Written by: "Purply"

Pairing: Woogyu

Prompt: Based on Sunggyu's song "Alive". Mostly angst, but with a happy ending, if possible.

Author's Note: I’m not so good at angst ;;

Kim Sunggyu likes to think he’s not complicated.  He’s straightforward, honest, polite, patient... But just like anyone else he has priorities, goals, and limits, and he reached his limit about two weeks ago.

Or actually, quite longer, when he snapped at Woohyun for being far too clingy and requiring undivided attention for incredibly extended periods of time.  Sometimes it felt like he was looking after a love-starved 5 year old rather than spending time with his 19 year old boyfriend.  He started realizing it when he’d find himself studying into the late hours of the night, loosing sleep because of it, while most of his day was taken up by the male.  He knew it was becoming a problem when his grades started slipping as well.

It really sunk in when he received his latest exams from various classes, his grades varying from low B’s to low C’s.  It didn’t help at all that Woohyun was asking him to put it down and worry about it later while he was reviewing what he got wrong.  Sunggyu couldn’t believe his ears.  He lost it.  There was a lot of yelling on his part with a shocked Woohyun as the only audience.  He doesn’t remember everything he accuses Woohyun of, but he remembers the last part of it quite clearly.

“So I’m the problem, is that what you’re saying?  You care more about your grades than me?”

“You don’t really think I came here to meet you by chance and date you, did you?  We’re in college!  What rational reason do you think I’m here for!?”

He remembers the hurt expression on Woohyun’s face that was quickly replaced by something he’s never seen on the other’s boyish face before, “So then I guess I don’t fit anywhere in your college plans.”

“I didn’t say that!  All I’m saying is I need a break from this!”

Their gaze is hard as they stare at each other for a moment before Woohyun turns away in order to locate his bag.  It isn’t long before he reaches for it and says one last thing,“Take as much ing time as you want.”

That’s the last time he talks to the younger raven haired male.  He hasn’t received even a single text message from him since then. 

It was wonderful the first couple of days, he got everything done, he slept well, he did any extra work he could to bring his grades up on top of having to attend his part time job of tutoring at the school.  He’d be lying if he said the fight wasn’t in the back of his mind throughout it all.  He’d forget about it for a few hours but it would resurface when he was idle, with nothing to do.  He convinces himself that he did the right thing, that Woohyun would understand because he was in the same boat.  They need to prioritize classes.  It’s a well needed break for both of them.

But it was only a matter of time before they actually saw each other.  They shared a number of friends, so it wasn’t long before he saw Woohyun leave one of the spots just in front of the campus dining area where they met their usual group of friends.  At first Sunggyu thought it was just a coincidence that Woohyun would leave just before he arrived, but it became clear that Woohyun was avoiding him.  They knew each other’s schedule exceptionally well.  Woohyun knew the time Sunggyu got out of his last class and where he would head after, and Sunggyu knew Woohyun attended practice three days out of the week.

It took even less time for their friends to figure out something big happened between them.  It wasn’t long for gossip to travel among acquaintances.  Nam Woohyun is a soccer athlete and in turn is well known by a lot of people and has friends in different groups.  As it so happens, everyone knew Kim Sunggyu as Nam Woohyun’s boyfriend.

“Are you okay?”

Sunggyu looks up, breaking away from his thoughts to see his roommate standing at the door.  The brunet arrived home and was sitting on the living room couch in complete silence.  He didn’t realize he’d zoned out for such a long time, “I’m fine.”

“It looks like the weight of the world is on your shoulders,” his friend says, “Wild guess, it’s about Woohyun, isn’t it?  At this point, what else could it be about.”

“I’m sorry my stupid love life is affecting you too, Hoya.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem if you did something about it.”

Sunggyu doesn’t answer, he simply shakes his head and lets a sigh escape his lips.  He wasn’t going to do a thing.  He wasn’t in the wrong, of that he was sure.

“It’s been three weeks,” Hoya continues, trying to sound casual, “I’m expecting to hear other types of rumors soon,” the male said as his parting words, leaving Sunggyu to scowl at those words, hoping Hoya wasn’t referring to what he’d been thinking lately.

“We’re not over yet,” he mumbles to himself as he hears the other putting on his shoes.  He doesn’t think Woohyun will start dating other people during their break.  He wouldn’t...

