Ren’s POV

After spending the night passed out on JR’s couch, when I awoke the next morning I excused myself early so that I could return back home and shower before having to go in to Jason’s studio. On my way to work I had decided to make a quick stop at the drycleaners, not at all trusting myself to wash the precious clothes by House of Kim that JR had given me. I was beyond accident prone and the last thing I wanted was to shrink the only set of clothes I had from the line. To be safe, I took it to the drycleaners closest to Jason’s studio so that I could pick it up on my way back home after the day was done. As I was stepping out of the shop, I came to a stop as I ran into Aron who seemed to be by himself. He was quietly walking with his hands in his pockets, wearing a black face mask and sunglasses. He almost looked like a celebrity that was trying not to stick out but not realizing that he did by all the facial coverings. I looked around him, searching for Minhyun. When I realized that Minhyun was nowhere to be found around him, I tilted my head to the side in confusion. Aron glanced over to his side and stared at me from underneath his sunglasses and scoffed.

“See something you like?” He spoke with venom in his voice as he continued walking. I walked with him even though it was clear as day that he was already annoyed with me. I quietly shook my head.

“Where’s Minhyun?”

“His apartment? How the hell should I know?” He muttered, sounding bothered that I was still walking with him.

“Did something… happen between the two of you?” I asked. Aron paused in his steps before turning to me and yanking his own sunglasses off just so that he could glare at me more personally.

“Does something have to be wrong between us?” He harshly asked. “Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean we’re together 24/7. We don’t live together. God, we’re already around each other enough at work.”

“I thought you two were inseparable.”

“Look, maybe it’s because you’re new here, but stop poking your nose around where it doesn’t belong, alright kid? I already told you: I don’t like you.”

“I’ve never done anything wrong to you.” I defended myself. Aron laughed.

“You being around is enough.” He shot back before continuing walking forward. I followed closely behind him.

“I don’t understand. You’re nice to me one day and then awful the next. Will you at least pick a side and stick with it?!”

“I was starting to like you. But now not so much. Not if you’re after my spot.” Aron declared, still facing away from me. I gripped my hand into a fist down by my side as I continued to chase after him down the sidewalk.

“But you knew this; ever since you and Minhyun made that deal with me to secure the Top Model spot, you knew that I would be working to take one of your places. It’s my dream to meet him- it’s my dream to meet Mr. Kim in person and actually be worthy of standing in front of him!” I exclaimed. Aron suddenly stopped in his tracks again. He glanced back at me over his right shoulder.

“And you really think you’ll be worthy if you randomly show up at the location of his hidden workshop? Dream? Don’t talk to me about dreams if you’re only in this for him. Don’t step all over the dreams of the people who actually want to be here.” He angrily replied before turning back and taking a few steps forward, stopping in front of JA Style’s front door and pulling it open and stepping inside. I remained standing out on the sidewalk, staring blankly at the glass door that had closed right in front of me. Aron’s words had hit me like a bag of bricks to the face. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Aron was actually right. If I were to just show up out of the blue at Mr. Kim’s secret workshop after having won this little competition with Minhyun, Mr. Kim wouldn’t be amused. I would be just about as unworthy of meeting him as I had when I followed him to his hotel.

I slapped my right hand across my forehead. Maybe I should just stop. I wanted to meet Mr. Kim, but not through winning some childish contest. I wanted to meet him because of my talent and skill. But there was one thing Aron had been wrong about: I did want to be here. It was true meeting Mr. Kim was one of my biggest dreams, but it wasn’t my only dream. My biggest dream? Of course it was to model. At the end of the day, Mr. Kim had already achieved his dream. Right now was the time to work on achieving mine. I stepped forward and pulled open the front door, stepping inside. I walked past the floor level shop and traveled upstairs where I entered the locker room. I stepped inside and turned the corner, stopping in front of mine and opening my locker door when I was suddenly approached by Aron again. I froze and cautiously looked at him, knowing full and well that I had already irritated him for today. Aron removed his face mask, revealing the scowl written across his lips.

“Although I hate you, there’s something I still want to know.” He stated.

“What is it…?”

“How you know Son Dambi.”

I sighed in irritation. “Ah, I already told you! She’s an old classmate of JR’s! They’re friends! He introduced me to her!”

“The one who wears Crocs as if they’re actual shoes?” Aron asked before smirking. “Don’t you find it odd? Just because you’re classmates doesn’t automatically make you friends. I’m not friends with any of my old high school classmates. Why would she remain friends with someone like him?”

I glared at him. “Why couldn’t she be friends with someone like him? What’s so wrong about him?” I asked, starting to grow heated in our conversation. I hated how Aron continued to talk down on JR without even knowing a single thing about him to begin with. JR was the nicest person I knew. He didn’t deserve any of what Aron threw at him.

“Because Dambi is a goddess. And JR is a nobody. What good would it do her to stick around him?”

“Maybe that kind of thing doesn’t matter to her.” I shot back. Aron smirked.

“I bet there’s more to the story than what you’re being led to believe. That guy doesn’t have friends for a reason. He’s a total mess. The only time he sets foot outside is whenever there’s a fashion show. And even then he shows up in completely inappropriate attire as if he doesn’t have a clue. Something is off about that guy. How can a person be so socially inept?”

“Stop it.” I warned.

“Think about it. Does it make sense that someone as famous and established as Dambi continues to be friends with him without any reason?”

“And why does she need a reason?” By now I was silently shaking with anger.

“Because people like that… you’d need one.”

“I don’t have one.”

Aron raised an intrigued brow. “Is that so? Well, I guess your heart is just pure as gold then.” He clapped his hands together then walked off laughing. After I watched him turn the corner I angrily slammed my locker door shut, suppressing the urge not to scream.

“You.” Minhyun’s voice suddenly called out from the shower room behind me. I jumped and shrieked after being startled by him. I spun around to see Minhyun with a towel draped over his damp brown hair. He gave me a suspicious look through the corner of his sharp eyes. “What was that about?”

I blinked. “What?”

“You and Aron just now. Why were you talking to him?” He suspiciously asked. He almost sounded jealous, if Minhyun was even capable of feeling feelings other than annoyance. I stared at him for a brief moment and sighed, throwing my hands up.

“Ask him. I have no idea.”

“I asked you.”

“What do you guys want from me today?! God! I’m sorry about what Jason said the other night, but he’s not someone any of us can control whatever he says!” I replied, thinking that the two were being extra hard on me today because of what happened after the fashion show when Jason complemented me but not Aron and Minhyun. Minhyun gave me a startled look.

“I would ask what’s wrong with you, but judging that it’s you, it’s probably many things.” He replied. I paused.

“Aren’t you mad at me too?”

Minhyun smirked. “You still have a long ways to go if you want to replace me. Aron on the other hand should be working harder if Jason’s original plan was to replace him with you.”

“That reminds me; I want to call off this competition with you.” I suddenly remembered. Minhyun gave me a shocked look in response before rolling his eyes in irritation.

“Figures. You’ll never be as good as me anyways.”

“It’s not that.” I immediately replied. “I don’t want that to be the way I meet Mr. Kim. When I finally meet him, I want to do it with integrity.” I explained. Minhyun was silent for a couple of seconds before turning his back to me.

“If you say so.” He replied, letting it go much easier than I had originally imagined.

“What? Really?”

“Of course it’s disappointing. With you giving up, now I feel as if I have no one to compete with. Suddenly things got a lot boring again.” Minhyun said, sounding less interested in continuing the conversation with me.

“It’s not giving up!” I insisted. Minhyun chuckled.

“Call it whatever you want.”

“I’m serious! I’m going to take your spot, but for the right reason! I’m going to be Jason’s Top Model!” I quickly replied. Minhyun glanced back at me over his shoulder with a fascinated smirk on his face.

