Han Tae-sun hailed a cab.  He felt nervous.  That was a new feeling that he had not felt for a long time.  ‘How can the thought of sleeping with him can make me this nervous?  I have done this countless times’.  This was beginning to feel like the way he had felt when he was starting his crush on Oska.  For that reason alone, he wanted to be in control of the whole evening.  So, after finding out Kim Dong-hyub lived alone, that is where they decided to go.  Han Tae-sun wanted the option of walking away instead of sending Kim Dong-hyub away.

Kim Dong-hyub thought this was going too fast for him.  It was one thing to decide he wanted Han Tae-sun to be the first but another thing entirely to move this fast.  He was suddenly not sure if he was ready for this yet.  This evening was starting to feel too cold.  Did he want to start something new, quite possibly a key event he is likely to remember rest of his life this way?

Han Tae-sun “Are you having second thoughts?” Han Tae-sun wanted him to have second thoughts.  He did not think this is how Kim Dong-hyub wanted to remember his first time. 

Kim Dong-hyub was not sure how to answer that question.  He definitely was having second thoughts.  But will Han Tae-sun put his walls up again?  What if he completely lost interest? And what if he did?  Then ‘perhaps this was a bad idea anyway’ he thought. 

Kim Dong-hyub “This feels too cold”.    

Han Tae-sun “That is how it is”

Kim Dong-hyub “I don’t think it has to be”.  Then he continued “With you I don’t want it to be this cold”.  He was honest and waited for that rejection. 

Han Tae-sun looked far away.  He did not want to show his emotions.  “This was exactly what I was avoiding.  This means more to you than it means to me.”

Kim Dong-hyub “I already know that.  This probably is not the greatest idea today”.  His heart was breaking and he did not want to show that to Han Tae-sun.  It would make matters worse.  He had prepared to feel this way the moment he knew he was falling in love and it was one sided.  It still hurt. 

Han Tae-sun “We are close anyway.  I will drop you off and take the cab to my place”

They were just 10-15 minutes away from Kim Dong-hyub’s place.  Both lost in their own thoughts. Han Tae-sun was relieved.  There was something about this just did not feel right to him.  He needed to sort out what he was feeling.  He had protected himself from going through what he went through 3 years ago.  Is he never going to let himself feel again for the rest of his life?  He felt different with Kim Dong-hyub.  Kim Dong-hyub was just attracted to him, he did not know anyone else and once this curiosity is over, what happens next?  Han Tae-sun will be back to square one, broken hearted.  Did he want to put himself through that again?  He sighed.  He was just not able to treat this as just and he was relieved Kim Dong-hyub was having second thoughts.

Han Tae-sun reached for Kim Dong-hyub’s hand and decided to have an honest moment.  “Listen.  I think I need some time too.  It is not just you.  I don’t think I want cold with you either.”

Kim Dong-hyub was circling the drain, all ready to have a miserable night.  And then Han Tae-sun went and said that.   He looked at Han Tae-sun’s hand reaching out for his, quickly took it in his own hand, intertwined his fingers and looked at him.  The electricity was suddenly back.  The spark they had felt for each other had just turned into raging fire.  Just at that moment, everything started feeling right again.  He wanted to kiss Han Tae-sun but they were in the cab.  So he held on to that hand, moving his thumb over Han Tae-sun’s thumb.  That was the iest Han Tae-sun had felt for a long time.  Getting a hard on was very different from this feeling.  This was just y.  He did not know how else to describe what he was feeling.   ‘Freaking thumb action!’  He thought.  But, he allowed himself to feel that.  It felt good.

They were here.  Kim Dong-hyub did not want Han Tae-sun to leave yet.  He felt the heat.  “Come in please” his voice felt tight.  Cab was waiting.  Han Tae-sun thought hard.  He could feel the radiating heat from Kim Dong-hyub and knew he was feeling the same.  He decided to take a chance.  ‘We are consenting adults.’   He nodded and let the cab go. 

Kim Dong-hyub’s apartment was on 5^th floor.  They had to take the elevator.  There was so much heat between the two of them that they both thought they were going to combust.  When the elevator came, it was just the two of them inside.  Kim Dong-hyub could not wait any longer.  He pulled Han Tae-sun towards him and kissed him hard.  Han Tae-sun did not resist and again allowed himself to just enjoy the moment.  That kiss could not last for long as the elevator beeped and they had reached their floor.  They both looked at each other, both feeling the heat from each other.  Not a word exchanged between them.  They got out of the elevator; Kim Dong-hyub had the presence of mind to check if anyone was around and when he found none, he pushed Han Tae-sun to the wall next to the elevator and kissed him again.  Han Tae-sun moved his hands to Kim Dong-hyub’s hair, Kim Dong-hyub moved one hand to Han Tae-sun’s back and another on his cheek and just pushed their bodies as close as he could. 

When this evening started, Han Tae-sun wanted to be in control.  He was more experienced and knew he would be leading this.  But right now, he felt anything but in control and he did not really care.  Kim Dong-hyub was fully in control and he was a great kisser.  They came out to breathe.  Kim Dong-hyub then took Han Tae-sun’s hand and walked to his apartment.  He lost patience with his door as he was unlocking it and watching him like that helped Han Tae-sun release some of the tension.  Han Tae-sun chuckled, took the key from Kim Dong-hyub’s hand and opened the door. 

