I feel like a thunder just flash through my ear. I don’t even know how long I have stare at my prince for. My entire body is paralyzed. It takes me a while to get my sense back.

“What … what are you saying oppa?” – I am stutter from shock – “Are you kidding right?” – I put on a wry smile.

“I am not.” – My prince answers without hesitation.

I am at lost. Did he just say that he is not kidding? I look at Jae Joong and Jung Eum, hopping that can explain to me what is happening but they both are avoiding my eyes contact.

“But … but we are dating, aren’t we?” – I ask, trying to swallow the big plump in my throat. I hold my breath, waiting for his answer. This is not happening. He must be joking. They are probably just pulling some prank at me. I am waiting for one of them bust out of laughter and yell out “Got you.” But none of them are. Their faces are very serious. They all avoid my eyes contact except my prince.

He looks straight in my eyes – “Our relationship is yesterday story. Starting today, Jung Eum is my girlfriend.” – He says, cold as ice.

His face has no remorse, no apologetic, no feeling at all. He should say sorry right? Somewhere in his sentence earlier should have an apology for stabbing my heart right? He should feel bad. He just did a terrible thing to me. He just crushed my soul but he said it as nothing at all. As I have no value, no meaning to him at all. As I just some kind of toy that he played yesterday and today he gets sick of it and chooses a new toy.

His face is absolutely has no apologetic feeling. His handsome charming face just cuts my heart. My heart is bleeding, really bad. I can feel it from the inside. I am bleeding internally. My heart is falling apart. I’m in pain, so much pain. It is unbearable. I need an ambulance. I think I am dying. I lam losing my mind. A part of my soul just escaped somewhere. I have to take it back. I can’t live half alive. My soul, give me back my soul.

 Why is he doing this? Why here? It is not true, no it is not true at all. I can’t accept that. It is not his style. It is totally not him. It is not the prince that I know. The prince I know is a gentle and caring person. He would never hurt me. He has a kind heart. He loves me, I know he does. I can feel his love.

I know him.

Or maybe I have never known him at all. Maybe all the beautiful things he did, all the sweet words he said were just a part of an act. He is a good actor after all. Maybe he just acted a perfect drama in front of me for the last 3 months and I was enjoyed myself too much without realizing that it was just a drama and I unknowingly was the main female lead.

 I know there is no such a good and perfect person like that exists in the world. He was too perfect to be true but I, as silly and clueless as I always was, kept convincing that he was the last perfect man alive in this world. I should listen to my father when he said fairy tale is illusion and the prince on white horse has never existed. I should listen to my father, my wise father. I were naïve, too naïve, to be cheated on one time to another. Why I never learned at all. I thought that I would find true love if I don’t have money but it doesn’t seem true at all. Money was not the reason for my unfortunate love life. It was all because of me, because I was always too clueless, too trusting, and too dreaming.

Prince? Cinderella? Absurd! There are no such things like those in real life. I am just a stupid hopeless romantic. I smirk. I should cry but I can’t so I smirk. I have a pride to keep. My father taught me never cry in front of the person that hurts me, it only pleasure them. I keep my head up and look away from him. I stay that way for the entire event. I don’t spoke to any of them, not a single word. I can’t. if I do, tears will come out of my eyes so I choose to keep silence. None of them have interest in talking to me anyway. That’s good. I don’t want anyone to talk to me right now. Just leave me alone.

The event end, I walk straight to the car without looking at any of them, especially the man that just killed my heart. He is not worth my glance. I think Jae Joong is following me but I’m not sure. I don’t pay attention to any one anymore. I try my fastest to get into the car. I need to go home right now. I feel suffocated. I can’t breathe the same air that my so called prince breathing anymore. I have to leave this place. I enter the car and Jae Joong quickly closes the door after me. The car hurriedly departs. I press my face on the window and keep staring at the dark street out there. I am still doing well holding my tears. My mind is blank for now. I can’t think no more.

The car quickly drops us off in front of Jae Joong’s house. I walk straight in first without saying goodbye to Ji Soo oppa. I have to be ill-manner for today. I will apology to him tomorrow. I just can’t function right today. The stupid long dress keeps troubling my step. Even the dress he bought me wants to hurt me too. Finally it completes its mission. I fall, stepping on that very beautiful fancy dress – the first and last gift from him. I twist my ankle. It’s hurt. I don’t know if it is really hurt. I can’t feel anything. The pain in my heart is too great for me to acknowledge any physical pain.  But I cry. Not because of the ankle pain, it is just an excuse for me to cry out the pain in my heart that I have been holding the last 3 hours. That pain is unbearable.