“I’d like to see you try.” He dared before finally turning away from me again and disappearing into the shower room. It was strange. Although at times he was cold and hard on me, times like this and even before I went on the runway the other day made me realize something: maybe it was possible that Minhyun didn’t hate me as much as he let on. In a way, he seemed to be encouraging me to move forward. I sighed. I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case I was wrong about him. He could be exactly like Aron, who had started to come around to me and then quickly swayed like a leaf in the wind. I faced my locker and quickly changed into my workout clothes for practice.

 

 

It wasn’t until almost nightfall when Jason let us go for the day. When I was leaving the locker room with my belongings, I noticed Aron and Minhyun walking side by side, Aron’s arm laced around his as they left together. I shrugged. Maybe Aron had been right after all about earlier this morning. With them being around each other as much as they were, I had just assumed that they lived together. It’s just that seeing one without the other was a strange, rare sight. Ah, Ren, their relationship is none of your business, you dork. I left the building after them, stopping by the drycleaners to pick up my clothes that JR had given me from the House of Kim line that I treasured more than life these days. After picking them up, I continued on foot and walked further into town, not exactly in a rush to go home to an empty apartment. I hadn’t heard from JR today. I figured he was busy so I didn’t want to bother him by forcing unexpected plans on him like I usually did. Knowing him, even if he was busy he would probably push everything aside just for me. I didn’t want to get him in trouble and so I left him alone.

Suddenly I found myself standing outside of the front door of Dambi’s dance studio. I blinked. How had I come here? I suppose my conversation with Aron earlier really had bothered me to the point that my inner conscience sent me here to find out the truth between Dambi and JR’s relationship. As I stared through the glass door, I spotted Dambi hard at work examining two of the three other girls I recognized from other times inside who were dancing a sort of interpretive dance. I watched as the two shorter girls weaved their bodies around one another, parting almost tragically each time they did. I found myself holding my breath as I watched the performance in front of me intensely, deeply absorbed into the amount of emotions the girls were able to convey through their dance. Occasionally Dambi would step in and adjust a posture but quickly step to the side as to not put a stop to their performance. The two girls eventually came to a closure and stopped moving with the music. Dambi smiled at them and seemed to compliment them. I took this moment to step inside.

Dambi’s head turned toward the door. She smiled as she instantly recognized me. “Have you come to finally take a dance class from me?” She teased.

“You should!” Lizzy tried to persuade me. “She’s actually not bad, heh.” As she said this, Dambi pretended as if she were about to hit the dark haired beauty.

“I just came to hang out.” I replied.

“You should dance with us!” Raina urged, stepping forward and grabbing me by my left wrist. Nana stepped in from the side to take my belongings from my right arm.

“You won’t be needing this~!” She cheered as she placed them over the counter near the front door. Raina pulled me to the center of the dance floor. I uneasily glanced back over at Dambi who was smiling from cheek to cheek. Nana walked over towards the stereo and put on the radio. A random song started playing and the three girls began to dance freestyle to the music while I awkwardly stood in the middle. Dambi walked over towards me and stood by my side. She stared at my reflection in the mirror as she spoke.

“Just follow me.” She instructed and began to teach me simple moves in the mirror. I smiled and did my best to mimic her movements. She went over them several times until I achieved it. When I seemed to memorize the simple choreography, she put it all together and matched it to the music. The second time she nudged me with her elbow to join her, which I did. I sloppily matched her choreography in the mirror, looking like a baby deer that had just learned to walk. We all laughed at my misfortune. When the song ended, the five of us all sat down. Dambi smiled over at me. “So what really brings you out here?”

The smile on my face started to slowly fade. “I just wanted to talk, that’s all.”

“Hmm, I don’t believe you. That’s what phones are for. Why make the trip here? Is something bothering you?” She asked. I gave her a surprised look. Could she read minds that easily or was I just that predictable? I hesitantly shrugged.

“Well…” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to discuss it around Nana, Lizzy and Raina.

“Is it about JR again?” Dambi asked, hitting the nail right on the head again. I gave her another surprised look.

“Oh, JR?” Lizzy suddenly asked. I glanced her way.

“Were you close with him?” I asked and watched as she pursed her lips together and paused, shifting her gaze down into her lap. She slowly shook her head.

“I wasn’t- not that he’d let me or any of us, for that matter.” Lizzy replied.

“Ah, that’s right, JR took classes here before, right? That’s how you all know him-” I started to put together the pieces when Nana suddenly spoke up, cutting me off.

“No, that’s not it. We knew him back when we were all in high school. Me, Dambi, Lizzy and Raina were all grade levels ahead of him, but we saw him a lot back in school.” Nana stated as if it were a fact. I stared at her. So they had all been JR’s classmates at one point in time?

“But you weren’t friends?” I asked, confused. An awkward look suddenly spread across Dambi’s face.

“Well, it’s a complicated answer.” She replied then sighed. “You know JR is a bit… different, don’t you, Ren?” She cautiously asked.

“He’s sensitive. And shy.” I replied. She nodded.

“Yes, that much is true. He wasn’t always like that though.” Dambi frowned.

“Poor kid, he’s been through so much.” Nana added. I furrowed my brows. What were they talking about? Did something… happen to JR to make him the way he was now? I started to grow more concerned by the minute. Raina gave me a worried, hesitant look.

“You mean you didn’t know? He didn’t tell you?” She asked. I shook my head.

“Tell me what?” I asked in return. A dark look spread across Dambi’s face.

“JR was bullied in high school.” Dambi stated. My eyes grew wide.

“Bullied?” I asked in shock. “Why?”

Dambi sighed. “Like I said, JR’s always been different. He’s always marched to the beat of his own drum. Back then, the kids didn’t really like that aspect about him and tried to push him down.”

I paused. “And what part did all of you play in this?” I asked, somewhat afraid to hear the answer. In some cruel twist of fate, had they been the bullies? Or did they sit back and allow it to happen? I didn’t know which was worse, to bully or to do nothing. And what exactly did happen? What had the kids back then done to him that made him so much as afraid to leave his own apartment aside from going out to do his job?

Lizzy narrowed her eyes at me. “You think we hurt him? We helped him!” She said, sounding offended by my question. Nana glanced over at Dambi who nodded back at her. Nana then turned to face me.

“It’s true. We weren’t the ones who hurt him. We were simply the ones that just happened to be there during one of those instances after school. That’s usually when the bullying took place, when the last school bell rung. I heard stories about JR grabbing his things and dashing through the door and down the hall daily just to avoid getting caught by the ones that did bully him. During one of those times, they happened to chase him into the girl’s bathroom when the three of us just so happened to be applying makeup. When they caught up to him, they dragged him into one of the stalls and tried to drown him inside one of the toilets. They kept him down long enough under the water just to scare him, not to kill him. Afterwards they promptly locked him inside by blocking the door with a broomstick, locking him in from the outside before running off and leaving him there. When they left, Raina took off running to inform a teacher while Lizzy and I removed the broom and let him out. By that time he was absolutely terrified and ran past us but the teacher caught him out in the hallway and escorted him to the nurse’s office.” Nana replied.

“And that’s where we met.” Dambi finally spoke up. “I was already sitting inside the nurse’s office. I was all patched up after having gotten into a fight minutes before. I was a bit… troubled in my youth. I was never a bully, but I never let others get away with stepping all over me. The nurse had already called my parents and the principal on me for having gotten into yet another fight and we had been waiting for them in her office. I had been listening to music on my headphones when suddenly a dripping wet and completely convulsing boy had been brought in. The teacher had sat him down on the bench next to me as the nurse left to get more bandages. When it was just the two of us in the room, I tried talking to him, asking what happened but he wouldn’t answer me. Instead he just cried. He seemed so lost, so scared… And so I did to him what usually calmed me down in stressful situations- I gave him my headphones. I placed them over his ears and then turned up the volume. He gave me a surprised look but he didn’t take them off. In a matter of minutes he managed to calm himself down. When my parents and the principal arrived, I told him to hold onto my things for as long as he needed them. But they were still mine, so I told him to return them. I gave him my name and my homeroom number.”

