Ren’s POV

I sat staring down at the table in the middle of a Korean restaurant, waiting with both my stomach and heart feeling empty. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this numb. I didn’t know how else to deal with this uncomfortable feeling other than with food. When the waitress finally arrived with the order and placed the large bowl of noodles down in front of me, I didn’t spare a second to reach across the table and dig in. I could hear the startled gasps of the waitress, Minhyun, and Aron. The waitress excused herself while Minhyun and Aron stared at me with large, wide eyes. I ignored their response, despite the fact that I was the one who had invited them here to eat with me. Of course they hardly ordered anything, as opposed to myself who nearly ordered everything. Five minutes had passed since I had started attacking the noodles and I was already almost done. I lifted the bowl to drink the broth them slammed it back down on the table once I had finished. Minhyun slapped my hand as I started to raise it to order more.

“Stop it!” Minhyun scolded me in attempt to stop my emotional eating binge. I pulled my hand away from him and started to reach for a side dish. I paused as he angrily pushed my hand away from the dish. I guiltily kept my gaze down on the table, refusing to look up at him. I waited then grabbed the plate and slid it towards me after he put his hand back down by his side. Minhyun shot me a dirty look while Aron gave me an uncomfortable one.

“Look, I love food as much as the next guy around here, but you’re going to get fat.” Aron warned then sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. “You eat as if you’re going through a heartbreak.”

I froze at his last comment. The sudden reality that I could no longer see or talk to JR, at least for the meanwhile, struck me hard. I had no one else like JR in my life. When things became too hard, I always went to him. I’d call to hear his voice or hang out. Even if I didn’t tell him all of my problems or worries, I didn’t have to. Just being around him made me automatically feel better. But now I couldn’t do that. Why, especially around the time that I had told him my heart’s biggest scar? Was it really bad timing like he said? Did he really have to work? He mentioned something about trying his hand out at something new. That’s right… JR would never lie to me, right? I just had to be patient and let him do whatever it was that he needed to do while I did the same. But it was hard to do that with all of this happening right after I had made that stupid, selfish move on him. Silent tears suddenly trickled down the sides of my face and down onto the table. Both Minhyun and Aron gasped and stared at me with concerned looks on their faces. Minhyun furrowed his brows and slightly tilted his head to the side.

“Are you?” Minhyun asked. I rose my right arm and wiped the tears away from my face, forcing a fake smile on my lips. I shook my head.

“I’m just hungry.” I replied, not wanting them to worry about me.

“Why’d you really call us out here?” Aron asked.

“I didn’t want to eat alone.”

“Bull. Eating alone has never been an issue for you.” Aron replied. “Keep this up and you can forget about doing the collaboration. You know the rule, if you can’t fit into the sample, you’re out. And that’s with every designer, not just Mr. Kim.”

“Oh god, don’t say that name. I’m trying to eat here.” Minhyun bitterly spat before throwing his chopsticks down onto the table in a fit. “Forget it, I’ve lost my appetite now. Might as well just leave.” He abruptly stood. Aron glanced up at him from looking at me and rushed to stand up with him. Minhyun glared down at me. “Come on.”

“Huh?”

Minhyun agitatedly sighed. “Get up. You’re coming with us, aren’t you?”

“Where are we going?”

“To the park.” Minhyun vaguely stated. I stared at him before furrowing my brows in confusion.

“But why there?”

“To scream into the Han River like they do in all the dramas whenever someone has a broken heart.” Minhyun responded.

“I don’t have a-” I started to protest when Minhyun suddenly walked around the table and pulled me up by my lower arm. He dragged me over to the front desk where he took out his own card and paid for everything even despite me telling him not to. After the cashier swiped his card he took it then spun around with his arm still linked underneath mine, dragging me outside of the restaurant with Aron running out after us. Minhyun started to pull me towards Aron’s car which had been parked outside on the side of the street. Aron grabbed his keys and unlocked the doors with his small remote. My heart started racing as we approached the front of the car. Aron quickly glanced at me before turning to Minhyun.

“Sit in the front with me.” Aron instructed Minhyun who had been reaching for the door handle, in the process of forcing me to sit in the front seat. Minhyun paused momentarily before nodding, not making a big fuss out of it and instead pulling me backwards with him and opening the door to the back seat, shoving me inside. He slammed the door shut and took a seat beside Aron in the front of the car. As Aron started the engine I saw him glance back at me through his rearview mirror. The two of us made eye contact and I silently mouthed the words ‘thank you’ towards him. He nodded then pulled out into the street as Minhyun started to flip through the radio stations. Several minutes later Aron stopped the car. I glanced out the window to see that we had arrived at the park. The bridge over the Han River had already been lit up, illuminating the surrounding area along with several of the street lamps placed on the side of the water. The three of us piled out from the car and made our way over towards the river, leaning against the stone railing and staring out into the dark nighttime sky. We spent several minutes in silence until Minhyun was the first to break it.

“I don’t know who it was that did it, but now that you’re here, forget about them.” Minhyun suddenly said, still looking out into the river. I slowly turned my head to the right to look at him.

“…What if I don’t want to forget about them?”

Minhyun paused. “Answer me this one question then. Can you honestly say you’re happy right now?” He asked. I stared at him with wide eyes.

“I don’t… I don’t know.” I replied. “I’m lonely. Whatever I seem to do, I feel it… the loneliness. But I didn’t with him. Now knowing that I can’t see him or even hear his voice, I feel empty. No, I’m not happy. I’m downright miserable. I want to see him. It’s only been a day, but I miss him.

Minhyun shook his head. “If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, doesn’t it make sense to forget about them?”

“It’s not like that though. It wasn’t a breakup. He asked me to wait… And even if it hurts, even if it hurts so damn much, I want to wait… because there’s not another person out there like him. I’ll wait for him, even if it turns me into a crazy person. That’s why asking me to just forget him… it’s impossible. I just can’t do it.”

“Move on.” Minhyun simply replied, startling me.

“Huh?” I asked, stunned.

“Moving on is not about forgetting them; it’s about learning to live without them. If it hurts that much waiting for someone or it turns you into a crazy person, it’s not healthy. Not for you and definitely not for your career.”

“That was both cruel and uncalled for.” I replied, my heart aching from Minhyun’s cold words. Minhyun pursed his lips together, guiltily looking out into the river to avoid looking at me. I suddenly felt Aron’s right hand pat my back. I slowly turned to look at him.

“Do or don’t. It’s up to you. But as your seniors that know a thing or two, at least listen to what advice we have to give you. You haven’t been your normal self today. Your work was messy. You ate at least half of your bodyweight. You need to take a look at this heartbreak of yours and ask yourself- is it worth it?” Aron asked.

“You want to become the Top Model, don’t you? You want to eventually move on from this place and experience bigger and better things, don’t you?” Minhyun asked. “If asking you to throw away your self-destructive emotions for the sake of your career is cruel, then yes, I am cruel.”

“Love can be self-destructive, but it can also be uplifting as well. And what about you and Aron? Can you still call it self-destructive when the two of you are so evidently happy?”

“The two of us have had our fair share of fights… Ren, I say all of this to you in hopes that you listen to my words. But by all means, you do not have to. I’ve already told you my expectations for you; I want you to be the model that eventually replaces and outdoes me. The conflict between love and work isn’t a new one in the modeling industry. I’ve been where you’ve been. I’ve been there several times. Aron might be the person I consider my first love, but he’s not the only person I’ve ever loved. His is just the strongest. You once told me that you want to be more like me- don’t. Don’t be like me. I was romantically tied to several other designers when I was naïve and fresh in the industry. The result? I ended up hurt, wounded, and used. All because I jumped at whatever chance at love I got and believed it was real each time... Whoever this person is, don’t assume that he’s the one just because he’s the first in a long time or even just first in general. Love will always find its way to you if you believe and you respect yourself enough to wait for it.”

“That’s why I don’t mind waiting… What I have with him… it’s got to be real. Even if he’s lost right now, I know he’ll find his way back to me. I appreciate the two of you worrying about me, but it’s something I’ve already decided. I was weak today, but tomorrow I’ll be stronger because… I made a promise, a promise to become something great. I’m not sure when I’ll see him again, but when I get that chance, I’m going to surprise him. I’m going to become someone who’s admired by many.”

