Slipping on the dewy grass I tried to catch myself on a nearby tree, an old grandfather among spritely saplings. I couldn’t fall, not while Seungri was hot on my heels.

“name  wait. I just want to talk,” he sounded closer than I thought he was. I felt my heart leap into my throat, doubling my efforts I tried to ignore the pain in my left knee. I hit it harder than I’d realized when I tried to escape up the stairs earlier in the week.“Stop.” I didn’t want to talk to him, I was no where near ready for that, but trying to deny Seungri was as pointless as trying to escape the facility. Eventually you would be caught and force feed whatever words were coming to you. Spotting the riverbank I zipped down to it, running along the bank in search of some place to hide. Seungri was quick, it was a miracle that he hadn’t caught me yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. Coming along a dip in the bank I noticed the drop off, figuring that was as good as I was going to get out here in the forest I slid down the embankment. Digging at the wet clay I carved out as much as I could, in hopes that the deeper the hole the better hidden I would be. Cramming myself into the mud I listened as Seungri’s feet grew louder in my ear, he was breathing heavy and judging by the way he kept shuffling around he hadn’t seen where I hid. “Come on name, please, let’s talk,” he shouted, picking a direction he thought best he raced away from me. The sound of his feet growing softer and softer until I was sure I wouldn’t see him anymore.

How did this happen? I had been so careful in avoiding him all week, and out of sheer impatience I had decided to go downstairs alone.

What is taking him so long?

In the interest of keeping me safe, Jiyong had insisted on walking down to breakfast with me. I had taken his offer without much argument, it made me feel better to have someone with me that I trusted in the house. Daesung had offered too, but he had already been glued to my hip since the incident and I needed a break from him. Now I was beginning to think that Daesung might have been the right option, I had been pacing my floor for what seemed like an hour. I had always been an early riser, it allowed me to avoid anyone that early in the morning, particularly my mother and her boyfriends. When I agreed to Jiyong’s I expected he would get up with me.

I should have known better

“That’s it, I’m not going to be stuck in my room like some victim. If Seungri shows up I’ll just punch him, the old one two, yeah that’s what I’ll do,” I strode confidently to the door. It was easy being confident in my room, no one could ask me to prove myself, but the moment I stepped into the hallway I deflated. The moxy I had gathered up slipping away leaving me vulnerable and scared. I moved softly down the hallway, holding my breath as I passed Seungri’s door. The last thing I wanted was for him to hear me and come out of his room. I had been doing that since he attacked me, it was stupid, but no matter how hard I tried to stop, I found it not so easily done. Seungri had reminded me all too quickly how cruel men could be; how self absorbed they could become when their feelings got in the way. I learned long ago about men, my mother’s lifestyle had ensured my know how. When I was safely in the kitchen I started fixing breakfast, I would bring Jiyong up breakfast. Start our day out with a smile. Since Youngbae had left breakfast was no longer a group affair, you ate when you came down, which meant that I ate alone most mornings. I was just glad that Jiyong had started eating again, it was only little nibbles and the occasional mouthful but it was something going into him. I was setting up the tray when I heard someone come into the kitchen.

Better late than never

“I started without you, I couldn’t wait, but I was thinking that maybe we could eat…” I choked on my words, my body seizing up at the sight of Seungri staring at me. He was standing in the doorway, his loud yellow suit jacket coinciding with his black fitted jeans and matching black shoes. His blond hair had been washed and combed, his boyish good looks painted with nerves.

“name listen,” he took a cautious step forward.

“I gotta get back upstairs,” I moved around the island keeping as much distance from him as possible.

“Wait, I want to say something,” he moved in front of me. Taking a couple of steps away from him I felt my heartbeat begin to race.

“Jiyong’s waiting for me, I have to go,” I started to shake, I had a habit of putting my foot in my mouth when I was scared.

“Him again?” He moved too fast, I wasn’t ready to be this close to him so I yelled.

“Jiyong,”

“No don’t,” his hand clapped over my mouth, “wait a minute,” he was trying to say something but I was frantic and everything out of his mouth sounded muffled to me. Jerking my knee upward I used his weakness to send him to the floor and make my escape through the back door.

Gaining enough courage I checked the surrounding area, when I was satisfied that only squirrels were watching me I made a break for it. I didn’t know where I was going, I hadn’t a clue, the only thing I could think to do was retrace my steps out of this forest. All I knew was that I had to try, because Seungri was still out there somewhere and I was willing to bet that he knew this forest better than I did. They all seemed to. I had managed to find a worn down path that led me to a rounded clearing, sitting smack in the center was a couple of desk linked together, a giant green chalkboard positioned behind it, illegible scribbles scratched with yellow chalk along the top. The area seemed isolated to a point, and I found myself wondering whom suffered out here alone. Somehow all of this reminded me of something, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Upon closer inspection I noticed that the desk were covered with clippings, from magazines, newspapers, print-outs all talking about the future of the guys. Picking up a particularly worn one, I read over the creases. The article talked about the boys again, only it asked questions like what would they be doing after Big Bang? What they were good at? My stomach dropped when I realized why this all seemed so familiar to me.

“What am I without them?” Seungri’s voice sounded sad behind me. I turned to face him, my hands gripping tightly to the desk behind me

“Just stay away from me or else,” the threat was an empty one, we both knew I couldn’t do anything to stop him but Seungri didn’t bother moving. He let out a sigh turning his gaze upward to the forest canopy.

“Truth is I’m nothing,” he frowned, “without the others I have nothing, I am nothing.” I wasn’t sure if Seungri was fishing for sympathy, but I certainly wasn’t going to be giving him any. “They always ask us what happens after Big Bang? Where will we go? What will we do?” He looked to me, sorrow filling his face, “I always answer the future will tell, but that’s because I don’t have a better answer,” I scrambled around the desk when Seungri moved towards me, he seemed content with leaning against it.

“Big deal. No one knows what’s in their future, people get over it,” he seemed to be lost in a mechanical behavior that bothered me more then his presence had.

“If you have a future, the other’s do. Jiyong will always be a gifted musician, Seunghyun is a talented actor, and Youngbae knows how to take care of himself; I know he’ll do something amazing with his life.” He paused to breathe.

“You have talk shows,” I was getting into his