Park Hyun-ki was getting a little desperate.                

He had not heard from Han Tae-sun for many days.  It was very unusual.  He had called Woo-bin who was both of their alternate.  “Have you heard from Han Tae-sun lately?” Nope, he had not heard from Han Tae-sun. “I did call him couple of days ago but he said he was busy” Woo-bin had said.

It was mostly Han Tae-sun who initiated these ‘booty’ calls.  It was frequent enough that it was very rare for Park Hyun-ki to call him.  As he had not heard from Han Tae-sun for a while, he had decided to call.  Han Tae-sun had not answered the call.  So, Park Hyun-ki had left a voice mail.  “I was thinking of coming over today.  Call me to confirm”. 

Now he was desperate.  He had not heard from Han Tae-sun yet.  It was already evening.

He remembered that night.  The night where he saw Han Tae-sun vulnerable for the first time.  Han Tae-sun was so cold all the time that Park Hyun-ki hardly ever felt anything around him.  Theirs was mostly a very superficial relationship.  Bits and pieces gathered about either others’ lives during random conversations rather than being interested in each other.  Park Hyun-ki knew Han Tae-sun had a difficult coming out.  Everyone did.  He had not known anyone who was out of the closet that had had it easy.  But Han Tae-sun had always appeared more effected than anyone else he had known. 

Park Hyun-ki also knew there was something that had happened with that popular singer Oska.  Han Tae-sun had all his albums in his apartment.  While browsing one day, Park Hyun-ki was surprised to find Han Tae-sun’s name as part of the credits on one of Oska’s album.  He had asked Han Tae-sun about it and Han Tae-sun had said he had worked on it.  It was long time ago.  There was pain in his voice and Park Hyun-ki had not pressed.  It was clear something had not worked out and Han Tae-sun was not over it yet.  Oska was a happily married man.  Logic dictated that it was one sided. 

Other than that, all he knew about Han Tae-sun was what everyone else knew.  He was a talented composer, producer, sang great, composed music for popular bands and had enough money to take care of himself.  He also knew that Han Tae-sun had been a model for over 7 years starting very young though he had reduced his modeling gigs in the last couple of years.  He was a senior in the profession to Park Hyun-ki when he had started modeling though they were of the same age.  He remembered bowing to him politely when he was introduced and he remembered Han Tae-sun’s disdained expression.  He was not approachable then and he was not approachable now.  Seniors did not really pay a lot of attention to juniors.  But at a party after a runway show, when they were all drunk, when no one really cared who was doing what to whom and everyone had appeared to have been making out with each other, Han Tae-sun had made out with him just because he was sitting next to him.  How he knew Park Hyun-ki was gay, he had no idea.  They were all mostly drunk and no one had cared.

That was how the whole thing had started.  They had exchanged numbers.  Han Tae-sun had called him three days after that night.  A simple “Want to hang out?”.  He had gone, mostly flattered and curious why a senior was calling him.  And then when he had reached, Han Tae-sun was blunt.  “I am gay.  I was looking for partners”.  There was no emotion there.  Park Hyun-ki had not minded.  He had said yes and they had started a ual relationship that had just become routine.  Later he had learnt he had a relationship with Woo-bin as well but it was not as frequent.  He had not thought a lot about it then.  He was just happy that he had a partner to get off with, without the worry about dangers of their lifestyle.  Having steady partners was good and safe.  They were always careful.  Very aware that each of them could have other partners.  They also knew they called each other first. 

He remembered having that conversation one day when Han Tae-sun had asked him if he had many.  He had said he just had two.  Han Tae-sun was surprised to find it was Woo-bin.   Han Tae-sun had confided in an uncharacteristic way that he was his first choice.  Park Hyun-ki had admitted to the same thing.  That was the last time they ever discussed each other’s lives.

Park Hyun-ki sighed.  Why was this sudden ache?  Since that night, when Han Tae-sun had looked so vulnerable, Park Hyun-ki wanted to take care of him not just ually.  But Han Tae-sun had snapped.  It was clear it had something to do with Kim Dong-Hyub. 

The first time Park Hyun-ki met Kim Dong-Hyub, Han Tae-sun had called him, Woo-bin and couple of other models saying there was this guy he had met who was coming out of the closet and he wanted them to help.  It was a rare call for Han Tae-sun to make.  He had a reputation and everyone was in awe of him.  So, when he had called, they were flattered to be called and were happy to hang out together.  It was very obvious Kim Dong-Hyub had a crush on Han Tae-sun and it had just amused Park Hyun-ki knowing Han Tae-sun.  ‘Poor guy.  Han Tae-sun is not the guy for you if you are just coming out.  He is a cold bastard’.  He had not said it loud but wanted Kim Dong-Hyub to feel comfortable, knowing too well how difficult it was to come out.  He had chatted with him and had liked him. 

