As 'pathetic' as it sounds, Jiyong thought of walking along Bronte Beach. It may not be the most romantic thing he could do for his Ssantoki but he wants to show her where usually goes when he is most vulnerable.

The ride to the beach was enveloped by the sound of the radio and a soft snoring in the background. Jiyong smiled from the driver's seat, his Ssantoki is sleeping like a princess. She insisted to come with him, even though, obviously, she's tired from observing during the concert.

It's 3:30 am in the morning when they arrived. “Ssantoki, we're here,” Jiyong whispered, as he pat Sandara's shoulders.

“Hmmm,” Sandara mumbled.

When they went out, Jiyong was surprised at Sandara's reaction. She run along the sands of the beach, twirling and laughing her heart out. She really looked like a kid who was finally given permission to play outside with other children alike.

“Ji, thank you! I really love the sea. It's been a long time since I came to one,” Sandara said, her eyes twinkling with joy.

“I'm glad you like it here,” Jiyong said, glad his plan did not disappoint.

“Who wouldn't? The view is amazing and currently, there are no people here which is good because you don't need to wear a mask. Right?”

"Yeah. I guess so," he replied, satisfied that she thought of his safety again.

As always, Sandara is not thinking about herself. She always think about others and it is what Jiyong like about her the most.

They walk along Bronte Beach, once in a while dipping their feet in the cold touch of the sea. When they got tired, they went back to the car and Jiyong laid out his prepared picnic mat and baskets.

“When did you prepare all these?”

“I ordered all of them. I'm absolutely sure you know that I can't cook.”

Sandara nodded in agreement. “You don't know how to cook but you can do other amazing things that an average person can't perform. Before, when I didn't know you I wonder what you do every day. How do you start your day? Do you have time to rest because you do so many things from being a composer, singer and conceptualizing for your collaborations with fashion designers? Plus, you even run your own business. ”

“Do all fans think like that?,” Jiyong said, suddenly curious about what his fans really think about him.
 

“I can't tell. Though I know many people are worried about you when you're busy. We want you to make new songs but at the same time we also want you to rest. We like seeing you often but if you don't have time for yourself, we worry that you're going to be sick. Sometimes we demand too many things from you but it also feels like our decision is always in-between because we want you to be at your best state. We don't like forcing you. What if you get unhappy and you decide not to come back? Just know that if you decide to stop singing altogether, fans will get heartbroken. But if it's for the better, we will always support you. Fans worry about things like that.”

Jiyong went silent. He knows his fans love him and he feels the same way about them. But to hear it from a fan's perspective, he felt touched that they are concerned about how he feels. There were times before that he felt he was being pressured by fans.

“Do you want to know what I fear the most Sandara?,” Jiyong spoke softly.

Sandara did not respond. She didn't know what to say. He can share what he wants to tell her. She's not going to impose on him.

Jiyong continued, “Last time, I said I don't care about what others say just as long as I get to do the music I like. But right now, I think everything changed. I don't want to disappoint my fans. They're already a big part of my life. During concerts, when I see them all hyped up with our songs and sometimes looking teary-eyed, I feel great that we evoked such emotions upon them. But what if there comes a time, they won't like what I or Big Bang do anymore?”

“Does it really matter Ji? I don't think you'll do something your fans will not like. You always think of new things and you write songs that tell emotions buried deep inside you. Your songs are you, and your fans will never hate you for that,” Sandara said, hoping Jiyong will stop thinking about such negative thoughts.

Jiyong let his tears fall, unashamed that he is defenseless in front of Sandara. He hugged her, seeking to gain comfort in her arms.

“I wish you will never hate any song I make in the future.”

Sandara replied, “I never will. I promise.”

Jiyong moved his gaze at the tranquil sea and shifted the conversation, “Sandara, do you have a boyfriend?”

Sandara giggled, a bit appalled at Jiyong's question. “I don't have the luxury or time to have one,” she answered.

“Does that mean if you have a chance you like to have one?”

“Yes. I mean, almost everyone feels the same way. It's just that the person I like, he's not going to be mine ever so I'll probably remain single forever,” Sandara jokingly said.

Jiyong felt a certain jumpiness inside his chest. Sandara already likes someone. Should he still continue with his confession? Inside his mind there's a battle on whether it is right for him to proceed, but he knows he might not have another opportunity at this.

“Will you date an idol Sandara?”

Sandara surely knows the answer. She has always been 'infatuated' with Jiyong and will tell her suitors to go away because they can never be as good as Jiyong. But won't her feelings be transparent the moment she gives away if she answers yes to his question?

Yet she still said, “It depends. I don't want him to suffer because he's dating an inferior like me. But what I know for sure is if I love him, I'll do what he wants.”

Silence. A whirring sound from afar. A slow gust of wind. Waves rushing and birds flying in the air.

Jiyong said, “I like you Sandara.”

“This can only happen in one's wildest dreams, at least for a fan like me,” Sandara replied.

Jiyong reached for Sandara's hands before caressing her face, “This is reality. I like you. I really do. I've never felt like this for a long time Ssantoki.”

Sandara cried, her dreams are came true. But it can't be. She knew she has to let go of this one.

“I can't be the one for you Ji. I think we both know that,” she said.

“Why?” Jiyong's shoulders deflated with Sandara's response. Does she really like someone else?

“I'm me and you're you. I can't be the rope that pulls you down,” Sandara said.

“Give me a month Ssantoki before you decide. Let me court you,” a desperate Jiyong pleaded.

Sandara closed her eyes. Why is Jiyong making this hard? What did he ever see in her? She's not suited for him, to taint him with her nothingness will only inflict pain upon him.

She sighed, “Fine. But I can't promise you anything Ji. I always did things by myself and when you came, things changed.”

“Is it a bad thing to take care of you? I know you're afraid. You've always carried everything upon your shoulders.”

“I don't think I can handle losing you Ji. It's better if we stay as friends.”

“What if we're better together Ssantoki? Let's try and take things slowly. Cast your burdens upon me. I don't really care because I feel so strongly about you,” Jiyong retorted.

“You might think like that now. But your perspective will soon change. I'm not as good as you portray me to be,” she said.

“We make mistakes Sandara. But our mistakes doesn't define us. Our past can't haunt us the moment we change.”

Sandara can't help but feel weak. Jiyong is crawling inside her barriers, jumping from the high walls she made all these past years. Will it be worth it?

“Let's try this for a month. But only a month. After that, you have to let me go if I tell you no. We'll be back as friends just like before,” Sandara pleaded, her forehead creased with worry.

“I promise. Thank you Ssantoki,” he said as he kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.