Seunghoon sighed again, even louder this time. His heart was heavy and it wasn’t his nature to easily disclose a secret that his best friend had entrusted him to.

“Okay…” Seunghoon started. “Promise me you won’t break down or take it out on Mino, alright? I am telling you now because his condition is much better and hopefully it doesn’t come back.” he continued in a serious tone. When it comes to personal matters concerning his best friend, Seunghoon is not one who would joke around with such serious matter.

”I promise.” Taehyun assured.

Taehyun was nervous. He has never seen Seunghoon’s serious side before. A part of him tells him that this has somehow got to do with their separation years ago. That painful separation.

“Mino… he…” Seunghoon hesitated, unable to bring himself to reveal Mino’s painful past. Maybe there was a reason why Mino did not want Taehyun to know and he was afraid that he would hurt his best friend by revealing it all to Taehyun.

He rummaged his hair messily, trying to organise his messy thoughts. Taehyun was staring at Seunghoon who was in his own dilemma.

“Uhuh, Mino..?” Taehyun tried to bring Seunghoon back to the topic.

Seunghoon sighed again as he takes a look at Taehyun’s curious face.

Sorry, Mino. But Taehyun needs to know about this. I don’t want to see you suffer all alone.

Seunghoon took in a deep breath and regained his confidence. “Okay I am going to be frank with you. But promise me you won’t freak out, ever.” He repeated again in distraught.

“Promise, hyung.”

Sorry, best friend. He apologised in his head once again as he looks at Mino’s lover in front of his eyes.

He cleared his throat and took in a deep breath once again.

“Suicide.” he revealed, short. “Mino… Attempted suicide.”

Taehyun gaped, his heart felt like it had stopped beating for a moment and tears started welling in his eyes. He felt like a knife had just sliced through his cold heart as he sat motionless for a while, hoping that what he heard wasn’t true.

“No… No…” Taehyun denied. “No, Mino won’t do that… You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“I wasn’t lying. You know I won’t lie when it comes to my best friend, right?”

“Why would he? I mean…” “No, he wouldn’t do that. The Mino I know wouldn’t do that….” Taehyun continued denying.

Seunghoon sighed for the nth time that night, his heart felt heavy and he did not know what to feel now that Taehyun knows a piece of his past.

“I’m sure it was a misunderstanding right? You know Mino loves to joke around.” Taehyun continued denying.

“No..” Seunghoon shook his head. “His condition was very bad during that period. He probably never told you this because he did not want you to worry. That’s how much he loves you, Taehyun. He loves you so much more than he realises it. Even when he saw you again, he pretended to be strong, didn’t he? But he’s actually crumbling inside. Mino isn’t as strong as he appears to be. This was why I was so shocked when I found out that you were his old lover, because he seemed so strong in front of you since he stepped in here from day 1. I’m sure you realised that too.”

Taehyun shook his head in denial. His tears were threatening to fall but he held it in.

“What did he do?” he finally asked. Part of him wanted to know what Mino had done to take his life away but part of him feared that he was not ready for the surprising truth. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what his lover had done to himself.

“Are you sure you want to know the details?” Seunghoon confirmed.

Taehyun nodded. His tongue was tied and he felt like he could not speak.

Seunghoon cleared his throat again. “It was a year after you left, on his birthday night.” He started off.

“Mino was supposed to be at theatre club after school that day, so I left him in school after accompanying him to the theatre room and quickly hurried back to meet is grandparents at the mall to buy his birthday cake and stuff.” A tear fell from Seunghoon’s eyes as he recalled the incident that happened three years ago.

Taehyun could not hold his tears any longer, his tears started rolling down his cheeks watching Seunghoon shed a tear, anticipating the rest of Seunghoon’s story. He could tell that the rest of the story would be painful, but he wanted to listen to it until the end.

“We came back and finished the decorations 30 minutes before the time he was supposed to reach home, excitedly waiting for him to come back. He was supposed to reach home by 3.30pm that day, because his theatre club meetings usually ends at 3pm. Time passed and it was almost 5pm but he never came back.”