Minhyun finally turned his head to look at me with a small smirk on his lips. “That’s what I like to hear. It seems like you’ve made up your mind. Just as long as you don’t let your decision get in the way of your goals and dreams. I apologize. I won’t ask you to do unreasonable things again.”

“It’s ok. You didn’t know. You saw I was hurting and in pain and you said what was on your mind.” I replied. Minhyun stared at me with a surprised look on his face.

“You know, it’s okay to be upset with me. You don’t always have to pretend to be fine for the sake of other people.”

I chuckled. “I really am fine though, you know why? Because little by little, I’m starting to understand you more ever since you finally opened up to me.”

“Is that so?” Minhyun grinned.

“AHEM!” Aron jealously cleared his throat. “His boyfriend is still standing right here, BUT ANYWAYS, that’s right, just pick yourself up and clap off the dust!” Aron replied, slapping me on the back. I smiled and nodded.

“I will.”

 

 

The following three weeks were spent practicing at Jason’s studio, even when I didn’t have to physically be there. I spent all of my time working on my walk and learning to control my expressions. When I wasn’t practicing, I found myself constantly being surrounded by Minhyun and Aron who seemed to be watching me like a hawk ever since the night I had called both of them out and I ended up confessing my heartbreak to them. I understood that they were worried about me, but with time, the pain lessened and I was able to fully devote myself to my career. There had been a several times when Jason walked in on me when I was practicing and he even gave me tips and pointers on how to improve my walk. He seemed to be very satisfied with my walk. But there was something different about Jason these days. He wasn’t as unconventional or strange as he had once been back in the beginning when I had signed on to become his model. He was much quieter and it seemed like he was under a tremendous amount of stress with his skin becoming paler and it even looked as if he had lost weight. I started to grow worried about him. He was always in his office- in fact, I don’t think there was a time I had ever seen him go home. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he was busy working on the collaboration.

Today I found myself sitting inside of the dressing room inside of Jason’s studio, sitting in between Minhyun and Aron as we waited for the makeup artists to work their magic on us. Each one of them had been given a copy of a final sketch of one of the outfits that we would be representing down the runway at the House of Kim and JA Style collaboration show. They had also been given a sketch of a very basic and general idea of the type of makeup style and range of colors that Jason and Mr. Kim wanted for us to be wearing. It was up to the makeup artist to perfect their vision and bring it to life. I had managed to sneak a peek at the outfit design I was to be wearing. It was a white blazer and dress pants with a large grey trench coat hanging off of the shoulders. The blazer had two big vertical stripes- a grey and a gold stripe, running down the left side. The inside lining of the trench coat was a black material. This was all put together by matching black dress shoes. It was… different. I could definitely see hints of both House of Kim and JA Style in this outfit. I glanced at Aron’s sketch on my left. His consisted of a more relaxed, casual outfit. His sketch detailed a light grey t-shirt, white jeans, and a grey and black mandarin collar zip-up jacket. The jacket also consisted of the same two vertical stripes, only his were gold and black as opposed to mine. The outfit was wrapped up by a pair of silver metallic slip on shoes. It definitely seemed like an outfit that was made to match his personal style. I looked over at Minhyun’s sketch to see a plain white t-shirt paired with loose grey pants and a long white and black striped dress shirt falling down to the knees. The outfit was completed by a pair of silver metallic converse. By observing the final sketches of the first outfit, I could sense a common theme: stripes. The designs were both edgy like JA Style and sophisticated like House of Kim. I was awestruck by the collaboration. I had never expected to see such a piece in House of Kim’s line. After all, he stuck to business casual attire. Jason, however, was far bolder with his designs, usually designing stage outfits for idols or rock stars. Although it was different, I was in love with the end product. I couldn’t help but smile in excitement as the makeup artist had me close my eyes to apply a faint shade of orange shadow to the corners.

“I can tell someone is excited.” Minhyun replied before he was told by his makeup artist to shut his eyes. Without thinking, I nodded in response to his statement and was then met by the scowl of my makeup artist who lightly slapped the side of my head and scolded me for moving. I quickly and awkwardly apologized, trying to hold still.

“I am. I can’t wait to wear this.”

“Woah, hold your horses there, kiddo. The show’s not here for another two months and these are just the sketches. We’ve got several models here, so I doubt they’re even done sewing a third of the first round of outfits.” Aron spoke up.

“I know, I just can’t wait. I can’t believe that I’ll actually be representing something from House of Kim. I just hope I don’t make a fool out of myself during the meantime.” I replied then opened my eyes as I had been instructed to. As I opened them, I suddenly spotted Mr. Kim’s reflection in the mirror in front of me. He was standing in the back of the room with his arms folded across his chest, observing everything that was going on. I quickly averted my gaze back to my own reflection before he could catch me staring at him. My jaw dropped when I realized the heavy amount of orange shadow the makeup artist had applied to the corners of my eyes. The bad makeup paired with my bangs which she had used a hair tie to fasten them standing upwards, I looked like a unicorn with an infectious eye disease. I shrieked then slapped my hands over my mouth to quiet myself, not wanting to draw Mr. Kim’s attention my way. Dear god, he couldn’t see me like this! I glanced up at my makeup artist and whispered to her. “What happened?!”

“I told you not to move, but you wouldn’t listen.” She loudly replied without a care in the world.

“So you turned me into C-3PO from Star Wars?!” I harshly whispered back. She shrugged.

“Next time, don’t move.” She evilly smirked.

“Take it off!” I cried.

“Oh nooo… I left my makeup remover in my other kit. It’s in the other room. Sit tight.” She monotonously replied, slowly leaving the room in anything but a hurry. I silently wept on the inside. Don’t let Mr. Kim see me like this, don’t let Mr. Kim-

“What in the world is this?!” I heard Mr. Kim suddenly scold from behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin before cautiously glancing up to see him staring straight at my reflection in the mirror. He had managed to stop the makeup artist before she had left the room. As he caught me glimpsing up at him he quickly turned his back to me to face her. “I believe I asked you a question.” He firmly stated. A terrified look spread across her face.

“I-I was about to leave to get the makeup remover to correct it-”

“To correct a mistake which should have never been made in the first place?” He asked in a loud and intimidating tone of voice. She shakily bowed in front of him to apologize.

“I’m sorr-”

“Are you a professional?” He cut her off. She froze halfway down, glimpsing up at him.

“Yes?”

“Then you know exactly what it is that you should and should not ever do, am I correct?”

“Yes sir.” She guiltily replied, still bowing down in front of him.

“You may leave. Grab your belongings and get out.” Mr. Kim darkly replied. She rose back up and stared at him with wide, stunned eyes. There was a deafening silence in the room. All the other makeup artists and models had all paused what they were doing to watch the scene unfold. I sunk in between my shoulders, somehow feeling responsible for this whole mess. When the makeup artist didn’t move, Mr. Kim removed his trademark sunglasses from his face and narrowed his eyes at her. “I said get out!” He screamed at her, making her jump. She ran back towards me at her station and shakily scooped up all of her belongings into her bag before shakily turning to bow at him one last time before dashing out the door in tears. Once she was gone, Mr. Kim turned to face all of the other makeup artists who were standing frozen in fear like statues. “Does anyone else not want to be here as well? Now is the time to step forward. No? Then get back to work. This is a professional workplace and I expect for it to be treated as such if you expect to work with me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.” All of the makeup artists answered in unison and strictly went back to work on their models. The woman that was working on Minhyun tapped me on the shoulder and sympathetically handed me a makeup wipe from her own collection of products that she had brought with her. I gratefully bowed my head and accepted it, sliding forward in the chair and dabbing it around my eyes to remove the awful traces of orange shadow. Mr. Kim suddenly walked up and stopped behind me.

“I’ll be bringing in a new makeup artist from my own company for you by tomorrow. You may leave after you finish cleaning up.” He darkly replied, making me pause with the makeup wipe still in hand over my right eye. I glanced up at his reflection in the mirror in panic.

