That Thing Called LOVE

"what do you mean he almost kissed you?!" asked Soojung almost shouted when i told her what just happened back in the piano room. I was shocked myself too, i don't know why i let myself in and it was so fast that i couldn't even think straight. I don't blame Soojung for coming at the wrong time but sometimes i do wonder how would it feel like if i ever get to taste that plump lips of his. I must admit that his lips are amazing. Girls would totally fall for his plump pinkish lips because they look so kissable. 

"i don't know, he just.. hold me" i said and i couldn't find words to talk and so i remain silence as i sit on my couch after turning on the television and have a bowl of hot soup with me whilst Soojung just came out from my room upstairs, walking down my spiral staircase. "know you, i'm sorry to say this but i don't trust him" she said making me look up to her with a furrow before she takes the seat next to me and fold her legs together

"he's so mysterious. he came out of nowhere and now he wanted to kiss you?" scoffed the girl at me and i just bit my lower lip as i recall it back. I don't know if Soojung was right or wrong but after meeting for quite some times and he even gave me a little tour around Eridell, i know i can trust him a little. maybe just a bit. 

"but maybe he's not like what you think he is" i utter that out causing Soojung to look at me and furrow a little. "i'm just saying.. you know him better than i do" she said and that leave me thinking and wondering once again. I'm so scared to get involve in this kind of situation, especially when it involves someone in my life, like a guy who i fell in love with and i'm so scared of getting heartbreaks rather than happiness. I've seen a lot of relationships out there that ends cruely

I don't want to let myself get into a wrong one. 

I want someone in my life, i really do but i'm so scared. i'm scared to end up like those people. I'm not judging people by their look because looks can hide everything they want behind it and even though Taemin is very nice to me and looks like a really great man, i still couldn't tell myself if he's the right now. 

Sometimes i do curse myself for falling for him too fast. I'm not an easy girl, i know i shouldn't let myself in so fast and got caught up in an unwanted relationship. Everybody told me that i'm a strong woman, to stand up alone without any helps from somebody by my side except for my mom and my mother even told me that i'd be even much stronger than today if my father is still here next to me. I know how life works and i know how to handle it myself

But i'm not sure how love works because i'm so scared to commit myself to be in a relationship. 

"do you want to go to his party?" asked Soojung and i'm still stuck with words. i don't know whether i wanted to go or just stay here. But i really do wanna look at all his artwork, i love arts and it's my very first art party invitation i ever get in my whole life and half of me wanted to go just to see him again.

the heart won't lie they say

And it happens where Soojung sitting on my computer chair, facing my laptop with a train website as she's trying to find a specific time to get us to Eridell and i can't remember when did i say yes because all i know was that i was just looking at her, biting my lip and humming without saying a word and now there she is, looking for the train tickets to Eridell. 

I feel anxious, i have my anxiety going on right now. i feel very much not like me when i thought that i'd be going back to Eridell to meet him, to be at his party and together with Soojung who's still doubting about him. I am doubting myself for liking him because i just met him few times and it was rarely happen to me that i fell for someone easily. I don't believe in magic and stuff but this is odd, really odd.

Having an anxiety is so annoying and it happens a lot to me and i don't think anyone could bare with my panic attack everytime it strikes me, except for my parents and both Soojung and Jongin. I tend to cry easily when i have anxiety and i don't know if it's a normal thing to happen for people who have such thing in their life and i'm so afraid that no one would understand it like my parents and both Jongin and Soojung

I'm afraid of showing myself to the people i tend to get closer with and ended up having them stepping away from my life because of my axiety and panic attack

I'm not as strong as everyone thought i am. i'm hiding it because i don't want people to call me weak. I'm not weak, i'm just not strong enough to face the real life, my future and such. I have a lot going on in my mind and it never stop. 

never

"should we go with the morning train? at least we'll get there just in time for the party" says Soojung and i'm still doubting on going to his party. Soojung somehow looks very excited about it. Maybe because she finally gets to see Eridell, the one that i told her how amazing it is. I didn't say a word because i'm still hesitating and doubting to go to Eridell with Soojung to his party. "come on, it'll be fine" says Soojung which then leave me sighing and eventually nodding my head to her. 

