https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzv2Szk7Rrw

Everything was foggy. His head felt foggy. Blurry. Where . . . he had to reach something . . . what did he have to reach . . . he couldn't . . . he was losing it . . . he was . . . he . . .

He blinked his eyes open slowly. He was lying on a soft bed, covered in a white blanket. The walls were light blue, the ceiling was white. There was a nightstand next to him.

An IV in his arm, connected to a bag of fluid hanging next to him. A monitor was beeping steadily next to him.

Hospital.

He was in a hospital.

Why was he in a hospital?

He started screaming, and the monitor started beeping faster, and faster.

A nurse rushed into the room. "Hoseok! Hoseok, I need you to calm down!"

He couldn't he just couldn't what had happened what was going on where was his sister where were his parents why was he here help help help -

"I need help! He's not calming down!"

He thrashed, trying to gain enough strength to get out of the bed to stand so that he could search for his family -

"Here!"

They held him down, and there was a sharp sting in his arm.

No, they had to let him go, they had to let him go so that he could find his sister where was his sister where were his parents . . . his sister . . . he needed to . . . he needed to reach them . . . his . . . family . . .

He awoke again. He needed to find out where his family was. He needed to find out what had happened to him.

No, but he couldn't panic, he couldn't panic or they would just knock him out again and he wouldn't be able to find out what happened.

Glancing at the nightstand next to him, he located a small blue button that had a label underneath saying that he could press it if he needed assistance.

He pressed it once carefully, wincing when he felt stinging in multiple places around his body. After less than a minute, a nurse opened the door and stepped inside. When Hoseok leaned back again, he winced and found himself panting slightly from the pain.

"Hoseok, you shouldn't be exerting yourself like that," the nurse said, concerned. She started puttering around the room, checking on all of the monitors and inspecting the bag of fluid that his IV was connected to. "How are you feeling now that you're finally awake?"

"What -" He coughed slightly and continued in a scratchy voice. "What happened? Where am I? Where is my family?"

The nurse tensed slightly. "I think I should call the doctor in to explain the situation fully and so that she can check on your health."

"The . . . situation?" He swallowed, and tried to ignore the dread creeping up in his stomach.

"I'll go get her." She left the room.

After another few minutes, the nurse came back with another woman wearing a white lab coat, large eyes framed in glasses, a stethoscope around her neck, and a clipboard and pen in her hands.

The doctor.

"Hello, Hoseok. How are you feeling?"

"What happened to me?"

She sighed. "Hoseok, I'm going to need you to answer my question before I tell you anything. If you're feeling any discomfort, you need to tell me right now so that it doesn't get more serious."

Hoseok wanted to protest, but one more look at the doctor's face told him that she wasn't going to budge. He finally examined his body more carefully, and had to hold back a gasp when he saw the state that he was in. His left leg was in a cast from the knee down, there were multiple bandages around the toes on his right foot, and he could see the outline of bandages wrapping his whole torso and abdomen through his hospital gown. Looking farther up, he found his left arm also in a cast and more bandages around his left shoulder, with an IV leading into his left palm. And all over his body were small cuts . . .

He looked up at the doctor in horror. "What . . ."

"Hoseok, please, do you feel pain anywhere at all?"

"I can't . . ." He tried to lift his legs, but although his right leg rose easily, he immediately had to drop them back down because of the intense pain coming from his left leg. "It . . . it hurts when I move."

"Your stomach? Your left arm?"

Again, he tried to sit up and hissed, giving. "When I move."

"Okay, that's good. That's all that I needed to know for now. We've been giving you painkillers and other fluids that are necessary for your recovery through that IV, so you shouldn't feel too much discomfort unless you try to move anything. And now I have to tell you that you need to avoid moving as much as possible in order for everything to heal as fast as possible. If you strain any of your injured limbs, you might permanently damage them."

An awful thought struck Hoseok and bit his lip. "Permanent . . . damage? Will I . . . will I be able to dance again?"

