Is this real life?

There we sat, the two of us eyeing each other, uncertain of what the next action should be. I took a breath, watching my mother mimic my action before placing her long fingers on the table's surface. We had embraced for a long time, didn't really know what to say to one another for it had been almost a year since I had last spoken to her. Nurse Bom had asked us to hurry inside to begin the exercise, that was the only reason we had moved, and now here we sat. In place of the usual deep red telephone waiting to harass me, I had my mother here to do it instead. I wasn't sure what Dr. Lacava was playing at, but I knew that he had something up his sleeve.

"Let's start honey," she smiled, closing her eyes getting into character. It was a strange sight to see, my mother getting ready to insult and abuse me as though it was just another day at the office. I didn't know if I could take this kind of treatment, at least not from her, I had been doing very well recently with my tests but had yet to pass. 

Why are you even here? It's too soon.

When next my mother opened her eyes hate swam wildly within them, she had become a completely different person than she had been mere moments ago. "Mom?"

"I have wasted my best years on you," her voice felt like fire against my ear. I felt my face starting to heat up and my heart jump to my chest. 

"What?"

"I should have listened to my friends, they warned me that having a kid at my age was only going to lead to disaster," her frown grew deeper as she rose to give herself leverage over me. Her cold eyes bore into my trembling ones, and I worried that soon I would start to cry. Jumping from the chair I put some distance between us, the phone had caused the same reactions from me in the past, the only difference had been I could escape the sound. If only making it that much fainter meant making it less and less real, but I couldn't escape my mother, she was committed. "You don't even listen to me. I have done nothing but care for you," she was getting louder. 

"I do listen," I was starting to cower away, moving from where I was pressed against the wall to yank on the doorknob.

Locked

My mother clung to me like a jealous girlfriend, she wouldn't give me anymore than two feet to distance myself  and whenever I found myself cornered she would stand as close as she could towering over me. I was much taller than my mother was, I had always been taller than her, at least since I hit puberty, but now she seemed like a giant chasing a field mouse. 

"Please stop," I whimpered, when did my voice become so small? I had come in here a blazing fire, equipped with black smoke and gruesome flames, now I was ashes in front of her. She stepped around me, pacing in front of me so I could she her disappointment, see her anger growing until she was practically shouting at me. 

"I wish you'd just disappear. I never wanted you anyway, you can't give me what I need," she flicked a strand of my hair from my face. I had been using it to hide from her. It had always surprised me how mother's knew how to get to you. They always knew just what to say or to do to make you blissfully happy, or swimming in anguish. My mother was no different, she was too good at this roleplay and I was starting to believe her more and more. I wasn't sure how long I had been in a little ball, I'm certain that the hours and minutes fused together to create a never ending loop of torture, but my mother soon grew tired and shoved me. "Honestly, do you really think I think that way of you?" She had broken character and moved to sit in her chair shaking her head at me. 

"Sometimes," I whispered, slowly opening up my body so that I might get a better look at her. My mother wore a sad smile on her face, her hands running through her beautiful hair before resting on her knees. 

"I have never loved you any less. Not since the day you were born have I ever doubted the amount of love I have for you," she let out a soft sigh before continuing, "you were the only solid thing in my life username . I had no other ground to stand on before you. I was every where and no where all at once, and my life was going no where fast," she grew quiet for a long time. Coming out of the corner I inched towards her until I could rest my chin on her free knee looking up at her with large waiting eyes. "It was because of you I got my life together."

"Really?"

"Of course. We didn't always have a house you know. For the first month of your life we lived with your grandparents," she began rubbing my head, scratching gentle lines into my scalp as she spoke. 

"By the way, how are they? I mean did they get a new shed?" I looked to her earning a laugh in a gloomy situation. 

"They aren't happy about having to use their insurance, but they love there new shed. I'm fairly certain that this Christmas won't be nearly as awkward as I expected it would be, " she smiled down at me. 

"Will I be home for Christmas?"

"I certainly hope so, but that's dependent on you." She was right, I hadn't been trying very hard since being here. I had been doing very little to accomplish freedom, and had let my emotions run rampant on this place. I had only just realized my potential to grow here, and I was starting to think that I had it in me all along. "Honey listen, I want you to know that I will never stop loving you. To me you are forever in my good graces, but it kills me to see you tear yourself apart like you do. You have a future filled with promise, if only you would seize upon it," she raised my chin to stare into my eyes. "You are powerful beyond words and need to start realizing that."

"I know mom. I know." We sat like that for a while, not daring to move and break the closeness we felt between each other for the first time in a long time.