“I-It’s okay! No, really, it’s ok. I don’t want to be a bother-”

“Your constant protesting is becoming a bother for me.” He warned. I stopped.

“I’m sorry.” I replied, not knowing what else to do in this situation which I felt was entirely my fault. She had only done it because I was annoying her with how much I had been moving when she told me not to. Maybe it really was unprofessional of her, but at the same time, I hadn’t been listening.

“It wasn’t an offer but a statement, Mr. Choi. Learn to tell the difference between the two. Not having a suitable makeup artist for one of my models is unacceptable.”

“I-I understand. I apologize.”

“Speak with me outside.” He replied, turning his back to me and leaving first. I froze. The same sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach from before occurred once again. What had I done now? At least the first time I understood what I had done wrong, but this time it was all so unclear. I finished removing the eyeshadow and rose from the chair, following him outside into the hallway where he was standing by himself, waiting for me.

“Y-You wanted to see me?” I nervously asked and watched as he eyed me from head to toe.

“Do you take modeling lightly?” He asked. I blinked.

“What? No, I mean, of course not-”

“You as the model have every right to speak up about something if you do not like it. You were just going to let that woman do whatever it was that she wanted to you? Then you must not take modeling seriously. I do not want or need people like her on my team, people that will hold back the success of this collaboration. From now on I expect for you to be vocal about any errors which should not have happened.”

“Y-Yes sir…”

He shook his head. “Not ‘sir.’ Call me ‘Mr. Kim.’” He ironically said as if it made much of a difference.

“Yes… Mr. Kim…” I replied in fear of further upsetting him. He froze and stared at me with a hesitant and uncomfortable look on his face. As he caught me trying to read his expression he quickly put his sunglasses back on.

“Very well. You may leave.” He replied. I froze in horror.

“You mean I’m fired???” I asked. Now it was Mr. Kim’s turn to freeze.

“Pardon?”

“You just said…” My voice trailed off in panic. He paused for a moment as if he were recalling what he had said when he had dismissed the makeup artist just moments ago. He shook his head.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I-” He spoke to clarify however I was too busy hyperventilating to hear him.

“You referred to me as one of your models and then you told me to leave and I just, I just…. I just want to wear your clothes, please don’t make me leave!” I hysterically pleaded. Mr. Kim removed his sunglasses to reveal a strange, weirded out look on his face.

“No, you’re not listening to me. You’re not fired.” He reassured me with an awkward smile spread across his lips. I stopped and stared at him with a more than relieved look on my face.

“You mean it? Oh, thank god. I’m so relieved. I seriously thought I was fired. Wow, I just made an idiot out of myself… But really! I know it might sound really unprofessional of me to say this, but I saw some of the design sketches and woah… I’m both amazed and happy to be working for you, Mr. Kim. Thank you for believing in me, even though I don’t really deserve it.”

“What do you mean you don’t deserve it?” He asked.

“Despite the fact I practice hard, I’m still a bit of a newbie in the modeling industry.” I modestly replied.

“I’ve seen you walk. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I had to have you.” As soon as he finished I stared at him with wide, surprised eyes. Mr. Kim awkwardly cleared his throat. “As my model.” He clarified for me. I awkwardly nodded.

“Ah… yes, I see.” I replied, feeling a bit flustered. “Thank you, Mr. Kim. It’s a real honor to hear you say that. I think you know how much your designs mean to me. And even now just getting the chance to speak to you like this, it’s something I never would have imagined for myself, so thank you for noticing me and giving me so many chances and opportunities.”

Mr. Kim smirked at me. “How can someone be so humble?”

“Hmm?” I blinked.

“Do you really admire me that much?” He asked, making me pause.

“Yes.” I honestly replied. Mr. Kim stared at me in silence for a couple of seconds.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it sounds for a model to admire the designer they are working under?” He warned. My eyes grew big and I placed both hands in front of me and waved them frantically around.

“I know how it must sound, but I promise I understand which lines not to cross. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m harmless. I’m just here to become something great.” I smiled at him. Mr. Kim was silent for a moment before he spoke up again.

“To become something great requires hard work and effort.”

“Of course! I’m willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal!” I happily exclaimed. Mr. Kim smirked, tilting his head to the side.

“Anything?” He asked. I froze, suddenly aware of how badly Mr. Kim had just taken my words out of context. I felt my heart start racing inside of my chest. Oh my god… What the actual hell was going on here? Was Mr. Kim really coming on to me? I mean, there were a few times I had received awkward and mixed signals from him, but I dismissed it for being an impossible delusion of mine. Mr. Kim could have anyone in the world that he wanted. Why would he settle for a klutz like me? I mentally laughed at how ridiculous this all sounded. Apparently it really had been that long since the last time I had fooled around that I really was starting to think that anything with a pulse wanted me. Even… JR… No, that night wasn’t my hopeful thinking or wild imagination. JR really had felt something for me- I had felt it.

“Um, wait a minute. Let me backtrack here for a second-”

“If I were to ask you for a sudden favor, you wouldn’t be above it, knowing that I’m your boss?”

“Is this a test?” I worriedly asked. “I feel like there’s a wrong answer to this.”

“Answer the question.” Mr. Kim simply replied, waiting for my response. I thought back to Minhyun’s words that night at the river. I clenched my fist down by my side.

“Mr. Kim, I’m sorry. There’s a lot of crazy things I’ll do, but if you’re referring to what I think you’re referring to, I’m sorry but my answer is no because I respect myself enough not to.” I honestly replied at the risk of possibly upsetting him. Mr. Kim stared at me for a moment before suddenly smiling and laughing. He leaned forward and closer to me.

“Mr. Choi, I’m not that type of man.”

“H-Huh?” I asked, growing even more flustered by his close proximity towards me. Our noses were barely centimeters apart. I held my breath, trying to calm myself then exhaled as he pulled back and away from me.

“What in the world did you think I was asking you to do for me?” He asked in astonishment, making me wonder about him. Was Mr. Kim not gay? No way. I could have sworn he was hitting on me just now. I shook my head from side to side and shrugged.

“I don’t even know anymore. Tell me, I’m kind of slow.” I replied then watched as Mr. Kim reached into his leather satchel hanging off his left shoulder, pulling out a thick paper envelope sleeve probably full of designs. He held it out to me.

“Can I ask you to take this up to Jason’s office for me? I have to be leaving immediately.” He replied. I nearly collapsed in embarrassment. I quickly took the document from him with both hands and bowed.

“Was this all? Mr. Kim, you didn’t need to ask me. All you had to do was just tell me and I would have gladly just done it…” I wanted to die. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t even deserve to live at this point. If I jumped from the JA Style studio staircase, was it enough to incapacitate me, or just seriously injure me? I started to do the calculations inside of my head. Maybe if I ran from a distance before I leapt-

“Good to know. And this,” He suddenly reached forward and tapped my bangs which were still tied in an upward angle with his right index finger. “Get rid of this. It’s very un-model-like.” He smirked for a brief moment before quickly letting it fade and turning around, leaving me standing alone out in the hall holding the document he had given me to transfer over to Jason. Once he was gone, I tore the hair tie from my bangs and let them fall down over my forehead. I mentally sobbed as I made my way towards Jason’s office where he was busy pinning a piece of fabric onto a fashion mannequin behind his desk. I knocked before I entered, snatching his attention. As he turned his head to look at me, I noticed he had several pins in between his teeth.

“Wrem, come in~!” His words were muffled by his clenched teeth. I came inside and placed the file down on his desk.

“Mr. Kim asked for me to bring you these.” I put the file down on his desk. As I said this Jason froze momentarily before pulling away from the mannequin and removing the pins from his teeth. He turned to face me with an amused look on his face, despite the fact he looked pale and just overall plain awful.

“Oh, really? Mr. Kim?”

“I know, I’m just as surprised as you are.”

“You two seem to be getting along quite well these days.” Jason replied. I shrugged.