A surge of tears started falling onto Seunghoon’s cheeks as he choked on his own tears. He sniffed and wiped his tears away using a piece of tissue Taehyun offered.

“We called him and we were starting to get worried, but do you know where we heard his phone ring?”

Taehyun shook his head. He had roughly guessed it but he was hoping that his guess was wrong.

“In the toilet.” Seunghoon revealed and Taehyun’s tears immediately started gushing out rapidly. His heart became weak and he wasn’t ready to hear the rest of Seunghoon’s story. He buried his face into his palms and wept loudly, imagining the entire scenario in his head.

Seunghoon paused for a while, watching the maknae sobbing in his seat. He empathised with Taehyun, for having to know about Mino’s dark past. He had no choice that night, he wanted Taehyun to know everything and let Mino share the burden together with Taehyun.

“Hyung, go on. I’m alright.” Taehyun assured in between his tears after realising that Seunghoon has been looking at him for quite some time.

Seunghoon cleared his throat. “You sure?”

Taehyun nodded quietly. With mixed feelings, Seunghoon continued.

“After we heard the phone call, we realised that Mino was in the house. Specifically in the toilet. My heart started beating fast as I walked towards the toilet door, together with his grandparents behind me. All sorts of things were playing in my head, and I was secretly hoping he had left his phone in the toilet by accident, not on purpose, you see.”

He looked up at Taehyun again who had gestured him to go on with the story.

“I turned the door knob after realising that it wasn’t locked. And there was Mino. In the bathtub, looking all pale with his eyes closed.”

Seunghoon burst into tears again, collapsing onto his bed. Even though it had happened a few years back, it felt like it had just happened yesterday and it was a very painful memory for him to have witnessed his own best friend at his lowest point like that.

Taehyun looked up at Seunghoon. His sight was blurred from the tears forming in his eyes. He got up from his seat, wanting to leave Seunghoon’s room but his legs gave way and he flopped onto the floor weakly. He had heard enough and did not want to hear anymore. His heart felt like someone was ripping it apart with the cold hard truth.

Seunghoon could only afford to watch as Taehyun breaks down crying on the floor. It was a pitiful sight to see the maknae sitting helplessly on the ground, burying his face in his hands and weeping painfully.

Taehyun sat motionlessly and sobbed with all sorts of thoughts scattered in his head. He did not want to believe a single word Seunghoon was saying. He wanted to run out of the room and organise his messy thoughts, because he simply could not imagine that Mino had actually gone through that tough moment during their separation.

Seunghoon squatted to comfort the maknae, patting Taehyun’s shoulders and empathising with him. He realises that it was a big blow to him, considering that Mino looks strong and normal in front of Taehyun but he was simply putting on a façade to hide his dark past from the person he loved the most.

“Hey buddy, you promised you wouldn’t cry.” Seunghoon comforted in a joking tone. He could totally understand Taehyun’s reaction and this was probably why Mino did not want to disclose it to Taehyun.

A part of him feels glad that he was the one to have disclosed it to Taehyun because Mino would have been hurt in the process of revealing it to his boyfriend, knowing that Mino is very sensitive when it comes topics like this.

Seunghoon comforted Taehyun by patting on his back again. “I know it’s hard to accept. I know it all sounds like a lie to you now, but let’s be strong for Mino, alright? As a friend who has witnessed all these, I must say that he seemed much better now. Continue loving him the way you shower him with love right now and Mino be much better.”

Taehyun could only afford to nod. He had lost his words and his mind was only occupied about the revelation about Mino’s painful past. He felt like Mino had gone through a painful time compared to him, dealing with all these all alone back then.

Seunghoon got up to leave Taehyun alone. He wanted to give Taehyun his own personal space and did not want to be hovering around him while he was organising his thoughts.

“I’ll get you a drink.” Seunghoon left his room and stopped by Mino’s room whose door was left ajar. Mino was sleeping soundly in his lightly lit room. “Sorry, chingu yah. I told him everything.”

He came back to his room with a glass of warm water in his hands. He helped Taehyun sit up onto his bed and handed over the water to him. He turned around to leave his room when Taehyun stopped him.

