Written by: "Tofu"
Pairing: YaDong

Prompt: "Everyone thinks we're dating, but I honestly don't see it at all."

(4,606 words)

 

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You know that saying right? “The one who loves more is the one who hurts more.”

Those words really strike me in the heart when I think about them, because they are so true. A perfect example of how I feel, just because I love my partner more than he loves me. I just wonder why did things turn out this way? Howon and I have known each other for years.

 

 

We met back in our last high school year through common friends and we’ve been hanging out ever since. At first I didn’t really like him because he was rather quiet and I’m a very sociable person, I talk all the time. I think he was rather annoyed by my presence during the first few weeks but then he started opening up to me and we found out that we share many common interests - we liked the same movies and music, and we even supported the same football team. He would always laugh at my jokes no matter how lame they were but I’m a rather funny person so I think those laughs were sincere. People say that the last year in school flies away really fast, I never believed that because guh, school was so boring and every day was practically the same but it turned to be truth and the year really passed in a flash. By the time I knew it I was already with a diploma in my hands and preparing for university exams.

I didn’t know but it looks like Howon and I had been aiming for the same university and we both got accepted! It wasn’t planned really, it just happened like that. I cut connections with some of my friends after high school but I couldn’t really imagine my life without Howon in it, so I was really glad that we will be attending the same university. We became even closer if that could be possible. We spent our breaks together and laughed at other people on the campus, it was so much fun.

During the weekends we went out – we went to the cinema or just hanged out at the park, we played games like basketball or football. We were practically together 24/7. Maybe that is why everyone thinks we’re dating but I honestly I don’t see it at all. I mean, of course I do love him but as a friend and nothing more. At some point our friends started joking around us, that we act like a married couple and that we should just move in together. We laughed along and I never felt offended by their words.

It had all died out for a while but one day that stupid choding Lee Sungyeol, brought those jokes up again while we were having lunch at the cafeteria.

“Aww, look at that. Howon gave his rice to Dongwoo. Howon, you are being too obvious, do you really like Dongwoo that much?” Sungyeol said while stuffing his own mouth with rice, his cheeks almost exploding from the amount of food.

I was about to kick Sungyeol under the table, because damn, he was asking for it! But Howon’s words stopped me.

“And what are you going to do if I like him?” Howon said in a bickering tone.

Everyone at the table was caught off guard. Howon always had that stoic expression so you could hardly tell when he was joking, but after being friends for so long I knew that face very well. He was being serious.

But Sungyeol just laughed it off along with the lines, “Chill dude, I was just kidding.”

I glanced over at Howon but he had the same expressionless face, I wanted to ask him what he meant by those words but I didn’t have the courage. Because maybe, his answer would’ve turned my world upside down.

I think that since that day, things changed a little.

I was well known for being a skinship maniac. As I mentioned before, I’m a quite friendly person and I always touch my friends a lot. My favorite target was Sunggyu-hyung’s but shht that’s a secret! So of course Howon and I touched each other quite often. He always sat close to me or put his arm around my shoulder but after that fateful day I started noticing that he doesn’t really like touching other people. He would just brush shoulders for a moment with others or slap their hands away when they tried to get to close to him.

But with me, he was totally not like that, from time to time we even shared a hug and he really liked patting my back or hair and from the corner of my eyes I could see that he was smiling while doing those things.

I started noticing that he treats me differently, that maybe I was something more to him and that maybe he was also someone special for me.

 

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“Sunggyu-hyung.”

“Huh, what is it now, Dongwoo? I’m trying to study.”

Sunggyu and Dongwoo were in the library, preparing for their exams or more like Sunggyu was trying to do so and Dongwoo was doing everything but focusing on the book in front of him.

“D-do H-howon and I really act like a c-couple? ”

Sunggyu lifted up his head and played with the pencil in his hand. “Is this about what Sungyeol said?”

