Lee Pil-suk was very fond of Han Tae-sun. They were neighbors when they were young and had played together.  They had gone to the same school.  Her elder brother, who she adored now, was a bully to her when they were young.  At least that was what she thought.  He was just being a brother to a little sister who annoyed him when he was busy.  They were very close now.  But, when she had felt bullied, she would hang out with Han Tae-sun and Han Tae-sun would make her laugh and play with her. 

Han Tae-sun was a free spirit then.  She had felt she had found another kindred spirit.  His parents had recognized his interest in music when he was young and had enrolled him in Piano classes.  Because he kept talking about music so much, she had developed interest in his favorite bands at that time and had begged her parents to get her guitar lessons.

When they had both had reached puberty, they were not awkward with each other.  He was growing very tall very quickly.  She would about it and he would about how short she was.  She was not short.  She thought she was perfectly average height.  He was just very tall.

When he was 13, she had noticed a subtle change.  When they were walking together in school, she had caught him looking at a senior boy who was popular around school and at that time, she could not understand that expression on his face.  

the senior boy was a good looking boy, good in sports and almost every girl in school had a crush on him.  So, she had told Han Tae-sun, “He is really cute.  He will never look at me” she had sighed.

Han Tae-sun had looked at her and said “Yeah” as if he was thinking exactly what she was thinking.  “You also have a crush on him then?”  She had laughed. 

And he had blurted out “I might be gay” and then had blushed and had refused to look at her. 

It had shocked Lee Pil-suk.  It was unheard of.  No one could joke about that.  He had looked serious.  Even when they were just 13, Pil-suk had felt an ache for him that she continued to feel even today. 

She had accepted him then without question despite her shock.  They had giggled looking at men’s photographs together.  They had continued to hang out whenever they were free and found time and she would share with him about all her crushes and giggle when some of them were the same for both.  He was the brightest when he was with her.  She knew that because she never saw him smile otherwise.  She would catch him in the class very aloof.  When she was busy chatting with her group of girlfriends, she would catch a glimpse of him walking alone.  He always looked sad. 

Then one day Pil-suk noticed bruises on his body.  He was getting bullied in school and she wanted to tell someone.  He had cried on her shoulders, heaving big sobs.  He had begged her not to tell anyone.  Why his parents did not notice it or did not do something about it, she could never tell.  He had a strained relationship with his parents.  Perhaps they knew and did not want to acknowledge.  They were the most difficult years for Han Tae-sun.  She had tried to be there for him.  But he was closing himself off.  His brightest smiles had started becoming less frequent.  She had tried her best to make him laugh. 

When he was 16,  he was scouted by a modeling agency.  He was tall, gangly and apparently model material.  She had read somewhere later that his face radiated purity.  It had suprised him and excited him.  All he ever wanted to be was a musician but he had welcomed any change.  He had told her, he was happy because he could get away and start fresh.  She knew she would miss him terribly and had told him so.  But even then, she knew, he had to get away.  Perhaps he would start laughing again.

They had kept in touch.  She did not see him as frequently.  They had met up after 6 months or so and she was shocked at the change.  He had looked savvy.  He had changed his hair.  There was much more confidence in him.  But he did not look like he was having any fun. 

One day, he had told her over the phone he had started writing music and he was getting some traction.  People were interested in what he was writing.  He was a good singer and being a model had increased his confidence.  He had started getting gigs at clubs to sing.  He had almost sounded happy.  He had said he had a small fan base.  They did not talk a lot about his personal life.  If he was happy, he would have shared.  So, she had deduced he was still having a hard time despite the new found confidence.  Then Oska thing had happened. 

A popular Hallyu star had heard him sing in a club and had almost become obsessed with him to make him his prodigy.  Han Tae-sun was flattered at all the attention he was getting from this star while fighting his growing attraction to the older male.  Han Tae-sun had told Pil-suk about some of the issues Oska was having and some of it was somehow connected to him and his old mistakes.  Pil-suk had not understood all the details but every call during those days were about Oska.  Pil-suk had recognized the signs and asked point blank one day.  “Han Tae-sun, do you love him?”. 

He had said yes.  She had then researched about Oska and had found out he was perfectly straight and in fact was a player.  This was not going to end well for Han Tae-sun.  ‘Why was it that he continued to fall for guys who just could not give him what he needed? ‘

She knew he had indulged himself to think Oska cared for him that way.  He had then composed and produced Oska’s 7^th album.  He had lived in the same house with Oska making things even more difficult for him.  And then Oska had rekindled his romance with hias ex-girlfriend and had finally made Han Tae-sun stop and think.  He needed to leave while his sanity was still intact.  He had told Pil-suk he was done.  He had left Oska during a live concert without a goodbye. 

He had then called Pil-suk that day and had cried. 

She had gone to him and spent time with him and had just listened.  It had hurt her to see him like this again and again.  She wanted him to be happy and she did not know how she could help him.  All she could do now was just be with him and let him know he could always count on her. 

