A state of chaos, a best description of Sandara's mind at the moment. She even took a leave today to straighten herself up. Even her brother Sanghyun notice her indifference. It was the first time ever that she didn't talk when she accompanied her brother to school.

To say that Sanghyun was shocked could possibly be the understatement of the decade. He was worried about his sister but couldn't voice out his concern, he knows her unnie would only lie about being bothered. He decided he would let this slide for now.

“Take care on your way home unnie!,” he said this while waving goodbye, silently praying she would go home safe with her condition.

Upon arriving in their home, Sandara literally looks like life have been out of her. She was ecstatic on meeting Jiyong but at the same time she's worried that her association with him would destroy his reputation. She's a fangirl herself so she knows how possessive being one could be. If they know of her friendship with Jiyong, they might literally bury her with hateful words. But that doesn't bother her at all, she's more concerned about how it would affect Jiyong's career. Knowing Jiyong's reputation, he would probably protect her and that scares her the most. 

She could already see the impending doom that may happen if they go on with whatever they do. Her heart couldn't bear the thought of making Jiyong's life complicated. He's the pillar to her strength and if he breaks down, she wouldn't know how to make it better. She knows pain and she couldn't give that to him. She couldn't be the sunshine Jiyong sees in her. He's so wrong. She's not wonderful. She's miserable and empty inside.

When her mind couldn't take the process of overthinking anymore, she decided to write poems which reflect how wrong it is to be connected with Jiyong. Huh, connected, an operative word to describe such a blessing in disguise and curse at the same time.

Entry #111:

“Can You Be?”

Be cautious,

when you talk to me

Dear,

I take your every word to heart and mind

Be gentle,

when you become so caring

it only takes a second,

for my heart to leap when you lean

Be indifferent,

just let me break away

because it will be so much

easier this way.

Entry #112:

“Fragments”

It's the cracking sound of my toe knuckles

The pause in between midways

It's the uncertainty that lies behind closed doors

It's a story that ended before it even began.

Entry #113:

“Like A Leaf”

Do you ever stop to wonder what's out there?

The things you can't see,

the voices you can't hear

scared that you'd be left in tears.

Entry #114:

“Only You Can Set Me On Fire”

An unsettling feeling

Crept under my skin

Brought shivers down my spine

Like a fuel

Waiting to be lit

A fire that wants to be ignited

Crushed, soon this will perish

No, maybe it's the scent everywhere

Waking up another personality

Or perhaps it's how things look

How the flowers wither when seasons change

How ants always pack when it's about to rain

I'm not quite sure anymore

Why I'm thinking, thinking of trivial things

I force, will my mind

To know these things

it's the only way

to forget,

to shove away the currents,

to temporarily make you disappear

from my silent mind made only for you.

Entry #115:

“Press Play”

It was the way your eyes lingered,

Longer than it should

It was how you held my hand,

Protectively, I thought I'd melt

It was how you spoke,

Of things I never knew

It was how you close your eyes,

Not worrying about anything

It's all the things you do

That make my heart beat rapidly

I know it shouldn't be that way,

Because our story can never be played.

Entry #116:

“Absolute”

I knew it,

Our hands perfectly fit.

Entry #117:

“Cornerstone”

A space,

where I can freely say my thoughts

without doubts or fear of judgment

I feel relief and love,

even when the spotlight's

centered on me

Such is the power of friendship,

cheesy but everything falls into place

when you know someone understands.

Entry #118:

“The Best Dream”

It was too good to be true.

When I saw you,

I let myself exist

and be alive in it

I'm afraid to take another step

Don't let me take one

I beg of you, beg of you

Let me remember this,

the good ones only so we may never

have to take a risk.

---

Sandara was too absorbed writing poems, hoping to ease the ache in her heart. Oh God, she missed Jiyong. She don't know what to say if she ever texts him. It's not as if they were close to put a claim or to demand time from him. Her thoughts were disturbed when she heard a knock from her door. Sandara was confused as to who would bother coming at 2 pm in the afternoon. Both Sanghyun and her don't receive visits so it's quite surprising.

She remembered paying their rent just a few days ago so it couldn't be their landlord.

“Ssantoki, Ssantoki, open the door!,” the man outside shouted.

There could only be one person who would call her Ssantoki and that's Jiyong. How could he have known where she lives?

“Ssantoki, I know you're there inside. You didn't come to work today.,” the man from the other side of the door insisted.

When Sandara still didn't welcome the visitor, the man outside threatened her, “If you don't open this, I would have to ask help from the media to locate you.”

At that exact moment, Sandara was forced to open her door, “Why would you even put up a threat like that? Are you not concerned about what would happen to you? You coming here might attract media to come here, are you sure you've covered your tracks well? You shouldn't be careless like this Ji. I'm not that important to cause you problems.”

Sandara was too caught up ranting at Jiyong, it escaped her peripheral view that there were four more people outside her door.

“Uhm, could we interrupt for awhile? Maybe, we should go inside because you two are causing a scene.,” Daesung suggested, but deep inside he was getting a lot of feels just by watching the two.

All the members looked at each other knowingly and they were both thinking of the same thing – Sandara and Jiyong looks like a couple already.