“Not really. Aside from a couple of run-ins, it’s strictly all professional.” I lied with the burning memory of the embarrassing mishap that just occurred several minutes ago fresh in my mind. So to die, I just walk straight out of the building and into the street into oncoming traffic and-

“I see. Mr. Kim is a man of few words. You’re pretty lucky he takes the time to talk to you.” Jason seemed to push. I nervously laughed.

“You don’t have to remind me; I mean, he’s only my hero.” I replied, watching as Jason reached down for the file that I had placed down on his desk.

“Thanks for this.” He said, almost stumbling forward onto his desk as he tried to pick it up. I immediately ran around the corner of his desk to catch him before his face hit the table. I was almost taken aback by how thin his arms had become when I wrapped my hands around them from behind. I pulled Jason back up and he staggered to keep his balance.

“Jason, have you even been eating?” I worriedly asked. Jason paused for a moment to think. He shook his head in annoyance.

“Ah, I don’t remember. Leave, I need to get back to my work.” He said, seeming somewhat irritated that I was concerned about him. He tried to push me off of him only I didn’t budge. I kept my grip on his arms.

“Not until I see you eat. I haven’t said anything because I felt it wasn’t my place, but you’ve been working yourself sick lately. You look like a ghost of your former self. Skipping meals, especially when you’re so busy, is the worst thing you can do!”

“So annoying!” Jason screeched at me. “I eat! Just not as much lately… My stomach has been hurting me recently. There’s a dull pain that only seems to get worse when I eat, so I don’t.” He explained. I paused.

“That doesn’t sound right… Jason, you should probably check yourself into a hospital. It sounds serious.” I worriedly replied.

“Nonsense. There’s no time for that.”

“Are you in this collaboration alone? Talk to Mr. Kim, tell him you need some time to take care of yourself. I’m sure he’ll help you with you portion of the work while you’re out.” As I said this Jason dryly laughed.

“Mr. Kim doesn’t give a damn about me, Ren. If he found out I’m unwell, it’s something he’d probably end up feeling happy about. He sure as hell wouldn’t pick up my slack when he’s busy enough with his own. And besides, the show is in less than two months. There’s too much work to be done.” Jason explained, surprising me. Did he and Mr. Kim not get along? I would have never guessed it. The times they were together, they both seemed very professional. But there really wasn’t a way for me to know; I was never around long enough to see their interactions outside of work.

“But you can’t do any of that work if you’re dead, can you?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Stop being overdramatic and get back to work.”

“Mr. Kim told me to go home.” I replied. Jason rolled his eyes again after hearing that Mr. Kim had dismissed me for today. It felt like the secret relationship between Jason and Mr. Kim was suddenly coming to light in front of me. I hadn’t ever noticed it before, but Jason seemed irritated whenever I mentioned his name. Maybe they really didn’t get along. And maybe that was why Mr. Kim asked me to personally bring the document up to him, not wanting to deal with the man directly himself.

“Did he? Whatever, then just go. I’ll be fine.” He insisted.

“You really don’t have to do this on your own.”

“I’ve managed to come this far all on my own. I’ll be fine even if there’s no one by my side in the future.” Jason darkly murmured, snatching his arms out of my hold and taking a few steps towards his mannequin where he started to go back to pinning pieces of fabric together. It was obvious this conversation was over. I uncomfortably pursed my lips together as I turned away from him in defeat. I stopped in the middle of his doorframe and glanced back at him over my shoulder.

“I know what it’s like to be alone too. That’s exactly how I know when to admit I need help. Seriously, Jason. If you need anything, you have my number.” I replied, making Jason pause. He slowly glanced back over his own shoulder and sadly smiled at me.

“My dear, I think you’re the only person in this world that is truly kind to me…” His voice trailed off as he became lost in his own troubled thoughts. His words confused me for a moment. What did he mean by that? I thought back to the feud between Jason and Dambi that Minhyun and Aron had told me about, and then I thought back to the night of the fashion show when the two crossed paths and Dambi was seething with anger towards him  and Jason almost had her escorted out. I also thought about the newly discovered sour relationship he had with Mr. Kim. It was true Jason was a difficult person to get along with, but with more than one person now at odds with him, there had to be something he was doing wrong to rub so many people the wrong way. I just wasn’t seeing it though because Jason treated me well enough. Finally Jason nodded. “Ok.” He slowly put down the piece of the fabric in his hands. “I’ll go.” He replied. I stared at him in shock for this unexpected turn around. Maybe Jason really was in a great deal of pain.

“Really? Do you need me to take you?”

Jason dryly laughed. “In what car? Nonsense, I’m fully capable of taking myself. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He grabbed his car keys off the corner of his messy desk and slowly started to walk around from behind his desk, almost stumbling over again. He froze, bringing his right hand across his forehead with his left hand over his stomach. He glanced back over at me. “On second thought, I’ll reconsider that offer. Here.” He tossed the car keys across the room. Panic slowly spread through my body as I watched the keys fly towards me. Jason wanted me to drive? Right as I was about to raise my hand to catch them, a hand came out from behind me and over my shoulder, snatching them away from me. I looked behind me to see it was Aron who had grabbed them with Minhyun behind him. I stared at Aron with wide eyes. He silently nodded at me in understanding. Minhyun walked around Aron and stepped into the office, standing beside me.

“It looks like you’re going to need help. Aron will drive.” Minhyun said, turning towards me. “Ren, you help me carry him downstairs.”

“Ridiculous; I don’t need to be carried.” Jason deliriously protested.

“You can’t even walk, you idiot.” Minhyun chastised him. Jason went silent. “I’ll take that as a confirmation, then.” Minhyun replied then walked around behind the desk and took Jason’s left arm, throwing it over his shoulder. I nodded then hurried over towards them, taking Jason by his right arm placing it behind my neck. The two of us carried him out of his office and carefully down the stairs. As we reached the shop level of Jason’s studio, he called out to his assistant that was behind the front counter, instructing her to carry on with normal business hours and to cancel all of his appointments for the day which she agreed to. The four of us made our way over towards Jason’s car in the parking garage further down the street. When we finally found it, Aron unlocked the doors and the two of us helped Jason into the backseat. Both Aron and Minhyun climbed into the front seats while I took the back, watching over Jason as Aron drove us off to the nearest hospital. Once we arrived, the nurses took one look at the state Jason was in and immediately took him into the back, leaving the rest of us standing around in the lobby.

“You saved me again.” I said, turning to Aron who gave me a sudden surprised look. Once he finally realized what it was I was referring to, he smirked.

“As long as you acknowledge it.” He arrogantly joked, throwing both arms up and bending them, lacing his fingers behind his neck. “Nah, it’s cool. I know how you get about cars. You’re just lucky the two of us happened to be passing by at the time, or else you would have been in yet another jam.” He replied. Minhyun suddenly reached for my arm, turning me to face him. He gave me a serious look.

“What is it about cars that makes you so tense?” Minhyun asked then paused. “I noticed it the night we went to the river. You tensed up and Aron awkwardly covered for you. He never does that for anyone and the jerk won’t tell me no matter how much I ask about it. He said to ask you directly, so here I am.” Minhyun replied. I uncomfortably shifted my gaze down to my toes.

“I was once in a really bad car accident and now I’m afraid of being in the front portion of a car. That’s all, really.” I admitted to him, deciding it was probably the best thing to do if the three of us were going to be friends now. Something as crucial as my phobia of cars wasn’t something that I could hide for long from him and it wasn’t something that I wanted to. Minhyun’s eyes grew wide in shock before he released my arm and let his hand fall back down to his side.

“I apologize for asking.” Minhyun shortly replied, thankfully not asking for any further details. Perhaps he saw how much it bothered me just thinking about it. “From now on I’ll act more appropriately, now that I know.”

I smiled at him and nodded. “Thanks for that.” As I thanked him, a doctor suddenly came out into the waiting room and approached us with a clipboard in his hand.

“Which one of you three are acting as his guardian?” The doctor asked, looking at each of us. Both Aron and Minhyun shared confused glances with each other as they silently debated who would take responsibility for Jason. Although they had helped bring him here, I had my suspicions that the only reason they had was for my sake. Neither one of them seemed to have a decent relationship with Jason, something which I was suddenly discovering that not many people did. I stepped forward, volunteering.

