It was pretty late but Han Tae-sun had to respond to Park Hyun-ki.  So, he finally called him.  Park Hyun-ki responded to the second ring as if he was just waiting around. 

“Hey, Sorry.  I was very busy” Han Tae-sun said.

“Hey, No problem at all.” Park Hyun-ki said as if it did not matter at all.  He was dying to find out if Han Tae-sun would say come over.

Han Tae-sun had originally thought he would invite Park Hyun-ki over and then talk face to face.  But it did not felt right to invite him over just to say it was over.  Park Hyun-ki would be coming over with certain expectations.  He needed to remove those expectations.  So, he had simply decided to tell him over the phone.  It would not really matter to Park Hyun-ki.  He would just call the next guy.  Inviting him and then telling him no was just stupid.  It was not like they were breaking up a relationship.  Both of them would be very uncomfortable and there was no reason for it to get that way.   

“Hmmm.. Hyun-ki, I am not going to be available for now.”  Han Tae-sun said.  It was awkward for some reason.  They both knew what he was talking about.                     

“Hey, that’s fine.”  Park Hyun-ki kept it light despite what he was feeling. 

“Anything going on?” Park Hyun-ki asked.  He swallowed his breath.  Something he had taken for granted was going away and he wondered if he should have made some effort, that he should have paid more attention when he had the chance.  He felt he was being pressed down by heavy stones and could not breathe. 

Han Tae-sun was oblivious.  All he heard was Park Hyun-ki was asking him why he would not be available.  Though he was not sure why he had to explain himself, he felt obligated for all the times they had spent together.

“Hmmm.. I may be getting into a relationship” Han Tae-sun felt uncomfortable even as he said that. 

Park Hyun-ki had already known.  He made himself sound very cheerful.  “Good luck then!”

“Yeah!” Han Tae-sun said drily.  “You can still come over.  We can hang out” Han Tae-sun offered.  He did not sound sincere at all and there was no way Park Hyun-ki could possibly ‘hang out’ with Han Tae-sun.  

“Ha ha.  I need to get off dude and not hang out.  Call me if things don’t work out.”  Park Hyun-ki struggled to keep it together.  “Later” he said and before Han Tae-sun could respond, he disconnected the call.

Park Hyun-ki breathed deeply.  There was no reason for him to feel this way.  There was no connection between them.  It was just .  He had other options.  His industry had enough gays and biuals.  There were enough looking for steady partnership with no strings.  Just because he witnessed a vulnerable Han Tae-sun, he could not suddenly start feeling like this. 

He realized he had liked what he had felt at that moment.  He had felt sudden tenderness towards Han Tae-sun and had wanted to take care of him.  Had Kim Dong-Hyub seen this side before anyone else did?  If Park Hyun-ki had attempted to reach Han Tae-sun, would things be different?

Park Hyun-ki tried to shake himself off of the direction his mind was taking.

‘Am I missing something from my life?”

He missed Han Tae-sun. It scared him.

…..

Kim Dong-Hyub continued to be restless the rest of the day.  His relationship with Han Tae-sun was far too new and far too delicate that any external person having any influence on Han Tae-sun just scared him.  He had to find out if Han Tae-sun was actually meeting Park Hyun-ki.  The thought drove him crazy and if he did not distract himself, he would make more mistakes and ruin any chance he had with Han Tae-sun. 

He had gone back to the movie meeting.  It was almost ending by the time he had reached.  He was the cinematographer and had run out on the meeting abruptly wasting everyone’s time.  They all had looked angry.  Colin was trying to placate them as he had come back.  Kim Dong-Hyub was too distracted but he had apologized and saying something about urgent matter.   They took him at face value.  They were still upset but had no choice but to accept the apology and had agreed to reschedule. 

Colin walked out with Kim Dong-Hyub.

“What happened?  You looked angry.”

“I need to distract myself.  I am going a little crazy” Kim Dong-Hyub said.

“What the is going on man?  Is it serious?” Colin was concerned.

“Can we sit somewhere?” Kim Dong-Hyub asked.  He needed to talk to someone.

They found a spot that worked and sat down. 

‘So, what’s going on?”

“I am driving myself crazy, that is what is going on” said Kim Dong-Hyub.

Colin patiently waited for the rest of it. 

“I got together with Han Tae-sun”

“Wow.  That is big news.  When did that happen?  And what do you mean got together?  You guys did it?” 

“Whoa whoa! Slow down” said Kim Dong-Hyub.

Kim Dong-Hyub was uncomfortable talking too much about this.  It was too personal but if he did not have a sounding board, he would do stupid things.  The intensity of what he was feeling for Han Tae-sun was all consuming.  Especially after that night.  He had not felt this even with his ex-girlfriend.  ‘Now I know why!’ 

“Well, we were hot and cold for a while and then it happened the day before” Kim Dong-Hyub confided. 

“Whoa.”  Colin had his mouth open.  He was curious to ask how it was but decided against it.  He did not really want to know.  If it was a girl, he probably would have asked.  This one did not interest him as much.  But, there was something more he was sure.  He waited for Kim Dong-Hyub to continue.

“So, what’s the problem?”  he prodded.

