Baekho’s POV

After signing the strange, exclusive contract that House of Kim’s CEO and designer had offered me, the person that I had come to know as the real ‘Mr. Kim’ along with JA Style’s Jason hastily stuffed me into a car and drove me off to a secret, unknown location. During the somewhat long ride, Jason started filling me in on my ‘duties’ from the front of the car. Hearing him ramble on, I had to admit that it was strange listening to them address me as ‘Mr. Kim.’ I had been born into this world as Kang Dongho, but I went by the nickname ‘Baekho’ my entire life, not much caring for my real name. I responded to either Kang Dongho or Kang Baekho, but surely ‘Kim Baekho’ would take some time getting used to. I would be taking on another person’s complete life and identity… And I felt somewhat nervous about it. But after looking at that contract, the perks were almost too good to refuse. Despite the absurdity of it all, I’d have to be out of my mind not to take it. I had to think of it as another modeling job, only more complex. Besides, it wasn’t like I was doing something dangerous, right? All they wanted me to do was to be a CEO/designer and become the face of House of Kim. I could do that much, right?

I continued listening on about the ‘rules’ that it took to becoming this world-famous designer that for some reason even the real man himself couldn’t seem to handle. I had to wonder… was running a company that difficult? I understood that it probably took a lot of effort to keep House of Kim running in order to keep its high-end image. With all that hard work, though, wouldn’t JR at least be proud of it? Why was he choosing to hide from it? He said he had his reasons, but I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it. But understanding JR wasn’t really a part of the job description, was it? My part was just to do as they told me and adhere to all of the guidelines they set out for me. For instance, I wasn’t allowed to meet with old friends. That wouldn’t be a problem; I didn’t have any. I wasn’t allowed to use SNS like Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. and if I had any previously existing accounts I was instructed to delete them. Well, I didn’t really have any accounts to begin with. I lived a simple life of anonymity, aside from taking part time modeling gigs. Even then it was usually about showcasing my body. I usually modeled for underwear brands, which never really focused on the model’s face, just their body. So luckily for all of us we didn’t have to worry about someone connecting ‘Kim Baekho’ to underwear model ‘Kang Baekho.’

Jason continued to fill me in on the do’s and don’ts of becoming ‘Mr. Kim’ as he drove the three of us inside of his car. From the gist of what I was getting, ‘Mr. Kim’ was supposed to be a man of silence, a sort of mysterious ‘bad boy’ type. I smirked. That wouldn’t be too hard to do. It wasn’t too far off from who I myself was. JR informed me that soon he would be coming out with another line, and when he displayed it at the fashion show, Mr. Kim would be making his first public appearance. This would probably be in a couple of weeks. I started to feel even more nervous. I had barely just signed the contract. Were they expecting me to step out so soon already? There were several of my own mannerisms that I would have to learn to correct. I wasn’t so sure if two weeks was enough time to change everything about myself. I thought back to the pay and all of the things that they were promising to offer me. Wasn’t all of that enough of an incentive to get it done in such a short amount of time? At this point, to ‘try’ wouldn’t be good enough; I would have to get it done.

The car came to a halt in front of a large western mansion that I had previously seen in a photo inside of the portfolio they had shown me. Both Jason and JR climbed out of the car. I slowly propped open the door and stepped outside, joining them. Now that we were all three standing outside in front of the gate, Jason extended his arm out and smirked.

“Welcome home, Mr. Kim.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Is this really mine?” I asked, pointing at the enormous house in front of me. It was a building big enough to house a family of at least ten. I took a look around the front yard covered in bright green grass. The amount of land that housed the mansion was equally as large and spacious. I thought back to my cramped, run-down apartment that I was just barely able to afford to keep living in by the end of each month. It was a huge contrast. Something like this place… it was something that I could only dream about attaining and never actually achieving it. And to think that it was simply being handed to me… I couldn’t believe it. Even just the notion of having something this grand belonging to me… I couldn’t comprehend it. “I can’t possibly afford this, not to mention the cost of everyday living here-”

“It’s all paid for.” JR quietly said, holding his head downwards to avoid looking at me. I gave him a strange look. He really did strike me as the shy, easily intimidated type of person. I was starting to see why he didn’t think he could represent the head of House of Kim. Someone like him appeared weak or fragile. A strong-going company like his, it needed to be represented by the image of someone who looked more capable. But really, would my image be enough to represent the best-selling House of Kim? JR continued on. “The bills… everything. I’m taking care of that so you don’t have to worry about it.” He continued to mumble, looking down.

“Really?” I carefully asked. I still felt like they were trying to prank me. This would be a cruel joke if it were. I was seriously considering tossing everything aside that made me ‘me’ in order to do this job correctly. If this was all for nothing… then I wouldn’t know what I would do. How upsetting would it be to dangle all of these luxuries in front of a person and then tell them they couldn’t have it? Everything that they had shown me- I wanted it.

JR nodded. “Everything on this property has already been paid for in full.” He said. Even Jason gave JR a surprised look as if he wasn’t expecting JR to have taken care of everything so quickly. The two of us stared at the blonde in shock. It was difficult to imagine him having so much money, especially with the casual, downward way he dressed. What prestigious designer dressed in sneakers, jeans, and a hoodie? I glanced down at what Jason was wearing. In contrast, he was wearing sharp, fitted clothes that clung more to the designer stereotype. Jason’s image screamed ‘designer,’ meanwhile JR’s image somewhat screamed ‘backup dancer.’ It was odd… but the more I thought about it, I slowly began to understand JR a bit more. He designed stiff, uncomfortable runway clothes with the intention of other people in mind, but when it came down to himself, he believed in being comfortable. Truthfully I couldn’t find fault in his logic.

“Already? Just how much money is it that you’ve been hiding from all of us?” Jason asked.

JR glanced up and gave him a nervous look, twiddling his thumbs together. “I don’t… like to brag. House of Kim is very successful, so…” He looked as if he were about to have a small panic attack. I could definitely tell that he hated to talk about himself… or even talking in general.

“I’m kidding! You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to. Damn. You need to treat me out to lunch sometime.” Jason joked. JR somewhat pouted, as if annoyed by the redhead’s antics. If he was, he didn’t say anything though. I watched as Jason punched in the code that unlocked the gate. The doors slowly swung open and the three of us stepped inside. As we entered the large front yard, I noticed the car from the picture already parked out in front of the house. My jaw slightly dropped, my heart racing. That car… a limited edition racing machine… it was mine? I had to fight the urge not to freak the hell out. Keep it together, Baekho. Be cool. As we casually passed by the car I had to pretend not to notice it, secretly planning later to go back and hug it once they were far, far gone. Jason unlocked the front door to the house and the two of us followed him inside. The image of high class modern luxury presented itself in front of me. It looked as if it had been one of the houses featured in a home décor magazine. This was like five thousand steps above the current apartment I had been living in so far. As I walked inside, I found myself being cautious, afraid of breaking anything. When we entered the living room JR feebly handed me a book. I curiously glanced down at it.

“What’s this?” I asked, surprised.

JR glanced up at me. “All you need to know about my company.”

“Read it, memorize it, live by it!” Jason energetically exclaimed, waving his arms around in the air. “At the fashion show slated in the next two weeks, this will be the first time anyone in the fashion industry has laid eyes on the mysterious ‘Mr. Kim.’ There’s no question about it; you are going to be bombarded with all sorts of questions, everything from the foundation of the company to the fabrics and influences of the showcased designs!”

“I wrote… all of the answers to the possible questions that reporters and other designers might ask. Everything from this line is covered; the fabrics, processes, inspiration, work hours...” JR replied. I flipped through the book. Dozens of pictures of the pieces he had designed along with accompanying notes were listed in acute detailing. As I flipped through each design, I found myself awestruck by the complexity and time spent on each one. With just one look at all of the hard work poured on each page, I could tell that JR was passionate about what it was that he did. But the fact that he chose to hide it all… was he really that humble about himself? I glanced back up at him, surprised.

“You really thought of everything…”

“It’s my company… and you’re Mr. Kim… you should know everything that I know.”

I nodded. “It makes sense.”

“We’ll leave you to it then. Any questions, contact either of us.” Jason replied, slinking his arm around JR’s shoulders and almost shoving him towards the door. JR stumbled forward, tripping over his own two feet before catching his balance. As he was pulled towards the door he hesitantly glanced back at me with a worried look written across his face. I smiled back at him.

