I hear the garage door shut. I guess he left. Good! At least he leaves me alone for now. I open the door of my bedroom and take a walk around the house. I have lived here for almost a year. This place becomes my second home. There are so many sweet memories. The piano over there is where Jae Joong sings for me every morning as he believes that he looks much better under the morning light. The sofa over here is where we cuddle every night while watching TV, mostly shows that have him but I learn to love it.

 And the dining table over there … that dining table is where I have the first dinner with Si Won, my pitiful Si Won. My knee drops on the floor just thinking about that night. He was so handsome, so charming, so full of live, but now …, now he is forever resting under the cold ground. My chest hurts so much just thinking about that. I don’t think I can handle this. I don’t think I can continue living in this house and pretend like nothing happened. I have to go. My time is up. It’s almost a year. The promise that I made with my father, I guess I should keep it. I come back to my room; put all my belongings to the suitcase but why my heart is so heavy? Why am I crying? I am about to come back home. I am about to see my father. I should be happy. Why am I crying? Is it because I am leaving this house? Or is it because I … am leaving him?

Oh God! Why am I hurting so much right now? Should I leave? Or should I not? Si Won oppa, please answer me! What should I do oppa?

Oh right! You can’t answer me because you were …

I got to go.

I have to go.

And I am leaving. The cab is waiting for me. The driver helps me to put the luggage in the trunk. I look at his house the last time. I take a deep breath, trying to suppress my tears but it was a failure. I quickly step inside the cab before I change my mind. Should I tell Jae Joong that I am leaving? I guess not. If I tell him, he will never let me know. And I am not sure if I will be able to leave if I see his face. Probably not. So just to stay on the safe side, I am leaving without telling him, not even a letter.

Sorry Jae Joong. But … I have to go. I had enough fun in Korea. My dream, my fairy tale, they all started here and they should end here. I am coming back to where I belong, come back to my kingdom, my castle, and my reality. I know my old king is waiting for me.  

I arrive at the airport. I bought the ticket and walk to security gate. For some reasons, I turn to the crowd and waiting. I am waiting for a scene as in drama where my man will appear from the middle of nowhere, holds my hand, and tells me “Please don’t go.” But of course since this is not a part of a drama, despite how long I have been waiting, my man has never showed up. I don’t even know why I am waiting. I didn’t even tell him that I am leaving. Maybe, I just want to make up an excuse for myself to hang back here a little longer, to hold on a little fairy tale that I once believed in a little longer. But then again, miracle doesn’t happen. It is my boarding time, I have to go.

As I am sitting inside the airplane, l look outside the window for the last time.

 Goodbye Korea.

Goodbye my prince.

 My tear drops as the airplane starts flying. So this is the end of my love, of my fairy tale, of everything. I am coming back home.

I open my eyes and the airplane is landed. It would be so nice if everything was just a dream. Unfortunately it was not. Truth is still truth. My heart is still heavy and my soul … I don’t know where my soul is anymore, probably still lost somewhere in Korea. Hopefully, it will find its way back to me one day …

I don’t know how my father knows but my chauffer is already waiting for me in front of the gate. He probably checked on my credit card again.

“Welcome home, Miss.” – Mr. Thomas, my chauffer respectfully drops down his hat and bows at me. This is the kind of treatment that I used to, be respected by people.

“Thank you.” – I say with my head and chin up. I have to put back my princess posture. I am no longer a maid or a grade C actress. I don’t have to please others any more. Now I can be who I am. I let him handle my luggage and walk straight to the car.  

America, I’m back.

The chauffer takes me straight to the house where my father is waiting for me, I suppose.

The butler happily opens my car door and offers his hand for me to walk out of the car.

“Welcome home, Miss. We all miss you very much.” – I rather close to my butler. He has been working for my family since as long as I remember. Because my father was always busy, I spent great amount of my childhood with my butler. He watched me grow up and took very good care of me, better than my mother I am sure since she didn’t spend a single day of her life taking care of me.

“Thank you. I miss you too.” – I give him a kiss on the cheek. It is how we greet. I am still American after all.

“Your father is waiting for you in the dining room. Dinner is ready. Would you like to wash up first?”

“No, I’m fine. I can’t wait to see my father.”

“He misses you very much, Miss.”

“I know.” – I rush to the dining room. Of course my father had misses me very much. That old man only has me as family. I was such a bad daughter, letting my lonely old father home alone. When I passed my teenage years, I once asked him to remarry but he said he didn’t want to share the love he had for me to another woman. My old man is stubborn but what can I do? He loves me too much and I love him very much too.

“Daddy.” – I squeal, almost sound as I am crying. I think I spread a tear or two. It is overwhelming seeing my father after a long year. My father looks even older than before I let. He probably stayed up too many nights missing me. Since I was not around, he probably skipped too many meals. He clearly lost too much weight. My pitiful old man! How can a successful multi-billionaire likes him can’t even take care of his own health. He even has his private doctors. They clearly didn’t do their job then.

I run to his welcome arm and kneel down on the floor and rest my face on his lap.

“How are you, daughter?” – My father caresses my head, still as gentle as he did before. No matter how old I am, when I am with him, I still feel as a 5 years old

“I’m good, daddy. How about you?” – I ask, lift my head up to take a closer look at my father face. I know that he wasn’t very well after I left.

“I am still great as always, just miss my daughter very much. Tell me, how life treats you in Korea?”

I exhale sharply. How was it? Good? Bad? Happy? Painful? Too many emotions that I don’t even know where to start.

“It was tough, isn’t it?” – He probably reads my answer through the deep sigh.

I nod my head lightly – “Yeah, I was indeed tough.”

He nods his head lightly a few times – “Life outside the castle is always tough but at least you learned something new, didn’t you?”   

“Yeah. Too many new things that couldn’t be seen inside the castle, daddy. The life out there is rather colorful.” – I answer him, tired. Just thinking about those things happened in Korea exhausts me

“Were you happy over there, daughter?”

Was I? I guess I was. I found my prince. Two of them actually. They loved me a lot and I loved them very much too. I used to be happy with the short times that I had with each of them. But I was sad too. I am still sad. I had 2 princes and now I lost them all. Such an ironic ending …

“I don’t know, daddy. I was, I guess.” – I answer him, low voice. I should tell him that I supper happy so he wouldn’t make fun of me for running away from home to experience a harsh life. But in his arm, I can’t lie. I think he can feel my depression.

He doesn’t make fun of me, only keeps caressing my hairs. – “At least you had a happy time. It was all that matter.”

He is right, despite all the sadness, each of them did bring me the happiest time of my life. They both loved me with all their heart. Even though they both lied to me, I know they just tried to protect me. They both cared about me very much. Unfortunately, at the end … I can’t end up with either of them at the end. After all, fairy tale is just fairy tale. I should forget about all the memories in Korea. It was just a dream. I was Alice in Wonderland and now I am back to my land. Thing will get better. Time will heal.

Or will it?

I hope it will because the pain in my chest is still hurting me very much. I hope that American modern medicine will be able to cure me, cure my pitiful heart. It has gone through so much the last year, too much emotion, too much laughing, too much crying. It wasn’t healthy.

You will be ok, heart.

You will be ok.

I will be ok …

Will I?