She smiled kindly. "Yes, you will, unless you move too much."

"What's wrong with me?"

She checked her clipboard and sighed again. "You broke your left leg and multiple toes in your right foot. Luckily, it was a clean break in your left, so it won't take as long to heal as it would otherwise. You fractured your left forearm, and dislocated your left shoulder. The shrapnel from the impact, namely the glass from the windows and windshields of the car, made lacerations around your whole body. A large piece of glass ended up in your abdomen, and we had to remove the glass from it and stitch it up. We believe that you had a slight concussion but your brain went back to its normal state quite quickly so that's fine, unless you get headaches or migraines."

Hoseok took a deep breath. "Where's . . . where's my family?"

He tried ignore her sudden drop in expression, he tried to pretend nothing bad was coming, but he couldn't . . . he already . . . he knew . . . it must be . . .

"Hoseok, would you like to hold my hand? Are you sure that you're feeling okay right now?"

He shook his head.

"You want to know now?"

He nodded.

"Hoseok . . . your sister is in a medically induced coma right now due to the brain trauma that she went through. She is floating in and out of a critical state. We are trying to get her through until she's completely stable, and then hopefully get her out of the coma with little to no brain damage."

No. He had to hold it in. He had to. He had to he had to he had to. "What about . . . my parents?"

"Your parents . . . your parents . . . they . . . they passed away during the collision. When the paramedics arrived, there was nothing more that they could do. I'm so sorry, Hoseok. I'm so sorry."

There was something rising up in his chest. Something blocking his throat. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe he couldn't everything was starting to flicker he couldn't get in a single breath omma appa he couldn't breathe omma appa why noona I need you . . .

He heard yelling in the background and felt something prick his arm before it all faded again.

Hoseok woke up gasping for breath. There had been a bright light, and there had been an awful feeling of rolling, tumbling, and he had been screaming and someone else had been . . . his sister . . . had been . . . He shuddered in the bed, realizing that he had just relived the accident in his dreams.

Then he remembered what the doctor had told him, and he thought that maybe reliving the accident tens of billions of times would be better than going through what he was going through now.

"Hoseok?" A nurse popped her head into the room.

He had been awake for two days now. He hadn't been sleeping very well. All he would ever dream of was the crash.

"Yeah?"

"Your sister . . ."

There was a flash of panic, and Hoseok immediately struggled to sit up, despite the pain shooting through what seemed to be every single part of his body.

"Hoseok, no! It's not bad! Please stop exerting yourself, you'll make your injuries worse!" The nurse dashed to his side and covered his hands with her own. Hoseok flinched at the physical contact, and she frowned slightly, pulling them away.

"What happened to my sister?"

She smiled. "She is in a stable state right now, and if you feel up to getting into a wheelchair, I can take you to see her."

Hoseok didn't even need to think for a second about his response. "I'm up to it."

He ignored the pain in his abdomen and left leg as they lifted him carefully into the wheelchair.

He nearly broke down right outside the door. Was he ready? Was he ready to face the fact that what was happening was indeed reality? That he would never see his parents again and that his sister might never wake up? Maybe he should go back . . . maybe he could go back to his room and pretend that they were all fine and that they were all at home waiting for him to be discharged.

No. He had to see her. He had to see his sister if it was the last thing he ever did. He nearly laughed. Who knew if it would be the last thing he ever did, really? If there was internal bleeding somewhere that the doctors didn't catch, he could be dead before tomorrow. Just like his -

He had to see her.

Hoseok took a deep breath and nodded. The nurse opened the door for him and wheeled him through until he was directly next to his sister's bedside, then asked him if he would be alright, waiting for his confirmation to close the door and wait just outside, ready in case anything bad happened.

She looked peaceful. Her hair fanned out slightly, and her lips were parted almost imperceptibly.

Hoseok reached out his good arm, since his left was still in a sling, and brushed wisps of her away from her forehead, then reached down and took her hand.