“Me. I am.” I replied. Minhyun gave me a concerned look.

“Are you sure?” He asked. I nodded.

“Yeah. I was the one that offered to bring him here in the first place. You two go ahead and go back. I’ll look out after him.” I replied. They nodded and Aron handed me back the keys to give to Jason. I took them and watched as they both left. Once they were gone I turned around to face the doctor again. He handed me a form to sign. After I signed it, I handed it back to him. “Did you find anything?”

“The patient is suffering from an extreme stress-induced stomach ulcer complication. The ulcer is bleeding. It’s a good thing you brought him in when you did, young man.” The doctor replied. My eyes grew wide. Jason had been under such amount of stress that it had caused a stomach ulcer? I could believe it. He had been working himself to death lately.

“Is he going to be okay?” I worriedly asked.

“Emergency surgery is needed. Depending how it goes, we’ll see after that.” He replied. I nodded.

“Do whatever it takes.” I replied then bowed and watched the doctor leave with the signed medical form. I sat down in one of the rows of chairs inside of the waiting room and looked up at one of the TV’s that was hanging from the ceiling. The news was on. Although I was watching, I wasn’t paying any attention. My mind was wandering. I had known that Dambi and Jason didn’t get along, but today it came as a surprise to discover that neither did he and Mr. Kim. Add in Minhyun and Aron who seemed to tolerate Jason on good days, and that was already four people that disliked him. And then there was that comment that Jason had made before leaving for the hospital, about me being the only person that was truly kind to him. It made me wonder… was that because of his own doing? Growing up, my mother had always told me ‘you’re only treated the exact way you treat others.’ There had to be something that Jason wasn’t doing right towards all of these people that I was blind to. But why was I the exception? Granted, our start wasn’t that great, and he wasn’t exactly the nicest person around, he still treated me decently. In fact, he had even told me once before that he favored me.

I pursed my lips together in heavy silence. I thought of the possibility of the reason Jason being nice to me was because he needed me. I was still a newbie without much experience yet, but even I couldn’t ignore the increase in the amount of publicity and love calls he received after my first runway show. Not to mention the several times that he had made it a point to tell me how ‘beautiful’ or ‘exotic’ he thought I looked when we had our terrifying first encounter. I paused. No… surely this wasn’t the reason. I was probably just being overdramatic. I had a successful first show and several encounters with my hero, Mr. Kim, and it was all going to my head. I slapped myself. Wake up, Ren. People aren’t really that horrible, are they? Jason could be mean, but he wouldn’t use people, would he? I rolled my eyes at how erratic I was being then slumped back in my chair and waited for further word on Jason’s condition.

 

 

Baekho’s POV

“Do you really admire me that much?” I asked as I looked down at the doe eyed blonde that was staring up at me. He had managed to surprise me when he said that he was undeserving of being here. It made me wonder: were we talking about the same person that I had seen walk that runway? The person with such talent and skill? His humbleness really was astounding. Or maybe it had nothing to do with this. Maybe the reason why Ren felt so undeserving was because he practically worshipped Mr. Kim and had put him so high up on a pedestal that nothing he could ever do would be worthy of him. It was slightly disheartening. I really hoped it wasn’t the latter. I didn’t want him to think of Mr. Kim as godly because then he would never see the real me like I wanted him to. I could hear Jason’s words echoing in my ear from the distance:

‘The human heart is fickle. His heart might long for someone else, but my dear, have you forgotten just who you are? Right now, you are the only other man on this planet that kid adores more than JR.’

It bothered me. Even without hearing Ren’s answer, it was plainly obvious not just to me or Jason, but to everyone. Right now it wasn’t me that he was admiring, but it was Mr. Kim. Jason had wanted for me to take advantage of Ren’s feelings for Mr. Kim in hopes of using it against JR, but it wasn’t what I wanted nor was it my intention. I wanted Ren’s attention, yes, but not by using someone else’s impressive accomplishments or for the reason of hurting someone else. It was purely for selfish reasons: I wanted him to like me- not Mr. Kim, but me, despite how difficult or unreasonable it might be. I wanted to pursue him with everything I had, but I was still hesitant even despite already making up my mind not to leave him alone. I knew Ren’s heart was still fixated on JR; something like that wasn’t easy to overcome, especially when the emotions involved were strong. I also had a worrisome feeling about JR. I had absolutely nothing to go on about how he felt about Ren in return. Did he, or did he not like Ren back? Jason had already dealt a major blow to JR by swindling him out of his company. The last thing he needed was another heartbreak provided by me. But at the same time, Ren’s heart was still breaking and so was mine by continuing to watch him sulk around. Was it even possible for someone not to get hurt in this situation? I wondered.

“Yes.” Ren replied. I wasn’t surprised.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it sounds for a model to admire the designer they are working under?” I warned about the risk of facing disappointment when his favorite designer didn’t turn out to be all that he might have expected. And it was true. I probably wasn’t anything that he had expected or will expect if my true identity ever comes to the surface. I watched as a strange and sudden panicked look spread across the blonde’s face as he frantically flailed both of his hands around in front of him. He looked embarrassed. I furrowed my brows, wondering just what it was that was going on inside of that complicated head of his. But my thoughts became distracted when I saw the flushed light red tint across his cheeks. I know it sounded horrible, but I actually liked seeing this side of him more than the ‘cool’ model side of him on stage. Before becoming Mr. Kim, whenever I happened to catch a fashion show and all of the models on TV, it had never crossed my mind that these lifelike ‘dolls’ each had their own worries, thoughts, and lives. Ren and all of his quirky flaws and imperfections was the first model to really open my eyes and make me realize that even models weren’t as perfect as they appeared to be.

“I know how it must sound, but I promise I understand which lines not to cross. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m harmless. I’m just here to become something great.” He awkwardly smiled at me. I stared at him in silence. Which lines not to cross? His words stunned me but I shook it off.

“To become something great requires hard work and effort.” I replied, still wondering what he meant by his previous statement. Did that mean that even if I were to become a horrible person and use my status as Mr. Kim as an advantage to try to sway him towards me, it wouldn’t work? Not that I was planning on it, but still, that was still a surprising thing to say to me.

“Of course! I’m willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal!” Ren oddly exclaimed. For someone who had just professed that he would never cross any lines, what he said just now sounded extremely inappropriate. I smirked then tilted my head to the side as an evil thought occurred to me to test his boundaries. If anything, I just wanted to see him squirm and panic again, buying me more time with him.

“Anything?” I asked, ruthlessly poking fun at him underneath my cold exterior. Ren suddenly froze. I could see that his mind was racing by the way he began to crazily look everywhere but at me.

“Um, wait a minute. Let me backtrack here for a second-”

“If I were to ask you for a sudden favor, you wouldn’t be above it, knowing that I’m your boss?” I asked. Although I was teasing him, I wanted to know something about him. Despite saying that he wouldn’t cross any lines, if times became desperate and he really wanted to boost his career, would he really do anything to achieve his dream? Even if that meant becoming involved with his favorite designer? It would probably seem like a dream come true, if it weren’t for the fact that his heart was taken by another at the moment. But what if the day came where JR finally didn’t mean anything to him? What was to stop him from going to Mr. Kim then? I had to know. I wanted to be mentally prepared for that day if it ever came so that I would know how to handle it. If it was Mr. Kim and his status that he wanted over me as a person, I wasn’t sure if it was worth it. Ren seemed like a good hearted person so far, but even then, I still didn’t truly know him yet. But I wanted to.

“Is this a test? I feel like there’s a wrong answer to this.” Ren sounded unsure as he was slowly starting to catch on. I didn’t want to make it obvious that it was a test so I refrained from answering.

“Answer the question.” I sternly replied with a small gut-wrenching feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I was almost afraid to hear his answer. What if he said yes? Would I take advantage of it if given the go-ahead by Ren? I terrifyingly wasn’t sure at this point. I liked Ren and there wasn’t anything I wanted more than to be a part of his world. But just how badly did I want it? Jason’s words constantly rung inside of my head, terrifying me. I held the power to do and get away with practically anything I wanted to. But I didn’t want to be rotten like him. I didn’t want to use or trick people. If Ren ever did come to me, I wanted it to be because he felt the same way about me as I do about him and not for any other reason. But there would always be that evil temptation eating away at me.