“Shouldn’t you be heading out soon?  It’s almost four!” Hoya yells from the foyer.

It takes a moment for Hoya’s words to sink in before he realizes he’s only got about fifteen minutes to make it to his part time job, “Oh .  Where the hell did my bag go?”

It’s 8 p.m. and everyone in the Center is already vacating the large room.  He spent the last two or so hours ‘tutoring’ a fellow junior named Yoon Dojoon.  He knows him because of his affiliation to the soccer team.  It’s normal for the man to make a stop during the week in order for the both of them to complete their Stat homework together since they shared the class.  Sunggyu didn’t think anything odd of the fact that he’s been stopping by much more frequently for the last few weeks.  The man would wait for him and sometimes walk with him to his classes when he wasn’t busy.  It’s a nice distraction.  Dojoon is a funny, caring guy, so he thinks it’s very nice of him to be checking up on him ever since the rumor started going around about his and Woohyun’s ‘break’.

They are out of the building, warm faces exposed to the cold air around them as they walk in the direction of the dorms.  Dojoon stayed on campus while Sunggyu stayed in an apartment nearby.  The silence is comfortable at least until Sunggyu hears Dojoon clear his throat.

“So I was hoping,if you’re not doing anything after this, if I could treat you to dinner?”

Sunggyu smiles uncertainly, “Dinner?”

“It’s okay, right?  I mean, since you’re not with Woohyun anymore.”

Sunggyu doesn’t know how to respond.  He feels himself flounder about for a few seconds before he averts his eyes, hoping his face doesn’t betray his emotions at hearing that, but bounces back quickly enough, “I can’t today.  I need to finish some other assignments.  Maybe next time?”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Dojoon says in mock seriousness before smiling and saying his goodbyes.

Sunggyu watches him go for a few seconds before he feels inexplicable tears start welling up in his eyes.  That is the first time he hears someone actually say that to him, not as a question, but as a statement.  As a fact.  And it moved something in him, it made his heart ache in a way he didn’t think was possible.  He’s holding on to the hope that Woohyun would come around, too preoccupied with feeling angry that he simply refused to believe the possibility that Woohyun wouldn’t.  His heart clenches in his chest as the realization starts to grip his body.

Were they really over?  Is it going to end without a single word from either of them?  Is that what their relationship amounted to?  Something that could be let go so easily and without a fight?

Is he really not that important to Woohyun?

Sunggyu throws his keys as far away as possible after he slams close the door to his room behind him.  He throws his backpack in the same manner against his bed and lets out a frustrated grunt when it bounces off and lands on the floor with a loud thump.  He kicks it out of the way in annoyance and slips his jacket off before sitting none too gently on the bed.  He runs his long fingers through the soft strands of his brown hair, wanting to get rid of his frustration that way but doing little to help him calm down.

He suddenly has the urge to get up and go look for the person responsible, for the stupid man that’s been on his mind for weeks, for one Nam Woohyun.  He stands up, full of determination to do just that, but then his brilliant mind reminds him of the catalyst that caused his state and it shifts his frustration and anger away from that man to himself.  He finds himself sitting down again but this time he covers his face with his hands.

“I’m so stupid.”

He realizes there’s tears running down his cheeks.  The anger doesn’t dissipate but he feels the cold reality sink in to his very being.  When the sobs come he can’t help it, he can’t control himself but he doesn’t hold back the sobs that echo in the confined space and he’s left wondering why things had to come down to this, to the reality of the situation bearing down on him all too quickly and suddenly.  Sungjong is home and he gets up to check on him when he hears the alarming sounds.  He hears Sunggyu crying and he knocks cautiously on the door before opening it.  He approaches the male in a hurry.

“What’s wrong?  Are you okay?  What happened?” the male asks.

“I didn’t want it to end like this, Sungjong.  Woohyun... I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Sungjong must understand right away because he takes the male in his arms and hugs him tightly and Sunggyu really lets go.  All the emotions pour out of him in the tears that fall from his eyes continuously.  The anger, the frustration all leave until he’s left with nothing but sadness and an innate emptiness.  His head rests on Sungjong’s shoulder for a long time.

Sungjong doesn’t ask anymore and the male is grateful.  He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t know what to think and he doesn’t want to make it worse.  He’s not sure how much worse it can get.

