath trying to suppress my urge to shout.

“That’s why I tried my best to find a better job for your liking, Eomonim.” I answer back, my voice was stifled as I’ve been trying to calm myself down.

“Was that sarcastic? Are you trying to say I am the reason why you had such guts to work for an ex-lover? What does that make my daughter huh?” She asks. “If I know, you’re doing some bad things already behind her back.” She tells and the my hands’ grip on the steering wheel has tightened much more.

“It’s not what you think it is.” I said. “You always say that. Byun Baekhyun, all you do is put my daughter in a situation that I never intend her to be in. Do you know that? You think what you’re giving her is enough? It’s not. All her life, I’ve given her a comfortable life and it was all ruined when you came.” She tells. “That’s it. We’re not doing this in here.” I turn the car abruptly making my mother in law hold onto the handle because of the impact.

“Are you trying to kill me??”

I parked the car aside before turning to her. “I am not driving while you step on my being.” I answer with a firm tone. Her eyes darkened as she looked back at me. “Who are you scaring?” She asks back and opens the door. She goes out and I did the same. “Eomonim, let’s talk about this once and for all. I never did anything!” I yelled and walked to her side.

Good thing I have parked in a secluded road, no much people around.

She looked at me incredulously as she clutches on her bag. “Tell me. All these years, I’ve trying my best for you to like me but you never appreciated it!” I grunt right in front of her. I have disregarded completely respect, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Now it’s all out. Your true personality is this. This is why I always preferred you getting out of my daughter’s life!” She shouts. “I-I love your daughter.” My voice turns shaky but I still had those fuming eyes looking back at her.

“Saera wouldn’t have married you if you didn’t mess her up! Do you think she was someone who would give up her career?? Tell me! She wouldn’t choose a boy over a career that she’s been working for ever since she was a kid. What did you do, huh?? Do you realize how ballet meant to her? Did you even thought of that??” She argues back.

I clench my fists as hot tears streamed down my cheeks.

“All you care about is her career. Not for her, for you! For your damn image!” I shout while pointing a finger at the ground, I couldn’t point it to her. I couldn’t believe I am shouting at her right now. She looked at me in disbelief. “H-how dare you.” She says. “E-eomonim, I try respecting you with all I can. You brought my wife up in this world, but. . . that doesn’t mean she’s all yours forever. She’s mine now. And whether you like it or not, the family she’s a part of. . . it’s with me.” I said.

“Do you know that you just put your marriage in danger?? Once I tell Saera what you did to me just now, I wil—“Saera thinks the same! She’s so sick of you trying to meddle with us! Please, Eomonim. Just stop! Now. . . if you won’t let me be a husband and a father the best I can and all you can see in Saera is still your little child. . . might as well bring my family somewhere else. Somewhere far from you. Eomonim, I never thought of this but you are making me do so. I’m so tired of this. . . w-we’re so tired. You can never control your daughter’s heart. She loves me and I love her, we have a family of our own now. Please. . . if you can’t accept me, just please accept that reality.” I cut her off, my tears were unstoppable. She looks at me like she just saw a ghost and was breathing heavily.  

She took a step back and was harshly landed on my car surface. She was clutching hard on her chest and was opened wide. Her body was trembling but our eyes were still on each other.

And right there, I saw an expression, a state that I have never seen before from my mother in law.

I put a hand over my forehead as I silently sob. It’s my entire fault. I shouldn’t have said everything. I didn’t even mean some of them. The argument inside the car just fumed me up so much, I held it inside too much that it was that big when it came out. “S-sorry. . .” I muffle under my breath as I bend down, my elbows on the cap of my knees and I clasp my hands together in between my eyebrows. Then, I saw the hospital room’s door open which made me look up.

It was Saera.

She had dark circles under her eyes, it was obvious that she barely slept. She walks to the bench and sat beside me. Her eyes were just in one particular direction, definitely not to mine. “Appa brought breakfast, it’s inside.” She spoke, her voice was deep enough to stab me in the heart.

I wipe my tears and instead of doing what he said, I reach my hand to her lap. “Saera.” I hush as I move closer. She didn’t budge but she didn’t push me off. My breathing was rapid but I try my best to speak. “A-are you still mad at me. . .” I ask. She shakes her head but then not getting any answer from her still kills me inside. I broke into sobs again as I bury my face on her head.

“Please. . . I d-didn’t mean it.” I cry out and hugged her body but she still didn’t move. I bury my face on the crook of her neck this time. “Baekhyun. . . whether I get mad or not, i-it has surely made a crack in my relationship with her. Y-you know that right?” She finally speaks, her voice was subtle but at the same time, firm. I couldn’t say anything back. “What do you think. . . I will do now?” She asks.

“I’m sorry.” I manage to speak again while hugging her sideways even more. She starts crying and I know it’s not just worry for her mother’s health, it’s worry about the aftermath of this. “I-I’m so tired, Baekhyun. . . She’s my mother, you’re my husband. . . I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was tiny like she was holding an awful sob to come out. That made me cry even more.

“H-honey, I’m so sorry, please. . . So sorry.” I let her body go but I grab her face to make her look at me. “D-don’t worry, please. I will fix this. I promise, I’ll—“ Baekhyun, I know you will. I know you, you’re my husband. B-but I know my mother too.” She answers. Her eyes were sparkling in painful tears that mirrors mine. “D-do we live in this situation forever? W-why’d you do that. . .” She asks weakly.

I’ve told her very little things I argued about with her mother and obviou