I stared at Dambi with wide eyes. “Did you get them back?” I asked. The image of the headphones that I had found inside of JR’s apartment suddenly flashed inside of my head. I had naively assumed that he was an avid music lover. I never would have assumed that the headphones had a backstory behind them. I certainly would have never thought that Dambi had been the one to have started the sort of music therapy with him. I remember when I had asked him what type of music he listened to, he replied simple things like ambient music. Of course at the time I didn’t get it. Why listen to the sounds of nature when nature was just outside? But for him it seemed that going outside wasn’t that simple.

“Of course I did!” She exclaimed then laughed. “Hmm, it must had been several weeks until I finally got them back, but he did return them himself in person. It was when he did return them that I told him to stick by my side. With having the reputation that I did, the kids naturally stayed away from him and the bullying finally came to a stop that year. But seeing as how I’m older than him, I graduated first. It seems once I left, the bullying picked right back up again. JR actually never graduated from our old high school. I heard his parents pulled him out and homeschooled him after that.”

I shifted my gaze down into my lap. I suddenly felt like crying. I hated hearing that story about him, knowing that he had gone through such a difficult time in his life. I hated knowing that this was the reason why he was so afraid of meeting new people. He was afraid of getting hurt again, wasn’t he? That’s why he didn’t open up so easily and seemed hesitant about everything.

Dambi suddenly patted me on the back. “Don’t cry!” She teased me, sensing that I was close to tears.

“Right! JR has a good friend like you by his side now!” Lizzy insisted, smiling warmly at me. Raina nodded.

“He already let you in. That’s a big enough step in its own! Be the friend that he needs, alright?” Raina cheerfully replied. I nodded, trying my best not to get overly emotional and cry.

“T-Thank you guys for being there for him at those moments.” I replied. Nana smiled.

“We’ll always have his back, whether he knows it or not. That’s why you should try to convince him to come back to dance class. It’s something he really enjoys doing. I have the feeling he only stopped because of us. We intruded in his and Dambi’s dance practices. With there suddenly being more people, I think he began to feel uncomfortable. I don’t think JR remembers us from that day- if he did, he probably wouldn’t avoid coming here.” Nana said.

“I can’t make any promises. It’s what he wants, but… I’ll try.”

“Dancing alone is lonely. It’s more fun with other people.” Dambi replied, becoming lost in her own thoughts. A couple seconds passed by in silence before she finally spoke up again with a smile. “Sorry, we got so carried away by our discussion. What about JR was it that you wanted to talk about? Is he giving you a hard time again? He does that a lot, but he doesn’t mean anything by it.”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing. He’s not giving me a hard time. I was just curious about him.”

“Curious?” Dambi raised a brow. “I’m sure the two of you are at the point where he doesn’t feel as scared to trust you anymore. If not, just give him time. Like you said, he’s sensitive. But keep digging. He’s someone who’ll surprise you.” She replied, smiling. I smiled back at her before standing back up and dusting my hands off on my pants.

“I definitely won’t give up on him!” I replied. Suddenly Lizzy and Raina giggled while Nana placed her hand over , trying to hide her smile. Dambi stared up at me from the floor. She suddenly pointed her index finger at me.

“You,” She replied in a suspicious voice. “Do you like JR?”

My eyes suddenly grew wide in horror. “HUH?”

“It sounds like you’re after my bff’s heart.” Dambi replied. Although she was trying to sound intimidating, she was smiling from ear to ear. I frantically waved my hands in front of me in a panic trying to deny the accusations. Dambi shook her head. “The more you protest, the more obvious it is.”

I turned red. “That’s not it…” It was useless to deny it in front of someone like Dambi. She seemed to always know everything anyways.

“I won’t say anything.” Dambi grinned.

“Neither will we!” Lizzy replied.

“I’m going to go now.” I immediately said before rushing over to my things to pick them up and frantically leaving Dambi’s studio. Once I was out by the street I looked up into the night sky and sighed before starting to make my way home. Dammit. I hated being so obvious with my feelings. It seemed like everyone but JR noticed this too. Well, that was a relief. I didn’t want to burden him with my feelings. He obviously wasn’t a person who was interested in romantic relationships, or at least maybe not with me. That’s right, I was just a friend to JR. According to Nana, Lizzy and Raina’s stories, it sounded like JR didn’t accept friends all so easily. To them, I was considered lucky to be his friend, seeing as how they had been shunned by him before. And it probably wasn’t on purpose, more as he was scared of being around them. After hearing so much about his past, honestly I couldn’t blame him for staying cooped up inside. But it just seemed… wrong. My heart felt heavy. I felt sorry towards him. No one deserved to be treated like that, and no one deserved to live the rest of their days locked up inside and afraid of society.

It wasn’t long until I found myself standing in front of my apartment door. I uncomfortably pursed my lips together and unlocked the door, pushing past it and locking it behind me. I made a straight line for my room where I hung my clothes up on my closet door and then sat down on the foot of my bed. I felt numb on the inside. What should I do now? How was I supposed to act in front of him now, knowing what I know now? I silently shook my head. Why should I act different? Nothing about the JR from the present changed. It’s just my perception of his past that had changed. But… it hurt. Even though it had nothing to do with me, knowing what he wrongly endured… it hurt.

I laid back on my bed and stared up into the ceiling. I had a decision to make. Carry on and act as if I had never heard anything, continuing to be his friend, or risk JR having a possible mental breakdown by bringing it up. Of course I wanted to ask him about it. I felt like it would bring us closer together if he opened up about it himself, but I knew that would never happen. At least not willingly. JR was trying to move on and escape his past. Who was I to pull him back into it? That’s it. I couldn’t bring it up. I couldn’t act differently around him. I could only be his friend. Nothing more and nothing less. I could put my personal feelings aside for him if it meant he would be okay. He’s suffered enough. Besides… I could endure a little heartbreak, couldn’t I?

 

 

Jason’s POV

I had stayed behind at my office after all my models had left for the night. I sat behind my desk that was cluttered with designs and contracts from potential clients. I leaned on my elbows and rested my forehead in my palms. Ever since the fashion show, I had received a lot of offers because of my newest model, Ren. With such a successful evening, one would think it was enough to make me happy, but right now I felt the opposite. I had put on a good show- no, an amazing show! But it didn’t matter, because it was him who had stolen the night. House of Kim. Ha, once again JR managed to one-up me without even physically doing it himself. He used Baekho, his little pawn. JA Style was on the risking ranks of success these days. I had enough popularity and celebrity clientele to be able to compete alongside House of Kim. My brand had risen dramatically during JR’s hiatus, but it seemed ever since he came back, my business staggered.

I slammed my palms against the surface of my desk. It pissed me off. I worked hard. I worked my off to get where I was when everything seemed to come so easily to him. I should be where he sits. I should have everything that’s his! When I’m out there constantly putting myself on the line, where is he? He sits inside of that cramped up apartment of his, working behind closed doors and relying on others to do his job for him. It made no sense. He didn’t deserve to be where he is.

I sat back and lifelessly stared at the wall across my office. There had to be a way to fix this. More fashion shows? Should I push my models harder? Should I make Ren my Top Model and be my headliner at all of my shows? No. He wasn’t ready yet. Yes, he was great, but he didn’t have enough experience under his belt to be the Top Model yet. But right now he was my biggest weapon against JR. Ren was exotic. Everything about his appearance was unique. That day I saw him on the street I knew I had to have him on my side. He was beautiful even though he was a male. I had plenty of androgynous models, but Ren was the first of his kind to walk through my studio doors. He was someone who could rise my company because of his growing popularity. And he was also something that House of Kim didn’t have. None of the models JR had could even compete with my top three.

I smirked. It’s just a matter of time before JA Style becomes more sought out than House of Kim. Just you wait JR. I’ll take everything that’s yours from right underneath your nose- I froze when my thoughts were disrupted by the sound of my cellphone ringing. I glanced over and picked it up from the corner of my desk. To my surprise, Baekho was calling. I immediately picked up.