But he does think about it.  He thinks about it a lot.  So much so that he doesn’t leave the room unless he really has to, which means he’s only going to classes.  He takes a few days off from the tutoring, he doesn’t leave his room to eat and occasionally leaves his room for the bathroom.  He avoids Dojoon as much as possible, avoids his friends, and avoids his roommates for the most part.  He feels like interacting with other people will drain him even more and he just doesn’t want to expend his energy on stupid pleasantries.

He wallows in his misery for a long time and he can’t help but think back on the day he first met Woohyun.  It was unremarkable, lacking the story of love at first sight, of that feeling of being destined for each other, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it led to something.  He was grateful it happened at all.

It was close to finals, maybe a few weeks before, when he saw the familiar male walk in to the Center.  He looked uncomfortable, like he didn’t want to be there, but he figured none of the people who went to ask for help on their subjects wanted to actually be there.  Sunggyu writes him off as some freshman panicking about the finals.  They’re the ones that usually fill up the Center anyway, as he was briefed by the teacher in charge.  He hears someone approach the male and ask what he needed help with.

“Is this right?” he hears one of the girls he’s tutoring ask him and he turns his attention to her, leaning down to inspect her work.

“You’re off by a bit.”

“Whaaat??” she asks in disbelief.

He chuckles, “Go back and check your work.  The smallest mistake makes all the difference.”

“Sunggyu?” The male straightens up and turns to the middle-aged teacher that calls for his attention.

“Yes?”

“Could you take on another one?  This one needs help with math.”

“Uh,” Sunggyu turns to the table to see that he’s already got three people under his charge but relents when he sees the rest of the center in the same state.  One more student at his table wouldn’t hurt, “Sure.  He can take my seat.”

“Is this right?” the same girl asks and he’s leaning down again to check.

“Yeah, that’s right!” he says with a smile, “You wanna try another one?”

“One more.  I think I’ve got it, but just to make sure,” she giggles sheepishly and Sunggyu nods.  He assigns her the next two problems before he turns to the newcomer who has taken a seat.

“Hi, I’m Sunggyu.”

“Woohyun.”

“So what do you need help with, today?”

The male avoids his gaze and places a packet, maybe about twelve pages thick, on the table, “I need help with this.”

Sunggyu takes a quick look and reads the top of the packet, Semester Review.

“Is there something you specifically need help with?” he tries again as he leafs through it, noting that there’s not a single thing written on the crisp pages that are filled with problems front and back.

“... All of it...?”

Sunggyu doesn’t think he does a good job of hiding his expression of disbelief.  Did he seriously just ask to be tutored on things he should have learned within an entire semester in just a few weeks?  Luckily the male isn’t looking at him and he sighs instead, “Alright, just pull out some paper and a pencil.  We’ll start with the first problem.”

Luckily for Sunggyu, the male walked in about an hour and a half before the Center closed.  The students he was helping left within 15 to 20 minutes after the new kid’s arrival so there was plenty of time to sit and tutor him thoroughly, even though they only manage to get through one page and a half.  The kid catches on fast enough, it’s simply the fact that he has to sit and explain the entirety of the problem when a new one is introduced.

“The Center will be closing in twenty minutes!  Finish up so you can start wrapping up!” the staff member in charge announces loudly to the remaining students and tutors.

“Already?  But I was just getting the hang of this,” the guy complains as he continues to work on the problem.

Sunggyu hums in amusement.  He hardly wanted to say a word to him at first and even though he didn’t turn to look at Sunggyu often, he got him to start talking more at least, “I think it’s best if we stop at this one.  You can come by tomorrow and continue.”

“You’ll be here tomorrow too?”

“No, I’m off tomorrow.  But there’s other tutors that can help you.”

“Oh, so you don’t work here everyday?” the dark haired male asks.

“I don’t.  I need to get my assignments done too, you know.”

The guy laughs, “Right. I forgot that you were a student too.”

“Do I look that old?” Sunggyu asks a little worriedly.

“No!  That’s not what I meant!  You just really know this stuff.  It feels like you’re a teacher.  Is this the right answer?”

“I have a strange affinity for math,” Sunggyu tries to explain but forgets about it as he checks the male’s work.

“Yeah, that’s right.  See, you’re getting it.  If you keep coming in for help, you’ll get the packet done soon, but the better scenario is you paying attention in class.”