“Hyung.”

“Hmm?”

“Then what happened?” Taehyun wanted to know. He thought he would not be strong enough to listen to the rest of the story but he was curious to know what happened to his lover after that.

Seunghoon took a seat beside Taehyun. “Well, I think you can imagine what happened after that. He was rushed to the hospital so everyone was scrambling out, leaving the decorated house like that and spent his birthday waiting for him outside the emergency room.”

Taehyun went silent again, imagining the pains the family had to go through during that critical period, especially his lover.

Seunghoon reached out to Taehyun’s shoulders and patted it gently, comforting him. Taehyun felt numb. Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine that Mino had such thoughts in his head.

“His condition stabilised after a few days. The doctors said that we were lucky that we found him quick. Had we found him later, he would have become worse.” Seunghoon continued explaining.

“For a while, he was not able to bathe on his own. He became scared when he sees the bathtub and he would break down crying as soon as he steps into the toilet. It was a very tough period for him, and all of us who are watching him. You can say he’s traumatised by the entire incident, he wouldn’t want to talk about it ever again.”

“His grandfather wanted to bathe him so that he would be able to keep an eye on him but he was not strong enough to move Mino around. As his best friend, I was entrusted to take that role. I hope you don’t misunderstand.” Seunghoon continued.

Taehyun shook his head. “I…. should be thanking you. I mean, you’ve done so much for him while I am here selfishly shifting the blame on him for hurting me when he first came in and spouted all the hurtful words to me. I… I didn’t know he went through so much.” He confessed while shedding another tear. He was so sad to the point where he wished that things would never happen the way it was. If he could rewind time, he would have left his house that night and ran to Mino’s house to tell him the truth.

 “Things have happened right? At this stage, I think its best if you two to start supporting each other again like how you did last time. Both of you have gone through way too much and you can’t even pretend that nothing happened. You get what I mean?”

Taehyun nodded. He had regretted his actions deeply, his head replaying the times where he had hurt Mino and when Mino had hurt him. Now he finally understood why Mino was being so rough towards him in the beginning.

“But he seemed normal when his grandmother asked you if you two still bathed together?”

“Over the years, he had accepted me as his guardian whom his grandparents had trusted to take care of him. We still don’t talk about that incident, so it was just a passing question I guess, because his grandparents are always reminding me to always look out for him when he takes a bath. Especially in new environments.”

“Let’s be strong for Mino, alright? His critical period seems to be over but we still have to watch him and be there for him. We all love him and we know he loves us too. But he will never be complete without you by his side. Even though we’re all showering him with all the love, he will still look for you no matter what.”

No doubt, Taehyun was touched when he heard about Mino’s true feelings. He had never realised how great Mino’s love was towards him. From that day on, he promised to always be by Mino’s side through thick and thin.

Taehyun got up with the now empty cup in his hands. “Go and sleep with him tonight. The cameras are no longer around so you don’t have to worry. He must be crying in his sleep right now.”

“Oh, you know about that too?” Taehyun asked.

Seunghoon laughed. “I’ve been living with him for a while, of course I know. Have you heard him looking for you in his sleep before?”

“Yes, that night when you called me in. I wanted to leave the room but he was crying in his sleep.”

“Ever since that incident, he has been calling your name in his sleep every night. And he sleeps with his night light on too, if you realised.”

Taehyun simply nodded.

“He became scared of the dark. Darkness reminds him of that incident too.”

“By the way hyung...”

“Yes?”

“Has he ever mentioned why he did that? I mean, when he tried to take his life away?”

“We don’t exactly talk about it, but I heard him talking about it in his sleep one day. He said that he was so sad because his only wish was to see you on his birthday. He wanted to see you smile as you watch him blow out the candle. I guess he must have realised that you were never coming back.”

Taehyun couldn’t cry anymore. He was so sad and regretful to the point where his feelings have become meaningless compared to what Mino had felt during that period.

“I wished I could be there for him when he needed me the most.” He sighed.

“What’s important is that you’re here with him already, Taehyun. I’ve never seen him so happy like this before, trust me. Now go to his room. Leave the empty cup to me.”