He bit his lip as he felt that she was much colder than she usually was.

He sat for a while, staring at her, and all the while, the heart monitor beeped steadily in the background.

"Noona, you're still pretty when you're sleeping. At least you're not wearing your stupid eyeliner anymore." His voice was so hoarse. He could barely get it out.

"You know, noona, you spent a really big part of your life protecting me, didn't you? And just when I start to be able to protect you back, you go and let this happen to yourself. It's too unfair."

He felt tears starting to rise, but forced them back, blinking hard. He had to stay strong.

They took off the bandages from his shoulder, and no longer wrapped his chest. He now only had on the sling and bandages around his stomach. His legs still had everything on though.

He visited her every single day, sitting by her side for hours.

"What do I need to do for you to wake up, noona? I'll do anything. I'll go and beat up all of the people that ever bothered you when you were still posting pictures of yourself. I'll find your ex and make him pay your hospital bills. And your college tuition too."

He swallowed.

"What if I exchanged places with you, noona? You wake up and I can sleep instead. And you can go to college and I can miss high school. That sounds nice, right?"

He tried to laugh but it sounded more like sobbing so he stopped.

"It should have been me, noona. Not you."

The first one was the worst.

He couldn't breathe.

At all.

The world went almost completetly dark.

He couldn't take in any oxygen and he was just going to die, because he was back in the car, with everyone screaming . . . he was screaming . . . the nurses were screaming . . .

He was so tired.

He just wanted to sleep.

They told him it was post traumatic stress disorder. That he would have nightmares and panic attacks because he had been through a traumatic event. They told him that he could get better with therapy and medication.

He didn't want therapy. He didn't want medication.

But they made him talk, that man with the soothing voice made him talk and told him it would be okay, and they gave him pills from a little bottle labeled "Prozac."

"Noona, it's been two weeks. Why won't you wake up yet? You're making me wait too long. I'm bored without you."

"Noona, they finally took the sling off my arm and now there's just cream and stuff on my stomach and my toes are fine too! I only have this stupid boot on my left leg that has to come off. They said it'll take months though. But you're not getting any better."

Why couldn't he feel anything? He was too exhausted too. He was too tired to bring up emotions.

He didn't want to have to deal with the pain. He could just pretend.

Pretend that his sister always being asleep was normal and that if he talked to her enough, she would wake up.

It had been three and a half weeks. Even he would be discharged in a week and a half, after he got some more therapy and they were sure that he wouldn't strain his injuries more while not under the watchful eyes of the hospital staff.

She was taking too long.

"I never took you to be the lazy type, noona."

"Wake up, noona! Please! Please!" He was yelling.

They made him talk to the man with the soothing voice longer that day.

Was this what drowning felt like?

Why was he so numb?

Why couldn't he feel anything anymore?

They'd taken him off the painkillers weeks ago. He was almost free.

But he had no home to return to.

Ah, this was why he felt so numb. He was pushing all of the feelings away, the feelings that were threatening to crush him.

He stared with blank eyes at the ceiling, his vision swimming even though there were no tears in his eyes.

There was one more ray of hope. He just had to wait.

Maybe then he would feel alive again.

The heart monitor started beeping erratically. Slower, then faster, then much faster, then slower again.

"No, no, no."

Hoseok pressed the button at his sister's bedside repeatedly. The nurses and a doctor rushed in, all talking, voices overlapping, confusing Hoseok. He didn't know who to look at what, what was happening what was happening to his sister what -

A nurse kneeled in front of his wheelchair. "Hoseok, look at me! Hoseok!"

Somehow, his eyes managed to focus on her, and he heard her, but her voice was muffled, and he had to concentrate to understand her.

"Hoseok, we have to leave the room now, okay? The doctors have to do some stuff because your sister has suddenly entered a critical state, okay? We need to get you out right now so that they can fix her."

"But, I can't -"

"Hoseok, we have to go." She started wheeling him out as the ruckus behind them continued. Hoseok couldn't even see his sister anymore, as she was surrounded by the doctor and nurses.