“I’ll become everything you think Mr. Kim should be.” I reassured him. JR paused for a moment as he met my eyes. Finally he nodded then left together with Jason, leaving me completely alone inside of this mansion that I could strangely call mine now. I slowly made my way around the living room, passing by and admiring all of the pieces of art that laid spread out around the house on shelves, tables, and walls. I sat down on the couch and exhaled loudly, running both of my hands through my short blonde hair. I glanced over at the large book that JR had given me. I started wondering just how in the world I was going to manage to pull all of this off by myself. No, I wasn’t entirely by myself, was I? Both Jason and JR were here to help me if I had any questions. Despite knowing this, I still felt somewhat alone. I had to throw away my old life, didn’t I? Granted, my old life wasn’t anything special… but still. It was never something I imagined having to prepare myself for. Throw away Kang Baekho and become Kim Baekho; it wasn’t something I ever imagined having to do. It required a lot of mental effort on my part. Did I really dislike myself that much to have signed a contract to become someone else? Had my old life really that much? I shook my head. No. Although I struggled, I didn’t hate my old lifestyle. I had experienced loss and hardship after my parents had passed, but I made it out on my own, hadn’t I? Rather than spending time pitying myself, I found strength in my struggles, even deeming it somewhat admirable. And there really wasn’t anything to dislike about myself. The reason why I was doing this… it was because I was being selfish, wasn’t I?

I frowned, still staring down at the book. Was it so wrong to want the things that were never supposed to be mine in the first place? Even if they were given to me? I shifted my gaze down into my lap, tightly pursing my lips together. Becoming someone else was a major ethical decision. I knew it sounded wrong. My first initial thought when they proposed the idea was that I thought they were insane. But the more they explained, the more I found myself wanting to do it. Did that make me insane too? Possibly. Become Mr. Kim in two weeks? I laughed. First off, I didn’t know the first thing behind fashion. All of this time I just threw together what I thought looked good; I didn’t know the science behind it. Could I really present myself as someone who did know? I’d be nothing but a fraud…

My stomach started to hurt from all the anxiety running through me. I was beginning to second guess myself. I didn’t know what it took to be the designer of a famous company. Although technically I wouldn’t be the one running it, in order to fully be able to represent it I had to at least understand the basics of how it was run, didn’t I? I had to learn everything about House of Kim, not just the fashion-aspect of it but the business-aspect of it as well. And I had my doubts. I was never the best student back when I was in school. I got by through copying off of other students papers. Studying, memorizing and living this manual almost seemed impossible, but regardless, it had to be done. I had already made my decision and signed my name on the dotted line of that contract. I was no longer Kang Baekho, the average, hardworking citizen. Now I was Kim Baekho, and I was the infamous designer behind the prestigious fashion line ‘House of Kim,’ and it was time to start believing and acting like it.

 

 

Ren’s POV [CURRENT]

I stood frozen in place in absolute horror, terrified of moving while being forced to wear the unimaginable. It was a dress that, I shouldn’t fail to mention, was designed for a member of a popular girl group. The fact that I fit into it was another story of itself. It was a double-blow to my pride as a man. Should I gain a bit of weight? Nonsense; I didn’t know how. I ate like a monster and yet still remained the size of a beanpole because of my fast metabolism. I supposed that I could work out, but I was afraid of becoming too bulky. A thick muscular body wouldn’t fit with my face. I was at a loss. What should I do? Accept defeat and accept the fact that I could probably be the next member of this secret girl group Jason was designing for? How humiliating. All of these thoughts ran through my head as Jason placed the finishing touches on the skirt of the dress that I was dying to take off. I guess I could have taken merit that we were doing this in an enclosed room, away from anyone who could possibly see or make fun of me for being in this sort of situation…

“We’re almost done. This is the last one, promise.” Jason said with a deeply focused look of concentration written across his face. It was strange to see him like this. I felt like this was a new side of Jason that I was seeing for the first time since I met him. Of course, the first time we met I immediately mistook him for a snobbish ert. After signing and working underneath him, although it hadn’t been long, I realized that yes, at times he could seem rather snobbish but for the most part when he wasn’t being strange or goofing off, he was pretty down to earth. But that could possibly be a misconception, at least according to Dambi who claimed to both know and dislike him. I still didn’t know who to believe on that. I had yet to see this ‘dark’ side of Jason that she claimed he has, and I really wasn’t hoping to see it either. I pursed my lips together and frowned after finally growing impatient. We had already been through at least five other dresses. Hadn’t I suffered enough? I started to mope and pout, moving far too much for Jason’s tastes. Jason suddenly shoved me, growing annoyed and irritated with me. “Stop moping and stand up straight! I promise I’ll make this worth your while for helping me.”

His words managed to snag my attention. “Worth my while?” I asked in curiosity, starting to grow excited. What did he mean by that? Was it sad that the first thing that came to mind was food? In my book, the only thing worthy of being deemed a prize was something that you could physically eat. No matter how stressed or worried I was, food was usually something that could instantly lift my mood. In fact, just thinking about it made me hungry. I straightened up my posture and continued to let him work in silence, meanwhile thinking of all of the delicious things I could eat after this was over. Jason was the designer for a popular brand that even the idols sought out for, not to mention all of the models he employed and the fashion shows he held each year. That had to have meant he was loaded with money, which also meant that I could probably ask him for anything, the sky being the limit and he would buy it for me. I suffered enough for it, didn’t I? I at least deserved a free meal for my burning humiliation and for making me break the promise I had made to myself over never wearing another dress. Let’s see… there had been six dresses, meaning six free meals-

“Alright, we’re all done here!” Jason stood up straight and clapped his hands together. I spun around in the dress. As I turned the skirt twirled with me in the wind, making me feel somewhat like a princess. Which I would never admit to anyone… while sober, at least. Note to self, avoid alcohol for a very, very long time. At least long enough until this awkward memory faded from my mind. I finally clasped my hands together in excitement.

“Really?” I asked. Jason nodded and started digging inside of his own pockets in search for something.

“Hold out your hands.” He instructed. I did as I was told. When he finally reached out of his pockets, he pulled out what looked like two vouchers and placed them face down into my palms. I stared down at them. Were they vouchers for a free meal? I swear to god, Jason. If you gave me coupons for a 15% off discount at a chicken restaurant I will set your precious dresses on fire… and yes, I would still accept the coupons. I took my hands back and flipped the pieces of paper over in my palms. A blank expression spread over my face. They weren’t food vouchers or coupons. Instead they were concert tickets.

“I can’t eat this.” I bluntly replied, having no interest in the concert tickets and trying to hand them back. I had never been to a concert before, mostly because it just wasn’t my thing. Other people went to concerts and that was just fine. I on the other hand preferred to buy the DVD of the performances and watch them from the comfort of my couch in my sweatpants and a pint of ice cream. Jason gave me a strange look.

“You know what, I’m not even going to ask. But hey, if you don’t want them, I can give them to Minhyun and Aron-”

I immediately pulled them into my chest defensively. “No!” I replied. Just because I really didn’t want them didn’t mean I wanted my sworn enemies having them either. Besides, I earned them, didn’t I? I glanced back down at the concert tickets to see who was performing. “Apink?” I asked out loud, thinking back to that group of girls that were standing around Jason’s shop and finally putting two and two together. Was that who they were? Jason folded his arms across his chest.

“Their management gave me tickets, but my schedule doesn’t allow me to go to it. Rather than putting them to waste, I’m giving them to you.” He replied as if he were somehow doing me a favor. Still staring down at the tickets, I noticed that they were standing room only, which meant closer to the stage. I would have a great view- if I were to go, that is.

“Yeah, but… I’m not really into k-pop…” I protested.

“There’s always a first time for everything.” Jason insisted. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll discover something new about yourself?” He smirked. Although what he said could possibly be true, there was still one problem. There were two tickets.

“But who would I take?”

Jason grinned. “How about JR? You two seem to be getting along well quite recently.” He teased. I frowned when I was suddenly reminded that I still hadn’t heard back from him. Out of all places, I couldn’t imagine seeing JR at a k-pop concert… I would rather not ask than face rejection. Not to mention there was still the issue of the awkward situation that had occurred between us and the fact that I probably scared him with my ual orientation. I was too embarrassed after what an idiot I had been. We obviously needed to talk and address these topics, but I was fearful of being told that he never wanted to see me again. I’d rather not hear from him than be told to go away for good. I paused. Did I really want that? No. I wanted to clear all of this up. I wanted to meet up with him again… I pouted after accepting the tickets. I had really been hoping for food, but perhaps this was the wakeup call I needed to stop eating.

“I wouldn’t put it that way.” I sullenly replied to Jason’s previous statement.

