Shinhye POV

Leeyoung. 

I push Daehyun's arms off of me and break eye contact with Yonghwa. I face Daehyun and shake my head at him. "What are you trying to do?" I question. He looks down at my hands as he reaches for them but I cross my arms as a rejection. His eyes are back on mine and he looks hurt. It doesn't seem to stop him though because he steps forward so I hold my hands up in front of me, "Daehyun." 

"Shinhye I want to try something," he states. Yes but what? I give him a confused look and try to back away. I forgot we're on my terrace for a second and my back hits the railing. 

"Try what?" I ask reluctantly. I'm full aware that Yonghwa is watching the two of us but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I suppose I should be mad at the guy for reminding me that I'm a fool but I push him out of my mind and focus on Daehyun. One problem at a time I decide.

"Us," Daehyun answers. Before he could continue on I shake my head again. I close my eyes facing down as I continue the motion and I'm sure I look like a child who's refusing to take their medicine. "Hear me out." 

"Like you did?!" I shouted abruptly. Just like earlier I have no filter. I begin to unleash the emotions he inflicted upon me, being the thoughts and feelings I had the day he left without a word. They return just for this moment and it's like I've been secretly waiting for this day to come. "You didn't hear me out the day I confessed to you! Hell, I don't even know if you heard a word because the second I opened my eyes you were gone!

"I had to find out from our classmates that you were dating someone from a different school. For someone you considered as your 'little sister' I sure was kept in the dark," I continue. "When we reached high school we didn't just drift apart, it felt like you yourself avoided me and it really hurt Daehyun. I thought of a billion things that must have been wrong with me to cause someone I thought I could depend on, someone I believed to have loved, to avoid me like I was the plague. It was driving me crazy so I had to focus on something else to keep from hating myself.

"And then I was labeled as the school's nerd for trying to fix myself. I pushed away my best friend, my own parents, anyone who got close because I couldn't trust properly anymore. I started to believe things were better this way because I wouldn't get hurt if there was no one to leave and people would be better off without me," my voice broke. I shake my head slowly this time and draw in a deep breath to even out my staggered ones. "And now you want to try us? There can't be an us, no matter how many times I've wished for it before. You can't leave Leeyoung the way you left me." 

I sniffle and roll my eyes. "I know we weren't even together but I won't let you do the same thing you did to me to another girl. Even if she is a ," I admit. 

"Shinhye," he spoke with remorse in his tone. 

"I'm not done yet," I cut off though my voice was weak. "Though I was very young Daehyun, I want to say I did love you. But thinking about it now, that love ended when you left me. I don't care if Leeyoung told you this already but I'm telling you myself. I went to that library constantly in hopes of running into you.

"I realize now that wasn't love I was acting on but a dying dream. I still liked you but I was forcing myself to as if it were the only happiness I'd have ever known," I say. "But my attraction to you was a thing of the past and I just couldn't let go. They're no more than dreams.

"So that's where you're going to stay Daehyun. In those blurry dreams I have until I have no more of them," I push the book to his chest and he hesitantly takes it from me. 

I don't look away from his crestfallen eyes and I don't wipe my sticky damp face with my sleeves. I've finally explained myself excluding my issues with Yonghwa. This is what he needed to hear the most. What goes on between Yonghwa and I isn't relevant to him. "I can't think of any other way to say this. But I'm sorry Shinhye," he apologizes. I exhale and nod. 

"Better late than never," I sigh. We're quiet for a short while. When we lock eyes on each other again we both let out a soft light-hearted chuckle and smile. "I ing did it. I'm over you Daehyun." I don't accept his apology but it felt extremely refreshing to let all my frustrations out. 

His smile is sad but he speaks up, "can I at least explain too now?" 

I open my mouth to speak but a fist meets his jaw suddenly. "The hell you can," Yonghwa huffs. My eyes round at him then back to Daehyun lying on my terrace floor feeling the bruise form on his face. I fall to my knees to get a good look at his jaw but then my arm is yanked by Yonghwa forcing me to stand up. He tightens his hand around my wrist and drags me into my living room. My mom is sitting on the couch watching a soap opera and accepts the drama unfolding in my life as we pass her. I stutter at her failing at asking for her assistance but stop when I realize she's decided not to involve herself for now.

All of a sudden I'm not grateful she decided on today being one of those days she respects my privacy. We walk through my kitchen before finally leaving my apartment. 

"What are you doing?!" I shout at him. He doesn't stop or answers me. He just continues to lead us to his car. 

It's dark out now and I didn't notice earlier because I was busy giving Daehyun a piece of my mind. I pull my hand out of his grip and wait for his answer. He steps forward to drag me again but I don't give him the satisfaction when I step back. "That wasn't necessary," I say. My voice cracks due to my tears just moments ago. "You didn't have to punch him, he didn't do anything to me." 