Ren paused for about a minute before clenching his fist down by his side. He seemed bothered. “Mr. Kim, I’m sorry. There’s a lot of crazy things I’ll do, but if you’re referring to what I think you’re referring to, I’m sorry but my answer is no because I respect myself enough not to.” Ren sternly replied. At that moment I didn’t exactly know how to feel. I felt relieved that his answer was no. He was truly beginning to prove the good image I had of him inside of my head. But at the same time, I felt kind of dejected, knowing that Ren might try to keep his distance from me because I was the designer he admired. I forced a smile on my face and laughed before leaning forward and closer into him.

“Mr. Choi, I’m not that type of man.” I .

“H-Huh?” Ren stuttered, his cheeks growing flushed again. I pulled back and away from him, smirking.

“What in the world did you think I was asking you to do for me?” Despite Ren not having any interest in pursuing Mr. Kim, me, or probably anybody at this moment, I didn’t want to give up. Even at the risk of failure, I at least wanted to try to make him fall for me, the real me. But not until the situation between him and JR was made clear. I watched as Ren slowly shook his head and shrugged.

“I don’t even know anymore. Tell me, I’m kind of slow.” Ren replied. Thankfully I had a plan B to escape in case things became strange and awkward. I reached into my leather satchel and pulled out a thick envelope, holding it out to him.

“Can I ask you to take this up to Jason’s office for me? I have to be leaving immediately.” Ren took the document from me and bowed, seeming both surprised and humiliated.

“Was this all? Mr. Kim, you didn’t need to ask me. All you had to do was just tell me and I would have gladly just done it…” He sounded like he wanted to die. I had to suppress the urge not to smile at how cute he could be when he was flustered. I paused as another sudden evil thought occurred to me. And now for the icing on top of the cake…

“Good to know. And this,” I reached out and tapped his bangs which had been tied up in an awkward angle, knowing that this would probably be enough to kill him. “Get rid of this. It’s very un-model-like.” I teased then smirked before turning my back to him and walking out in the opposite direction. As I was walking down the hall I heard him emit a small, embarrassed cry. I waited until I turned the corner before quietly laughing. Although I had my image to maintain, that didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to secretly have fun around here probably at Ren’s expense.

 

 

Later into the evening after returning home, I was surprised to receive a phone call from the hospital made on the behalf of Jason who had requested my presence. Knowing better than to decline and not show up, I climbed into my car and sped off downtown. When I pulled up in front of the hospital, I was met by a hoard of news reporters with microphones and photographers flashing their cameras in my direction. Had Jason called them here? I wouldn’t have put it past him to turn his hospitalization into something dramatic to bring more attention to his company. I found myself growing nervous and afraid to step out of my car. I still hadn’t grown accustomed to the paparazzi yet. I just wasn’t used to having my personal privacy seriously invaded like this and I couldn’t see why others fed off of it. For whose sake was this even for? It was a no wonder why a hermit like JR didn’t want to deal with this. I shakily reached for my sunglasses and placed them on the bridge of my nose before propping the door open and stepping outside where a valet had been waiting to take my keys from me. I handed them to him, finding the notion of a hospital even having valet services ridiculous. As I started to make my way towards the front entrance, I was swarmed by reporters and camera flashes.

“Mr. Kim, can you inform us of what condition your collaboration partner, the popular JA Style designer, Jason, is currently in?” A reporter asked. I held my hand up to her and coldly responded.

“No comment.” I continued forward.

“Mr. Kim, it has been reported that Jason is very sick-” Sick in the head, yeah.

“I said ‘no comment.’” I muttered then shoved my way past them and through the hospital doors where they followed me into the lobby. I approached one of the nurses at the front desk who I didn’t even need to explain to her about who I was and instantly seemed to recognize me as she started to lead me towards Jason’s room. It was both a bit unnerving and strange to experience as somebody who not too long ago was considered a ‘nobody.’ It seemed to hit me hard that I no longer had the gift of anonymity anymore. I followed the nurse down the hall. It was a good thing I had put on my ‘Mr. Kim sunglasses’ as I found myself rolling my eyes when I spotted two security guards standing outside of his room as if they were protecting the president. Dear god, Jason… Well, I suppose it wasn’t too farfetched an idea that people would want to try to hurt him.

“Clear.” One of the guards said as I approached them then stepped to the side to allow me entrance. I opened the door and stepped inside, leaving the rush of reporters standing waiting outside in the hallway. I called out informally to Jason from within the small hallway that led to the interior of his VIP room, not knowing if there were any others inside of the room with him.

“Reporters and security guards; isn’t that a bit over the top? My god, you must be the Queen of ing England-” I froze when I came to the end of the hallway and found Ren sitting and staring at me with wide eyes from the couch by Jason’s bedside. … I glanced over at Jason who was sitting up in bed and shooting me the dirtiest, angriest look I had ever seen for letting my guard down and breaking character. Ren immediately shot up to his feet and bowed as I entered the room. I uncomfortably nodded at him to acknowledge his presence. Jason called out to him.

“Ren, can you be a dear and excuse us?”

“O-Of course! If you need anything, I’ll be outside.” Ren offered. The fakest smile spread across Jason’s lips as I watched him.

“You’re so sweet. Thank you, Ren.” Jason replied, giving me cavities. Ren scurried past me, holding his head down the entire time. Once Jason heard the door shut after he had left, he threw one of his pillows and hurled it at me across the room which I caught with both hands. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Me? What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you call so many reporters?! Are you on your deathbed?” I shot back at him as I approached the foot of his bed. Jason scoffed.

“Watch what you say; I could have died today.”

“Damn, we lucked out, didn’t we?” I mocked him.

“This type of publicity is good for the both of us, so shut up and bear it.” He replied. I dryly laughed.

“So I don’t really have a purpose for being here other than to make you look good yet again, isn’t it?” I asked in annoyance. Jason turned his head away from me.

“Call JR for me.”

“What?” I asked, irritated. “Why don’t you call him yourself? You have a phone.” I declared, not liking the idea that he was starting to form this habit of using me as his personal assistant when it came to contacting JR. He already had me meeting up with him at midnight to receive JR’s designs and sketches so that I could be seen personally delivering them to his office, continuing the façade that I was Mr. Kim. In all reality, he could have been the one to meet with JR. He just didn’t want to. He didn’t want to face him after knowing all that he’s done and continues to do to him even now.

“JR won’t talk to me.” He replied.

“Wow, consider me shocked.”

“Don’t be a prick.” Jason shot back.

“What do you want?” I said, fishing for my phone in my pocket in frustration. Jason finally glanced back at me.

“It turns out I’ve managed to give myself a stomach ulcer. Tell him he’s going to have to pick up the pace and cover my share of the work for the next few days. I’ll be high on painkillers and I’ve basically been advised not to work.” Jason replied. I froze. More work for JR? He was already doing the collaboration and designing the outfits against his will. Now he had to cover Jason’s portion? I instantaneously felt bad for him.

“I’m sure he’ll love to hear that.” I muttered before calling JR’s number on speed dial. Jason gave me a sour look before looking away once again. The phone rung several times before he finally picked up.

“Baekho? Do you need something? I just met with you yesterday to give you the rough draft designs. Did you get it to him?” JR sounded exhausted, making me feel even guiltier despite not having done anything.

“I got it to him. Listen, that’s not what I’m calling you about. It turns out Jason’s in the hospital with a stomach ulcer.” I replied. JR dryly scoffed.

“Is it… stress induced?”

I shrugged. “I honestly have no idea. To question that would involve actually giving a damn, something which I of course do not give.”

“… Serves that bastard right.” JR bitterly mumbled into the phone.

“Wow, a tired JR is a snappy JR.” I replied, amused that we felt the same way about Jason working himself sick. “Actually, it turns out that’s not all. He’s asked me to tell you that he’s going to need you to cover him for the next few days until he’s 100%. Apparently he’s also not man enough to tell you himself.” As I said this Jason glared at me then arrogantly turned his head to the side again.