Dongwoo shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about it for some time. Maybe everybody’s jokes went too far, I don’t know. I’m just wondering about it these days.”

Sunggyu started munching on the rubber of his pencil rather amused by this conversation. “Honestly, at some point I really thought you guys were dating.”

Dongwoo’s eyes grew large. “W-what? But w-why??”

“You spend a lot of time together.”

Dongwoo made an ‘O’ face.

“But it’s not just that.” Sunggyu continued. “I think you can somehow understand each other even without words, you are always there for each other. Besides, the looks Howon throws you sometimes are a bit… disturbing.”

“W-what looks?” Sunggyu threw his pencil on the table and smacked Dongwoo’s head. “Ouch, Hyung! What was that for?!”

“You really are dumb, aren’t you?” Dongwoo looked kind of pissed for a second, well he wasn’t the brightest person in the world but who likes being called an idiot? “It’s like he’s undressing you with his eyes. Seriously, those stares must be illegal. God knows what dirty thoughts are running through his head.”

Dongwoo’s ears turned red. “Howon is not like that! Don’t say such things about him!”

Sunggyu could swear he was seeing steam coming from Dongwoo’s ears so he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “I’m not saying it’s bad. I believe he really likes you and he just can’t control those things.”

Sunggyu smiled and patted Dongwoo’s hair. The younger one hid his face with his hands, trying to hide his red face.

“Aah, Hyung! Stop it, really!!”

“That’s just what I think. What about you? Do you like him, Dongwoo?”

Dongwoo fidgeted on his chair, wondering if he should say those words out loud, because if he did, that would mean he was finally admitting the truth.

“I-I think so.”

“What was that? I don’t think I heard you.”

“I-I like Howon, okay! Did you hear me now??” Dongwoo said in a louder voice but not too loud, because he was in a library after all, he didn’t want to be kicked out.

“Yes, I heard you. Actually, I think we both did.” Sunggyu said while pointing behind Dongwoo’s back.

Dongwoo turned around and saw Lee ing Howon standing a few metres behind him, his usual blank face replaced with a shocked one.

Oh my god?! Did he really hear me?! W-what is he doing here?!?!

Dongwoo faced Sunggyu and grabbed onto his shirt. “H-how long has he been standing there??”

“Hmm, I noticed him while I was your hair. If looks could kill, I assure you I would’ve been dead by now.” Sunggyu laughed.

“T-this is not funny, Hyung! Did you make me spill the beans on purpose??”

“Maybe. I get tired just by looking at the slow progress in your relationship, so I lent you a hand. You can thank me later.” Sunggyu gathered his books and made his exit.

“Dongwoo.”

The said boy froze in his place, not daring to lift his head. He could feel that Howon was just behind him, judging by how close his voice was. A white bag was suddenly shoved in his hands.

“Your ice cream.”

Dongwoo opened the bag and saw 3-4 different flavored ice creams on his lap. “But, why?” His voice was quiet, it was more of a mumble to himself than a question to Howon but the latter still heard him and answered.

“You texted me about an hour ago. You said that Sunggyu-hyung was torturing you in the library and that an ice cream would really save the day so I brought some. I didn’t know what you felt like eating so I just chose the ones you like the most. Well, I should get going now.”

Howon put his hands in his pockets and walked out of the library.

Dongwoo’s eyes got teary as he wrapped his hands around the small white bag. It was full of cold ice cream but for some reason it was burning his hands. Lee Howon, you idiot. Dongwoo grabbed his backpack and ran after Howon.

He saw his target on the street and hit Howon’s head with the ice cream.

“Ouch!” Howon was about the get angry that someone hit him but he recognized the white bag and the now melting ice cream. He turned around and saw Dongwoo; a very sad and upset Dongwoo.