“Hmm? What’s wrong?” Jason asked.

“My tendency to ramble keeps getting me into trouble a lot these days.”

“I’m not surprised; you do seem to ramble a lot.” Jason quickly shot back, not wasting any time to personally attack me. I narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance. Even if it was true, he didn’t have to point it out so easily and throw it back at me.

“Yeah, well, I really messed up. And now I’m pretty sure JR hates me. He hasn’t called me back in over a week.” As I said this Jason suddenly started to laugh hysterically as if I had made a joke just now. I stared at him in confusion, waiting for him to explain what was so funny.

“JR hating you? Just because he hasn’t called you back?” Jason had to force himself to stop laughing. “Dear, you should know that him not contacting you is a normal, regular thing if you want to be in his close circle. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but he tends to be quite shy around other people. I wouldn’t take it as a personal thing, him not calling you.”

I paused. “It’s normal?” I asked, unsure.

Jason nodded, still smiling. “The two of you are being equally as foolish. He’s probably been sitting around, waiting for you to call first.”

I bit my bottom lip. I wondered if that was really the case. It was possible that Jason was right and JR didn’t hate me and was just being shy. But knowing my luck, which I really didn’t seem to have, he probably was still upset with me. I had taken my level of joking way too far with him and scared him with all my talk about things that he probably didn’t have any experience with. “You think so?”

Jason scoffed. “Just call him and find out if you’re so worried. Now get out of my dress, princess. Your job is done here.” He demanded, ping the back of the dress without waiting for me to respond. I quickly slid out of it and jumped to the side and away from him in nothing but my boxers. I placed both hands over my crotch region and kept my back facing him, nervously looking around for my clothes that had discarded all over the room when Jason chased me into undressing. It had been a rather strange episode and probably violated several employee human rights in the process, but pursuing legal action would probably be more trouble than it was worth. Besides, it wasn’t like he had touched me inappropriately… he just forced me to try on the dresses that he had originally designed for a girl group. I mentally shuddered; how odd would that police report look? I scrambled to put my clothes back on while Jason returned the dress I had been wearing to the mannequin.

“I guess… I guess I’ll just give him a call.” I hesitantly replied, referring to JR. Jason nodded again.

“You’ll never really know unless you take action.” He said as he zipped the dress up from behind. I sadly smiled.

“Yeah.” I said, watching him place pins into the skirt of the dress on the mannequin. When he finished he turned back to me with a smile on his face. He glanced over towards the door while he dangled his set of keys in front of me.

“I suppose I’ve tortured you enough with my presence. Shall we?” He joked. I nervously laughed. Despite what he said being true, I figured it was best not to say anything than to say something stupid again, something that could risk me my contract with JA Style. Jason walked towards the door and turned the key, unlocking it and pulling it open. He stepped outside first. I noticed he slightly paused for a second before shrugging his shoulders and turning to walk away. I furrowed my brows and tilted my head to the side. What was that about? I stepped outside of the room and was confronted by what had initially surprised Jason. Both Minhyun and Aron had been standing awkwardly in the middle of the hall, staring with wide eyed, stunned faces. I paused. How long had they been standing there? Had they been eavesdropping? Well, I couldn’t exactly say I was surprised. It was something that I would completely expect from them. Either way, Jason didn’t seem to care. I started to walk down the hall and past them, stopping when I suddenly heard Minhyun scoff. Jason continued walking on without me, returning to his office. I turned back around to face them. Minhyun had his arms folded across his chest and stared at me through narrowed eyes.

“Is that how you’re planning on climbing your way to the top?” He asked, giving me an undeserved sour attitude. I blankly stared at him.

“What?” I asked, not understanding what he was implying. Minhyun pointed at my shirt with right his index finger. I glanced down to see what he was trying to draw to my attention and gasped when I noticed that I had clumsily put my shirt back on inside-out with the seams showing. Oh… OH. So that’s what he was inferring to. Suddenly it all made sense. My eyes grew wide and I immediately waved my palms out in front of me. “Of course not! I’d never-”

“Thinking that you would be a valuable opponent was obviously my mistake when I struck that deal with you. If you don’t have any self-respect, how can you possibly bring yourself to face one of the most important names in the fashion industry? Do you think House of Kim would ever approve of you sleeping your way to the top?” Minhyun asked. By now I was deeply offended.

“You don’t know who I am so don’t try to act as if you’ve known me my entire life.” I bitterly snapped. How could he say such a thing? He hardly even knew me enough to make such an accusation. This was starting to go too far.

“Answer me a question, Ren. Do you think you’re special?” He asked, not waiting for my response. “Newsflash; this is the modeling industry. The battle is getting in, but once you’re in, nothing about you is special. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got the ‘look.’ All that matters is how well you can make the clothes work and sell. After that, whoever tells you that they can help you climb higher to the top by sleeping with them is a liar.”

I glared at him. “Is that from personal experience?” I asked and was met by an extremely hurt and offended look. Minhyun stared at me with wide eyes before bitterly pursing his lips together, taking several steps forward and raising and striking me with his right hand across the side of my face, slapping me. I stood there frozen in the center of the hall, not believing what had just occurred over a complete misunderstanding. They were the ones that assumed that I had did something which I hadn’t and I’m the one that gets punished? I had to fight the silent wet tears that threatened to fall from the corners of my eyes. I inhaled and exhaled deeply a couple of times, collecting myself before I finally had the courage to raise my head and look at them again. “I might not be perfect, but I’m not stupid. I know right from wrong.”

“I’ve been in this industry a lot longer than you have. If you want to last even half as long as I have, then heed my warning: never involve yourself with the fashion designers, especially the ones that promise to give you something for something in return. That is my first and last kindness towards you.” Minhyun replied then stormed off angrily down the hall with Aron staying behind. I stared at him, not understanding why he stayed. Wasn’t he beside Minhyun 24/7? I waved my arm and pointed behind me.

“Why are you still here? To laugh at me? Just go!” I exclaimed, still upset. He was the last person I wanted to deal with. Aron scoffed then shook his head, giving me a serious look.

“Did you really sleep with him?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest. I gave him a wide eyed look, surprised that out of the two, he was the one that was asking for a clear explanation about what just happened. Aron had been the first one to start tormenting me, treating me like dirt and even so much as pranking me and tying me up to a beam in the locker room. And now he was trying to be nice? Just what was he trying to pull with me here? Aron suddenly grew impatient with me. “I can’t believe I’m asking this. Hurry up! I don’t have all day!” He claimed, annoyed. I shook my head, shifting my gaze down to the floor, upset.

“No. I didn’t sleep with him.” I replied underneath my breath. Aron glanced back at the closed door that Jason and I had just emerged from minutes ago before glancing back at me.

“Then what went on in there?”

“I was helping him… He was making last minute adjustments to the dresses for those idols.” I explained. Aron gave me a curious look.

“Is that it?” He asked, surprised. I nodded. Aron frowned then sighed. “Look, I hate you, so don’t misunderstand me when I say this, but listen to Min. It’s cool if you want to be friends with Jason, but don’t get too close or else you’ll only end up getting screwed.” He warned, making me pause.

“Screwed? And tell me; how different would that be from what the two of you already do to me on a daily basis?” I asked defensively. Aron smirked.

“There’s a difference. We do what we do to protect Min’s spot. We view you as a threat. But him? his once and he’s done with you; he’ll lose all interest in you as a model. Don’t believe me? There’s several models that have come and gone through that front door for the very same reason. He might seem friendly, but don’t underestimate the things he’ll do to get to the top.”

“So Minhyun then?” I asked.

“What about him?”

“Him and Jason-”

Aron scoffed. “Are you insane? Hell no!” He replied, offended that I would even think of such a thing.

“Then why did he make it sound as if-”

“Because Jason isn’t the first designer Min has been signed under. He’s gone through at least six different rotten designers before he met with JA Style.” Aron replied. I still didn’t understand.

“Then if he’s been through so many, why did he choose to stay with Jason’s label?” I asked. Aron dryly laughed, placing both hands on his hips and leaning forward.

“Because all designers are the same.” He replied. “Why go through anymore? Especially when he’s got it made here, being Jason’s Top Model. Just listen to him. You’ll last longer. It won’t be any fun for any of us if you ruin your chances now by screwing everything up with the designer.”

“Is that why you’re helping me?” I asked. Aron raised a brow.

“Helping?” He asked as if this was news to him.

“You’re giving me advice; both of you. Isn’t that considered helping?”