“WHAT?!” JR nearly screamed into the phone, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear. I blinked and winced in pain before pressing it up to my ear again. “Tell him no- I can’t! There’s no possible way I can-”

“What is he saying?” Jason asked.

“He says no.” I simply replied then watched as Jason became furious and reached out for my phone. I walked over to him and handed it over.

“Listen to me, you little . You’re going to do exactly what I say and how I say it, understand?! What exactly do you have going on that you can’t seem to manage to help me out for just a few days? Nothing? I thought so. Then just do it, or else we’ll fall behind schedule. It’s not like I planned on being sick, so be a good sport and cooperate. Understand?!” Jason screeched onto the phone then hung up, not giving him any other option. I stared at him in stunned silence, wondering just how it was he could bring himself to talk like that to the person he wronged gravely. I didn’t know it was possible to feel even sorrier towards JR. Jason held the phone out to me to take.

“You’re unbelievable.” I said in disbelief as I took the phone from him. Jason rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest.

“Go. You’re stressing me out. Wait!” He paused. “Out of the two of us, you look wide awake.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, wondering what craziness he was up to now.

“Change that. You should appear to be as tired as I am, if you’re really Mr. Kim. Right now Mr. Kim should be just as busy as I am and should look the part.”

“Are you telling me to exhaust myself? Doing what? I have nothing going on in my life- you made sure of that.”

“That’s not my problem. You’ll find something. You don’t have a choice.” Jason reprimanded. I shook my head in silence then turned around and left, not wanting to deal with him any further. Just as I stepped out into the hallway, I was swarmed by reporters once again who only further irritated me. I clenched my right fist down by my side and held my head down and silently pushed past them, not saying a word to any of them. It felt like I was drowning and the cameras were there to capture every single moment of it. When I finally looked up, I spotted Ren kneeling further down the hallway, blankly staring down at his phone in his hand. Suddenly as if sensing that I was looking at him, he turned his head to the side and spotted me. His eyes grew wide in shock before he awkwardly rose back up and stood. I stopped in my tracks and stared out across the hall at him, causing the crowd of reporters to come to a stop behind me, wondering what I was looking at. When they realized what it was, they started snapping pictures of Ren who winced and covered his face with his hands at the blinding lights in front of him. I suddenly felt myself growing angry with the reporters for taking his picture and swarming him the same way they were doing to me. Without thinking, I heatedly marched forward and stopped directly in front Ren before snatching his left wrist in my right hand and pulling him with me as I turned and left. Ren wordlessly followed me outside the front of the hospital. As we stood waiting for my car to pull up, silence passed between us. Ren slowly pulled his wrist out of my grasp and quietly stared off to the side. My car finally arrived and the valet driver handed me my keys. I turned to Ren.

“Don’t say anything. Just get in.” I instructed then walked around to the driver’s side. Ren paused for a moment before quickly moving and opening the back door and climbing inside, puzzling me for a second. I didn’t know whether or not to feel offended that he didn’t want to sit in the front seat with me. I let it slide, being in a rush to get out of the reporters’ view. Once we were further down the street I finally called out to him. “Where do you need me to take you?”

Ren uncomfortably shifted in his seat. “It’s really not necessary. You can just pull over here-”

“The reporters are still within distance. Do you have any idea of how bad that would make me look?” I asked. Ren held his head down and stared into his lap.

“I don’t… want to be unprofessional and ask you for something.”

“Are you on the clock right now?” I asked him, suddenly making him look up.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m not.” I replied, keeping my eyes on the road. “When I am not in the office or in the public view, I am not ‘Mr. Kim.’ I’m not the immortal fashion god that you make me out to be. I’m just Baekho. Right here, right now in this very car, that’s who I am until the moment I have to step out again. And right now, I have enough things going on to not want to be him every second of the day.”

“I’m… sorry.” Ren’s voice sadly trailed off. “I didn’t mean to upset you… I had no idea about the amount of stress you’ve been under since you revealed yourself to the world. It must have been really hard for you, wasn’t it?”

I froze. You have no idea. “You could say that.”

“But… can I ask you something? Something kind of personal? I mean, feel free to say ‘no.’ We hardly even know each other and I know you’re my boss, at least for the meantime during the collaboration, but-” Ren continued to ramble on to the point of frustration.

“Just ask it.” I coldly replied. Despite just telling him that I didn’t want to act like Mr. Kim in this moment, I really didn’t have a choice but to continue to do so. Ren grew quiet for a moment. When I glanced in the rearview mirror to check on him, I found that he was staring at me.

“Why now?” He finally asked. I paused. I tried to recall the scripted answer that both JR and Jason had approved of in the contract to whenever this question was asked. I couldn’t think of it. Rather than mess up again, I tried to think of a way out of answering him.

“I’ve answered this question already and I don’t repeat myself. Pick up a magazine or read the online interviews I’ve done.”

“I know… but is that really it?” Ren cautiously asked.

“Is what really it?”

“How you feel. Even I understand there’s an interview response and a real response. Unless… you don’t have one? Was it really because you were advised to stay quiet, and that by being silent your company image would be expanded? That’s what the articles all said, but I… I don’t believe it.”

“And why is that?” I asked, still driving.

“Your words tell one story, but your actions tell another.” Ren quietly replied. “I don’t really know if it’s my place to be saying this, and I’ll take responsibility for it if it’s not, but you look…” His voice trailed off. He seemed hesitant about continuing.

“I look what?”

“Sad. You look unhappy.” Ren suddenly said, taking me by surprise. I remained silent as I continued driving forward, tightly gripping my right hand against the wheel as I was forced to think about uncomfortable thoughts. He was able to read me that well, even behind the sunglasses? It was unsettling. How could he have possibly known this? But he wasn’t wrong though. I was sad. I was unhappy. When I had signed the contract to become Mr. Kim, I thought that my life was about to change for the better: I’d be given all of these wonderful things, and for once I wouldn’t have to worry about making the rent on time. Life before Mr. Kim wasn’t exactly spent in poverty, but it wasn’t comfortable either. Even still though, at least I was free. I didn’t have to worry or think twice about the normal, everyday things that I did. And if I wanted to date, I could. I just never found someone as interesting until now, when dating was extremely restrictive and inclusive. I pursed my lips.

“That’s an interesting thing of you to say. And I can’t say that you are wrong.” I replied.

“I’m not?” Ren asked. I kept my gaze forward and away from him while thinking of the best way I could answer his question as the infamous fashion designer. I had to think: how would JR answer this question? There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he was as unhappy as I was, or possibly even more. He never wanted to reveal himself to the public; that’s why I was here. But when I asked him about it, he would never answer me. All he said was that we all have our reasons. Whatever those reasons were, it was obvious that he never wanted to receive credit for his creations.

“I never wanted to be in the spotlight. Let the quality of the clothes speak for themselves. Why do I have to be a part of it? Stepping forward was never something I intended to do. Remaining quiet wasn’t something that I was forced to do like how all the interviews said I was; it was something I chose. Why now, you ask? Because of all of the increasing, gradual pressure I’ve been receiving to step forward.” I bitterly replied, hating myself for speaking in JR’s place when it should have been him saying it. It had to be true, or why else would I even be here for him?

“You’re human too...” Ren said as he must have just realized this.

“Just not the human I want to be.” I replied, forcing down all the emotions that threatened to overcome me. “Shall I take you home?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just… really embarrassed. I don’t exactly live in Gangnam. I’m just starting out and-”

“I’m not going to ask to see the inside.”

“No, of course not, wait-HUH?!?!” Ren loudly exclaimed after my words must have caught him off guard. I couldn’t suppress the urge not to smile and smirked while glancing at him in the rearview mirror. His face was a bright, intense shade of red.

“Was that inappropriate of me? I said I wasn’t.” I innocently said, focusing my attention back on the road in front of me. Ren stuttered.

“M-M-Mr. Kim, I-I’m a bit confused about what’s going on here…”

I smiled. “Nothing is going on here.”