“My, my, my. And to what do I owe the pleasure of your phone call, ‘Mr. Kim’?” I asked, smugly grinning. This was probably the first that Baekho had personally called me, especially when there were no schedules for him. I was curious to hear what the attractive blonde had to say to me.

“Jason, is it sure that I can’t go out?” His voice poured out from the speaker. I raised a brow.

“Why? Do you want to go out?”

“I’m going crazy here.” He complained. I laughed.

“But you’re inside a mansion, dear. There’s plenty of things to do there.”

“It’s empty.”

“And what do you want me to do about that, Baekho?” I asked then paused as a sudden idea came up inside of my head. “Should I go over?” I hinted, hoping that he wouldn’t reject me. It wasn’t a secret that I had my eye on him since the moment I first saw him. Upon our first meeting I found myself deeply attracted to him. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line until Baekho finally answered.

“You?” He asked, sounding surprised. I frowned.

“Why not me?” I replied, my hopes starting to fade.

“It’s not that. Aren’t you busy?” He asked. My hopes started to rise again. I took a look at my mess on top of my desk and smiled.

“I can always make time for you, Baekho.”

“Are you sure?” He sounded hesitant. “I don’t want to distract you just because I’m bored.” He replied.

“Nonsense. I just finished for the evening. I’ll be over shortly.” I smirked as I hung up and rose from my chair. I grabbed my car keys and my jacket and stepped out of my office, traveling downstairs into the shop. I double-checked that everything was in its place before I left, making my way across the street to the parking garage where I had left my car. Once there I unlocked my car, climbed inside and started the engine. I plugged Baekho’s address into my GPS then started driving. I pulled out into the street with a dark look written across my face. I was on my way to see Baekho, the pawn I had forced onto JR to take the persona of ‘Mr. Kim.’ I had managed to convince JR that he was something that he needed, since the world wanted to know the mysterious designer behind House of Kim. Little did he know I put Baekho there for other reasons.

I pulled up in front of Baekho’s residence several minutes later, punching in the number to the gate and stopping in front of the mansion. When I exited the car I found Baekho already standing outside on the porch, waiting for me. I gave him a friendly smile as I shut the door closed and walked around the car to join him. Baekho smiled at me.

“I’m surprised you came when it’s already so late out.” Baekho said. I laughed.

“Baekho, people of my status hardly ever sleep. It’s something you’ll learn as you progress as Mr. Kim.” I assured him.

“Well, thanks for sparing some of your time here with me. I’m not used to being in such big places all day. I guess… I’m just having a hard time adapting to this new lifestyle.” Baekho admitted.

“Didn’t you say you used to live alone?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yeah, but it’s different. I could leave whenever I pleased.”

“It’s for preventative measures. Now that the world recognizes you as Mr. Kim, everyone is going to want a piece of you. It’s to protect you, if anything. You don’t want reporters constantly following you around, now do you? They’re already searching for you. Luckily we’ve made you untraceable. You should thank us.”

“Thanks…” Baekho disappointedly replied.

“Can I come in?” I finally asked. Baekho stepped out of the way and allowed me to go inside first, following closely behind. I entered the living room and took a seat on the couch. Baekho took a seat on the adjacent couch in front of me, putting space in between us. I smirked. It was a nice attempt, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from trying. I stood up and started making my way over towards the kitchen to fetch a glass of wine, leaving Baekho in the living room. I wasn’t in the least concerned about intruding, seeing as JR and I had practically given him the house to begin with. I returned with two wine glasses in my hands. I walked over towards the couch Baekho was currently seated on and held one out to him. He slightly bowed his head, accepting the wine glass which he placed down on the table without taking a sip. Using the wine offering as a distraction, I took a seat next to him, my legs brushing against his. He paused for a couple of seconds before quietly glancing over at me. I coyly pretended not to notice his gaze on me as I took a sip from my wine glass.

“Jason?” He cautiously asked. I reached forward, taking his wine glass and forcing it into his hands.

“Drink.” I instructed, trying to distract him and ease him into it. Baekho hesitantly glanced down into the wine glass before slowly raising it up to his lips and taking a drink. He slowly lowered it back down onto his lap. I smirked at him. “Do you still feel lonely?”

Baekho kept his gaze focused on his lap, purposely not making eye contact with me. There was another silent pause until he spoke up again. “Listen, I like someone.” He stated. I reached forward and took his wine glass again, this time setting it on the table.

“I like someone too.” I replied, undeterred. Baekho finally looked up at me.

“You do?” He asked, sounding surprised. I smirked then nodded. “Who?” He asked once again. I laughed.

“Do I really need to say it?” I asked. A bewildered look spread across his face as he realized who I was referring to.

“Look, Jason, I like someone, but it’s not you. Sorry.” He flat out rejected me without any remorse. I gave him a stunned look as I briefly paused. His words stung me but only momentarily. It was true that I wasn’t used to being rejected, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t handle it. I smiled in annoyance and sat back and away from him.

“Who?” I asked.

Baekho paused. “I don’t even know him, to be honest.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “So you are interested in men then?” I asked, not fully hearing him. I scoffed in disbelief. “So it was personal.”

“Sorry.”

“And just how is it that you like someone without even knowing him? Then how do you even know you like them? You had to have seen them somewhere.” I muttered.

“I saw him at the fashion show.” He replied, spiking my interest. “Actually, he was one of your models.” As soon as he said that I leaned closer to him, eager to know just which one of them they were. I had dozens of them. Which one of them had he seen that caught his eye? It had to have been one of my more popular models.

“Who?” I asked. He gave me a look of disbelief.

“Do you have to know?” He asked, sounding almost offended. I didn’t care.

“Is it Minhyun? No, it’s public knowledge that he and Aron are an item. The next candidate would be…” My voice trailed off as my eyes widened in shock. “It’s not Ren is it?” I asked in irritation.

“Why couldn’t it be?”

“You can’t have that one. He’s strange.” I quickly replied before forgetting. “Wait, no, the contract absolutely forbids you from dating! You can’t have anyone for as long as you’re Mr. Kim.” I pulled away and stood up, folding my arms across my chest and walking in a line back and forth in front of him, lost in my thoughts. So it had been Ren. I couldn’t exactly blame him- Baekho wasn’t blind. Who wouldn’t like Ren? But mixing Baekho with Ren right now would be dangerous, especially with the fact that he hung around JR quite often these days. I suddenly paused as that particular thought crossed my mind. Wasn’t this one of the exact reasons why I had convinced JR to employ a ‘fake’ Mr. Kim? It had originally been my intention to have Baekho mess up everything for House of Kim to point of beyond repair for JR to fix. Just how I would do that was still up in the air until Baekho managed to unknowingly show me the way. If Baekho were to become close to the person closest to JR, through blackmail and distortion, he could hold all the power of the company in the palm of his hand with me controlling him from the side as my puppet.

Baekho dejectedly sighed. “It figures.”

I quickly glanced down at him. “Did you want to meet him?”

“Huh?” Baekho asked in confusion.

“Ren,” I replied. “Do you want to meet him?” I asked and watched as Baekho froze. He gave me a conflicted look.

“I thought you said I can’t?”

“As Mr. Kim, you are forbidden from going out and meeting people on your own. However, it’s no secret that Ren’s biggest wish is to meet Mr. Kim. It’s a goal he’s actively working on pursuing. I promised him that he could meet Mr. Kim when JA Style and House of Kim do a joint-collaboration again at the end of this year.”

“Is there something you need me to do?” He asked, sounding eager after hearing that Ren himself wanted to meet him. It made me wonder how much Ren had managed to captivate Baekho at the show for him to seem this interested in meeting the little weirdo. Of course, Ren had managed to captivate hundreds in the room that night. But I had no idea Baekho would be one of them. I also wondered about their encounter at the hotel. Ren had mentioned that although they did come into contact, he couldn’t even muster up the courage to say one word to him and it was actually JR doing all of the talking, oddly enough. How had Baekho handled that situation? If JR was standing right in front of him, watching him, he probably handled it professionally and didn’t say anything to him. If that was the case, then it made sense why Baekho was so interested in speaking with Ren.