The male laughs sheepishly as he starts putting his things up, “I can’t promise that.  Especially now that I know someone who can help me out.”

Sunggyu clicks his tongue but it only makes the other male smile, “If you’re not coming in tomorrow, then what about Friday?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here Friday.”

“Then I’ll see you Friday!  Thanks!”

Sunggyu remembers when Woohyun let it slip to his teammates that he had a great tutor and they all followed him to the Center wanting to be tutored by the male.  It flustered Sunggyu to no end.  That was also when he found out the other played soccer in the first place and he realized that was the reason the kid looked familiar.  He’d gone to see a few games because a close friend, Taekwoon, was on the team. He remembers how annoyed Woohyun was when Sunggyu’s attention was divided between his four friends, the other people he was tutoring, and himself.  They didn’t get much problems done that day.  He also remembers when the male approached him in hopes of being tutored on the days he wasn’t at the Center.  He remembers the first time he felt his heart flutter when Woohyun smiled at him.  He remembers when Woohyun confessed that he wasn’t really that terrible at math (Sunggyu kind of figured), how he felt an unexplained attraction when he saw him, how he got Taekwoon to divulge the fact that he worked at the Center.  He also remembers how his heart soared the first time Woohyun kissed him.

Memories that he’s starting to wish he didn’t have.

To think that such warmth and love could eventually lead to so much suffering.  Why does loving someone always end up having such strong inverse emotions?  How can that same thing which brought so much life just as easily take it away and eat at you and slowly kill you from the inside?  If he knew the answers, maybe his days wouldn’t be spent so miserably.

Sunggyu knows Sungjong and Hoya are worried about him.  He’s heard them talking about it and he feels sorry for causing them to worry.  But he’s not ready yet.  He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be ready.

It’s Thursday of the following week when he hears someone visiting them but he doesn’t bother to move from his desk.  He’s been preoccupying himself with school work, even working ahead if he’s able to.  It’s the only thing he can do to distract himself.

He hears a soft knock on his door and he can’t help the sigh that escapes his chapped lips.  He gets up and opens the door. 

“Someone is here to see you,” Sungjong says as he motions with his hand towards the living room.

Another sigh escapes his lips as he moves past Sungjong.  He freezes for a moment when he sees who it is and blinks repeatedly.

“Hi, hyung.”

“Taekwoon, what...?”

Jung Taekwoon is a friend he’s known since high school.  Their majors don’t really overlap so they don’t see each other often, or as often as they’d like.  He plays soccer with Woohyun, so he sees him at games and when they occasionally spend time with their group of friends.  He was the special kind of friend, the kind that would provide a shoulder to cry on and a comforting, calming presence without ever asking a question, without ever probing until Sunggyu decided to explain.  He’s always been that way, so to see him standing in front of him with that look of concern on his face was very discerning on his part.  He’d never seen Taekwoon look so entirely serious.

“You look really thin.”

“I’d been meaning to lose some weight,” Sunggyu answers casually as he takes a seat on an armrest of their recliner.

His guest doesn’t say anything but continues to stare at him.  Sungjong and Hoya are standing by the hallway that leads to their rooms, watching the silent exchange.  Finally Taekwoon sighs and stands up.  The two roommates looked shocked at the fact that he’s done, at least until he stands in front of Sunggyu and looks straight at him.

“Woohyun has changed so much during these past few days.  But you’re still the same.”

Sunggyu forces a smile, “But you just said I look thinner?”

The male shakes his head, “I wasn’t talking about your appearance, hyung.  It’ll be a thousands years before you swallow your pride and admit that you’re wrong,” the smile disappears and Sunggyu straightens up.  His gaze wanders off to anything else but the male in front of him.  He can’t look at him.

“Is this how it’s going to end?”

Sunggyu remains silent but his bottom lip starts to quiver and he presses them together tightly and he tries as hard as he can to keep the tears at bay but it only serves to tighten his throat more.

“At least Woohyun was brave enough to ask me to come check up on you.”

Sunggyu’s dark eyes shoot up to look at the other.  He’s not being stern nor is he expressionless.  He’s looking at him expectantly with concerned eyes and a small encouraging smile. Sunggyu can feel his own face light up at that fact, “Woohyun sent you?  H-how is he?”