Aron smirked. “I suppose so. It’s gotten pretty boring around here. You showing up out of the blue shook things up for us. At least carry it off until the end and make things interesting, even though we both know you’ll never beat Minhyun and take his spot.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, walking past Aron. I didn’t want to deal with this. I made my way down the hall until I reached the stairs, climbing all the way to the bottom and leaving through the store entrance. Once I was back out in the streets, I slowly walked down the sidewalk with my head held down low. I placed my left hand on my cheek where I had previously been slapped. Silent tears started to build up in the corners of my eyes as I thought back to Minhyun. How could someone be so cruel to someone they didn’t even know? And Aron wasn’t any better. He made it sound as if they were helping me by giving my advice to stay away from Jason, but in the end it was really all for themselves. They didn’t care about me. They only cared that I stuck around long enough to cure their boredom. But I didn’t see any of it this way. I just wanted to model. I just wanted to meet Mr. Kim. Was that so much? Why did meeting my role model have to be so challenging?

I continued to walk down the streets of Seoul, not stopping until I heard someone calling out something in my direction, assumingly trying to get my attention. I glanced up, shifting my gaze from off of the floor and noticed that it was that same newsstand worker from the other day who had been hassling me for reading a fashion magazine. “Hey, potato boy!”

I stared blankly at him, my right eye twitching. What did he just call me? I glanced around me to make sure there wasn’t some mystical ‘potato boy’ walking behind me. There wasn’t. I was ‘potato boy,’ wasn’t I? I pointed at myself with my index finger. “Me?” He nodded.

“Well who else would I be talking to?” He asked, sounding annoyed. I took several steps closer to his newsstand.

“I’m not sure I understand-” I paused when I suddenly remembered the last that I had seen of him. That’s right. That was after I had just been rejected from the casting call and had decided to eat away my feelings. That was also when I had stuffed my armful of potatoes into this man’s hands and took off running after having Jason chase me all the way downtown. I instantly turned a bright shade of red, embarrassed for my actions that day. The man smirked as it finally donned on me.

“Starting to get it now, huh?” He asked, smirking.

I bowed my head in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“Eh. Don’t be. You made quite the story for conversation around my circle of friends.” He teased me. I pouted.

“I’m already humiliated. You don’t have to add further to it. Is that why you called me over here?” I asked, still reeling in embarrassment. He shook his head then walked to the other side of his newsstand for a moment, reappearing with a new fashion magazine issue.

“I just got this one in. Figured you’d probably want to check it out.” He said, handing it to me. I gave him a surprised look. That was the reason why he had stopped me? To show me that the newest issue of my favorite magazine was out? But wasn’t he making fun of me the day that I had stopped to admire House of Kim’s feature spread?

I took the magazine from him. “Um, thank you.” I replied, still in shock.

“It doesn’t matter to me what you’re into. Money speaks the same language.” He replied as if suddenly reading my mind. I glanced back at his newsstand, remembering the tickets that Jason had given me to the concert. It occurred to me that I didn’t know a thing about the girl group that I would be seeing soon.

“Actually… now that we’re on the topic… Do you have anything on the girl group Apink?” I nervously asked, feeling strange for doing so. I’m sure I had already made an impression on the man by reading fashion magazines in front of his newsstand. If he didn’t think I wasn’t odd enough before, surely this question would take the cake. The man’s face suddenly lit up as if I had hit a goldmine.

“Apink?” He curiously asked, trying to restrain a smile. I scratched the back of my head.

“Yeah…” This was so embarrassing.

“Of course!” He excitedly exclaimed, pulling me closer to the walls of his stand. He started picking out magazine after magazine of featured articles and interviews with the members themselves as if he had their places all memorized. By the time he finished handing them to me, I had a whole pile of magazines in my arms. I stared down at them in disbelief. How did he know that there were so many articles featuring Apink inside of all of these magazines?

“Are you perhaps-”

“I’m an uncle-fan.” He proudly declared.

I stared at him with wide eyes. “Are you really?” I asked in shock before nervously glancing around. “Aren’t you a bit… you know, embarrassed for liking this kind of stuff?” I asked. Just by looking at these girls’ image on the magazine covers I could tell they were probably your typical pop girl group, doing aegyo at every chance they got. The man suddenly huffed back at me as if he were offended that I had the nerve to even ask such a thing.

“Aren’t you embarrassed for liking fashion?”

I shook my head earnestly. “No.”

“Well then, same here! If you love something, screw what everyone else thinks. As long as it makes you happy and it’s not hurting anyone, then keep liking what you like.” He replied. Listening to his words, I agreed with him. Although my like for fashion had always been unconventional to those around me, I always dismissed whatever others thought and did whatever made me happy. Fashion made me happy. House of Kim made me happy.

I nodded. “You’re right.” I replied, reaching for my wallet to pay for all of the magazines. I gave him the money then started to make my way home, eager to do some research as to who these girls really were. By the time I had finally finished going through them it was already well past midnight. I had gone through magazine after magazine reading each of the articles and the interviews. I found that the more I read about them, the more I like them and I hadn’t even heard their music yet. I went into my room and laid on my stomach on my bed with my laptop laying in front of me and I opened up Youtube, running a search for the girl group Apink. The first video that popped up from them was ‘NoNoNo.’ I clicked on it. A twist of quirky, up-beat pop tinted music started pouring out from my speakers. I stared at the girls dancing together in unison on my screen.

No way… they were actually… good.

 

 

When daylight poured through the windows of my room, I found myself still planted in front of my computer, still glued to Youtube. What time was it? I glanced at the time on the edge of the computer screen. It was already 9 AM. Through the course of the night up until the morning I had gone through all of Apink’s music videos and had even re-watched several of them off and on. I rolled onto my back and away from the computer, blankly staring up into the ceiling. I tiredly reached into my pocket and removed the tickets for tonight’s concert, holding them out in front of me. Although at first I didn’t want to go, after doing some research, I found that I could really get into them. And besides, I had already found a member that I seemed to like the most. I kind of wouldn’t mind getting to see her in person… Ah, what was this? I was already starting to sound crazy… well, crazier than normal, anyways. I had to wonder if this was the type of person I was when it came to celebrities. Was I really the obsessive type? I wouldn’t go so far as to be considered a sasaeng, would I?

I had to take a look at my obsession with House of Kim. I owned practically every issue there was that contained photo spreads on the line. I had cut outs of those pictures posted all over my bedroom walls. I even signed with Jason’s line, hoping that he would bring me somewhat closer than I already was to meeting the man behind the franchise himself. Not to mention the deal I made with Minhyun, where if I managed to take his spot as Jason’s Top Model that he would tell me the location of Mr. Kim’s secret workshop here in Seoul. I paused and blinked several times. Good god, I really was crazy, wasn’t I? I couldn’t help but worry about the day- if the day ever comes, that is, that I meet Mr. Kim. The last thing I wanted to do was scare him away with my obsessive or awkward personality…

I laid the tickets down on the bed beside me and heavily sighed. Aside from House of Kim, there were other matters I needed to attend to. I still needed to call JR, didn’t I? I needed to apologize for my behavior and convince him not to get the wrong idea about me and my uality. Just because I was gay didn’t mean I hit on every male in a ten foot radius. Although at times he made me feel rather flushed because of his attractive looks and shy personality, I hadn’t approached him with the intention of anything more than friends in mind. And besides, with everything that I was going through now, especially with Minhyun and Aron, a friend was something that I really needed. But first I needed to find out if we were still even that. I sighed again. How in the world would I even ask him to go to an Apink concert with me? Although JR didn’t strike me as the toughest guy around, he certainly didn’t strike me as the type that would willingly go to a girl group concert. This was embarrassing. I was already starting to reconsider the idea of even going…

Just do it. Call him.

