Kim Dong-hyub had finally made up his mind.  May be he was thinking too much about this.  He could not help what he was feeling for Han Tae-sun.  He had tried distracting himself but he simply could not get Han Tae-sun out of his head.  At this time, he did not care what Han Tae-sun was feeling for him.  He reminded himself that Han Tae-sun had cared enough to help him and explain things to him.  Perhaps it was a place to start. 

May be he could clarify he never was thinking long term relationship when he had asked Han Tae-sun the first time.  All he wanted to do was get to know the guy.  It was Han Tae-sun who put that thought in his head and then Kim Dong-hyub could not let that thought go.   Why did Han Tae-sun automatically assume he was looking for relationship? 

He was going to ask Han Tae-sun again and if he says no, that would be it.  He can close that chapter and move on.  He does not have to tell him he was falling in love with you.

He wanted to do this face to face.  So, he went looking for him to the music department.  He did not find him in his usual classrooms or the studio.  So, he sat on the stairs and decided to wait till his next class.

“What are you doing here?” Surly voice asked him.  ‘Why does his surly voice amuses me so much?’ Kim Dong-hyub wondered.  He looked up smiling. “Hi.  Came to see you”.

“What about?” the usual Han Tae-sun. 

 “You are giving me a headache from all this looking up.  Can you sit down?”

“Why don’t you stand up?”

“Really, you don’t give an inch” Kim Dong-hyub stood up while shaking his head and dusting his rear end.

“So, what is it?” 

“Why are you so irritated with me?  I came to talk to you.  How am I supposed to talk when you are acting this rude?” Kim Dong-hyub was getting really irritated with Han Tae-sun’s attitude.

Han Tae-sun sighed.  “Okay.  What is it?”  This time a little more polite. 

“I want to take you out”.  Han Tae-sun opened his mouth to say something.  Kim Dong-hyub stopped him.  “Before you say anything, I am not asking you to be my boyfriend or something.  Don’t you go out with your friends?  Think of it that way.  Let’s just get a beer or something”

Han Tae-sun looked at him carefully, still a scowl on his face.  “You told me to off the last time”. 

“That was because you were ing acting like my parent.  Make good choices!.  I have already told you I don’t want you as my mentor.   Me coming out to you does not make me your responsibility.”

“My apologies for caring” Han Tae-sun said with his own brand of sarcasm.

Kim Dong-hyub did not want to raise his voice.  There were too many students walking around.  “That is why I want to talk to you.  How about it?  We can’t have this conversation standing here”

Han Tae-sun said okay.  His face softened a little bit.  “When?”

“You tell me.  Today, tomorrow, weekend?  I can make it anytime.”

“I can do today” Han Tae-sun said. 

“Alright then, let’s meet at that café we went last time.  Will 6 do?”

“Okay, see you then”

Finally!  An opportunity for a sensible exchange.

…..

They met at 6 at the café.  This time Kim Dong-hyub was waiting and waved at Han Tae-sun when he came in. 

“Hey”. 

Han Tae-sun sat with his arms folded on his chest.  Almost pouting.  Kim Dong-hyub looked at him.  “Why do you look like you are going to hear something unpleasant and preparing yourself?”

Han Tae-sun “Should I?”

Kim Dong-Hyub “Are you capable of having pleasant conversations?”

Han Tae-sun “Nice weather we are having today”.  Kim Dong-hyub laughed.  Han Tae-sun still had his arms folded on his chest and same surly expression.  It was just too funny.

Han Tae-sun “Your turn”

Kim Dong-Hyub “Mmm, let me see.  I had fun at the club the other day.  Met with your friends.  Colin had fun with that girl”.  He was still smiling. 

Han Tae-sun “I heard.”

Kim Dong-Hyub “What did you mean when you said make good choices?”

Han Tae-sun “It does not matter.  You said you don’t want a mentor.  So, do what you want”

Kim Dong-Hyub “But what did you mean?  I want to know.”

Han Tae-sun always found it difficult to have long conversations.  This topic was not making him comfortable.  He sighed.  He had asked for it.  He did send that message.  The least he can do is try and explain himself.

“You went to a gay club.  I did not want you to make any foolish mistakes.  Guys pick up other guys in those places.  So…. You get the gist” he gestured with his right hand, arms still folded across the chest.

 “Ah.  Okay.  So what I am going to say next will ease your mind.  I have made up my mind about something” Kim Dong-hyub said.  Just then the waiter came along to take their order.

When waiter left, Kim Dong-hyub was quiet.  He was trying to find the best way to say what he had to say. 

Han Tae-sun started getting impatient.  He tapped his foot.  “Why should I care?”  But Kim Dong-hyub knew he was impatient.  Han Tae-sun was burning with curiosity. 

So Kim Dong-hyub told him “Oh, you will care.  I want you to be my first”

Han Tae-sun did not show any emotion on his face.  He kept the charade of boredom and surliness.  But his stomach suddenly felt as if some warm liquid was poured inside.  His heartbeat quickened.   He needed to relax a little bit and let that sink in. 