"How can you be defending that guy?" His voice taut when he asked. "You should be thanking me for what I just did. In fact, you should have been the one to punch the bastard." My fingers curled in and I'm sure my knuckles were turning white. I didn't like that he was scolding me, I finally got the closure I wanted from Daehyun and this is the praise I get? I scoffed and began to walk away. 

I didn't walk back up to my apartment knowing Daehyun was there. I know my mom could take care of him and he'd be fine on his own. I didn't want to see anyone at this point, so I walked to a nearby park. I wasn't surprised hearing footsteps mimicking mine. I stop but I don't turn around.

"I'm emotionally drained Yonghwa," I state. "Please just leave me alone." 

I wait 10 long seconds before walking and this time I don't hear someone following me. I make it to the park and sit on a swing beside the neighborhood's playground. My phone is buzzing in my pocket but I ignore it and cry. I just cry. 

---

Play: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5jfwPNscYc

I'm dozing off. My head is resting against one of the chains holding me and the swing up. My vision is blurry due to the tears I didn't wipe and my eyes are threatening to close. I see my shadow figure on the ground defined by the lightpole behind me. Then I see another shadow walking closer until it's next to mine. I tense thinking stranger danger until I feel a jacket resting around my shoulders. I calm down at the scent of Yonghwa and hate how much I loved being surrounded in it. 

"I told you to leave me alone," I remind sleepily. 

He walks to stand in front of me then slowly crouches down to my level. His hands cup my face and he swipes his thumbs underneath my eyes. With the little energy I have I turn my head so he'd stop touching me. "You're always telling me to leave you alone but you know I won't do that," he sighs.

I know he wouldn't but I hate that it's because of his sweet lies. He's just trying to win the heart of the school's nerd. I whimper when I start to cry again because my heart still enjoys hearing his lies. But if I was able to force my heart to stay with Daehyun, then I'm able to pull it out of Yonghwa's clutches. I admit I'm struggling because having him here acting like he cares makes me torn. I don't dare looking into his eyes, he might make me a fool again. 

"Shinhye," he whispers softly. My name leaves his mouth in the most gentlest way possible as though cradling it. I could tell he doesn't want to say the wrong words but all he said was my name. "Everything that I feel between us. Everything that happens between us, is real." 

I shouldn't be surprised that Soo Rim didn't listen to my instructions in my text. I let out an involuntary gasp and my breathing is stupid again because the tears come out harder. "Breathe Shinhye," he tells me. I sniffle and try to control myself. I can't look like this in front of him. I can't look so weak. "I thought only I was feeling this way. I wasn't sure if you felt anything real between us." 

I look up at him perplexed. I'm sure I was the only one who was feeling- well I was sure until this very second. The look in Yonghwa's eyes tell me otherwise. Could this be another lie? Is it too good to be true? They say our eyes are the windows to our soul. But by looking into his I'm still seeing a wall to overcome. The longer I stare at them the more I feel stuck. I can't look away from his brown pools that I seem to be drowning in. I feel warm. I guess it's natural because his jacket is hugging me and I just realized our close proximity. His body is giving off so much heat and I start to worry if he's catching a cold or already caught one. I even lift my hand and press my palm against his forehead. 

He's genuinely surprised at my gesture but smiles after understanding what I was doing. I pull away because just touching him sent electricity through my body but our eyes stay locked on each other. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be allowing him to stay this close to me. I'm becoming a fool and it's making me feel dazed. But that could be because I'm already sleepy. "Shinhye." God, the way he says my name. "Did no one teach you not to eavesdrop on people?" He asked. 

Just having him remind me of what I overheard earlier fuels my anger. I spread my fingers ready to slap his face with the hand I was just checking his temperature with but his quick reflexes beat me. He holds my wrist and clicks his tongue. "My face still hurts from the slap Soo Rim gave me so maybe later," he suggests. Okay at least now I'm not so peeved my best friend disobeyed my text message. "Eavesdropping could be good or bad. It depends on what you hear and how much you hear.

"In this case it was bad because you didn't hear everything," he moves closer and I'm overwhelmed. My eyes were already struggling to stay open so I allow them to close. "You didn't hear how I'd be the first to fall for you. And that I do feel something for you and although I may boast about my player status, I'll never return to it. Not when I found someone worth keeping." 

His words were becoming my lullaby. Was everything I'm hearing a dream now? Am I awake? I can't look at him, I'm too embarrassed. And tired. I need to sleep but I don't want to miss a word he's saying. "Shinhye," he whispers even softer. "Can we be real?" His whisper reminds me of the line "can I keep you?" from the movie Casper. That single line used to make my heart skip a beat. Now his words replace them making my heart not only skip, but backflip over hurdles, cartwheels and spazzes inside me.

What's real anymore? I don't know. I gave two speeches both to Daehyun today but barely speak to Yonghwa right now. I hum a simple, "mmhmm," before dropping my forehead on his shoulder. I pass out. 

A/N: You guys will hopefully like the next update ;)