The familiar feeling started rising again in his throat, in his stomach, in his chest.

"No! She's my sister! I have to stay with her!" He screamed, struggling against the nurse. "Let me go! Noona! Noona please stay with me! Noona, don't go! Let me go I have to stay! I have to stay with my sister! Noona!"

"Hoseok, calm down!"

"Noona!" The light flashed, and he was transported back, and he was living through it again, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh -

Everything went black.

He was getting too used to waking up like this. He pressed the button.

When it was the doctor that entered, with two nurses behind her, he knew that he wouldn't like what she would say.

He looked up and waited for her to speak.

"Hoseok, your sister . . . I'm sorry, but . . . Your sister didn't make it. We tried our hardest but we just couldn't . . . I'm so sorry . . ."

He felt like he was trapped in the middle of the ocean, getting into a whirpool while a storm raged overhead. The currents threw him in every direction possible, and he was going under, and he couldn't break the surface . . . He found himself breathing heavily.

"You're lying."

"Hoseok . . ."

"You're lying!" he shouted, pushing himself up, barely aware of the ache in his stomach and his left leg. "She's not dead! None of them are! My noona's fine and omma and appa are waiting for me at home and as soon as you let me go I'll get to see them again! They're not gone!"

The doctor and nurses stared back with wide eyes, not knowing how to handle the situation.

Hoseok broke down, burying his face in his palms and sobbing. When they came closer to try to comfort him, he pushed them away and to his side, facing away from them.

That was the first night he cried himself to sleep.

"Hoseok, how are you doing today?"

"I don't feel like talking."

"Then . . . what do you feel like doing?"

"I want to die."

They thought he couldn't hear them. They thought he was asleep, but he wasn't. He heard everything.

"He's not stable. We have to keep him here longer."

"He's almost fine though."

"I'm not talking about his physical injuries. The mindset he's in right now . . . he's a danger to himself."

"Are you saying that he's at risk of committing suicide?"

"Yes."

"The poor boy. The poor thing."

"I know. We have to keep him here until he's okay."

Hoseok gritted his teeth. So what if he wanted to die? It would be better than living without his family.

They didn't understand.

"Hi, Hoseok, it's nice to finally meet you." The man held out his hand with a small smile, and Hoseok shook it hesitantly.

"Hi." He looked questioningly at the nurse, who nodded at him encouragingly, but didn't quite smile.

"I'm your parents' lawyer."

"Oh." Hoseok gulped. "So . . . are you here to . . ."

"Well, first, I would like to offer my condolences. You're going through a very difficult time right now, and I can't imagine what it's like for someone so young."

Hoseok already didn't like him.

"I am here to tell you about what's going to happen in the future."

"In the future?"

"Yes, about what's going to happen after the funeral and after you're discharged from the hospital."

His fists clenched.

He hadn't thought about the funeral yet.

It was the first time he'd seen any of his friends in weeks, but he didn't feel strong enough to be able to talk to them. To deal with their pity, because that was all they could offer him. None of them understood what he was going through, what he had gone through for almost a month now.

So he stood on his crutches in between a nurse and his therapist, since he knew that even if he didn't agree with everything they said about his dangerous thought process, he knew that they cared about him and wouldn't just say empty words.

The lawyer was there, too. Right, he was probably the one that had arranged the whole thing since he had most likely discussed it with his parents before they -

His parents had wanted to be cremated, so that they could be returned to the earth that they came from.

Hoseok looked around, but didn't make eye contact with anyone for longer than a few seconds. He knew that he would cry if he did, and he had been crying too much lately.

Every night.

He supposed it really hit him when he saw the three shrouds start to burn.

He was finally out of the chaos of the ocean, but it had thrown him violenty against a beach, and he woke up to find himself all alone, the ocean surrounding him on every side.

Isolated.

Empty.

But no, he had to look strong, because that would've made his sister happy.