I frustratingly sat up in bed, grabbing both sides of my face. I shook my head hysterically. What if he really didn’t want to speak to me? After all, I did just royally screw up with him the last time I invited myself over. I thought back to what Jason had told me. Maybe he was right. Maybe the reason why he hadn’t attempted to call me was because he was too afraid or possibly even waiting for me to be the one to contact him first. I nervously pursed my lips together, glancing over at my cellphone which rested on the bed beside my computer. I hesitantly reached over and took it into my palm, flipping it over and starting to scroll through my contact list. I froze when I came across JR’s name. Several second thoughts started running through my mind before I closed my eyes for a brief moment to calm my nerves. Do it. You’ll never know if he’s really mad at you unless you make the call. I reopened my eyes and tapped his name on the screen. The phone connected and started dialing his number. I anxiously raised the phone and held it up to my ear. It rang several times. With each ring I started to lose more and more hope. By about the sixth ring I was ready to give up when suddenly-

“Ren?” JR’s voice unexpectedly poured out from the speaker. His voice sounded surprised, like he hadn’t been expecting me to call. Could that really be the case? Had he already erased me from his thoughts? No, he wouldn’t have answered my call or addressed me by my name if he had. I didn’t know why but suddenly I felt so emotional. Maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting him to actually pick up. I had spent so much time convincing myself that he didn’t want to speak to me again that when he did pick up it kind of shook my world. My bottom lip trembled. Control yourself, Ren. Keep calm, don’t lose your cool. Don’t scare him off again-

“Why haven’t you called me?!?!” Smooth, Ren. There was a sudden pause on the other end of the line. I had obviously done the one thing that I didn’t want to do: I had startled him. After a few seconds of silence he finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry?” He asked, sounding confused. I blinked. Did he really have no idea what I was referring to? Could he really be that naïve after all?

“You haven’t called me ever since… that night…” My voice uncomfortably trailed off as I remembered all of the embarrassing outbursts I made and how I somehow managed to come out to him, thinking that everything would be ok.

“A-Ah, that?” JR sounded panicked.

“Did I make you that uncomfortable?” I asked.

“U-uncomfortable?”

“That I’m… you know, gay.” I replied, feeling somewhat self-conscious about it probably for the first time in such a very long time. JR suddenly gasped.

“No, I don’t… care about things like… that.” He seemed to say all too quietly. I paused, feeling a huge wave of relief wash over me as his words reached my ears. It really didn’t bother him that I was gay after all? Silent tears that threatened to fall started to form in the corners of my eyes. I really had been worried over nothing like Jason had said, hadn’t I? But if that was the case, then there was still something else that didn’t add up.

“Then why… why didn’t you call me for so long? You made me think that you hated me.”

JR paused for a moment. “Several things came up… I haven’t had much time to myself since then…” His voice sullenly trailed off. I could hear the remorse in his voice. “This is all my fault, isn’t it? I’m sorry, Ren… I… I should have clarified that night, shouldn’t I? I… I gave you the wrong impression of me, didn’t I? I’m sorry…”

I shook my head, despite the fact that he couldn’t see it. “No, I’m just… happy…”

“Happy?” He asked, sounding confused. I stupidly nodded, sniffling.

“You’re the first friend I’ve made since I joined the fashion industry. It seems that everywhere else I’ve only made enemies. You’re the only other person besides Dambi-noona that’s even remotely treated me nicely and was genuine about it. I was scared that I had scared you off because of my incessant habit to ramble about the most uncomfortable or awkward things- ah, I’m doing it now too…” I slapped my hand across my face. I really wanted to cry. Once again I was being painfully socially inept. Why was I always like this? Why couldn’t I ever seem to switch it off?

JR’s end of the line went silent for a moment. “Genuine?”

“Everyone around me lately keeps telling me not to trust Jason, who seems friendly enough… I just don’t understand… Anyways, we’re still friends, right?” I asked, wanting to hear him confirm it himself.

“Of course.” He warmly said through the phone. As soon as I heard these words I finally felt like my heart could settle in peace now. “I should… I should have been a better friend. I should have handled that better than I did… Is there… Is there any way I can make it up to you?” He suddenly asked, surprising me. I glanced over at the concert tickets which remained untouched on my bed. I sheepishly smiled, feeling somewhat hesitant to even bring it up.

“Actually… there’s this one thing… Are you free tonight?”

“Tonight?” He asked. “I’m a little busy in the day, but I think I can make time in the evening-” I didn’t even give him time to finish his sentence.

“Want to meet? There’s this new noodle place I’ve been dying to try lately!” I nervously exclaimed, startling him on the other end of the phone. I couldn’t bring myself to outright ask him to go to a girl group concert with me over the phone. I’d have him meet up with me at the restaurant and then from there I could casually ‘suggest’ that we go to a ‘free concert’ that I landed tickets to and see how it went from there.

“Um, sure… okay. That sounds good.” He chuckled. “But wouldn’t that ruin your diet?”

“What diet?” I blinked. JR laughed.

“You’re the strangest model I’ve ever met…”

I smirked. “See you around 7?”

“S-sure.” He confirmed then hung up. I let the phone slide out from my palm and I happily laid back in bed, outstretching all four of my limbs. I was glad to hear that it was all a misunderstanding and terrible timing rather than to be hated for who I was. I couldn’t control my awkward personality any more than I could control my ual orientation- it was all that made me well, me. If JR had told me that he couldn’t accept it, I would have no choice but to move on without him as a friend in my life. Although I could try to tame my ramblings, I had no intention of changing who I was attracted to. But it was a relief to find out that JR didn’t care about it in the least and was actually open minded and understanding to having friends like me. I couldn’t even count how many times I had lost friends in the past over my uality. There were several that stayed, but there were also several that left. I was glad that JR didn’t turn out to be one of them. I deeply exhaled then smiled. You did good, Ren. Next step? Concert.

 

 

Later that evening, as planned I met up with JR at the noodle restaurant that I had claimed to have never been to, despite the fact that I had been there probably about a dozen times or more. It was my mistake in picking this place. I had been so nervous when arranging plans to meet with him and ask him to accompany me to the concert that this place was the first address that popped in my mind. When I walked in I was loudly and enthusiastically greeted by the waiters and owners of the restaurant, all happy to see me again and drawing unnecessary and unwanted attention on me.

“There’s our most valued customer!” The owner came rushing towards me. “You don’t need a menu, right? Are you going to order your usual???” He asked, suddenly making me painfully aware of my bad eating habits and making me feel fat. Good god. If I had a ‘usual,’ maybe I really did have a problem… Thank goodness for my fast metabolism. I waved my hands in front of me in protest.

“I’m actually meeting someone here.”

The owner blinked. “Do you mean that quiet guy over there by the window? He’s been waiting for nearly ten minutes now.”

My eyes grew wide. “Ten minutes?” I glanced down at the time on my phone, checking to see if I had been late only to find out that I was indeed on time. Had JR arrived early then? I bowed to the owner then started walking in the isles in between several rows of tables, joining JR by the window. When I arrived he pulled his attention from staring outside and timidly looked up at me, shyly smiling and making my heart suddenly skip a beat, startling me. I brushed it aside and nervously smiled back at him. “Have you been waiting long?”

JR shook his head. “I just got here.” He lied, at least according to what the owner had just told me seconds ago. I stared at him, somewhat surprised that he would tell me otherwise. Why would he lie? Maybe he really did feel bad about having not called me. I uncomfortably smiled again and took a seat in the chair across from him at the table. The waiter dropped by and promptly took our order, disappearing shortly after.

“It’s been so long… How have you been?” I nervously asked.

“B-Busy… with work.” He timidly replied.

“A-Ah, yeah, same here.” I awkwardly responded, shifting my gaze down onto the table top. “Listen, I feel as though I owe you an apology-”

“Apology?” JR asked, surprised. “No, I’m the one that should be apologizing…” He protested. I smirked, touched by his intentions to clear up the misunderstanding. I slowly shook my head.

“You already did, remember? About a dozen times on the phone.” I teasingly reminded him. He sheepishly lowered his head, avoiding my gaze. “Anyways, now it’s my turn. I said some things back there that probably made you a bit uncomfortable.”

JR waved his hands in front of him. “It’s ok! I hardly even remember what you said anyways…” He tried to reassure me. Judging by the vacant look on his face I could tell that he was probably telling the truth. I suddenly felt more relieved. Thank goodness…

“I’m glad that you said that, because honestly I don’t remember what happened to lead up to that point where we suddenly…” My voice trailed off uncomfortably. JR froze as he must have recalled what moment I was referring to when I suddenly found myself pinning him against his closet door. It had been the truth though. Everything had happened so fast, not to mention I had panicked so hard in such a brief moment that I had triggered something off in me that hadn’t happened in such a long time. JR slowly glanced up and looked at me from underneath his long blonde bangs.

“It was an accident, right?” He timidly asked. It almost sounded as if he were desperately hoping for this to be the case.

“I think so…” I replied, trying to remember. No matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t recall what had exactly happened. Had I really tried putting the moves on him? How did JR end up underneath me? JR paused again.

“You… think so?” He asked, staring at me with stunned eyes. I nodded.

“I think I must have out again.” I simply replied, earning a concerned look from him. JR tilted his head to the side and slightly furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You said something like that at the time it happened too…” His voice trailed off as he glanced down at the table shortly before glancing back up at me in concern. “You mean… this happens often? Blacking out, I mean.”