Kim Dong-hyub banged the door shut and while holding Han Tae-sun very close with his arm around Han Tae-sun’s back.  He was back to pushing Han Tae-sun against the wall but this time he was moving his crotch against Han Tae-sun’ crotch while he looked into his eyes as he went to those lips again.  Before Kim Dong-hyub could get to them, Han Tae-sun breathed, closed his eyes and said softly against Kim Dong-hyub’s lips, “Can we not do this with me getting banged against the wall?”

That finally made Kim Dong-hyub wake up from this overflowing need he was feeling.  He did not loosen his hold.  They were still attached at the hip but this time, he just kissed Han Tae-sun tenderly, those lips and then loosened his hold.  He put his forehead against Han Tae-sun’s forehead and breathed.  Han Tae-sun breathed along with him.  ‘So, this was the difference between getting off and making love.  Yikes!’  He could not believe he had thought of those words. 

Finally, they were both calmer and Kim Dong-hyub released his hold.  He put his hands on the wall with Han Tae-sun in the middle and whispered, “Not sure what happens now” while still looking into Han Tae-sun eyes.  His eyes again moved to Han Tae-sun’s lips that were swollen.  Han Tae-sun was looking into Kim Dong-hyub’s eyes, this time, he decided to take control and kiss Kim Dong-hyub.  There they went again kissing hard, tongues in each other’s mouth, exploring every corner and then grinding on each other.  Both heard each other groan.  And then Kim Dong-hyub started moving holding Han Tae-sun close while kissing him.  Every time they separated to breathe, each of them murmured something neither could remember.  Kim Dong-hyub found himself pulling Han Tae-sun to the couch.  They had not yet removed their shoes.  All the clothing was still intact.  Kim Dong-hyub pushed Han Tae-sun on the couch and climbed on top of him.  His hands moved naturally to remove Han Tae-sun’s t-shirt over his head and he felt Han Tae-sun’s hands opening the buttons from his shirt.  Kim Dong-hyub mentally cursed why had to wear a buttoned down shirt.  He wanted to feel Han Tae-sun’s hands on his body and buttons were not helping.  So, he helped Han Tae-sun, pulling his shirt off and then pulling his undershirt off.  Both of them were breathing hard, looking into each other’s eyes.  They could not remember the last time they felt this way.  Both of them were to the waist and their hands were all over each other and they continued kissing while grinding against each other. 

Han Tae-sun moved his hand over Kim Dong-hyub’s crotch, feeling the hardness.  Kim Dong-hyub wanted his hands on him and not through clothes.  While there was still some semblance of control, Han Tae-sun wanted to make sure Kim Dong-hyub wanted this.  So, when he moved his hands there, he looked into Kim Dong-hyub’s eyes enquiringly.  Kim Dong-hyub moved his hips to help Han Tae-sun his pants, them and put his hands inside his briefs.  He had been hard for a long time now and had been feeling he would be bursting anytime time.  His clothing very painful.  When Han Tae-sun put his hands on him, it felt perfectly right and all he wanted was to get rid of the restrictions of his clothing.  He pulled down his pants and briefs.  It felt perfectly natural to be in this state in front of Han Tae-sun.  He was in the moment and everything just felt right and all he felt was how much he was enjoying these sensations.  Han Tae-sun watched Kim Dong-hyub shredding himself of all his clothing.  It was just too y that he started touching himself even when he watched Kim Dong-hyub getting out of his clothes.  The only thought that occurred to him were how much he wanted Kim Dong-hyub to touch him and how much he wanted to touch Kim Dong-hyub.  He wanted to get rid of his own clothes and but wanted Kim Dong-hyub to remove them.  He needed to feel Kim Dong-hyub’s need.  So, he waited with half lidded eyes.  Kim Dong-hyub came at him.  “I am , you are not”.  “So, make me”.  Han Tae-sun put his hands on Kim Dong-hyub’s length and began him.  Kim Dong-hyub was enjoying the attention.  They continued breathing hard against each other’s lips.  Han Tae-sun was him slowly and Kim Dong-hyub was ready to come but he wanted to feel Han Tae-sun.  So, Kim Dong-hyub ed Han Tae-sun’ pants and then put his hands down his boxers and felt the hardness and then suddenly it all came crashing in.  ‘I am , hard on top of a guy who is touching me and I have him in my hand and he is hard.’  He suddenly freaked out.   

Even as Han Tae-sun felt a sudden change in the momentum, he still pushed himself in Kim Dong-hyub’s hand groaning.  His one hand was already Kim Dong-hyub and the other one moving in Kim Dong-hyub’s hair.  But he could not ignore the lack of movement anymore and opened his eyes to see Kim Dong-hyub with a panic on his face.  Han Tae-sun groaned.  He was too hot and now frustrated.  “!”  He screamed.  “This is not the time to have a freak-out!” even as his hips moved against Kim Dong-hyub’s hands.  He was already feeling Kim Dong-hyub going limp in his hands and Han Tae-sun just snapped.  “Get off”. 

Han Tae-sun pushed Kim Dong-hyub off him and divested himself of clothes.  Looked around for the bathroom, found one and went inside .  He started the shower and jerked himself off. 

Kim Dong-hyub heard the groans from his bathroom.  He knew it was his fault.  He was not sure exactly how to handle the situation.  So, he put on his clothes and waited.  Mortified, frustrated and slightly sick.

Han Tae-sun screamed from the bathroom for a towel, Kim Dong-hyub hurriedly handed one to him and then Han Tae-sun was out.  He looked angry.  He did not say a word.  He wore his cloths and walked out.

No words exchanged…

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