When it was time to go, he nodded and waved at everyone before getting into the car and closing the door.

He rubbed his fingers against each other, and bit the inside of his cheek until it bled to hold everything back.

That night, he practiced smiling before he allowed himself to fall asleep. He wasn't used to it anymore, but he had to.

His sister had told him that any situation could become better if he smiled.

Hoseok was going to be discharged in a week. Apparently even though he was getting panic attacks only slightly less often, he was getting very good at accepting the situation and dealing with it in a more healthy way.

He knew that all he was doing was bottling everything up, but that was okay. He didn't want to make other people deal with his problems.

They decided that if he could go three days without the pills, he didn't have to take them anymore.

"Since you're being discharged in just six days, I think that it's time for us to talk about where you're going afterward."

"Okay."

"Unfortunately, we have not found any relatives of your parents that are willing to take you in."

Hoseok had figured that that would happen. All of his grandparents were dead, his father was an only child, and his mother's sister was in such a bad financial situation that she didn't even have the money to travel to attend the funeral. Either that, or she just didn't want to, but Hoseok decided that it didn't really matter which one it was.

The end result was the same. He would end up either in an orphanage or in a foster home.

"So where am I going?"

"We've found an orphanage farther up north. It's medium sized. The kids there all attend the public school that's a couple of blocks away."

"So I have to leave my hometown and my school?"

"I'm afraid so."

Hoseok chuckled mirthlessly. He started to wonder why he had such bad luck, but he pushed aside that thought because it would have made him start to break down. He couldn't afford that, or they might keep him in the hospital even longer than they already had. They were already afraid to let him go because of all of his panic attacks.

"What will happen to my parents' house?"

"Well, it technically belongs to you now, but you're not eighteen yet so you can't officially claim it. Luckily, your parents have already finished paying the mortgage. Basically, when your house will stay just the way it is, and when you turn eighteen, you can decide what to do with it."

"Can I visit it before I turn eighteen?"

"Of course. Like I said, it's yours. And anyways, we have to go to it to pick up everything you'll need to move into the orphanage on the day you get discharged."

"You'll be taking me there?"

"Yes."

Hoseok swallowed and nodded. "Thank you for being so straightforward with me."

"Hoseok . . ." His lawyer trailed off for a few seconds before continuing. "I know that I'm a little brusque, and that it might seem like I only care about the money and the proceedings. But I knew your parents, and even though we weren't necessarily friends, they were wonderful people. And you're a thirteen year old who shouldn't have to be going through all of this. Remember that I'm not evil, okay? If you ever need anything, or if you need to clarify anything about your situation, then I'm here to talk to you."

Hoseok swallowed again, pushing down the lump rising in his throat. He supposed that maybe his first impression of the man had been wrong. "Thank you."

The lawyer nodded in response and left.

Hoseok wondered what it would be like to live with a bunch of other orphans.

Orphans.

He was an orphan now.

He dug his nails into his forearm until he felt the tears go back.

They left little marks in his skin for the next few hours.

Hoseok woke up right before the car hit them.

He was covered in sweat, and he was panting as if he'd run a marathon. His throat felt raw.

He didn't want to tell anyone.

He didn't want to be kept any longer.

Two days left.

"You'll have to come back in another month so that we can take the boot off and so that you can move to one crutch, okay?" the doctor told him. Unconsciouly, she reached out and straightened his shirt. "Until then, do the exercises that I told you about, and don't do anything stupid that will make it worse."

Hoseok nodded.

"You have my number and my email address. Contact me at least once a week until you come back for your visit. Understood?" His therapist gave him a soft smile. "I know we took you off the medication, but if you feel like you need it, tell me right away. You can come back here and I'll tell you if you really have to take it or not."

"Thank you for everything," he said quietly.

"You'll be back in a month. Talk to us then." The doctor made a shooing motion with her hand. "Now get going, you have a busy day ahead."

