Ha Neul’s POV

“Do you need my help with packing your things?” Jong In asked me as he was standing at the doorframe. He was helping me pack our clothes, the kids were staying at Suho’s house and me and Jong were at my house alone.

“There is that big box over there, can you bring it down for me? I can’t reach it” I pointed at it. It was situated on top of the closet, I couldn’t reach it due to my height, but since Jong In is tall enough he managed to bring it down.

“What’s inside?” he asked while putting the box on the floor carefully and opening the wooden lid.

“Photo books, I’ve placed every album I had in there.”

“Can I see them?” I nodded my head, he sat down on the floor while leaning his back to the wall. Those photo books are of Ha Na Jong Ha and Jong Soo when they were younger, I bet Jong In will feel happy  to see them. I sat beside him in order to see the photos along with him.

“The album you are holding now is from a year ago. Better take this one” I took the one he was holding and gave him a yellow one. He took  in and then flipped to the first page.

“Is that….?” 

“Yep, their first photo ever. It’s an ultrasound” he smiled as he trailed his fingers on it.

“There are a lot…”

“Well there are nine months of pregnancy. When I went to the doctor for a general check up I learnt that I was one month pregnant” he turned his head to look at me

“One month…?” he paused while thinking

“Why what’s wrong?”

“I am trying to remember when we did ‘that’ without protections…” ommo… what is that mind of his thinking? Well Kim Jong In two can play the game…

“There were a lot of times you didn’t use them actually…”  he nodded his head

“You are right about this! I knew we would probably end up together so it didn’t really matter”  ommo… was he always that cheesy… why do realize only now?

“But we didn’t…” I replied to what he said. We are not together and I don’t know whether we are going to be or not… Since I still can’t trust him a hundred percent!  Just because he said he doesn’t remember it, it doesn’t mean that it’s true… and if he want to gain at least my trust he’ll have to try really hard.

“Ha Neul... I’ll try really hard to be a part of your life, not just as a father to our kids but also as a man to you. That’s why don’t stop me from trying everything” I can see he really is trying hard and I would be lying if I said no. Jong In kept flipping the pages of the photo book.

“That’s their first birthday! I will never forget that day” I laughed and then continued “Ha Na had pushed Jong Ha’s head in the cake but he didn’t cry. They were barely talking then. Jong Soo on the other hand when he saw what Ha Na did to Jong Ha he copied his brother and buried his head in the cake as well” I kept laughing  but I immediately stopped when I saw his sad face.

“I wish I was in here… You must have had a great time with them, I kind of feel envious.” The expression he had on his face made me feel guilty. It’s true that I can’t trust him but… he will never stop being the father of our kids… and I’m guilty for taking that title away from him.

“Jong In… I’m sorry” I broke into tears due to the guilt that was building up inside me.

“Yah, Ha Neul… don’t cry” he turned his body toward me and wrapped his arms around me. “I didn’t mean to make you cry… Yah~ Stop crying idiot.” His hand was stocking my hair, trying to calm me down.

“I am sorry Jong In… because of me you couldn’t see them for years. You lost the first words they said… their first steps… their first birthday.” He tightened the grip around me as he pulled me even closer and buried his face in the crook of my neck

“It’s ok. Don’t feel bad about it. They have a lot of firsts that I can be present. Just because I’ve lost a few of them doesn’t mean that I won’t get to experience all the others” His words are very supportive. I felt comfortable inside his arms… That’s how he would hold me back then, whenever I felt uncomfortable he would pull me for a hug and comfort me with his words even if that have to make him stay awake for a whole night…. He let me go from his arms and as he stared at me he leaned forward kissing my forehead.
That’s when the memory of yesterday night came into my mind. His warm and soft lips touching mine… even memories from the past surfaced, but the bad thing is that instead of pushing him I kissed him back without even thinking… 

“Are you ok now?” I nodded my head without replied. He wiped my tears with his thumb and then gave me a warm smile.

“Good, I don’t like it when you cry… and I never did.” I didn’t reply again, that’s why I only stared at him.

“What about this album?” he pointed at a black one trying to take my mind away from what  just happened.

“Let’s see~” he picked up the album and flipped to the first page. It was the album with photos of me and him when we were still dating… I didn’t know I still had this though. I though I had thrown it away a long time ago… but it seems it’s still here.

“Are those from our first date?” 

“I guess so… I didn’t know I had these…” I admitted

“I remember we had a photo book each… Mine is somewhere in my house” that’s right… we had one each so we could always remember the love we had  even if we didn’t meet each other for a week or less.

“Do you remember this one?” he pointed at a photo where we were both wet.

“It rained so much that day, how can I possibly forget?” we both laughed at the silly memory we reminisced.

“I wish we could go back at that time…” he stared at the photo longingly… I too wish everything could return to how it used to be… but it’s too late,