I smirked. “Continue to play your part as Mr. Kim while I convince the real one to push this project ahead. Ren will unconditionally be one of the models selected to showcase the line. Since the two of you will naturally be within close proximity to one another during the planning process and at the show, this could be your chance to speak with him in person, but as Mr. Kim, of course.” I replied and was given a skeptical look in return.

“Sorry, but I just don’t get it. A second ago I just rejected you and now you suddenly want to help me?” He asked. I laughed to ease his suspicions.

“Baekho, I’m used to having my feelings crushed. As a designer, you learn to build a wall that protects you from all of the rejections. Seeing as I’m a busy man, I have neither time nor energy to harbor ill feelings towards you. Since we’ll be working together side by side from now on, I’d rather we put that little awkward scene behind us so we can move forward. This working relationship can only work if we’re friends, do you not agree?” I asked. Baekho grew quiet for a moment.

“I suppose so.”

“And friends help one another out, do they not?” I asked. Baekho stared up at me.

“Then what do you get out of this?” He cautiously asked me. I unfolded my arms and placed my hands down on my hips and huffed.

“I’ve been wanting to do this collaboration much sooner but JR has been too busy dragging his feet.” I lied, giving him a sly look. “You let me take care of convincing JR. Soon you and I will make the announcement of the House of Kim and JA Style collaboration to the world. After the project is announced, the real work will begin and you’ll get your chance to meet Ren.”

Baekho gave me a hesitant, unsure look. “It sounds like there’s a reason if JR’s dragging his feet. Maybe he doesn’t want to do this collaboration, or at least not yet. There’s no doubt about it that he’s probably already busy-”

“Busy? Him?” I scoffed. Yeah, busy playing around with Ren. I didn’t tell him this part though. I smiled back at Baekho. “JR’s lazy. You’ve seen him. His looks are not deceiving. He does projects on a whim whenever he wants to. He has that luxury to be lazy because House of Kim is that highly sought after that important celebrity clientele will actually wait for him. He just needs a little push and shove. And I’ll provide that shove. So just sit back and prepare to release a public statement regarding the collaboration by the end of the week, got it?” I asked. Baekho stared at me.

“I don’t see why the collaboration has to be pushed up to now if it’s originally scheduled for the end of the year-” Baekho started to protest. I held my index finger up in the air to silence him.

“Do you wish to speak with Ren?” I asked. Baekho paused.

“…Yeah.”

“Then this is the only way it’s going to happen. Trust me, it’s going to work.” I replied, sitting back down next to him on the couch. Baekho seemed to blankly stare off across the room, lost in his own thoughts. While he wasn’t looking, I darkly smirked. “In the meantime, let’s go over the planned fashion line JR and I have previously discussed…”

 

 

JR’s POV

I sat down on the floor in my living room with my back pressed up against the foot of the couch in front of my sewing machine which sat on the small table in front of me. I was putting together a women’s blouse that was to be a sample from an unreleased line that I had planned coming up. After hours of countless fabric cutting and sewing, I finally came to a stop with a frown on my face as I stared at the wall across the room. I sighed heavily, almost pouting. It had been about a week since I had last heard from Ren. Usually he was the first out of the two of us to break and send a message or call first, but surprisingly he hadn’t. It was strange. I couldn’t recall the last time we had gone this long without speaking to each other, unless you count the time spent apart when that awkward moment occurred between us. I paused as the memory of Ren almost opening my closet and exposing all of my secrets replayed in my mind. Out of panic I had slid underneath him between him and the closet door and had come so close to his lips that even just thinking about it now made me flustered. When I realized this, I brought my hands to my red hot face and winced my eyes closed. What in the world was this?

I dropped my hands to my sides and shook my head as if shaking the thoughts from my mind and giving me a fresh blank slate. I sighed once again, staring down at my phone which rested on the corner of the table. I tightly pursed my lips together. Why wasn’t he calling me? Had we fought again? I scoured my memories trying to think if I had upset him again, aside from undressing him in his hotel room after he got drunk and abandoning him without any clothes… I paused. Wow. If I were him, I’d hate me too… I was such bad luck to him. First I put a hole in his wall, now this- no, but we made up. It didn’t make sense for this long period of silence between us. Unless he was just busy. It was possible. I got pretty busy myself too these days.

I continued staring down at my phone. Just call him. This thought kept racing around in my head. I spent a good three minutes internally debating whether or not I should do it. There was a reason why I hardly ever used my phone to make calls. I had extreme anxiety to the point where I would panic and my voice would become soft and timid, sounding almost like a child. In fact there had been several instances when I was trying to talk to my insurance provider on the phone and they asked to speak to my parents. Parents? I had long moved out from their house and was a grown man living on my own. My phone anxiety was this ridiculous. 

My heart started racing as I inched my hand closer to my phone. I picked it up and slowly started scrolling through my contacts list, pausing hesitantly when I came across Ren’s name. I selected it then stared down at the green button, debating whether or not I wanted to call him. Without thinking, I winced my eyes closed tight and hit the call button with my index finger. When I heard the sound of the phone connecting my eyes snapped open and I stared at the phone in disbelief. Why are you calling him?! He’s obviously busy! Don’t bother him anymore than you already have-

“Hello?” Ren’s voice suddenly poured out from the speaker after having picked up. I stared down at the phone with wide eyes.

“UM, WHAT?”

There was a moment of confused silence on Ren’s end of the line. “… I don’t know? You called me.” He teased, laughing lightly at me. I turned red from embarrassment. Think. You called him without reason. Now you need to say something. That was the purpose of phone calls, wasn’t it? My heart continued racing inside of my chest as my anxiety skyrocketed through the roof while I tried to think of something to say. Stop panicking! Just say what’s honestly on your mind.

“Are you mad at me?” Great. Put the blame on him. Nice going, JR.

“Mad?” Ren sounded surprised. “Of course not! Why would I? Oh- it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been caught up with work. Sorry!” He apologized.

“No! Don’t be sorry!” I instantly felt bad that he felt the need to apologize.

“Haha, it’s alright. Hey, I’m actually free right now. Do you mind if I come over?” He asked, surprising me. I glanced down at the time. It was only noon. This was usually the time that Ren was at work with Jason. If he was supposed to be at work, then how was it that he had free time?

“Y-You’re free?” I nervously asked.

“Yeah! Jason gave us the day off today. He said he had an important meeting to make and didn’t have time to bother with us… Well, he could have said it a bit more nicely, but you know Jason.” He replied.

“That sounds like something he’d say…”

“So can I come over?” Ren asked again. I glanced down at my mess that I had made throughout the morning in a panic. I would have to quickly clean up and hide everything away again… but I really wanted to see him.

“Y-Yes. You can come.”

“Awesome! I’ll be over in ten!” Ren replied, quickly hanging up. Ten minutes? . I scrambled to my feet and began gathering all of my materials together, scooping them up in my arms and running like a madman down the hall and into my room where I messily threw everything into my closet again. I ran back into the living room and lifted my sewing machine, carrying it back into my room and hiding it underneath the mess on the floor inside of my closet. I carefully shut the door then ran back to the living room, double-checking to see if I had missed anything. I rearranged the furniture that I had moved when I had started sewing this morning, trying to make everything seem as normal. By the time I had finished, Ren showed up at my door carrying bags of junk food which he waved happily in the air.

“You brought… food.”

“I brought food!” Ren exclaimed, brushing past me and entering the living room. He tossed the convenience store bags on my small coffee table and sat down on the couch. He opened the bag and began searching through it, looking for his first prey of the day. I smiled, shook my head then closed the front door behind me, joining him on the couch. By now Ren was happily munching away on a bag of chips. “Food, how I missed you!”