I nodded again. “Yeah, it happens whenever there’s a large surge of adrenaline or anxiety rushing inside of my body. Doctors have labeled it as a panic attack. It’s happened periodically within my life ever since the accident.”

“Accident?” JR asked before suddenly bowing his head down in front of me apologetically. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked…”

“No, it’s ok. We’re friends, aren’t we? You should probably know this about me. Back when I was in high school and my brother was in university, we got into a big accident. At the time of the accident my body went into a total state of shock. Doctors believe this is what originally triggered my blackouts. But don’t worry, it doesn’t happen too often to the point of being concerned and it only lasts for a couple of seconds anyways.” I nervously replied. I couldn’t remember the last time that I had revealed this fact about me to anyone. Truthfully, I didn’t like to bring up the past. It had been such a traumatic experience for the both of us that neither one of us ever brought it up again. A sudden look of relief washed over JR’s worried face. He began to speak.

“That’s a relief, but… why did you have a panic attack when-”

 “Order’s here!” The waiter announced, cutting JR off mid-sentence. Before he had arrived and interrupted, my heart had begun to race inside my chest as JR began to question the reasoning behind my sudden blackout involving him. I couldn’t believe that for once I was saved by my appetite. If the waiter hadn’t of shown up, I might have been forced to answer his question when the truth was, I wasn’t quite sure why it had happened either. I didn’t want to think about it any further.

“Oh, thank god. Here,” I took a bowl off of the tray and placed it down in front of him before taking my own. The waiter bowed then hurried off. Never before had I been so thankful for food. Well, that was probably a lie, but still. “Dig in! Ah ha, you’re still paying, right?” I nervously joked. I didn’t know what else to do in a situation like this. A small smirk spread across JR’s lips before he slowly nodded.

“Yeah.” He replied. I started to dig in myself. Although I was eating, I couldn’t even concentrate on the task at hand. My mind was still wondering how to bring up the concert tickets that were hidden inside of my wallet. What if he said no? That would be super humiliating. I’d probably end up going home from here instead if that were the case. Although I actually ended up liking (like was probably an understatement) the group, I was only interested in going with a friend, not alone.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked. JR slowly glanced up from his chopsticks full of noodles. He silently nodded. “The other day when I was at your place, I noticed you had really expensive looking set of headphones.” As soon as I said this his eyes suddenly grew large and wide. He immediately glanced off to the side, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Had I said something I shouldn’t have?

“I use those… to drown out the sounds of the world… with music.” He nervously replied. I awkwardly smiled at him. What was so shameful about that?

“Hey, I do the same thing too every now and then!” I reassured him. He paused slightly then nodded again. “So you’re a music lover then? What kind of music do you listen to?”

“Just… music.” He vaguely responded. I stared at him. That wasn’t quite the response I was expecting or hoping for. I had figured it out that he was a quiet person, but there was such a thing as too quiet. I found myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable too now. I felt as if the reason why he didn’t want to talk much was somehow my doing. I didn’t know what else to say from here. If he didn’t want to be here, then why did he agree to come? As if sensing my discomfort, JR suddenly spoke up. “I like ambient music.”

“Ambient?” I asked, intrigued. Finally he shared some information about himself that was actually discussion-worthy. “Like the sounds of the ocean?”

JR nodded. “It calms me.”

I laughed. “You’re already the calmest person I’ve ever met.” I joked. JR stared at me blankly, as if not understanding what was so funny. I sighed. “Is writing that stressful?” I tried to repair the broken conversation.

“Writing?” He asked, sounding as if he suddenly snapped out of a deep trance. “Oh, um… sometimes.” He quickly replied. This conversation really was going nowhere, wasn’t it? Just ask him about the concert. The worst that could happen would be him saying ‘no.’

“Listen, the reason why I asked about music was because Jason suddenly gave me these tickets to the Apink concert tonight after doing a favor for him.” I nervously replied. JR tilted his head to the side and stared at me with questioning eyes.

“Apink?” He asked. I nodded. He slowly brought his thumb to his bottom lip, lost in though. Finally his eyes lit up. “Right! The group that Jason was designing stage outfits for; I forgot.”

“Have you been that busy?” I lightly . He nodded.

“I even wrote an article about it that’s scheduled to be released tomorrow. My mind has been elsewhere lately. Sorry- I’m so scatterbrained.” He suddenly brought his hand up to his face and brushed his blonde bangs back, revealing his usually hidden forehead. For this brief moment I found myself staring at this rare sight once again, finding myself completely taken by it. I snapped out of it once he released his bangs and they fell back down over his forehead. I paused for a second. What in the world was that about, Ren?

“Have you listened to their music before?”

“I’ve listened to a few songs.” JR simply replied. I nervously laughed.

“Oh yeah, me too. I mean, they have a couple of good songs out right now.” I said, trying to act as if it weren’t a big deal when on the inside I had completely fallen in love with those girls and everything that they had ever done.

“I like ‘NoNoNo.’” JR suddenly said. My heart jumped with joy. I had to restrain my inner fanboy.

“It’s alright, I guess. I like ‘Hush.’” I replied. JR blankly stared at me before a small smile of amusement spread across his lips. He leaned forward into the table and closer to me.

“What about ‘MY MY’?” He shyly asked. I paused. Was he perhaps… a fan? Or was he teasing me? I couldn’t picture JR ever being brave enough to tease me, so I figured that it must have been the latter. Excitement washed over me.

“Oh my god, and ‘LUV’?”

JR suddenly laughed, another shy grin spreading across his lips. “Do you perhaps like Apink, Ren?”

“OHMYGODILOVEAPINK.” I confessed, making JR laugh again.

“Should we… go?” He asked, referring back to the two tickets that I had mentioned. I hysterically nodded. I felt both relieved and excited that he wanted to go with me to the concert. I had been so worked up on how to ask him, the thought hadn’t occurred to me that he would be the one to suggest going in return.

“Are you sure?” I hesitantly asked. I knew how he was about going outside. He wasn’t the type of person who willingly went out often. And besides, I knew how he was around other people. I thought back to how he fled the room at the party that night after Jason had called him to pick my drunken home. Not to mention how bothered he appeared to be at Dambi’s dance studio whenever the other girls were there. He seemed uncomfortable around people in general. I wasn’t so sure how he would manage to hold up at a concert, where thousands would be gathered. But he had been the one to suggest going… if he was fine with it then by all means. JR quietly smiled and nodded again, rising up from the table.

“Let’s go.” He replied. I immediately rose from my chair in excitement. He didn’t have to ask me twice. The two of us walked over towards the front register where JR paid as promised, shortly leaving for the concert after.

 

 

About an hour later both JR and I found ourselves standing in a crowd of people in the pit in front of the stage at the venue. The crowd in attendance wasn’t surprisingly mostly male, but there was a vast area of age ranges. I spotted several ‘uncle fans’ as well as guys my age in the audience. I smirked; I wondered if the magazine stand ahjusshi was here tonight. The longer we stood around waiting for the concert to begin, the more nervous I became. The girls hadn’t even come out on stage yet and I was already freaking out, shaking with anticipation. On contrast, JR remained standing motionless beside me, staring up at the empty stage and calmly waiting for the concert to begin like a normal person would. When he noticed that I seemed to be trembling he curiously glanced my way, giving me a concerned look.

“Are you… ok?” He finally asked, still staring at me.

“I swear to god, if they play ‘Mr. Chu,’ I’m going to lose it.” I quickly replied. JR laughed, silently shaking his head.

“Is that your favorite song?” He asked. I nodded enthusiastically. The song itself was about a girl describing how she felt every time she saw the boy she liked and how he made her heart flutter as if she were in some kind of dream. In the song she talks about how she wants to kiss him and imagining how it would feel. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt such a way. I had been single for the longest time. Maybe that’s why I had been acting so strangely lately. I longed for another relationship and all of the silly, sweet feelings that accompanied it.

“Of course! I want to find a love that sweeps me off my feet like the girls in that song someday.” I absent-mindedly declared, still staring up at the stage. When it hit me what I had just said in front of him I froze completely. I slowly looked over at him through the corner of my eyes, my heart beating a mile a minute. When I had said it, I wasn’t secretly implying anything, but knowing my luck JR might have misunderstood me. It seemed my words had no effect on him, seeing as how he continued to quietly stare up at the stage. I mentally sighed. Oh thank god. Suddenly the lights inside of the arena started to dim, snatching my attention back towards the stage. Apink’s name appeared on the large LED screen at the back of the stage. Screams roared throughout the stadium. JR turned to me, wincing in pain as the noise level became loud.

