Requested by: satisakro_chi

Prompt: Irene thinking of telling he bestfriend, Jin, he feelings for him.

Irene sat slumped over her vanity table wondering what had happened to make her feel like this. She knew it had been awhile since she could no longer see Jin as just a friend. After all, friends don’t give you butterflies just by the thought of them, nerves just being near them or missing heartbeats whenever they smiled. They didn’t leave you replaying your conversations before going to sleep and kicking your blanket at all the stupid things you did and said. They also didn’t leave you in a state such as this, contemplating whether or not to tell them your change of heart.

Irene twisted her head, her cheek against the now warm table surface. She blinked as her eyes focused on the dolls on her bed, her sight falling onto the large teddy bear beside her pillow. She had pointed the bear out before when Jin and she had gone out shopping together. He had immediately said it was far too expensive and they walked passed it. The next month, on no special occasion, Jin had appeared in front of her house with the bear. That was three months ago but even before that Irene had known her best friend was something else to her. Maybe he always had been.

Irene grumbled and pulled her upper body up to stare herself in the mirror. She looked at her reflection as if it would have another opinion or maybe the answer to her dilemma. During the many years of knowing Jin, Irene had come to experience his kindness, protectiveness and encouragement, along with his temper, frustration and sadness. Besides his family and closest of friends, no one—no girl—had ever experienced all these sides of him.

When they were in high school Irene became rather popular with the boys. Unfortunately she didn’t particularly like the extra attention. She had briefly mentioned her frustration to Jin who attended an all-boys school nearby. There was a time she gained a stalker. She didn’t notice until Jin—who appeared out of nowhere—suddenly held her hand.

“Irene sweetie! How was your day?” he cheered. He acted overly sweet until they turned a corner and he explained that there was a boy following her. Irene was relieved at the time that he didn’t notice her hands had become sweaty and face red. 

 Recently, something similar had happened:

Irene was walking home after work. It was late and she was tired. She was in a bad mood so she decided to listen to music and drown out the negative emotions. With her earphones in and the volume on loud, she trusted the neighbourhood to be safe.

 The streets were dark and the streetlights were flickering before they ultimately died out. Irene wasn’t too bothered since it happened all the time. Stores and houses still dimly lit the path from afar, cars zipping pass would lend their light for a moment, and at that particular night the moon seemed extra bright so Irene felt pretty calm. She wouldn’t have felt the same if she could hear the footsteps following her. She only got frightened when a car suddenly pulled up beside her.

“Irene!” Jin called out from the driver’s seat. His eyes widened at the sight of an old man behind his friend. He instantly opened the door and ushered Irene inside. Again, he had to explain to her that she was being followed.

Thinking back at it, Irene wondered how he knew where she would be on both occasions or whether it was pure luck. When she asked him at the time, he cheekily replied with ‘fate guided me,’ accompanied by a cheesy grin. But—

‘Could Jin like me too?’ she thought.

Irene pursed her lips, her face glowing red just by the thought of it. She cupped her face in her hands, smiling bashfully to the table.

‘He’s your best friend—of course he’d be more open to you.’

Her expression dropped. She always had a way of balancing her thoughts and hence becoming indecisive and doubtful.

“Besides,” she mumbled to her reflection, “what will happen if I tell him and he doesn’t like me back?” Irene sighed and sunk back onto the table. She rested her face in her arms, wallowing in self-pity a little longer.  She couldn’t afford to lose him. She couldn’t take the risk—not yet.

“I’m not ready yet…” she sighed. She timidly looked up at her reflection. ‘I need to become a better person first,’ she thought to herself. 

A/N: sorry this is pretty inconclusive ;;;