I can't believe i'm going to his party with Soojung with me. 

And just before i get to say something, Soojung already bought the ticket for both of us and we'll be in Eridell in two hours before the party started. I honestly looking forward to wander around Eridell with Soojung more than going to his art gallery party since i've never been to such party before and i don't know how it works and what will happen. I'm scared, i'm not going to lie. After what just happened between me and him, i can get anxious to see him again. 

♪

I had a little talk with Soojung about how i feel for the past few days, about him and how my life starting to feel a little bit different. I've been living alone and do things i love doing for almost 10 years but everything starting to change little bit when i met him and i've never thought that it'll be this way. I know i am nothing to him and we're nothing but acquaintance. But i'm not lying to myself that i don't like him because i do. I do like him because he makes me feel special at some point

And he loves what i'm doing 

It is hard to find such a guy to appreciate what we're doing and i feel even more close to him when he'd told me he played musical instruments as well. I know it's not a faith but maybe having a friend who enjoys doing things that you love is what really matters in life, is what really makes someone's life brighter and better. 

It was hard for me to get along with Soojung and Jongin when i first met them, they are both nothing like me but i learnt how to accept it and i learnt how to appreciate what people do in their live because that's what they love but i was a bit sad that no one can do such things to me. Some of the guys thought it was too common for a girl to play musical instrument and they never appreciate it and when i met him, i feel different

And it was a wonderful feelings 

I have my outfits on and i'm waiting for Soojung to come over and pick me up. Our train leaves about an hour and we have to get there 30 minutes before the departure time. I feel very anxious when i woke up this morning and it is a hard thing when i have to settle everything down and i'm glad i've overcome it. His party is today and i'm not looking forward for more, i'm just looking forward to his artwork and the place he has been spending his time at. 

I know a lot more about him and Soojung doesn't even know that. He told me about himself and i learnt a lot about him whilst he learnt a lot about myself. I can't remember the last time i make friends with a complete stranger and it is kind of odd that it actually went kind of good and not as what i thought it'd be. 

I hear a honk coming from outside and i know it is Soojung. i take my hand carry luggage and thankfully it's not raining today. Landcastle is being weird for the past few weeks but i heard Eridell is such a nice warm place and i'm really looking forward to that part. Soojung have this soft smile on her face when she saw me coming out from my place and i'm not denying it that she is one of the prettiest person i've met. She's pretty in every aspect and i'm happy that she's growing up and turning into a beautiful lady and Jongin is a one lucky man. 

As i get closer to the car, i saw Jongin coming out from the driver's seat and coming closer toward where i am right now and i just surprised to see him after awhile "i haven't seen you for a while" i said and he just chuckle as he helps me with my bag "i'm sending you two to the station before i head off to Crystalmill" i just nod to him and smile "that makes total sense" of course he's heading to Crystalmill, he's a one busy guy. "i saw the video by the way" i said as i look back to him and i can see a soft smile on his face when i mention about the video. 

"congratulations again Jongin" he look up to me with that smile on his face and i know right there, that he loves Soojung wholeheartedly. "thank you Jinri" 

The journey went alright, not really as what i'd planned. I got really anxious when we board the train and we almost get off the train because i really can't do it. I can't believe that this thing happened to me and ruined someone else's mood. I feel so bad for Soojung that she helps me a lot and she even asked me if we should just head back because i really can't do it. Anxiety kicked in and i hate it. 

But i'm glad i managed to settle in.

As i grow old, my anxiety level keeps growing and not decreasing and it really disturbing. 

We're almost here and Soojung couldn't stop taking loads of pictures and mumbling about how beautifu