parasite
noun
an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.

{Taemin goes through self-inflicted heartbreak.} | 526w

A/N: first-person pov ;o; and late update again ugh shoot me.

My alarm goes off for the tenth time this morning. It's irritating and loud and the more my phone vibrates across the bare nightstand the more I want to grab it and launch it against the wall. But I let it ring because I'm too tired to move. It'll stop on its own soon enough.

I try my best to block out the echoing noise, but it's reverberating in my skull and I know it'll be the beginning of a headache that I'll want to drown with sleep.

Sleep hasn't exactly come easily as of late though. Nothing has.

The chill of the morning seems to seep into my room through the blinds, just like the weak sunlight. I want to roll over, pull myself into a ball to feel warmer, but I'm exhausted. I settle for the warmth my clothes offer, the ones I didn't take off last night. I regret not bothering to slip under the covers, but that's just one among many other things I regret.

I lift my sore eyes to the ceiling and wonder how many times I've counted the dents and grooves on that white surface. So many, I can clearly picture every imperfection if I close my eyes, just as I can do with Minho's face.

The thought twists my empty stomach and my chest aches. I can't hear the alarm anymore. Blood pulses deafeningly in my ears and my heart feels too strong to belong to me.

An old thick rope ties itself into a knot in my throat and I have to swallow to keep from choking on it. It hurts. The stinging in the back of my eyes gives way to tears that blind me and I don't blink them away. They fall down the side of my face without my help.

I bite both of my dry lips in an attempt to trap the emotions inside me. I can't feel my skin break, but I taste the unmistakable tang of blood. It hurts.

I shut my eyes to turn off memories that are as vivid as lucid dreams, but I can't. Minho tried so hard to keep me. With pleas and through tears he tried, with appeals of more affection than I ever deserved.

I still love you.

The sweetness of his deep voice floods my mind and I give up on passing the ever-tightening knot. Sobs finally escape through my abused lips and emotions rock my frail body like a storm tosses a ship lost at sea.

The tears come so fast and my hands can do nothing to stop them. I hate the sound of my pathetic whimpering. I thought crying was supposed to make things better, but even with this release it hurts.

I know that Minho waits for me to get better. God, I just wish he couldn't see through me the way he does. As much as I push him away, he knows that I still love him too.

If only he knew how much time I spent thinking about him, about us and what we should be. Thinking is all I seem to be able do. And it hurts.

A/N: I got angry by the time I was almost done writing this. I'm sorry if I missed the mark with this one. Translating 'parasite' into this seemed so clear to me at first, but now I'm just.

Like, say Taemin is the “host”. The “parasite” isn't so easy to pinpoint as Minho is the one who benefits somehow because Taemin still thinks of him and there's still hope for them, but thoughts/feelings themselves are what debilitate Taemin ............. oh well.

SHINee's having a comeback tho let that distract you :') LOL