“By the way, you never mentioned what favor it was that you did for Jason...” He curiously stated, making my eyes grow wide in panic. At that moment the background music for ‘Mr. Chu’ started blasting through the speakers, followed by the girls entering the stage completely adorned in the pink floral outfits that Jason had designed specifically for them. I awkwardly turned away from JR, pretending not to have heard him and pointed towards the stage, redirecting his attention elsewhere in hopes that he would soon forget the question he had just asked of me. Although it definitely made an interesting story, there was absolutely no way I would be telling JR that I had tried on each and every single one of those outfits and modeled them for Jason as he made the last minute adjustments. The girls all started to perform their arranged choreography to the song, just as I had seen in the music video. Out of pure excitement I grabbed onto JR’s left wrist and started jumping up and down, rattling him back and forth with me as I went. We had been so close to the stage that I could see the girls look at me as they sang. When one of the girls suddenly ran to the corner of the stage and held her hand out I started screaming and trampling over dozens of other fans just to get the chance to touch her. I managed to brush the tips of my fingers against hers before she pulled back and continued performing the song. As I felt her hand barely graze mine I began jumping up and down screaming like the maniac I secretly was, happy to have gotten lucky enough to touch one of the members. When I glanced back behind me I noticed a look of bewilderment written across JR’s face. Keep it together, Ren. I embarrassingly made my back to him in the crowd, sheepishly shrinking into my shoulders. JR smiled at me but didn’t say anything. Instead he continued to quietly watch the concert from where he was at. To avoid further humiliation I remained calmly watching the rest of the show beside him. The girls went through several songs until the concert was eventually over. At the end of the concert, to avoid being trampled by the crowds of people trying to pour out of the venue all at once, JR and I stuck around and waited behind. As more and more people left I turned to JR.

“Fun concert, huh?” I sheepishly asked, feeling somewhat ashamed of my behavior. I had never acted this way before. I had never gotten this excited over anything in my life. I almost couldn’t believe it happened. I was starting to doubt myself and my field of work. I’m sure as my modeling career progressed and if I ever did venture away from the catwalk and into photography I would probably be shooting with several top actors or idols. But it wouldn’t work out if I literally lost my mind like this every time I got a chance to meet or touch one. JR slowly nodded.

“I think… I had more fun watching you.” He replied, his remark catching me off guard and making me pause. It was an innocent remark, and I was certain he didn’t mean anything by it, but I felt my heart start to skip a beat again as I stared at him with wide eyes. I nervously laughed, trying to brush it off and recover from that unexpected statement of his.

“Oh, that? Pfft. I was just caught up in all of the excitement around me. It’s no big deal. I mean, I love them but it’s not like I’m a hardcore fan or anything. I just so happened to score free tickets to the concert from Jason.” I lied, trying to cover up and save myself. By now 3/4ths of the venue was empty, leaving just the two of us and a few other people standing around. JR suddenly glanced over my shoulder and past me, furrowing his brows and tilting his head to the side in confusion as he pointed behind me towards the stage.

“Isn’t that one of-” He started to slowly say. I didn’t even wait for him to finish before I spun around in such a hurry to take a look that I almost gave myself whiplash. It was then I spotted what JR was referring to. One of the girls had returned to the stage, looking around the floor as if she had lost something.

“EUN-JI!!!!!!!!” I screamed then took off running, abandoning JR and leaving him behind while I rushed to the bottom of the stage. She glanced up from the floor and looked at me, a surprised look on her face. She smiled when she realized that I was a fan then waved to me before returning back to searching for whatever it was that she was looking for. Her face lit up when she apparently found it. I watched her kneel down and pick up an earring she must had dropped during one of her performances. I remained standing down in the pit, staring up at her in admiration. Finally she glanced back my way as she stood back up. Slowly she began making her way over towards the edge of the stage, approaching me. As she drew closer I felt my heart start to race in excitement. She crouched down and sat in front of me.

“Hi there.” She innocently replied. I almost died.

“I-I-I-” I stuttered as JR walked up and joined me from behind. He glanced up at Eun-ji on stage as he slowly removed his cellphone from out of his pocket.

“Can he… take a picture with you?” He shyly asked. Eun-ji gave him a surprised look before smiling and nodding. She hopped off the edge of the stage and joined me down on the floor level. I gave JR a surprised, yet terrified look. What did he just ask? What was happening? I completely froze when she stood beside me and probably posed in a cute fashion while I stood still like a telephone pole. JR held his phone up and snapped the picture. He bowed shortly afterwards and timidly thanked her. He was able to talk to her far easier than I was able to… and he was the quiet one! Say something, Ren! Anything!

“I’M REN.” I finally managed to spurt out. Eun-ji gave me an amused look. She leaned forward and tapped my nose with her index finger.

“You’re so cute, Ren! Bye-bye!” She replied while waving before pulling back and skipping away. Once she was gone I collapsed down to my knees, trying not to faint. I took a couple of seconds to recollect myself before I glanced up at JR.

“How did the picture turn out?” I curiously asked. JR glanced down at me from his phone.

“She was resting her head on your shoulder…” He replied. I stared at him with big, wide eyes full of shock and surprise.

“You’re lying.” I said, not at all recalling what had just happened a few seconds ago. JR gave me a startled look for calling him a liar then slowly shook his head. I refused to believe him. “I think I would remember having felt her touch me if she had-”

“Look.” JR turned his phone around and held it down at me. My eyes grew even larger when I took in the sight of Eun-ji cutely clasping her hands together and resting her head down on my shoulder while I seemed to resemble a shy, lost, terrified child in a supermarket. My jaw dropped. JR curiously looked at me. “Is it possible…? Do you not… remember?”

I glanced back up at him. “Huh?”

“Did you perhaps… blackout again?” He asked, sounding concerned. I paused. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of that being the case. Had I? I had been so anxious and nervous once I felt her attention on me that I hadn’t even realized… Did it happen again? I bit down on my bottom lip, lost in thought. This hadn’t been an issue for me until recently. It made me wonder how many times something like this had occurred without me having realized it. This troubled me. I was torn from my thoughts when JR suddenly reached his hand out to me, waiting for me to take it so that he could help me up. I glanced up at it, startled. I had felt so unsettled about blacking out until I realized that he was smiling down at me, temporarily making me forget about my worries. Maybe he sensed that I was at unease after he had made that statement and was trying to help me move on. In either case, I reached forward and took his hand, allowing him to help me up off of the floor. When I rose to my feet I smiled back at him.

“I’m sure it was nothing; I probably just got too excited again. That’s all…” I said to reassure him, however, it sounded more like I was trying to convince myself. I had gotten this far since the accident and I had been fine. And I was sure that I would continue to be fine. After all, it wasn’t like I got this excited or nervous all of the time. It only happened twice now as far as I knew, and those two moments were when I took a picture with Apink’s Eun-ji and then the other… I glanced over at JR as we quietly made our way towards the exit of the stadium. As crazy and farfetched as it sounded, I had to start thinking about the reason why I was acting strangely around him lately. Yes, I had several other male friends in the past before, but no, I had never acted this same way around them. I was never this lame or uncollected. I never rambled this much. My heart didn’t race this fast or skip a beat every time I hung out with them. All of this only seemed to happen whenever I was with JR. Only around him did I feel comfortable yet nervous at the same time. Was it possible…? What I originally once thought and labeled as ‘intrigue’; could it perhaps be something else? Did I… like JR?

The entire time we walked out of the stadium I kept my eyes staring into JR’s back as he walked ahead of me. It was possible I was overthinking things like usual. Besides, I knew better than to think anything more of JR than as just a friend. I forced a painful smile across my lips as I shifted my gaze up in front of me. That’s right, Ren. Let’s not get hurt. I had barely just got him back as a friend after that painful misunderstanding. Don’t lose him again. He’s probably the last remaining genuine person left in Seoul city. I watched as JR flagged down a taxi and opened the door. He quietly glanced back and made eye contact with me before climbing inside the back seat. I nodded then climbed in after him. We rode the taxi further into town where the first stop was my apartment. Before climbing back out I turned and smiled at him.

“Thanks for coming with me. I’m glad everything was just a misunderstanding and we sorted everything out.” I said. JR shyly smiled and nodded.

“Me too.”

“I hope… we can hang out again.” My voice trailed off. I had to question the meaning behind my own words. Why did I hope for this as much as I did? Why had I let JR not calling me for a week bother me as much as it did? Was having his presence around that important to me? “Soon. I really look forward to hanging out with you again soon.”

