Record #06

Its beautiful blue and yellow eyes hypnotized me. The size and the scent was the same as the one I encountered two years ago, and its fur color was white and grey. Its damped fangs and growls made me wake up and faced reality. I couldn’t move a single finger. My cold sweat traveled my jawline as I saw it came forward.

I thought I was strong. I thought I could make the day. But I never expected facing a situation like this. I never imagined facing any kind of wolf ever again. My eyes reflection the fright I felt as tears formed.

This was the moment I realized I was fainthearted. I was vacillating. I was a burden. I will turn into a useless weight if I didn't brace myself. As much as terrorized I was, I braced my dagger with my two shivering hands and showed it to the wolf with determination. I didn’t try moving, but saw it coming closer. Our eyes never looked away a single second. I wasn’t brave enough to slash him when we were just a few centimeters away. I had already gave up. I knew I’ll die in a painful way. I’ll be wolf’s food. Such a chicken I was.

I closed my eyes tightly, my hands dropped and squeezed the dagger so firmly that hurt. The wolf sniffed me and I did nothing to stop him. I didn’t even try to kill him. I waited for its bite, but nothing happened. I opened one eye at the time and I saw it there, sitting in front of me with a completely changed temper appearance. I could swear he looked like a dog waiting for its usual treat when did something right. Yet I tried not to be fool. They were predators with the same blood as I am. Even if we shared the virus, we are different. Heterochromia wolves are rare to spot and a variation from a normal wolf like appearance due to the Kangren blood.

When I heard growls coming from where I run, I woke up from my thoughts. I noticed this wolf walking as it growled to the same path. He pushed me to run with his snout. I stood up and turned fully before noticing it running away to the sounds. I didn’t need to think twice and sprint faster. I couldn’t stay here. I needed to find a tree and get away from the animals in ground. Once I found the perfect tree, I scaled it, which took me long since I wasn't a faster climber. I settled myself in a though branch, luckily I was lightweight for someone with my tall height.

My hands were cold and still trembled as I put my dagger away. I gulped once I saw a small group of wolves attacking a deer in the moon reflection. They disappeared moments later, leaving the bones and open abdomen of the poor animal. They devoured almost everything. I felt like throwing up for a second, then I slapped myself to reality. It’s what they do to survive. The most powerful survives, the weak dies. And, in my current situation, I was the weak one. I was ashamed of my actual self. All the training I did these last days were vain. Have I wasted my time?

I couldn’t believe I was hiding and no fighting back like I was taught to. But right now I was in a vulnerable mental and physical state. I still feel scared and both, my mind and heart, are troubled. If I want to take advantage and proudly say I have learned properly during my staying in BHE, I have to survive. I have to endure panic. That’s for sure. And the only way to overcome my timorousness over these pursuers it’s battling them.

This is just the end of the second day of my survival in kind of lonesomeness.

The third and fourth day passed faster. I avoided any kind of contact with perilous animals and developed my sense of orientation and balance due to sleeping in high branches. Even build a spear with strong branches, dry and long roots, and implemented my dagger. I hunt river ducks and flying birds by shooting their wings. And whenever I heard something strange or visualize a bigger animal coming, I hide in the water or shrubberies or climbed at least five meters silently. I shield myself like this because I’m trying to come with supportive idea. I’ve been searching for something to contend. So far, anything in these woods helped me.

Until now, end of day four. The sight of a black cherry berry in my feet startled me. The same poisonous plant my mother showed me when little. They are belladonna’s eyes. Depending on the amount of poison ingested, they can cause loss of voice, hallucinations, convulsions, breathing difficulties and, in the best and faster scenario, death. But, in contrast, its leaves have medicinal properties when used correctly. I collected a bunch of them before continuing my searching with a proud smile. I can bet, if I’m being observed, Taehyung feeling proud of me recognizing this berries, because they are the first I took after the second day, day I started hunting, day I haven’t eaten anything but meat. Yet I can imagine him wondering what I’m planning on doing with them. Luckily, I still remember how my mother taught me how to create a sedative liquid by using its juice and the leaves. I just needed a bottle to place it. I thought of using my canteen, but that would left me with no water, so I choose to build one myself. I cut a branch of five centimeters width and length. Once satisfied, I untied my dagger from the spear and started cutting a hole in the wood around two centimeters width. This took me all night long. And it didn’t bother me a thing because I didn't have to face my nightmares.

My hands were red and full with cuts next morning. I put one sock to squeeze the berry and extract its poisonous juice. My bare and lacerated hands can’t make contact with the juice, else my fresh blood will mix with it and it would turn dangerous for me.  As my hands burned from the bruises, I prepared the sedative mixing the black juice, some leaves and water with the dagger cautiously inside the wooden material. I covered with some leaves and secured it with roots. Then I fixed my spear once again.

The last day, I’ve already made it so far and I can’t vacillate. Not anymore. I have to face my fears. I have to be stronger and determined more than anything.

As I placed my bag down, I took the gun inside and charged it. Only if necessary, I’ll use it. I can’t feel burdened by it. I can’t feel nervousness by using it.

With my spear in hand, revolver hidden and poison in my pocket, I started my way out. To come across any kind of wild and threatening animal it’s inevitable. But I’m prepared, mentally and physically. I want to be fully accepted. I want to be useful. I want to survive in this messed up world I call home. I want to protect my friends. I want to smile and be happy. And I want to fall in love, as mellowed it might sound.

I needed to find the river because it was the closest place I recall from BHE. From there I can use my vision to find my way back and out.

My ears heard running footsteps and immediately moistened the spear’s tip in my back venomous liquid. The medium size fox and I looked at each other's eyes with no fear. I heard more coming as it ran towards me. Once near, I aimed directly towards the forehead. As it felt, it cried, loud. I took back my spear and left it agonizing. I ran to avoid the rest coming, but I came upon three in my way. They brawled at me in anger and hungry. I can’t win with just the spear. Once they ran to bite me, I fired two down. The third wounded my arm with the spear making me drop it, and I let it chew me for a second before pointing the gun to the head and blowing it up.

My arm started bleeding nonstop. It hurt like hell, but there wasn't time to crying. I needed to get out. As I sprint, I heard wolves’ howls coming from everywhere.

I saw the river near and heard it too.

And just a few steps from it a small pack of wolves appeared from nowhere. They knew where I was. They smelled me. They smelled my fresh blood.

I instantly cursed out loud as I cringed. I lifted the gun and shoot one down out of the six, but the rest didn’t look scared or hesitating at all. I tried to shoot the others, but all dodged my attempts.

Their hungry eyes pierced through my nerves. Their moisten fangs showed me how much they wanted to devour me and how fearless they were. One ran towards me and as I blocked the attack, I felt to the ground, the wolf toping me. Another one came in a blink, so I pushed the wolf on top towards its way. Straight away I ran as they followed me. I shoot towards their feet to slow them down, but it only gave me a few seconds of distance before I tripped and twisted my good hand.

The sensation of vibration ran towards my limbs and my blood became my body due to terror. And my cheeks were covered with dry and forming tears. Wolves knew how frightened I was. I just screw things up. If I made to take the five of them down, I’ll definitely die from bleeding or disfigured.

Screw it. I won’t let them