“You should eat slowly-”

“Here.” Ren placed an unopened bag of chips onto my lap, offering me some. “It’s a peace offering.” His words were mumbled by the sound of his crunching. I stared down at the bag resting on my legs. Another small smile spread across my lips as I found this notion of his rather amusing. I nodded and gave him a thumbs-up sign.

“Thanks for this.”

“Sharing is caring.” Ren didn’t think twice about saying this as he continued to munch down on his own bag of chips which he just now finished. He put the wrapper off to the side and began to dig into the bag for more food, laughing maniacally when he came across a chocolate bar. “I found you!”

“Aren’t you afraid of gaining all that weight back?” I asked as I slowly opened the bag of chips he had given me. Ren suddenly froze before glancing towards me with shocked eyes.

“Have I really lost that much? Was I really that fat???”

Now it was my turn to be surprised. “What? No, I-”

Ren put the candy bar down. “I was never meant to have the good things in life…” He depressively replied.

“You’re not fat… Eat. You’ve become too skinny.” I insisted, trying to help him feel better about himself. Ren grinned at me then raised the chocolate bar back up to his mouth, tearing the wrapper with his teeth.

“Well, when you put it that way!” He replied, starting to devour the chocolate. I slowly ate a chip then glanced back at him as a sudden thought occurred to me.

“Do you come here just to eat?” I asked. Ren glanced at me, still munching away.

“Huh?” His voice was mumbled by his food.

“It’s just… every time you come, you’re always eating.”

“Because you let me eat.” Ren replied then scoffed. “Minhyun, Aron and Jason are always giving me crap about my eating habits. ‘Oh, look! Here comes Tyrannosaurus-Ren with his gigantic eating habits and servings!’, ‘Is he eating for two?’ or my favorite ‘Thunder Thighs.’” He muttered, still taking another bite of chocolate.

“That’s… horrible.”

“Right?”

“Eat all you want here… I won’t judge you.” I replied after hearing what he had to endure from those three on a daily basis. Ren smiled widely at me then sat back on the couch, taking a small break from eating. His eyes began to scan the room then suddenly I noticed the smile on his lips fade when he came across my pair of headphones that I had left sitting over by the television stand. I furrowed my brows and glanced at my headphones before looking back at him, wondering why they had upset him. When Ren caught me watching him he uncomfortably shifted back up in his seat and cleared his throat.

“Can I… ask you something?”

I gave him a surprised look. “What’s wrong?”

“You once said you like to dance… Was that something that you always enjoyed doing or was it something that Dambi-noona influenced on you?” He carefully asked. I tilted my head to the side, wondering how that topic suddenly came up.

“It was just… something I did for fun once I met noona and we became friends. She would encourage me to go to classes with her after school let out each day and I discovered it was something that I was actually good at.”

“But you didn’t want to pursue it?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Dancing is fun. But it’s not my passion…”

“So it’s not something you’d ever want to do again?”

I stared at him. “Is noona pushing you to bring me back?” I asked, wondering why he kept asking me these questions about my past history with dancing. She was the only logical reason I could come up with. She had been asking me constantly to come back once I had stopped going. But I couldn’t go back.

“Of course not!” Ren nervously denied. “I was there the other day to pay her a visit and I was just… thinking of signing up for classes and thought it’d be fun if you joined too!” He spurted out. I gave him a surprised look before letting my expression fade into a sad smile.

“I appreciate the thought and gesture, but I can’t go back there.”

“Why not? The girls there keep asking about you, wondering when you’ll come back.” Ren replied. I shook my head.

“They don’t need me there.” I shifted my gaze down into my lap.

“Maybe, maybe not. But they keep asking about you. They obviously want you there, JR.”

“I don’t… want to do it, ok?” I replied, wanting to drop the subject. Thinking back to Dambi’s dance studio and how those girls were always there made me feel uncomfortable again. I didn’t know how to act in front of them. I felt self-conscious with them around. I also felt like a burden whenever Dambi spent more time with me than working with them simply because I was her friend. Rather than forcing her to make the choice of who to pick, I made the decision for her and stopped going. The room went quiet for a few minutes until I slowly glanced back up at Ren. I caught him staring at my headphones again with a sad expression written across his face. I furrowed my brows again. “That’s the second time you’ve looked at them…” I pointed out. Why did he keep staring at them? It’s not like they were particularly fascinating. They were just a pair of regular old headphones. As I said this, Ren immediately snapped out of his daze and glanced back at me with a panicked look on his face as if he had been caught. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing!” He immediately replied with a forced smile on his face. I found myself being skeptical of his response. Why was he trying so hard to smile when something like that came so naturally to him? He must have sensed my doubt. As he stared back at me his expression started to break and his bottom lip began to tremble. It looked like he was seconds away from crying. I was stunned. What was going on with him? I glanced back at the headphones. A sudden thought occurred to me about the reason why he kept staring back at them. Did he know about…? I quickly rose to my feet in disbelief, my heart racing. No. He couldn’t know. It was impossible. I had never, not once mentioned what they were for or why I used them. The only way he could possibly even know was if… My heart suddenly stopped in place. He had just visited Dambi, hadn’t he? I quietly stood up by Ren’s side in front of the couch, keeping my gaze away and down on the floor.

“She told you, didn’t she?” I muttered darkly underneath my breath.

“JR-”

“She told you about the meaning of the headphones, didn’t she?” I muttered again, feeling betrayed. How could she…? Why? Why would she tell him? Ren was the absolute last person on earth that I wanted finding out about my past! This was so humiliating. How much more pathetic did I look in his eyes now, knowing that I had been bullied to the point where I couldn’t even show my face anymore? All because of this… all because I designed fashion! They used to laugh at me and rip up my sketches and do far worse things to me after the day let out. Was it such a crime to be a male and design clothes? Society must have thought so because it managed to destroy what little confidence I had to begin with. That was the reason why I couldn’t take credit for my own company. That was the reason why I couldn’t show my face to the public as the proud designer of House of Kim and instead had to resort to someone much cooler, much tougher and attractive than me to represent my company!

I brought my trembling hands up to the sides of my face and stared down at the floor, tears flooding my eyes as I felt myself once again slipping out from reality. I turned my back to Ren who immediately stood up. As he started to reach out to me, I panicked and fled from the living room and into my room with him chasing after me. I slammed the door shut in his face, pressing my back up against it and leaving him standing alone out in the hall. I couldn’t let him see me like this. I refused to let him see me like this. No one… no one could ever see me like this. It was so shameful. Why couldn’t I just put the pieces of my life back together again like a normal person? Other people were able to do it, so why couldn’t I? Because I was weak. I let the cruel words and actions of others put me here in this dark place and my punishment for not standing up for myself back then was to sit here and continue to suffer now. Ren began to insistently knock on the door as I began to quietly sob into my palms. Just go away. Please, go away… Don’t see me like this…

“JR, open the door. Come on. Please, open the door. Please!” Ren desperately cried out from behind the door.

“Please, just go!” I pleaded, remaining still until suddenly…

‘RIIIIIIIIIIIING~~~!’

There it was again. The sound of a ringing bell in the distance had returned again. My eyes grew wide in horror. I grabbed my ears and crouched down on the floor, wincing in pain. I strained to open my eyes in search of my much needed headphones right now, the only thing that ever made that awful sound temporarily go away. I glanced around the room in a frenzy, finding nothing. That’s when it hit me. I had left my headphones outside in the living room. I looked back at the door behind me and let out a helpless sigh. I couldn’t go back out there. Not with Ren still there. Not when I was still such a mess. I glanced back in front of me and tightly shut my eyes again, the ringing noise still buzzing loudly in my ears. Deal with it. Just deal with it… You can’t let him see you like this… My entire body began to tremble as I felt myself crumbling apart even further. I collapsed onto my right side in agonizing mental pain.