“I’d like that.” JR replied.

“But on one condition!” I held my index finger out in front of him. “You have to come up with something to do next time, and you have to call me first! Deal?” I was determined to change this bad habit of his of not calling people first. Slowly but surely it was my goal to bring him further out of that tightly closed shell of his. JR seemed like the type of person that you would have to continuously push in order to get him to do something outside of his comfort zone. It wasn’t that he was unwilling, but simply because he was shy. JR gave me a surprised look.

“Me…? I have to…” His voice trailed off, sounding unsure. Had I put too much pressure on him? Surely it wasn’t that difficult of a request that I was making… JR seemed to squirm uncomfortably in his seat.

“Come on, it doesn’t have to be anything big. Even if you want to call me up and take a break from all that hard work you’ve been doing and go see a movie, I won’t say ‘no.’ Anything, ok?” I reassured him with a smile. JR nervously nodded.

“Ok.”

I finally waved. “Then I’ll see you soon; goodnight!” I happily replied then spun around and took off running to my apartment building, where I climbed the steps, unlocked the door and quickly entered. I leaned my back against the door as I shut it, quietly staring up into the ceiling with questioning eyes. If I left it up to JR to call me, would I ever get to see him again?

 

 

JR’s POV

After dropping Ren off in front of his apartment complex and watching him enter his own unit I had the taxi driver drop by Dambi’s dance studio. Since I was already out, I decided to stay out. Besides, I really needed someone to talk to after Ren had just dropped that unexpected bomb on me. Not only did I have to call him back, but I had to make plans for what we could do next. He had put me in a rather uncomfortable position. Hanging out with a friend… it was something completely new to me. What did friends do together? I had grown so perfectly content with being alone and doing my own thing while locked up inside of that apartment of mine. Now that there was suddenly another person’s presence in my life, I had to start thinking of ideas of what to do for fun. And I didn’t have the slightest idea.

I paid the taxi driver once we arrived in front of the studio then climbed out. As I entered the building, I walked into the loud sound of classical music pouring out from the stereos and the image of Dambi, who was alone, dancing gracefully around the studio. I caught her glance up into the mirror as she heard the small bell hanging above the front door entrance jingle. As we met eyes through the reflection of the mirror she softly smiled at me. I waited until she was finished with her routine, standing off to the side in the room. Finally when the music ended she turned around and approached me.

“It’s late. Strange seeing you out.” She wasted no moment in teasing me. I slowly nodded, keeping my head down.

“I was out… with Ren.”

Dambi’s face lit up. “With Ren, you say?” She raised a brow then smirked as if intrigued. I didn’t understand the meaning behind the look on her face. “What were you doing out so late with Ren?”

“We were at a concert.” I replied. Dambi paused, taken aback by what I had said just now. She stared at me with wide, surprised eyes.

“A concert? You?” She asked in disbelief. She glanced off to the side, whispering in amazement. “Wow… I can’t believe it. He’s actually gotten you to come outside?” I slowly nodded.

“Yeah…”

She smirked. “I knew I had seen something good in him. It’s about time you finally go outside and enjoy life a bit. I never understood why you’ve punished yourself like this ever since high school. It was never what you did, but what they did to you-”

I quickly shook my head from side to side. “I didn’t come here to talk about the past.” I promptly cut her off. She paused again for a brief moment before smiling apologetically and nodding.

“Then what did you come here to talk about? Since then, I haven’t seen you around as often as I do now these days. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. For a brief period I even managed to get you to come to dance classes but then you stopped coming.”

I paused. “Are you… mad?” I fearfully asked. She shook her head.

“At you? I could never be mad at you. It just wouldn’t feel right. And besides, I should be happy that you’re coming to me now, shouldn’t I?” She smiled. “So what’s bothering you? You said you just got back from a concert with Ren, didn’t you? Didn’t you have fun? Why do you look so glum?”

“I did… come back from a concert. I did have fun. In fact… I don’t remember the last time I ever felt so happy…”

“So then what’s the problem?” She asked. “Don’t you like hanging out with Ren? Granted, he’s a rather strange one, but you can tell his heart is in the right place.”

“It’s just… I saw the way he looked at that band that he admires and suddenly felt… more self-conscious.” I replied.

“Self-conscious? Why? What would make you think that way?”

“Ren also… admires ‘Mr. Kim’ this way. I think.” As soon as I said this the look on Dambi’s face turned into a dark frown. Seeing the way Ren had reacted to meeting Eun-ji of Apink made me wonder how he would react to meeting Mr. Kim- not me, but the one I was hiring Baekho to represent. Would he become that excited that he would black out again? It also made me think… If Ren were to somehow find out that I was the real Mr. Kim, would he even be excited, or disappointed? I wasn’t the coolest person around… I didn’t want to find out. Dambi crossed her arms at her waist and glanced down at her feet.

“Does he know?” She asked underneath her breath. I paused then slowly shook my head. She sighed heavily and glanced up at me. “Are you planning on telling him?”

“I can’t…”

She gave me a stern look. “Jonghyun, you can’t hide like this forever.”

“I never wanted to be ‘Mr. Kim.’” I protested.

“Then what did you want?”

“I wanted to do what made me happy… without fear… without fear of rejection or ridicule. I don’t want to be ‘Mr. Kim,’ I just want to be Ren’s friend ‘JR.’”

“Are you sure that’s what you want? That it’s enough?” She asked me. I nodded. She sighed again. “I want you to do what makes you happy and keeps you smiling again. I’m just going to have to trust that you’re doing the right thing and what’s best for you. And if you ever need my help or guidance, know that I’m here for you, like always.”

“I believe that I’m doing what’s best for me… I think. But noona… I’m not used to this.” I replied. Dambi suddenly blinked in confusion.

“What’s ‘this’ that you speak of?” She asked. I glanced down at my feet.

“This feeling that I have whenever Ren is around… I’m not sure what it is. But I feel happy. Most of the time when I’m outside, it’s strictly for work purposes. And during those times, I’m always anxious or at unease… but, whenever I’m out to meet Ren, I don’t feel that way. Because of him, I’ve actually gotten the chance to experience meeting up with a friend to drink, or try a new restaurant, and even attend my first concert. These are all things that I’ve never done and would have never done on my own… but they were things that I’ve wanted to do. And I didn’t feel scared at any of those moments.”

Dambi stared at me for a while before warmly smiling. She placed her right hand on my left shoulder. “That’s because it’s been a long time since you’ve been around another person, and a person whose company you enjoy at that.”

“You think so…?” I asked, unsure. Was it simply just that? I did enjoy Ren’s company. But at the same time, I felt sorry to him as well. He said it himself; his biggest dream was to meet ‘Mr. Kim,’ but little did he know that he already met him. And it wasn’t something that I could easily tell him, if I ever did, but wasn’t planning on. During that week of silence between us, I purposely kept myself busy with my designs and sewing as well as attending to the situation with Baekho and making sure everything was going according to plan. I did this so that I wouldn’t be forced to think about Ren, who I had no idea of how to approach. I didn’t want to explain to him why I didn’t want him looking inside of my closet, but at the same time how was I even supposed to? I had even so much as slid underneath him, throwing myself between him and the closet and resulting in an awkward situation which still made me uncomfortable thinking about. It wasn’t that it was because it was another guy within close proximity to me; it was because it was another person. Just thinking about how I had let Ren leave with the impression that I was homophobic still bothered me. But I didn’t know how to fix this situation and so I did what I was best at: I hid. Dambi suddenly nodded.

“I think this ‘Ren’ can bring out a side of you that you’ve long forgotten. People who make you feel comfortable to be around and can also get you to try new things are what we call ‘friends.’ They’re not out to hurt you. They just want you to be there to experience all of life’s joys with them. It seems like Ren really wants to be your friend. You should continue to keep meeting him. I think only good things can result out of it.”

“But…”

“But what?” She asked. I pursed my lips together.

“He wants me to pick what we do next… Noona, what do friends do for fun?” I asked. Dambi’s face lit up in amusement as she laughed. She patted me on the shoulder and leaned forward, looking me straight in the eyes.

“There’s tons of things I could tell you to do, but the best things are the ones left unplanned. You don’t need to have plans to have fun. But that’s something that you’ll discover more for yourself as you become closer with Ren.” She replied. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting to hear, but I assumed that she had to be right. She was a far more likable person than I was and was effortlessly flawless when it came to being social. I hesitantly nodded.

“I’ll just… wait for something good to happen, I suppose.” I replied, feeling unsettled. Dambi smiled.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”