“Why did you just leave?” Dongwoo’s voice was shaking although he really didn’t want to show his nervousness. Howon just remained at his spot without saying a word. “You heard what I said in the library! Why didn’t you say anything?? I thought that-”

Dongwoo’s words were interrupted by Howon’s lips on his. Dongwoo couldn’t really process what was happening in the beginning (yes, really not the brightest person you could meet). But when Howon tilted his head so he could have a better access, Dongwoo finally got a grip of himself and bit Howon’s lower lip.

“Ouch! Now why did you do that?” Howon asked, with his usual blank face.

“W-what do you mean w-why?? What were you doing?!” Dongwoo said rather fast.

“I was kissing you.”

Howon was a man of action, not words as you can guess.

“I figured that out! I’m not that dumb. B-but why?”

“Because you wanted an answer.” Howon paused and grabbed Dongwoo’s shoulders. “I never wanted to burden you with my feelings. I’ve been in love with you for a very long time but you never noticed. You always treated me as a friend and I thought that was okay. But just now after you followed me, I just couldn’t care less.”

Howon wrapped his arms around Dongwoo and gave him the warmest hug possible.

“I really like you, Jang Dongwoo. Would you be my boyfriend?”

Dongwoo’s legs gave in at that point but he managed to utter a ‘yes’.

You can’t really say a lot changed between them after they started dating. Some of their friends were quite shocked when they heard the news, others let out a sigh of relief along with the words ‘It was about time.’ Dongwoo was a fluffy ball of happiness as usual and Howon even smiled in public from time to time, what a record!

The only thing that maybe changed was the touches they shared.

They kissed and cuddled a lot, well not in front of people because Dongwoo was too embarrassed to do that, not like Howon cared anyway.

 

 

It was almost Christmas and Dongwoo was torturing Howon. “Come oooon!! Say it!”

Howon shook his head.

“But why? It’s a great way to great the others during Christmas!”

Another shake. What Dongwoo was so desperate to hear were the words ‘My name is Ho-ho-hooo Merry Chritsmas!’ Yes, Jang Dongwoo could be a genius sometimes.

“Everybody would laugh at me. I don’t want to. You can give me a ‘pet’ name if you want. Just don’t make me say that.” Howon pleaded.

Dongwoo’s ears perked up at those words. Pet name?! He’s being waiting for this moment!

“Hmmm…. There are many adorable things I can come up with.” He tapped his finger on his chin but then he saw the slight grimace on Howon’s face after the ‘adorable’ thing. Dongwoo secretly chuckled at that.

“Hoya.”

Howon tiled his head.

“What?”

“It’s rather simple but I think it fits you. What do you think?” Dongwoo smiled.

Howon cleared his throat. “Well, it could’ve been worse.”

Dongwoo pouted.

“I’m joking. I like it, it sounds nice.”

And Dongwoo’s smile returned. “Hoya it is then!”

 

 

They both liked joking around a lot and they liked playing games with bets. This time they played a simple rock-scissors-paper and Hoya lost because he threw rock and Dongwoo threw paper. So now Hoya was fulfilling Dongwoo’s wish which was a piggyback ride.

Dongwoo wrapped his arms around Hoya’s neck and swung his legs like a little child.

“Stop moving so much! You’re heavy! I might drop you on the ground.” Hoya sneered.

Dongwoo loosened up his grip and poked Hoya’s right cheek. “Boo, my taxi is being so talkative. Is it my fault that you always throw rock?” Dongwoo said, trying his best not to laugh out loud.

“Real men always throw rock!” Hoya defended himself.

“So then the real man should be able to carry someone on his back.” Dongwoo won the argument with that statement.

“That…” Hoya bit his lip. “… w-where does my beloved customer want to go?”

“Hooome!” Dongwoo screamed in Hoya’s ear and the latter kind of lost his balance but continued walking with big steps, because he could hear Dongwoo laughing behind his back, literally.

 

Dongwoo was really tired that day so kind of fell asleep on Hoya’s back, it was rather comfortable and warm to his surprise but Hoya’s voice woke him up. “Come on, get off. We’re here.”