Kim Dong-hyub watched him carefully, trying to read the expression.  He saw his jaw clench.  ‘Good’.  At least some reaction.  Han Tae-sun was putting on a façade.  But he finally unfolded his hands and put them in the pocket.  Leaned back on the chair he was sitting.

“It will be hard for you after that.  No one else will compare.”  Kim Dong-hyub could not help but laugh at that.  That line was delivered with complete dryness and Kim Dong-hyub was not sure if he knew how funny Han Tae-sun was. 

“I will be the judge of that” Kim Dong-hyub said while laughing.  No matter how rude or arrogant Han Tae-sun got, it simply made Kim Dong-hyub laugh. 

“Jokes aside, I don’t want to be your regret”.  Han Tae-sun said.  He was still staring intently at Kim Dong-hyub.  That confused Kim Dong-hyub.  “What do you mean?”

Han Tae-sun sighed.  This guy can be really dumb sometimes. 

“You look like a guy who attaches meaning to your actions.  So, your first will mean something to you.  I don’t want you to regret it.  Plus I am not into s”

Kim Dong-hyub was finally beginning to understand what was going on.  He ignored the bit about s.  He did not blush at the mention of .  When he thought he was straight, he had plenty of .  He knew he will figure that out.  So, Han Tae-sun was actually afraid.  Which also meant he cared.  He was hiding it behind all the snark but he actually cared enough that he did not want Kim Dong-hyub to regret his decision.  Suddenly something else occurred to Kim Dong-hyub.  Han Tae-sun had texted him about the club and subsequently was very irritated with him.  Was he jealous?  Does he know he is actually jealous?

Kim Dong-hyub was finally beginning to feel certain amount of control in whatever was going on between them.  Now, he had to make sure Han Tae-sun became aware of his own feelings and did not run away from them.  He had to do it in a way that worked with Han Tae-sun.  He was really good at pushing away and that is what he has been doing all this while.  Because he cared.  ‘Whoa’ Kim Dong-hyub thought.

“Did you think I came to this decision overnight?  I thought you wanted me to make right choices.  Do you want me to do this with a random guy then?” 

Han Tae-sun ignored that question.  “You know I sleep with Hyun-ki.  I also sleep with Woo-bin.  Doesn’t that bother you?”

That bothered Kim Dong-hyub.  He suppressed the hurt he was feeling.  He already knew.  There was no reason for Han Tae-sun to bring that up right now.  But that is what you get.  Han Tae-sun will try his best to push him away.  Even deliberately hurt him to see how much he can take.  Kim Dong-hyub wondered if things would change if Han Tae-sun simply let the wall down and opened himself to the possibilities.  Why is he this way?

Han Tae-sun wanted to see a reaction from Kim Dong-hyub about his sleeping habits.  It was the truth and there was no reason to hide it as they were all being open.  He had already made that clear last time as well.  He could not understand himself but he wanted to see how much Kim Dong-hyub was willing to take.  He might as well regret thinking of sleeping with him rather than regret sleeping with him.

He saw hurt.  Kim Dong-hyub was trying to suppress it but not all that well.  ‘May be sometimes I go too far’ Han Tae-sun thought to himself.

“It bothers me but I already knew it.  By the way, do you get tested?  You seem to be sleeping around.  They seem to be sleeping around.  Isn’t it dangerous?”

Han Tae-sun bristled at that.  Kim Dong-hyub had touched a nerve. Well, if he can dish it out, he should be able to take some of that himself. Kim Dong-hyub saw Han Tae-sun clench his jaw.  Folded his arms around the chest again.  Walls were back up.  But he at least answered the most important question.  “Yes, we all get tested and we all are careful while sleeping around”.  He rolled his eyes when saying ‘sleeping around’.

They both were silent for a while.  Using the time to eat the burgers they had ordered.  They both knew each was hurt.  But both of them were matured enough to know each had been responsible.  So, they stayed quiet for a while.   It was not the most comfortable silence. 

Finally Han Tae-sun broke it.  “So, now you know we are not a good fit”. 

“What?  Nope.  I still want you to be the first” Kim Dong-hyub said.  They were too serious there for a while.  So, he laughed and added “May be then I will sleep around.  I will know what to do”. 

“May be I won’t let you” Just as he said that, Han Tae-sun wanted to take that back.  He coughed.  ‘How do I take that back?’  “… know all my secrets”.  Cough. Cough. That was extremely awkward.  “May be I won’t let you know all my secrets” Han Tae-sun inwardly cringed and hoped Kim Dong-hyub did not notice. 

Kim Dong-hyub looked down.  That sounded almost possessive.  He was right.  Han Tae-sun cared enough.  But he did not want to show Han Tae-sun what he felt.  Han Tae-sun was awkwardly trying to correct himself and Kim Dong-hyub let him.  He kept it light.  “Well, in that case, I will stick around till I learn all the secrets” He laughed.

More silence.  Both were wondering.  Where did the awkwardness come from?

“Does that mean a yes then?” Kim Dong-hyub asked. 

Han Tae-sun said “My place or yours?” 

“What, now?”

Han Tae-sun “What? You want dinner and a movie?”

…..