Kim Dong-Hyub said “We are not on the same page”

Colin did not really understand what that meant.  “What do you mean?”

Kim Dong-Hyub was impatient.  Why couldn’t Colin understand without him spelling out every detail?

He looked at Collin willing for him to understand.  “What do you think it means idiot?”

“I honestly have no idea what you are talking about”

“Argh.  You are no help at all.”  Kim Dong-Hyub sounded exasperated.  Colin was getting really irritated with his friend.  He had a simple, uncomplicated mind.  “Simplify it for me.  I am an idiot” he told Kim Dong-Hyub. 

“He goes out with other guys”

‘Ah!’ That was why Kim Dong-Hyub was angry and frustrated.  Colin was not comfortable with this conversation.  He did not know anything about that life style.  He did not want to judge anything.  He did not know enough about their relationship to be able to offer an opinion.  He was not sure if he could really help in any way.  Why was Kim Dong-Hyub sharing this with him?  What did he expect from him?  Colin had met with Han Tae-sun only once and he had found him to be a rude bastard.  Colin had never understood Kim Dong-Hyub’s interest in Han Tae-sun but Colin was not gay.  There must have been something that had clicked with Kim Dong-Hyub and clearly Kim Dong-Hyub had pursued whatever that was.

But, Colin could not understand how it had escalated this fast for Kim Dong-Hyub. It’s been just couple of months since Kim Dong-Hyub had found out he was gay.  It was because he was attracted to Han Tae-sun at that time and had gone straight to him to talk.  ‘Didn’t he say Han Tae-sun had kissed him experimentally that day and that he was not into relationships?’

How did Kim Dong-Hyub get this deep so quickly knowing fully well what Han Tae-sun was? 

“Did you tell him you don’t like it?”

Kim Dong-Hyub “Of course you ”

“He went out anyway?”

“I don’t know.  It is driving me crazy”.  Kim Dong-Hyub said.

‘What the ?’ His friend was not making any sense. 

“Did he say he was going to sleep with them?” Colin asked.

“No.  He said he was going to tell them the arrangement was off” Kim Dong-Hyub said.  “But we are not on the same page”. 

Colin had enough of this conversation.  ‘What was the matter with Kim Dong-Hyub?”

“Listen you are not making any sense to me.  He said he was not going to sleep with them.  Why is this making you crazy?”

“I don’t like the fact that he will be meeting them again”

This really annoyed Colin.  “You are sounding obsessive my friend.  Even I would not want to hang out with you much less date you” Colin had to tell him brutally.  “No one likes obsessive people”.

“Right?” Kim Dong-Hyub agreed.  “I don’t think I would want to hang out with myself”.

Colin laughed at that.  “You need to back off.” He told Kim Dong-Hyub.  “This is not good for either of you.  Especially you.”

Colin also said, “Don’t you have any girls you can talk to about this?  They are good at this kind of stuff.  It’s too much information for me.”

Kim Dong-Hyub was already feeling better but he understood what Colin was saying.  He was sharing too much.  He was slightly desperate for a sounding board today but this could become a burden for Colin.  He was nice enough today to listen.  He had put things into perspective but theirs was supposed to be an easy friendship.  It was not born out of years of knowing each other.  They had gravitated towards each other because both of them had similar personalities.  They had known each other only after they had both joined this school. 

When was the last time he had sat with Colin and just laughed talking random things?

“Hey, I am sorry” Kim Dong-Hyub said.  Then he changed the topic. 

“So, what did I miss in the meeting?”

Colin relaxed.  This was much better. 

So, they spoke about the movie.  Then Colin said something that made Kim Dong-Hyub laugh.  Then they were back to their old selves and Kim Dong-Hyub could feel his stress drain away slowly. 

……

Han Tae-sun sat in his apartment and thought about the day.  Except for when they had touched each other, Han Tae-sun had been the one who controlled all their interactions.  He had dictated the pace of the relationship.  He wanted to take his time, and let himself feel comfortable with time.  He wanted to ease into this relationship.  He knew he was beginning to care about Kim Dong-Hyub and he had not cared for anyone in a long time.  It was new, it was scary.  It was mostly scary.  That night, he had almost gone and said he loved him and now he was very glad he had not.  Kim Dong-Hyub suddenly had decided they were in a relationship and he could tell him what to do. 

But when Kim Dong-Hyub touched him, he kept loosing himself.  He could not the dictate the pace then.  His body took over and he enjoyed it too much and let himself feel everything.  Especially when Kim Dong-Hyub took control and wanted to possess Han Tae-sun.  Kim Dong-Hyub was aggressive when he had and when he kissed with heat.  He did not know why that turned him on but it just did and it had made him lose himself.  But now, when he was away from that intoxicating physical proximity, Han Tae-sun felt Kim Dong-Hyub assumed he possessed his life.  That was not going to happen.  He needed to breathe and Kim Dong-Hyub was not allowing him to breathe. 

He needed to keep away from Kim Dong-Hyub physically.  He did not want to lose him and that is why he needed to keep the distance right not till Kim Dong-Hyub could figure out how to handle his relationship with him. 

Thinking through this made him feel better. 

He went back to music.

…..