Dongwoo opened his eyes and rubbed them.

What is he talking about? We’re not at my place. Wait, this is-

“But I told you I want to go home. Why are we in front of your apartment?” Dongwoo was a quite impatient person and he didn’t like it when he didn’t get an answer. He started moving and Hoya took that as a sign he should let Dongwoo down. Finally with two legs steadily on the ground Dongwoo faced Hoya and urged him to answer.

Hoya scratched the back of his head. “This is also your home, you know.”

Dongwoo just stared at him.

“Well, it’s quite lonely to live all alone…” Why doesn’t he get it?

Dongwoo stepped back, thinking carefully. “Are you asking me to move in?”

Eureka! Yes, Lee Howon really was a man of action. This is how you ask your lover to come to live at your place. And it should be surprise to no one that Dongwoo jumped on Hoya, screaming yes!

 

 

But as people say, every relationship reaches the point ‘trouble in paradise’.

They still had conversations like usual, hanged out and spent time together but something felt different. Then suddenly Hoya gave Dongwoo the ‘cold shoulder’. He became sort of distant and Dongwoo really couldn’t figure out why. He didn’t do anything wrong to deserve this treatment.

It was especially bad because they were living together and sometimes Hoya dared to ignore Dongwoo, well not completely but still. He would back away when Dongwoo approached him and that really hurt the latter’s feelings. Dongwoo couldn’t help but get worried.

Is he tired of me already? No, that can’t be it. We haven’t been dating for that long. Besides, he’s the one who said he had liked me for a very long time. Maybe it doesn’t matter who falls in love first, maybe it’s about who falls deeper? And that would probably be me. Yes, I get attached a way too easily and this is not some toy from the store, it’s Howon we’re talking about. I guess that’s the problem. Maybe I just love him more than he does love me. But what’s so wrong with that?

It's what Dongwoo believed and he thought it would be easy, but it had been over a week since Hoya started acting like that and Dongwoo couldn’t really handle it anymore so he was now at Sunggyu’s place – dead drunk. And Sunggyu never thought he would have to witness such a scene with his own two eyes.

“Dongwoo, stop drinking. It’s the first time you’re actually doing it and I think those two bottles were more than enough.” Sunggyu said as he snatched the third bottle away from Dongwoo’s hands before he could open it.

The younger didn’t even notice, he was already too unfocused to pay attention.

“Hyung.” Dongwoo laid his head on the wooden table in front of him. “Maybe he’s cheating on me.”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. “Seriously Dongwoo, what are you saying? Even if you turn into an ugly frog Howon wouldn’t abandon you.”

“Then why won’t he even look me in the eyes?!”

“Well.” Sunggyu paused and sat closer to Dongwoo, patting his head. “How should I know that, dummy? He’s your boyfriend. Just ask him. Dongwoo?”

Sunggyu forgot that when someone played with Dongwoo’s hair he got sleepy and he was already dozing off due to the alcohol. Sunggyu got up and dialed Hoya’s number who picked up right away.

“Hyung! Do you know where Dongwoo is? He’s not at home and he’s not picking up his phone!”

“He can’t pick up, because he’s sleeping.” Sunggyu snorted on the other side of the line.

“How do you know- wait. Is he at your place?”

When Hoya arrived he did not expect to find a very annoyed and angry Sunggyu at the doorstep. “What?” He said while taking off his shoes.

“What do you mean ‘what’? What have you been doing lately, Howon?”

“I don’t get what you mean.”

“Dongwoo is drunk.” Sunggyu hissed.

“W-what? But Dongwoo never drinks!”

“My point exactly.” Sunggyu said as he saw Hoya dashing into the living room.

Hoya saw Dongwoo who was curled up like a ball on the couch, sleeping soundly. He knelt down and caressed Dongwoo’s back. “His stomach is weak. He would be in pain tomorrow.”