The lawyer gestured toward the exit, and Hoseok leaned forward to hug the doctor and therapist before swinging slowly toward the doors on his crutches, the lawyer staying next to him.

"We'll be going to your house first so that you can pack."

It was hard to enter the house. The lawyer seemed to understand, though, because he didn't push Hoseok to move faster.

It felt too quiet.

Too empty.

He packed all of the essentials of course. His clothes, his school supplies. He had picked up some new toiletries on the way back from the hospital already.

His mp3 player.

One picture of himself, his sister, and his parents behind them, all smiling happily at the camera.

He couldn't find it in himself to pack anything else that would make him remember more.

It was a couple hours' drive to the orphanage.

He felt nauseous.

It wasn't all that big, but it wasn't too small. The lawyer had been right. Medium. Average.

They knocked on the door, and the owner, a woman who looked like she was in her mid-forties, opened it. "Welcome, welcome! You must be Jung Hoseok!"

"This is him," the lawyer replied.

"Come in, come in!"

She led them to what looked like the living room. A girl was already sitting on the couch, watching the television, but she immediately turned it off and stood when she noticed who was walking inside. She smiled at Hoseok, and Hoseok gave her a tiny one back.

He rubbed his fingers together.

"Kids! Everyone, come into the living room! Our new member's here!"

Hoseok heard footsteps above, and in a few minutes, everyone was gathered in front of him, standing in a line that Hoseok found himself quite intimidated by. Five boys and eight girls, all different ages. The expressions on their faces varied from disinterested to welcoming. There was one boy with a particularly foul expression, but it wasn't directed at Hoseok. He was glaring at one of the other boys.

Hoseok hoped that wasn't permanent.

"Okay, everyone, introduce yourselves!"

"Lee Jinki. I'm turning eighteen really soon, so I'll be gone."

"Ahn Jaehyo. Seventeen."

"Choi Sooyoung. Seventeen." It was the girl that had smiled at him when he first came in.

"Choi Junhong. Eleven. No, Sooyoung noona and I aren't related."

"My name is Jeon Somi! I'm six years old!" She was adorable.

"I'm Kwon Eunbin! I'm seven." She smiled up at him, and he couldn't help smile back.

"I'm Bae Yoobin. Ten years old."

"Kim Namjoo. Twelve years old."

"I'm Song Mino, I'm fourteen." It was the boy who had been glaring at the last boy who hadn't introduced himself yet.

"Jung Soojung. Thirteen."

"Pyo Jihoon. Also fourteen like Mino." Hoseok wondered what Jihoon had done wrong for Mino to be looking so offended by his existence.

"I'm Jung Yein and I'm nine."

"Choi Yoojung! Eight! I'm not related to Junhong oppa or Sooyoung unnie."

Hoseok was feeling slightly overwhelmed, but smiled at all of them and finally introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Jung Hoseok, and I'm thirteen. I hope to get along well with everyone here."

"All right!" the owner said cheerily. "Who wants to help Hoseok get settled? I need to talk to the man who brought him here."

"I'll help out." Jinki volunteered himself.

The owner nodded her thanks and turned to the lawyer, asking him to follow her into her office.

Jinki helped Hoseok carry his suitcases up the stairs, since Hoseok obviously couldn't use his crutches and carry them at the same time, and Hoseok found Junhong tagging along behind them, bringing a couple as well.

From downstairs, he could hear Mino yelling at Jihoon about how he stole his pencil, and that he couldn't do his homework about it. Hoseok almost laughed as he realized that it was something so trivial that had been causing Mino to look so angry. He also heard a girl that he assumed to be Sooyoung trying to calm Mino down.

"Don't mind that," Jinki said. "Mino might look intimidating, but he's a total softy. I've never seen him get really mad. The only person he ever glares at like that is Jihoon, and that's only because they're so close."

Hoseok nodded in understanding.

"So, you'll be sharing a room with Junhong."