“Thank you hyung.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank Mino for holding on even during his toughest days. He many have a strong aura, but he’s really fragile inside, like a little child.” Seunghoon repeated himself. “Forget about the times where we was cold towards you. He was still fighting within himself.”

Taehyun nodded and quietly left Seunghoon’s room after Seunghoon had urged him to quickly go to be by Mino’s side. He closed his eyes for a while and was so thankful for Seunghoon. He now realises how much Mino depended on him during those times and was so relieved that Seunghoon understands Mino so much better than he does. Without Seunghoon, he might just keep hurting Mino without knowing anything.

He entered Mino’s room and gently closed the door. He sat by the bed and looked into his lover’s calm face who was in a deep sleep. He gently Mino’s face with full of love and care. He realises how precious Mino is to him after hearing about his shocking past.

“Don’t leave me, okay? I promise I won’t leave you either.” He whispered as he lay beside Mino, sharing the same pillow as his lover. He brings his body close to Mino and held onto his hands tight as he gently kissed his lover’s lips.

“I’m holding onto you very tightly.” With that, he fell asleep beside the person he treasures the most in his life. He felt complete, just being by Mino’s side.

~~~

The rain was pouring heavily and the cold wind were blowing into the members' rooms. The loud sounds of thunder woke Mino up from his sleep as he opened his eyes to find himself snuggling under the blankets with Taehyun sleeping beautifully in his arms.

When this this boy get here?

He glanced at the clock in his room and realised that it was only 7am in the morning. He closes his eyes once again after he recalled that their schedules would start late that day. For a moment, he looked up at where the camera was supposed to be and immediately heaved a sigh of relief when he remembered that PD had taken away all the cameras in their dorms. He stared at Taehyun’s beautiful face, appreciating the piece of beauty right in front of his eyes.

Mino tightened the hug and carefully Taehyun’s reddish brown hair. His hands gently rubbing Taehyun’s back. He felt at ease and he could not stop smiling at how complete his life felt at that very moment.

“Good morning, love.” Mino greeted as soon as he felt Taehyun squirming in his hug. He probably had hugged Taehyun too tight that Taehyun woke up from feeling uncomfortable.

“Are you feeling uncomfortable because I hugged you too tight?” Mino asked.

Taehyun looked into his lovers eyes and smiled. He shook his head, answering Mino’s question. He stared into Mino’s eyes, seeing Mino in a totally different light. He had mixed feelings that morning, after finding out about Mino last night.

Slowly, he brought his face closer to Mino and lightly kissed Mino’s lips.

“Morning kiss?’ Mino asked, giving a smile to his lover.

Taehyun smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Hyunnie.”

“You know that I’ll be there for you through your toughest days, right?” Taehyun assured Mino.

“Of course I know!” Mino kissed the top of Taehyun’s head lovingly.

Taehyun buried his face into Mino’s chest. He loves feeling comfortable in Mino’s embrace, he loves everything about Mino.

“What should we do, now that we’re free the entire morning?” Mino asked.

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Taehyun looked up at Mino with a pair of loving eyes.

“Should we take our relationship to another level?” Mino teased his boyfriend. “Or do you want to go back to sleep babe?”

“Taking our relationship to another level meaning?” Taehyun asked innocently.

“Aye, are you sure you don’t get what I mean?”

Taehyun shook his head, trying to figure out what his lover was trying to convey.

“The weather is nice, the members are asleep, the camera crew is not around and you’re in my room. What do you think we should do?” Mino hinted again.

Taehyun looked deep into Mino’s eyes, still trying to figure out what Mino meant.

“Aigoo, you innocent little thing.” Mino pinched his lover’s pale cheeks playfully. He kissed his younger boyfriend, pulling him into his hug tightly and the lovers lost themselves in the passionate kiss.

“Shall we bathe together later?” Taehyun suggested.

Mino cleared his throat. His eyes awkwardly wandered around the room before he finally made eye contact with Taehyun.

A/N: For all you curious folks here you go, Mino's painful past. Hugs and kisses! Xx.