“I knew it.” Sunggyu said as he entered the room. ”Dongwoo is just dramatizing. He said you’ve been acting weird lately and he came here depressed, all for nothing I see.”

“So this is because of me?”

Sunggyu nodded. “You two seem perfectly fine to me. What was he freaking out about?”

Hoya bit his lower lip.

“I-I might have been acting a bit strange these days.” He admitted.

“What?” Sunggyu asked as he sat on the couch next to the sleeping Dongwoo.

“It-it’s none of your business, Hyung. I’ll handle this.”

“You better do so or someone might steal him away.” Sunggyu remarked.

Hoya wrapped his arms protectively around Dongwoo. “What do you mean by that?”

“What? Why are you looking at me like this?” Then Sunggyu made a face. “Yah! Lee Howon! What are you thinking?! Me and Dongwoo? That’s just disgusting!”

“Then why did you say it?”

“God. I was just talking hypothetically. Am I the only other person on this planet? Anyway, won’t you both get out of my house?? I want to go to bed already.”

Hoya was still not convinced with Sunggyu’s words but he wanted to go home too. He shook Dongwoo a bit, wakening him.

“Come on, Dongwoo. Let’s go.”

Hoya helped Dongwoo to get up and the boy staggered out of the room with difficulty.

 

 

Dongwoo shifted on the bed, his throat felt dry. His head hurt like hell but he felt that someone was at the bed, watching him.

“Gyuuu, give me some water.”

Hoya’s left eye twitched at those words, because he was the one sitting on the bed next to Dongwoo. But he followed Dongwoo’s wish and got him some water from the kitchen. Dongwoo’s vision was still blurred and he was in a daze but he took the glass that was offered to him.

“Thank you, Hyung.”

“It’s me, Dongwoo.”

Dongwoo spit some of the water when he realized whose voice that was and the rest of the water stuck in his throat making him choke. Hoya rushed to his side and wanted to his back to ease the coughing but Dongwoo just slapped his hand away. He regained his composure after a minute and locked gazes with Hoya, but the latter looked away right away.

“So now, you’re treating me nicely? Maybe I was invisible during the past week?”

Hoya sat on the bed. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like that.”

“Then why did you act like that? Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?”

Dongwoo’s voice sounded hoarse and Hoya couldn’t feel more sorry.

“It’s all me! You didn’t do anything wrong. I just needed some time.”

Dongwoo was puzzled. “Time for what?”

Hoya hung his head low. “Self control.”

Dongwoo still couldn’t get it.

“To restrain myself from touching you.”

Dongwoo’s eyes grew large and he shook Hoya’s shoulders. “Why would you do that?! Are you nuts?! I really like making out! I thought you liked it too.”

“I do. Too much actually.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I just don’t want to hurt you. Like that time…” Hoya looked away reflecting on his actions.

That time? What does that mean? Wait, when did he start acting weird again?

Dongwoo really was lost in his thoughts when it finally hit him.

He remembered what he and Hoya did the day before the idiot started acting weird. They almost went all the way. Up until that day they had played a lot, but that night it was the first time Hoya used his fingers and well, that really did hurt a lot.

“You were in pain. I hurt you. I’m really sorry, Dongwoo.”

Dongwoo clenched his fists.

“What are you doing?” Hoya asked him.

“I’m trying my best not to hit you, because I think you really deserve it.”

“What?”

“That was it?! What the hell?! Well of course it would hurt, of course I would be in pain!”

Hoya nodded to those words. And that was just with fingers…

“But who cares about that! Since I made the choice to be with you I knew it would come to this someday. I’m more than prepared for that. It’s not like I thought you would be the bottom. It was clear from the start. Seriously, is that why you stopped last time?”

“I really didn’t want to stop but it looked like you were dying.” Howon said in a regretful voice.

Dongwoo was just dumbfounded. “What nonsense are you spitting? I can’t die from that! Nobody-”

“Actually, I’ve read some stories in which people share that-”

“Yah! Lee Howon!”