“JR!” Now that I was no longer blocking the door, Ren managed to shove it open. He froze as he noticed me curled up into a ball on the floor, and crying in agony with my hands over my ears. I heard the sound of his footsteps run back down the hall and into the living room momentarily before running back into the room. I felt his arms try to embrace me from behind and I freaked out. The memories of the times when they had touched me plagued my thoughts. Although I knew Ren would never purposely try to hurt me, my body remembered the pain all too well and instinctively pulled away from him. I desperately crawled onto my hands and knees halfway across the room to get away from him. Ren quickly crawled after me on the floor, catching me in his arms from behind me. As I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders, I fought him as I loudly cried out and flung my legs out in front of me, using every ounce of strength I had within me to get away. I brought both of my hands to his arms, trying to pry him off of me. During the struggle Ren managed to remove his right arm from me, leaving his left arm wrapped around my neck to hold me in place as he reached behind him. My eyes suddenly grew wide in shock as I felt him place the headphones over my ears and push play on my mp3 player.

I froze as I heard the ambient sounds of the ocean start to flood my ears. I felt Ren tightly wrap both of his arms around my shoulders again, burrowing his head into my shoulder blades. The music slowly started to calm my panicked nerves and soothe me. I stared back at him through the corners of my eyes, shocked that he had known what to do in a situation like this without my ever having said anything. So it was true then. Dambi had most definitely told him about the headphones and what their effect had on me. Although I wanted to feel angry at her for telling him and completely humiliating me, right now I was somewhat… relieved that she had. Sometimes the anxiety and the panic attacks became so much that it was difficult to function. I often scared myself whenever these episodes happened… If I didn’t have my headphones with me, I didn’t know how I’d react or what would happen. There were times where I even severely injured myself on accident. If Dambi hadn’t told him, Ren wouldn’t have known to get the headphones, would he? Then what would have happened to me…?

I thought back to the moment when Dambi had first given me the headphones. That day… she had been a lifesaver. After what had happened, I wanted to die. My mental grip on reality was slipping and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to put up with the bullying anymore. I had been surprised when she had lent me her headphones. She hadn’t even known me. All she knew was what she saw- that I was having a difficult time. And without hesitation, she put her headphones on me. I couldn’t remember the song that way playing- all I could remember was that it was American rock n roll. Despite this, it soothed me. It wasn’t until later on my own that I discovered that ambient music worked much better to free me from my panic and anxiety attacks. But it was that single gesture that she had done for me… it was something that no one else had ever bothered to do. She had reached out to me first. Since then, she had always had my best interest in mind. Maybe that’s… that’s why she told Ren, wasn’t it? She knew that she could trust him to watch out over me. Since meeting Dambi, Ren was the first person to barge into my life and remain adamant about staying in it. And seeing how quick he was to respond to my anxiety attack, I realized the extent of something… Ren really… cared about me, didn’t he?

I helplessly collapsed backwards, my back falling onto Ren’s chest, silent tears trickling down my cheeks. After all of these years… I still wasn’t over it. My heart continued to ache with my deepest secret. Time had done absolutely nothing for me. Was it possible for Ren to understand something deep and traumatizing as my past? Growing up, Ren had probably got along with everyone. He was good looking and had a fun, care-free personality. Maybe that’s why he had never been victimized for being who he was. Meanwhile I was quiet and more impressionable. I was an easier target. I had never done anything wrong. I had never hurt anyone and minded my own business. All of what happened… happened because I liked to draw clothes? It made no sense, but it did happen. I had found something that I was good at… but people still felt the need to take it away from me. And I practically let them. Now look at me, several years later… By choosing to hide like this, they did take it away from me. They made me ashamed to be me. I didn’t want to be ashamed anymore, but what was there that I could do? Even now I could hardly stand up for myself. Even now I continued to hide.

“I didn’t mean to upset you… I didn’t mean to make you cry. I hope… noona telling me your story isn’t embarrassing to you… because… I don’t want for you to feel embarrassed in front of me.” Ren’s voice trembled from behind me and over the music as if he somehow read my thoughts. “Words hurt. People can be so cruel for absolutely no reason. I don’t… I don’t know why they felt that they needed to hurt you, to scare you, but… I don’t want this… I don’t want this for you. I don’t want you to feel afraid to show me who you really are because of what others might think.”

“I… A person like me… is broken. Can you accept that? Can you still accept me as your friend? If not then-”

“No one is perfect, no one!” Ren angrily exclaimed. “Look at me! I’m far from perfect! I eat and drink too much. I’m clumsy. I’m too forgetful. Me, someone like me, was able to become something that people told me I couldn’t. You don’t have to be perfect to still be who or what you want to be. Therefore… don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to be yourself… at least… not in front of me. Please.”

I began to cry again as his words reached my ears. My heart stung. I was already my true self in front of him. But at the same time, I was still deceiving him. Be myself in front of you? Ren, I don’t think I could ever be my real self in front of you. There might have been a time where that was possible, but now it was impossible. I could never be myself. I could never be ‘Mr. Kim’ because someone else was now. All I could ever be is ‘JR.’ But would ‘JR’ be good enough for Ren? The thought of not being good enough was both troubling and worrisome. I slowly reached up and pulled off the headphones, letting them hit the floor.

“I want to but… i-it’s scary…” I finally said after taking a deep breath. “To be myself. It’s scary.”

“It doesn’t have to be!” He exclaimed. “Just trust me, me! I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”

“Yes.”

“Then don’t be afraid. I’m here to stay.” He adamantly replied. “I’ll continue to show you that the world isn’t as bad as you think it is. I’ll help you.”

“W-why?” I asked, my voice cracking. I felt Ren smile into my back.

“Because we’re friends. And I want to be around you.” He replied. I slowly pulled out from Ren’s embrace and turned around to face him. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his right shoulder, closing my eyes as I suppressed the tears that threatened to fall. I whispered to him.

“T-Thank you.”

“For what?” Ren asked, sounding shocked. I shook my head, not wanting to answer him. I didn’t think I could process the words necessary to accurately convey my feelings. For what? For being my friend? For seeing more of me than I saw of myself? For continuously pushing me to get out more and do and see more things? There were too many things to thank him for. But the one I felt thankful for the most was that he didn’t want to give up on me, who was far more complicated than the average friend. The other day back at the hotel, in his drunken stupor, Ren had begged for me not to go anywhere. He was about as lonely in this world as I was. And it wasn’t just anyone’s company that he wanted. He wanted mine. Me, who was nobody and nothing special. And for that I was grateful. I was grateful that for the first time since meeting Dambi, someone else wanted me to be around. Someone else thought about me and cared about me. It was a big contrast from back then, when no one wanted me around and went through such measures to keep me out and keep me away. I guess… it was a ‘thank you’ for making me feel important…

I suddenly heard Ren’s phone from inside of his pocket ring. However, he ignored it. After a while I finally pulled away from him and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I think your phone rang.” I replied, surprised that he didn’t even budge to check it.

“It’s just a text.” He carelessly replied, not moving.

“Why don’t you check it? It could be something important from Jason.” I warned.

“If it was important, he would have called.”

“But still you should check it. You don’t want to get in trouble.” I insisted. Ren laughed then smiled at me.

“I’ll risk it.” He replied, making me pause in stunned silence. Was the reason why he wasn’t checking it right now because of me? I felt my heart start to race again as I began to feel flustered. I bit my bottom lip and shifted my gaze down to the floor. Ren laughed again. “Alright, alright, I’ll check it! Geeze!” He replied then finally pulled out his phone and opened his text message. Ren gasped. I quickly glanced up in worry.

“Is something wrong?” I asked. Ren glanced up at me from his phone.