Then he had called her one day and had said he was planning to go to school again.  Get a formal qualification and learn more. 

She was in a long term relationship with her boyfriend of almost 3 years now.  They were happy.  He knew all about Han Tae-sun and their closeness.  She knew the school because she was living in that area already.  So, she had decided to join the same school for the music major. 

Lee Pil-suk was very fond of Han Tae-sun.  She wanted him to laugh again.

Just couple of months ago, a very tall guy with black, slightly permed hair had walked into the studio without knocking when she was working with Han Tae-sun on a song they had decided to write together. They had looked up very surprised.  No one just walked into a studio that was booked.  Everyone in the music department knew that rule.  Han Tae-sun had looked annoyed but just one look at this new guy looking at Han Tae-sun that day and she knew he was interested in Han Tae-sun and it was nothing to do with music. 

“Hi Han Tae-sun.  We meet again”.

Han Tae-sun’s reaction was even more interesting to Lee Pil-suk.  While he showed an annoyed expression, she could sense the mood change.  She watched the exchange between the two of them with interest.  Clearly they had already interacted before.  And then the new guy asked her if he could borrow Han Tae-sun.  For some reason, she had very cheerful.  ‘Could it be?’ She was more than happy to say yes.  Han Tae-sun was being very rude to the new guy.  She had glared at him but had left feeling very delighted with herself.

Han Tae-sun had just told her the guy was a cinematographer and they were doing a movie as part of the school project and they were looking for someone to work on the background score.  She was not entirely sure if Han Tae-sun had it right but she had felt disappointed.  She had really thought there was something more than that and she seemed to have been wrong. 

And then the same guy had come around to the studio again.  This time, he had knocked before entering and had also looked a little unsettled.  She had felt encouraged again and did not want to waste any time to get them alone together.  Han Tae-sun would forgive her later.  If she was wrong, it did not matter. If she was right, she was doing great service.  She had felt very proud of herself that day as she had left the studio.

Pil-suk had asked Han Tae-sun later what that was about.  Han Tae-sun had suddenly sounded cagey.  ‘Did he just blush?’ 

He had looked slightly uncomfortable. 

“If you must know, he has recently realized he is gay”. 

Pil-suk had wanted to say “Alleluia!” but had remained serious.  It had amused her to see Han Tae-sun being so uncomfortable.  There was something going on there.  Han Tae-sun was not yet ready to tell her everything.  But Han Tae-sun looked softer when he had spoken about him.

“You are kidding?  How did he realize that now?  Shouldn’t he have known already?”

“Apparently not” Han Tae-sun had said.

He had not spoken about that guy since then.  But, Pil-suk had caught Han Tae-sun couple of times watching the new guy laughing with his friend.  He had looked wistful.  She did not want to mention this to Han Tae-sun. 

And then again, one day, she had found them on the steps simply looking at each other.  The new guy had a smile on his face that had made Pil-suk feel she was intruding in a private moment.  Han Tae-sun had looked lost.  Neither of them looked as if they knew where they were and before anyone started noticing this strange exchange, Pil-suk wanted to remind them where they were.  So, she had said first thing that had come to her mind, loudly to make sure it had penetrated that trance they both seem to be in.  “Hi, I still don’t know your name”.

That had seemed to break that trance and Kim Dong-Hyub had introduced himself.  It had looked as if Han Tae-sun had welcomed that change in mood but had told her he would join her later.  She had watched him as he had walked towards Kim Dong-Hyub and they had looked intimate.  Whatever they spoke to each other was very intimate because she could sense it even from far.  She knew Han Tae-sun.  She had not seen him interact with anyone like this.  ‘Ah.  This is great!’.  She had felt happy that day and had told her boyfriend that Han Tae-sun had finally met someone who might reciprocate his feelings.  Her boyfriend had just laughed at her.

That was three days ago. 

Today, Han Tae-sun was back to his surly self.  He snapped at anyone who looked at him.  Even she was worried.  ‘What happened now?’  She was not very sure if Han Tae-sun was going to confide in her anything.  So, she took it upon herself to check out Kim Dong-Hyub.  What had she got to lose?  Her bond with Han Tae-sun was too strong.  He might get upset with her for the interference, but she did not care.  They would make up.  She would be able to judge just how much to push once she could talk to this Kim Dong-Hyub.

So, during lunch, she went looking for Kim Dong-Hyub.

She was told he was out in campus shooting their project.  She was not sure who she could leave a message with.  Frustrated, she left. 

‘Wait!  Wasn’t the guy he was laughing with carried a guitar?’   There were a lot of students in the music department who carried guitars.  She tried to recall his face.  She could not place him.  As she walked back to music department, she suddenly became sensitive to all guys who were carrying guitars.  She did not find a familiar face. 

She would try again tomorrow.

…..