I am hurting too much. Why did he do that to me? Why gave me so much love, so much hope then take them all away? How can he be that cruel? What did I do wrong? I only want love and be loved. I only want a true love. Is it too much to ask for? Why? Why? Why me? Has he been toying me the whole time? Has he ever honestly loved me? Has any of his words been sincere? Why? I want to scream out those questions but I can’t speak.  I keep choking on my tears. I sob very loudly. Everything becomes blurry in front of me. I can’t see anything clearly. I can’t see my future anymore. Why did I come here in the first place? My stupid fairy tale adventure! I left my home, my father, my status, my comfort life to hunt after my dream and this is all I get, a broken heart. This is the price I have to pay for chasing after my dream. How can I be so stupid?

I am in so much pain that I am not aware Jae Joong has been sitting next to me. – “Are you ok?” – He asks, softly, the softest voice that his mouth has ever spoken. Why is he talking so soft to me now? Is it because I’m look pathetic? Is he pity me for choosing a player over him? I don’t need his pity.

“I’m fine. My ankle is twisted. That’s all” – I says, trying to collect a little bit of my pride back.

He doesn’t response to me but suddenly, he puts me in his arms and carries me inside the house. My tears stop dropping from surprise. He is really carrying me in his arms, cool and firm. I can’t help but keep staring at him while he is looking ahead. His eyes are sad. Is he sad because of me?

 He slowly puts me down on my bed, disappears somewhere for a minute and comes back with a warm towel on his hand.

Without a single word, he carefully messages around my twisted ankle and suddenly he twists my feet to the left. It is painful that I scream but immediately after that I feel release. My pain is gone. Did he just cure my twisted ankle? Wow. I didn’t know that he can do thing. Maybe I have been underestimating him.

“Do you feel better now?” – He asks as his hand gently puts the warm towel over my ankle.

“N-ne” – I softly say, trying to move my feet to make sure that he didn’t break my ankle.

“That’s good” – He says then sits down next to me. – “Do you want to talk?”

“Talk about what?” – I know what he wants to talk about but I play dumb. I want to avoid that topic as long as I can. I don’t want to talk about that, if I do I will cry again. I don’t want to cry. I have no more excuse to cry. I am not crying again, not in front of him. I don’t need any empathy, not from him.

“It will be better if you speak it out, you know?” – He says. Now he wants to be a psychologist. When has he started caring about whether I feel better or not? He just wants to make me speak out my pain so he can laugh at me for choosing Si Won over him. That sly fox! I won’t let him achieve his goal. He will be the last person I want to talk to. I will rather talk to my knee than talk to him. At least my knee will not bully or make fun of me.

“Speak out what? I have nothing to speak out.” – I yell at him, frustrated.

“Why are you being so stubborn? I try to be nice here.” – He screams too. I know he can’t act nice for too long.

“Why are you yelling at me for?” – I scream back, my tears start dropping. I tell myself that I cry because I am mad at him but in fact I cry because the pain in my chest is at the unbearable point again. I am not crying for myself but for my heart. Today is my heart’s funeral. It died. A cruel prince chopped my heart up today. Now it died. It is broken to pieces; I am broken to pieces too. My entire body is shaken from my devastated cry.

But then, he hugs me. He hugs me tight, so tight that I can feel all my broken pieces are sticking back together. I didn’t know that a hug can be this powerful or maybe only because it’s from him. I feel care and love in his arms. I feel warm. Warmness spreads through my body but my tears can’t stop falling. My sadness is still there. My pain is still there. I putted too much hope in that relationship and this time it cuts me too deep. I keep on crying in his embrace. I wet his shirt with my tears but he lets me cry. He doesn’t say anything, only lends me his arms and lets me cry. Maybe he has a good sense that I need silence. Yes, silence is all I need right now, no words can describe my pain or soften my ache. I only need to cry. I read somewhere that “tears are God’s heatshield wipers. They clear the dirt from our heart so we can see the path clearly.” So for now, I will let God do his job and clean the dirt inside my heart.

I keep crying to my sleep hoping my heart will be revived tomorrow ...