“Okay, okay...”

Dongwoo massaged his temples. “Why did you have to run away from me like I was the plague though?”

Hoya hesitated a bit before opening his mouth but he knew Dongwoo did not like waiting for an answer at all. “I tried acting as usual. It was okay at first. But then on Friday, when we watched that movie, you fell asleep.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Dongwoo tilted his head.

“You fell asleep on my lap.”

“And?”

“And you started drooling at some point.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“That really . So I kind of started having all those wild thoughts and I decided it’s better to stay away.”

“……………”

“…………..”

“Say that again.” Dongwoo dared.

“I feel like I’ve already dug my own grave but if you insist-”

Hoya’s words were cut in because Dongwoo started throwing his ‘chicken’ punches at him. Was he really trying to hit him or that’s just all strength he had? Hoya didn’t know but he just smiled and obediently took the ‘beating’.

But soon Dongwoo’s power ran out and gosh, that tired him out quite a lot. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Promise you won’t avoid me again.”

“I promise.”

“Now give me a kiss.”

Hoya leaned forward and pecked Dongwoo’s lips then backed away. Dongwoo pouted.

“What was that? I couldn’t really feel a thing. Give me a longer one.”

“You know, you really shouldn’t provoke me like this right now. I’ve been trying my best to hold back during the past week but if you temp me like this I don’t know what I might do. This time I maybe won’t be able to stop.”

Dongwoo hugged Hoya, he smiled when he heard how fast his heart was beating. “Idiot. Can’t you see that’s exactly what I want.”

“You’re sure you won’t regret those words later?”

“Absolutely.” Dongwoo answered and gave Hoya the biggest smile possible.

 

 

And so Hoya showered him with all the love in the world, all night long and Dongwoo kind of really did regret his words later, because he couldn’t walk properly for days.

Hoya was indeed a man of action.

 

 

In the morning, Dongwoo was very exhausted but he managed to get his phone out of his bag which was on the floor. He wanted to call Sunggyu and apologize for yesterday but he couldn’t find his number in his contact list.

Hoya sensed Dongwoo’s movements and hugged him from behind.

“What are you doing?” He asked in a deep voice, still sleepy. He used a lot of energy last night after all.

“I’m looking for Sunggyu’s number. Tch, did I save it under a stupid name or something?”

“Oh, his number, I deleted it.” Hoya admitted and left a kiss on Dongwoo’s neck.

Lee Howon, a man of action. Proved – 100%.

“You did what?!” Dongwoo turned around.

“He’s weird. Maybe he likes you.” Hoya scrunched up his nose.

Dongwoo gave him the same disgusted face as Sunggyu did last night. “Oh my god! What are you imagining?? You and your brain, awesome teamwork as usual.”

“I’m being serious!”

“That can never happen, besides Sunggyu is already dating someone.”

Hoya raised his eyebrow. “What? It’s my first time hearing about it. Who is it? Is it someone I know?”

“Maybe.” Dongwoo said with a mischievous grin.

“What’s with that?? Who is it?? Tell me!”

Time for payback. Dongwoo thought.

 

 

After these events Dongwoo learnt that there’s no such thing as ‘one person loves more’ and ‘the other loves less’. If a relationship was a strong one and the feelings were mutual, one should really not trouble his mind with things like that. Dongwoo learnt that people just express their love in different ways. Some did it with words, others with silence, third with actions. But none of that mattered, because those people had someone dear and precious to them, someone who they loved and someone who loved them back and that, that’s what real happiness was.

 

 

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A/N To whoever requested this! I hope you are pleased with the result and Merry Christmas! ^-^ It’s my first time writing Yadong but I tried my best! The prompt screamed angst!! But I changed the story a few times xD haha I just had to make them an adorable and funny couple, you have Dongwoo in it… it can’t be without some crack hehe ~.~