“Why don’t you ask him that yourself?  He didn’t want to come upstairs with me.”

He doesn’t think about saying anything else before he’s bolting from his seat and running out of the room, slipping his shoes on in an instant and running towards the nearest staircase (they’re only on the second floor).

He runs past the lobby, past the doors and straight outside to the cold air that hits his face.  He comes to a sudden stop when he realizes he’s passed someone.  He turns around, the mere flash from the corner of his eye enough for him to realize it’s the person he was looking for.

Woohyun is standing by the doors, a little more than shocked to see the male running out of the building like that.  He’s bundled up in a thick jacket and he’s wearing a beanie.  Sunggyu’s only wearing a black, long sleeve turtleneck and some jeans, but he can hardly feel the cold at that moment.

“Why are you here?” Sunggyu asks.

“I came with Taekwoon, but I can leave,” he says before beginning to head back in the direction of the campus.

The brunet stares after him for a few seconds.  He’s so happy to see him but he doesn’t know if the other feels the same.  He’s fighting the urge to call out to him but as he sees him walk further away he takes a step forward and calls out to him.  Woohyun turns to him and stops.

It’s a long moment of nothing being said, of Sunggyu trying to decide how to go about it, and Woohyun gets tired of waiting.  He turns around to continue back to his dorm.  Sunggyu clenches his hands and curses himself for hesitating still but then everything he felt in the past weeks comes rushing back to him and the sadness of being without him wins over all the anger, the frustration and he’s running forward again.

He almost tackles Woohyun to the ground but the other manages to hold steady.  Sunggyu clings to him tightly and buries his face between his shoulder blades.  The tears that start as he feels the warm body in his arms are involuntary, and as much as he wants to control them, he can’t.  It’s a few moments of stillness and his muffled cries before he finally utters those words that will admit he was wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

“...Sorry for what?” Woohyun asks.  His voice sounds a little strangled but sharp nonetheless.

“... For everything.”

“For what?” the other asks again.  This time his voice is soft.

Sunggyu tightens his grip on the jacket and he swallows the lump in his throat and he tries to speak around it and his crying, “For blaming it on you, for letting this go on for so long... I’m sorry.”

It takes a moment but he feels Woohyun move and he can feel the warm hands being placed over his cold ones.

“Let go,” he commands.

“Woohyun, please...” Sunggyu hears himself plead.  It’s too overwhelming.  He can’t let Woohyun go.  He can’t.

“Aren’t you cold?” he hears the other ask softly.

Sunggyu sniffs before nodding his head against his back as he quietly hums an affirmative.  He hears Woohyun chuckle before he’s gently pulling the hands away and turning around to face him.  He s his jacket and leads Sunggyu’s hands to wrap around him from the inside before holding the jacket closed over Sunggyu’s back.  They stand like that for a minute, Sunggyu’s head resting on his shoulder and vice versa.  Sunggyu doesn’t want him to see his face yet.

“You know, I thought that if it was really that important to you, I’d get out of your way.  I’d do my best to stop being a distraction for you,” his voice is soft, warm, and soothing.

Sunggyu shakes his head and tightens his arms around him, “Is that why you didn’t come look for me?”

“There was that, and you were the one that sent me away.”

“I was stupid.  I’m sorry.”  He finds the words fall from his lips a lot easier this time around.

There’s a short moment of silence before Woohyun speaks, “So about Dojoon.”

Sunggyu pulls away to look at Woohyun, “What about him?”

“I heard you promised him a date?”

Sunggyu wipes his damp cheeks and looks very surprised at hearing that, “What?”

“I guess I’ll just have to make it clear that I’m not willing to share my boyfriend,” Woohyun says seriously as he tightens his hold on the older male’s waist.

Sunggyu smiles, a warmth filling him up from the inside at hearing those words.  He leans in to touch their noses together, they’re both cold but it doesn’t stop him, “And I’m not willing to have anyone other than you as my boyfriend.”

Woohyun leans in to kiss him and Sunggyu soars.  He doesn’t know how he was able to survive a month without the warmth of his embrace.

Admin Note: It's two times sadder when you listen to Alive while reading this. But hey, at least this has a happy ending unlike the song which is a full 4 minute and 35 seconds of sadness and longing XD

-Myungjhejhe(>.<)