That explained why Junhong had come with them. Junhong stepped in front of them to open one of the doors along the corridor, and Jinki and Junhong then dragged the suitcases inside. The room was small, with two beds, two dressers, two desks, and two closets, all on opposite sides of the room.

"You got lucky actually. All of the other boys have bunk beds because Junhong won rock paper scissors."

Junhong giggled, and all of them smiled. "Jinki hyung, you go and help out with dinner. I'll help unpack since we're roommates anyways."

"All right. Get to know each other. You'll be spending a lot of time together." Jinki saluted playfully and left the room.

After he left, the atmosphere became slightly awkward, but Hoseok broke it by asking Junhong if he wanted to help him take all of his clothes out and put them away. Junhong agreed readily, and they started opening the suitcases, storing Hoseok's clothes in his dresser and closet.

"Can I call you hyung?" Junhong stopped what he was doing for a second to blink at Hoseok cutely.

"Of course." Hoseok found himself liking Junhong a lot. The younger boy was sweet.

"Hoseok hyung!" Junhong exclaimed, and Hoseok laughed.

When they finished, they sat on Hoseok's bed together. Hoseok's crutches were leaned against its side.

"Dinner should be ready soon. When we go down, you can get to know everyone better. Everyone's pretty cool actually! Yeinnie, Yoojungie, Somi, and Eunbinnie all tend to stick together. So do Soojung noona, Namjoo noona, and Yoobin. Mino and Jihoon hyungs are basically inseparable. Jinki hyung Jaehyo hyung, Sooyoung noona and I all basically just float around I guess. But the three of them will be leaving soon and then I'll be the only floater." Junhong pouted.

Hoseok nodded in understanding. "Everyone does seem really nice."

"That's what I like about this place." Junhong grinned. "The only stuff we ever fight about is taking up too much space or chores or shower times or something. All of us get along. Unlike the place I was at a few years ago." Junhong made a face. "That was bad. If people weren't talking, they were yelling. And all of the little ones used to get scared."

Hoseok was slightly startled at how casually Junhong mentioned being at anothe orphanage. "Is . . . is it okay if I ask how long you've been in the system?"

"Oh, yeah, I don't mind! The only one out of the thirteen of us who hates talking about it is Soojung noona. She lost her parents when she was six, same as Jaehyo hyung, but I guess she just misses them a lot." Junhong swung his feet over the edge of the bed. "My parents gave me up right after I was born, so I've been in the system my whole life. I've been to like four places though. This one's the best so far."

He didn't quite know what to say, so he opened and closed his mouth, gaping like a fish.

Junhong saw his expression and laughed. "Don't worry, hyung. You're just not used to talking about everything casually yet. You're not gonna hurt any of us if you do. We're all used to it. It's how we live."

Hoseok allowed a slight smile to play on his lips. Junhong's happiness was infectious. "I guess I have to get used to living like that now, too, right? I'll try my hardest."

"That's all you have to do, hyung!"

"Everyone, dinner's ready!"

"That was Sooyoung noona. Let's go!"

During dinner, Hoseok got to know the others a bit better. They immediately started treating him as another member of their family, so he became comfortable quickly. Jinki had been right about Mino. Hoseok found that after Jihoon gave Mino his pencil back, the older boy was just smiles, and made everyone at the table laugh at the way he overreacted to everything.

The younger girls were adorable, except for a moment when Yoojung refused to eat her vegetables and Sooyoung had to sit next to her and feed her.

Soojung made sure to talk to Hoseok since they were in the same grade, and even though Soojung was a little bit quiet, they got along very well. She told him about her older sister Sooyeon who had just left the system and was working a few jobs, renting an apartment while she studied in college to become a fashion designer. Apparently Sooyeon and Sooyoung were actually good friends.

After dinner, Hoseok was called away to the owner's office, where she explained that she and the lawyer worked out the last of the paperwork. Hoseok was officially a resident of the orphanage, and he would be completely under her care and the care of the rest of the staff. He would meet the rest of the staff tomorrow, since most of them were actually taking a break for this weekend.