He had also noticed how Han Tae-sun had kept looking at Kim Dong-Hyub.  Following his every move, staring intently every time Kim Dong-Hyub had laughed.  Narrowing his eyes any time he touched Park Hyun-ki or Woo-bin.  It was interesting to see that.  He remembered being a little overly intimate with Han Tae-sun that day and a sudden change in mood.  Kim Dong-Hyub had looked a little disturbed no matter how he had tried to hide it.  After he had left, he had looked at Han Tae-sun enquiringly and Han Tae-sun had just snapped at him. 

Next time he saw Kim Dong-Hyub, Kim Dong-Hyub was with this straight friend and again Park Hyun-ki remembered liking the guy.  He was easy.  Not too much angst despite his circumstance.  He was cheerful, laughed a lot and looked to be a happy person.  But his veiled questions about Han Tae-sun clued in Park Hyun-ki that there was something there.  He had felt sorry for Kim Dong-Hyub.  They had exchanged numbers. 

He was more observant than many of his friends.  That night, it was clear there was something going on between the two of them.  He had not liked it.  If Han Tae-sun had decided to finally feel, he should have considered Park Hyun-ki. That was how he had felt as he had walked out of Han Tae-sun’s apartment that day.  Han Tae-sun had looked miserable but had snapped at Park Hyun-ki.  It had hurt Park Hyun-ki more than he had acknowledged at that time.  At that time, he wanted to make Kim Dong-Hyub feel the way he was feeling.  Han Tae-sun was miserable anyway.  Might as well make it three.

All these thoughts ran in his head as he looked desperately at his phone, waiting for a call or a text.  The least Han Tae-sun could do was confirm or deny.  There was no message. 

‘Should I just go to his apartment?’  Park Hyun-ki thought to himself. It was a bad idea.  He did not know what Han Tae-sun was up to and he could not possibly go there without knowing if he was there.

He finally gave up.  He did not want to call anyone else.  It was Han Tae-sun he wanted to see.  ‘May be tomorrow. ‘

….

Han Tae-sun heard the voice mail left by Park Hyun-ki when he had a break from his classes.  His thoughts were filled with Kim Dong-Hyub and he ignored the voice mail for a while.  But he knew, he had to deal with it.  Park Hyun-ki was planning to come to his apartment today.  He could not just not answer.

He needed to let Kim Dong-Hyub know. 

He let his mind wonder on what had transpired just two nights ago. 

After Kim Dong-Hyub’s first gay , they had become even more heated.   Kim Dong-Hyub definitely enjoyed being dominant.  He was even bolder the rest of the night after Han Tae-sun had confessed he liked being dominated.  It removed him of his responsibility and allowed him to just enjoy everything that was being done to him. 

Sometime during the night, Kim Dong-Hyub had inserted his finger into Han Tae-sun whispering “I am ready for this”.  Han Tae-sun had just groaned with need with Kim Dong-Hyub inside him.  It had felt just right and perfect.  It was an exhausting night.  Both had slept in the wee hours of the morning.  Han Tae-sun had just drifted into sleep in Kim Dong-Hyub’s arms without a care in the world.  He had decided to simply let go that night and had ignored the dark voices that randomly kept rising every time he felt happiness.  ‘Go away’ he had told them. ‘I am too happy’.  Han Tae-sun marveled that it was Kim Dong-Hyub’s first time.  It had felt as if he knew exactly what to do or say to make Han Tae-sun hot and wanting. 

Han Tae-sun was hot and bothered thinking about that night.  It was two days ago and Han Tae-sun could not wait to do that again. 

“I need to meet Park Hyun-ki today” he texted Kim Dong-Hyub.

Kim Dong-Hyub called him immediately.  “Why are you meeting him?”                                        

“He left a voice mail.  It was one of those calls.  I need to talk to him.”

Kim Dong-Hyub was annoyed.  “Let’s get together then.  Where are you meeting him?  I will join”

“Are you kidding me?” Han Tae-sun asked extremely irritated.  Having dominant is one thing.  He did not want to be dominated every minute of his life.  “Let me deal with that”. 

Kim Dong-Hyub “Han Tae-sun, don’t you dare sleep with him”.

That just made Han Tae-sun angry.  Did Kim Dong-Hyub really think that he would sleep with him?  He had been in control of his own life for a long time now.  Despite whatever Kim Dong-Hyub felt, there was no way he could tell him what to do.  He needed to trust him.  Especially, when Han Tae-sun knew exactly what he was doing.  He was planning to tell Park Hyun-ki their arrangement would be coming to an end.  Theirs was a ual relationship but after all the time they had spent together, least he could do was to talk to him face to face.  He did not feel the need to explain this in detail to Kim Dong-Hyub.

“Don’t you tell me what to do” he bristled at Kim Dong-Hyub.

Kim Dong-Hyub was angry.  “Don’t you dare sleep with him Han Tae-sun” He said it again.