“It wasn’t a text message, it was an alert from the House of Kim website.” He replied. I gave him a surprised look. Ren had subscribed to my homepage’s alerts? I paused. Wait a minute… why would my website suddenly send him an alert? I had no major announcements planned anytime soon…

“What does it say?” I was starting to grow increasingly alarmed but had to mask my true emotions. If I let my worry show too much, Ren might pick up on it, deem it strange and question it. Why would it matter so much to me unless I was the real Mr. Kim? I had done well so far hiding this truth from him that Ren didn’t even suspect a thing about me. Even though I felt horrible for continuing to hide even though I promised to show him my true self, it was something I couldn’t just easily admit to. Especially not with Kim Baekho walking around. I was stuck.

“It says there’s an announcement being made in a press conference on the news right now. Quick, let’s go watch!” Ren replied, climbing up to his feet. I stood up with him and ran with him back into the living room where I switched on the TV and flipped to the news. The TV showed the image of both Jason and Baekho standing outside behind a podium in front of dozens of reporters at a press conference. The two of them were both dressed in flashy designer black suits. Jason wore dozens of rings and other jewelry while Baekho kept it simple, once again wearing his black sunglasses. Jason smiled for the cameras while Baekho remained standing still with the same tough, frozen exterior. I furrowed my brows. Why were they on TV right now? And what was this major announcement that was to be made?

I discretely pulled my phone out to check on the House of Kim website and there it was: HOUSE OF KIM PRESS CONFERENCE ON CHANNEL 9. I narrowed my eyes. Who had authorized this press conference without running it through with me first? I quickly checked my emails. Nothing. No one had bothered contacting me for this supposed announcement. Even if someone had bothered, it still made no sense. I personally updated the House of Kim website myself. It wasn’t a task that I had left to web designers or any of my assistants. I thought back to the one time when I had updated my website from another computer besides my own. I stared at the image of the elaborately dressed redhead on the screen. The only other person that I could possibly think of that might have access to my website was-

“I, designer Fu Long Fei ‘Jason’ of JA Style am overly thrilled about the collaboration between House of Kim and myself. We have many surprises for everyone in store for you to look forward to.” Jason announced into a reporter’s microphone on television. My eyes grew wide in shock. Had Jason’s computer remembered my log-in credentials? Even if it did… why? Why would he have taken it upon himself without asking me to post something on my website? And what exactly was he saying? Collaboration? Hadn’t we originally slated that towards the end of the year? Why now? I didn’t understand. Who had given Jason permission to go around saying groundless claims? And more importantly, why was Baekho out doing an appearance as Mr. Kim? I had never approved any of this! Although I was internally freaking out, I forced a placid expression on my face in front of Ren. Ren practically screamed in excitement.

“OH MY GOD!!!” He turned around with a large smile written across his eyes. “JR, oh my god! This is like my biggest dream come true! Mr. Kim is going to be collaborating with Jason! Oh my god! I’m going to get to meet him for real this time! Is this really happening? Oh my god…” Ren replied with tears in the corners of his eyes. My heart sank as I turned my attention back to the television screen where the camera had zoomed in on Baekho’s face.

“Is this true, Mr. Kim?”

Baekho leaned in closer to the microphone with a stoic expression written on his face. “Yes.” He answered simply and mysteriously. I stared at the TV in disbelief. True? Is what true? That’s not true at all! I felt like I was about to faint. Why lie about something like this? I had no plans to start the collaboration anytime soon. In fact, I was currently working on releasing a completely different line… Jason, was this your doing? Did you tell Baekho to lie in front of all of those reporters? I couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing. In the public’s eye, Baekho might be Mr. Kim, however, he didn’t possess any of the skills that the real one did. Who would help Jason design this collaboration? Him? He couldn’t possibly! If the designs were left in Baekho’s hands, my company was done for. Baekho didn’t know what he was doing. He would ruin House of Kim… My bottom lip trembled in fear.

“Can you give us an idea of what to expect and when?” The reporter asked.

“Expect a new fall line featuring certain characteristics from both designers.” He vaguely responded, almost coming off as cold and unapproachable, just as what was written in his contract. He even had a season in mind for the collection? My knees suddenly grew weak and I almost stumbled forward, quickly grabbing onto the armrest of the couch to hold my balance. Luckily Ren’s eyes had been too glued to the TV for him to notice.

“We’re approaching the end of spring now. Does this mean your collaborated fashion line will be available this following fall?” The reporter asked again. Baekho leaned into the microphone again.

“Soon.” He said then stood back. I wanted to scream.

“Enough questions for today. We have schedules to attend to.” Jason said and patted Baekho on the shoulder, trying to drag him from the stage with him. Baekho quietly left the podium with Jason and the camera filmed them as they walked away from the crowd and climbed into their own respective cars. I shakily sat down on the couch in shock after what I had just watched on TV. I could hardly breathe. Had Jason really taken it upon his own hands to go ahead and release this announcement which I had no part of? Why would he do such a thing? And with Baekho… How had this happened? How had he managed to persuade Baekho into agreeing to do this when he hadn’t even so much as heard an order from me? My head was spinning. I tried to think of how this might benefit Jason or Baekho but couldn’t think of anything other than just intentionally causing me utter destruction.

“House of Kim and JA Style are collaborating!” Ren suddenly shrieked and stared down at the bags of food in horror as a thought occurred to him. “Oh my god, I ate so much food today! JR, why didn’t you stop me?!?! Oh my god, I’m ruined!!!”

I couldn’t speak. I felt so hurt and betrayed.

“I’m going to meet Mr. Kim! Eeee!” Ren squealed, rocking back and forth in his seat in excitement. I remained silent, staring blankly down into my lap. Ren gave me a concerned look. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited for me? It’s finally going to happen! I’m going to finally meet my hero!”

I slowly glanced up at him, my heart aching so intensely that I didn’t believe it was possible for it to hurt this much. Meet Mr. Kim? What would happen if he met Baekho? Would he… would Ren lose all interest in wanting to be around me? I had seen how he reacted around celebrities before. Would he suddenly become too busy to see someone average like me when he could be around someone famous and attractive like Baekho? It was crazy, but I already felt myself… missing him. I didn’t want to suddenly lose Ren when we had already gone through so much just to become friends. I felt like reaching out to him or telling him, no, more like begging him not to meet with ‘Mr. Kim’ under any circumstances, but I knew I wasn’t someone who could do or say that to him.

“JR?” Ren asked, breaking me from my trance. I forced a smile on my lips.

“I’m excited for you.” Don’t go.

Ren smiled at me. “Heh.”

“I… hope he’s everything you expected.” I painstakingly replied.

“Hmm?” Ren gave me a confused look.

“You admire him.” I reminded him.

“Ah, that’s what you meant. Well, he’s only human, but we’ll find out! The last impression I got of him… he seemed cold, distant and annoyed. Maybe it was because we were following him, ha ha. I’d be pretty annoyed too. But anyways, I should get back now. Eee! I’m so excited! I’ll talk to you later, alright? See you!” Ren stood up and hurried for the door, leaving his bags of junk food sitting on my table, abandoned. He kicked his shoes back on and saw himself out of the door, closing it behind him and leaving me alone. Once it was just me, I found myself staring at the door. My heart ached again. If only that much were true…

With shaking hands I picked up my phone again and dialed Jason’s number and held it up to my ear. I needed to get down to the bottom of this and why this was happening. The phone rang several times with no response. I hung up and dialed again. No response. I began to grow frustrated. My hands trembling with anger and hurt, I decided to try again. This time as soon I hit the dial button, the phone didn’t even ring and it went straight to voicemail, meaning that Jason had either turned his phone off or had removed the battery on purpose. He had been receiving my calls but chose not to answer them, avoiding me. I angrily stood up, threw my phone across the room and screamed. I grabbed both sides of my head. This wasn’t happening. House of Kim, the company I had worked so hard for the past several years hadn’t just been dealt a huge blow by the person I thought was my friend. All the times we helped each other out, whether it was with personal or design advice or even business connections and fashion shows… was it all a lie? Each time I had helped Jason, I did it because I thought we were friends. But… was the feeling not mutual for Jason? Had he been… using me?

 Jason… how could you do this to me?