He said goodbye to the lawyer, and watched him drive away in his car. He would be back in a month to take him to the hospital.

Hoseok walked back inside to find everyone gathered in the living room in a circle on the floor. There was an empty spot between Junhong and Namjoo, which he assumed was for him.

"So, Hoseok," Jinki spoke up as Hoseok sat down not-so-gracefully, having to put down his crutches and stretch his boot out, slightly confused and nervous. "Are you okay with talking?"

He felt himself starting to slip into the ocean again. "Uh."

"It's okay if you can't." Sooyoung gave him a gentle smile. "We won't force you to do anything."

Hoseok pinched his left wrist so hard that he felt himself break skin. Hold it back, Hoseok. Hold it back, you're fine. He smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine with it."

"What's your story?" Yein piped up. She grinned at him.

"Well, my parents, sister, and I got into a car accident a little over a month ago. And I was the only one that made it out, so yeah."

"Is that why you have to wear that giant shoe and use those metal pole things, oppa?" Eunbin blinked up at him, and Hoseok felt a slight shock at being called an older brother.

"Um, yeah. I broke my leg."

"Okay, so since Hoseok has joined us today and all of us claim to have finished our homework," Jinki said, pointedly looking at Junhong who smiled back cheekily, "we can play games so that Hoseok can get to know all of us better."

The young girls cheered, and Hoseok saw Jaehyo smiling at them fondly, while Mino and Jihoon made faces at each other.

The rest of the evening was fun.

When it was over, Hoseok and Junhong went up to their room together. Junhong immediately changed his clothes and jumped onto his bed, snuggling into the covers. "Good night, hyung!"

"Night, Junhong."

Hoseok took a litte bit longer to change his clothes, since he had to be careful with his boot. He finally laid down on his bed, and stared up at the ceiling.

Oh, god, he finally had time to breathe.

The entire day had been hectic, and he'd gone from doing one thing to another.

Except it had been distracting.

And now he was alone with his thoughts.

He decided to go through them one by one. Calmly. Hold it back, Hoseok.

He really had gotten lucky. Everyone at the orphanage seemed nice, which was far better than what he had hoped for.

It was his first night out of the hospital in over a month.

It hit him.

This was his reality now.

He was out of the hospital. Without his family.

He was alone.

Completely alone.

There was no way to avoid it anymore.

Orphan.

No family.

They were all gone.

Hoseok felt a tear slip down, then immediately brushed it away angrily. No! He couldn't be weak! He had to be strong because that's what they would have wanted!

His sister had told him to smile.

He tugged on his hair until the pain distracted him from his tears.

When he felt them subside, he relaxed his body and turned his head to look out the window, where he could see the streetlights glowing softly.

He smiled.

I'M BACK. I'M ACTUALLY BACK.

I'm so, so sorry for such a long wait. A lot of stuff has been happening, and I've been so busy, and that was combined with pretty bad writer's block. I had this chapter at 1000 words for like a month because I didn't know how to continue.

I can't say that I'm all too satisfied with how this chapter turned out, but . . . I tried. Lol.

LOTS OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED SINCE MY LAST UPDATE.

1. I saw BTS live!!

2. WINNER FINALLY CAME BACK AND I I I I AM SO EMOTIONAL A;SLDFJALSJITIU4ASDOGHAO4HGOIHO48EG AND IT'S AMAZING AND THEY DESERVE THE WORLD.

3. I SAW BAP LIVE AND HIMCHAN SAW ME AND SMILED AT ME (and Daehyun noticed me!!)!!!!!

4. My birthday passed in March.

5. Some very important milestones in my life occurred, and I'm making a really big decision this weekend. ._.

215 subs! Thank you very much to all of the people that have subbed, upvoted, and commented. You guys are my motivation. <3

ALSO I DIDN'T PROOFREAD THIS CHAPTER SO THERE ARE PROBABLY TONS OF MISTAKES. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. TT

Until the next time~

<3 ^~^