“I am going to end this call now” Han Tae-sun said and disconnected.

Kim Dong-Hyub wanted to fling his phone to the wall but his better senses prevailed.  He needed to find Han Tae-sun and he needed to find him now.  Teach him what relationships meant.  Han Tae-sun could not speak to him like that and he was going to make sure he understood.

All this transpired when he was in the meeting with the movie team.  He had excused himself when he saw the text.  They looked at him warily.  Collin was there and he looked alarmed.  No one knew he was gay.  Collin knew.  But he did not know how far he had come with his relationship with Han Tae-sun.  Kim Dong-Hyub had not told him he was in love with Han Tae-sun.  But right now, all they saw was that he looked angry.  “I need to go” he said abruptly.   He did not wait for anyone to respond.  At this time, his dream project mattered little to him.

He walked to the music department.  He called Han Tae-sun but Han Tae-sun was not picking up his calls.  He was not exactly sure how he was going to get Han Tae-sun alone but he would find a way before he left.  Before he met Park Hyun-ki.  He would remind him what mattered.

Everyone was inside the class rooms.  He knew Han Tae-sun schedule by now.  So, he went directly there.  He did not care of the consequences.   He knocked on the door and told the teacher there was an urgent message for Han Tae-sun. Teacher called out to Han Tae-sun.  Han Tae-sun looked up.  He had not yet seen Kim Dong-Hyub.  Teacher told him there was an urgent message and he got up from his seat all confused.  Then he saw Kim Dong-Hyub at the door.  He knew what this was about but he was trapped.  He had to go out if he did not want it look suspicious.  So, he picked up his things, and bowed to the teacher and left the classroom.  He did not look at Kim Dong-Hyub.  He was fuming inside and tried to stay calm. 

Kim Dong-Hyub followed him very aware of where they were.  When he found an opening, saw no one around, he just pulled Han Tae-sun’s backpack, slammed him against the wall and said “Tell me you are not going to sleep with him”.  Han Tae-sun looked at him.  Everything about this situation having very conflicting reactions from him.  His body was and he wanted Kim Dong-Hyub to kiss him senselessly and may be even bruise him.  His mind told him he did not want to be controlled and he wanted to lash out and tell Kim Dong-Hyub to leave him the alone. 

Kim Dong-Hyub reacted to his body’s response and kissed him.  Both of them forgot they were in school grounds and it would not bode well if they were found out.  At this moment, they were just lost.  For Kim Dong-Hyub it was anger and for Han Tae-sun it was pure lust.  Han Tae-sun moaned against Kim Dong-Hyub’s mouth and that just made Kim Dong-Hyub press himself against Han Tae-sun more.   Even when Han Tae-sun got lost with whatever was going on with his body; it was Kim Dong-Hyub who said again “Don’t sleep with him”.   That woke up Han Tae-sun. He opened his eyes and looked at Kim Dong-Hyub and did not feel like fighting.  He felt weak.  “I was never planning to”. 

Kim Dong-Hyub said “Good”.  He released him.  “When are you meeting him?”

Everything about this felt wrong to Han Tae-sun. This was just too much possessiveness.  Love or not, he could not be constrained this way.  He had not been constrained this way ever in his life and everything inside him rebelled.  But, looking into Kim Dong-Hyub’s eyes, he knew this was not the moment to rebel.  Kim Dong-Hyub was too angry, too bothered.  He had to get a semblance of control.  He softened his stance.  “I was just going to tell him our arrangement was going to end”. 

He then struggled against Kim Dong-Hyub. “Can you let me go?  Do you know where we are?”

Kim Dong-Hyub let him go.  Finally his senses were coming back to him.   He breathed.  He always thought he was a very rational person.  What he felt for Han Tae-sun combined with Han Tae-sun’s reluctance to admit to this relationship awakened something primal inside Kim Dong-Hyub.  He knew he was being irrational.  He could not help himself.  If he wanted positive things for them, he needed to let go a little bit.  Even if his entire being wanted to possess Han Tae-sun, he knew he would just lose him if he continued being this way.  So, with all the mental strength he could muster at the moment, he let Han Tae-sun go.  He felt scared.   “I am sorry.  I love you”.  He said to Han Tae-sun.

Han Tae-sun felt uncomfortable.  He wanted to protect his relationship with Kim Dong-Hyub but he knew he was not ready to be controlled this way.

As Kim Dong-Hyub let him go, and as they became free of body contact, both felt the awkwardness.  Han Tae-sun had heard Kim Dong-Hyub say “I love you” but he did not want to hear it.  He closed himself off.  He closed his eyes and said “I am going to go now”.  He turned around and despite the urge to just run, walked slowly.  Kim Dong-Hyub watched him walk away, fighting his urge to make Han Tae-sun stay.  Even if that involved him tying him up and carrying him.  He knew that would not make Han Tae-sun stay even if it would make him .

…..