“Are you sure? I can be a bit dense sometimes and my mind wanders towards the inappropriate side more times than not-”

“You’re rambling again.”

“Ah!” Ren shrieked, covering his face with both of his hands. I laughed.

“I knew things would get interesting with you on the team.”

“I’m so embarrassed!” Ren cried.

“Regardless, I’m not dropping you off on the side of the street this late at night. Believe it or not, I actually do have a conscience.” I replied, thinking back to the makeup artist that I made cry earlier. No, I didn’t do it- Mr. Kim did it. I would have personally handled that situation a bit differently- or at least I’d like to think I would. To be honest, when I saw what she had done to Ren, joke or not, it infuriated me.

“A-Ah, I see… Then just go straight. It’s not too much further up ahead.” Ren nervously replied. I followed his directions. A few minutes later he had me pull up in front of one of the lower end apartment complex buildings in the area, not much different from the one I had once been living in before. When I stopped the car, he opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind him. He turned around and knocked on the front passenger’s side window. I stared at him for a moment before pressing the button to roll it down. “Thank you, Mr. Kim. Not just for the ride, but for everything. Thank you for giving me a chance, for saving me from that mob of reporters earlier, for making sure I got home safely and for putting up with my crazy antics. You really have no idea how much all of this means to me.”

I paused. “Because I’m Mr. Kim?” I asked then waited. Ren slowly shook his head.

“That might be part of it, but… Ah, I feel so foolish for telling you about my problems, but I… I haven’t been having the best of times lately… Minhyun and Aron don’t exactly help take my mind off of things either, even if they are trying. Just… even though I’m afraid of making a mistake in front of you, the few times that you’ve stopped to talk to me, you’ve managed to clear my mind. And I really, really appreciate that. I was already excited about getting the opportunity to work with you, but now that I’m slowly starting to get to know you, I just can’t wait. I don’t feel as apprehensive about you as before. You really opened my eyes with our talk in there. You made me realize that there is more to the image of ‘Mr. Kim’ that I secretly had built up inside of my head. You have your own worries and insecurities, just like me- ah, don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody, I promise! Your secret is safe with me.” He assured me. I smiled at him.

“I’ll take your word for it.” I replied then watched as Ren waved goodbye to me. I suddenly called out to him after he turned, making him glance back over his shoulder at me. “Ren, I do hope that you can distinguish between work and your own personal time and ask that you remain professional in the appropriate settings. I might be your friend, but above all I am your boss first.” I cautioned him. Ren gave me a stunned look.

“We’re… friends?” He asked as if this were news to him. He really wasn’t kidding when he called himself dense earlier.

“I wouldn’t have told just anyone my secret, would I?”

“This… IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” Ren suddenly squealed before quickly calming himself down. “I mean, yeah, sure, let’s be friends.” He tried to play it off but it was already too late. I had seen and heard everything.

“Ok. Why not?” I smirked as I shrugged, also trying to downplay it as he had. Ren was grinning from ear to ear. He nodded then waved again before turning away and heading towards his building. Once he had disappeared up the stairs outside I drove off, making my own way home with a smile on my face. Hearing Ren’s words had brought me hope. He was slowly starting to see me as a person now and not just as some famous fashion designer. But the thing that had really lifted my spirits was the fact that he was looking forward to spending more time around me at the studio. I was glad to see that the feeling was mutual and I couldn’t wait either.

 

 

The next morning I awoke to an angry phone call from Jason. Apparently there were already several articles online posted from the reporters who had been at the hospital last night and had seen and captured me walking away with Ren to my car. All of the articles seemed to ask the same question: is House of Kim’s designer, Kim Baekho, dating? Reporters had even looked into Ren’s identity, not finding much other than that he was the starting-out model who had stolen the runway at Jason’s previous fashion show. It was initially surprising that little information could be found on Ren. But at the same time, I was somewhat happy that was the case. I didn’t want the reporters delving into Ren’s personal or private life the same way they were trying to do with mine. With the news articles spreading like wildfire, a lot of interest was starting to garner around Ren and JA Style, something which Jason surprisingly wasn’t too happy about.

“I told you to stop stressing me out! Because of you I had to be rushed into surgery again earlier this morning after the stitches ruptured! Now they’re telling me I’ll need to be out for several more weeks! You’re costing me more than you’re worth!” Jason screamed into the phone. I couldn’t believe the audacity he had to say this to me. Jason wasn’t even the one paying me; the checks that cleared in my bank statement each month were written in JR’s real name, Kim Jonghyun. But yet I was still under his control- Jason had made sure of that.

“Is it me you’re really angry with or yourself?” I asked. It was too early to be this pissed off. “I’m pretty sure that ulcer is a result of something far deeper than stress; regret. You know you’re a terrible person and that all you’ve been doing to JR is wrong. You just don’t know how to live with these thoughts and it’s taken a toll on your body.”

Jason paused. “Don’t act as if you suddenly know me. Because of your stint with Ren in the news, I’m receiving dozens of calls. I told you: if you want to date, do it in private. Don’t hang your dirty laundry out for the public to see!”

“I thought you loved receiving attention.”

“For my clothes and for my company, not dating scandals!”

“We’re not dating.”

“That’s not what it looked like!” Jason exclaimed. “Fix this now, Baekho! You’re the one that’s going to have to do all the explaining for the meantime and you’re the one that’s going to have to also explain to JR why he’s going to have to work much harder now in order for this collaboration to meet it’s deadline!”

“Relax, you’ll give yourself another ulcer. I’ll fix it.” I replied, desperate to put an end to our conversation.

“You better!” Jason screamed one last time before hanging up the phone, leaving me with an unsettling feeling building up in the bottom of my stomach. I hadn’t of expected to hear that Jason once again had to have another surgery due to the amount of stress he received because of the so-called ‘scandal’ I had with Ren. And now we were looking at Jason being out much longer. I suddenly felt awful. I should have never approached Ren at the hospital in front of all of those cameras, should I? I just couldn’t help myself. I didn’t like how the reporters were violating his privacy and so I thought to remove him from that place. I didn’t think it would become as big a deal as it became. And now JR was the one that would have to pay for my mistake… I just kept messing everything up, didn’t I…?

 

 

JR’s POV

I sat on the floor in the middle of my living room, surrounded by dozens of fashion mannequins hanging on stands, each wearing their own unique outfit from the collaboration line. About half of the clothes that were on the mannequins were sewn together, the other remaining half the pieces of fabric were literally pinned onto them. In between cutting the pattern pieces out and constructing the outfits, I alternated with setting up my second fashion company line which was in the beginning stages of attaining licensure. I had pitched my sales plan to the business licensing board and had gained approval. Now I was in the process of trying to transfer some of my employees towards my new company, something which was harder than it looked. Many of them had grown comfortable working under House of Kim and didn’t want to leave, especially for some no-name company that was barely even established yet. But I knew I couldn’t do it without them. House of Kim was only partially successful because of my designs- the rest was due to them. When I contacted them with this business offer, they still had no idea who I was. They only knew that I was offering to pay them twice what they were making with House of Kim. Some of them took the offer and I was still waiting for the approval of many others. It probably worked for the best this way that not everyone was leaving at the same time. If they had, it would have raised several red flags for Jason, the last person I wanted knowing about what I was up to.

I sighed. My nerves were in a bundle from stress to the point where I could hardly hold a needle because my hands were shaking so much. I had enough to do on my own with my own work, but now that I wasn’t given any choice but to take up Jason’s portion of the work for a few days, I was just overwhelmed. There was no way I could do all of this on my own. But I didn’t have the option of not doing it. Jason had already questioned my motives for not wanting to help him. It wasn’t simply because I didn’t want to, which I didn’t, but because I was busy working on my plan to take him down. He absolutely couldn’t know this though. I was forced into the position of having to do whatever he said. But like him, my body was also starting to feel it as well. My head was starting to hurt with frequent, never ending migraines. Overall, my body was starting to feel weak and numb. Occasionally Dambi would call as she had promised to do, checking in on me and making sure I remembered to eat. It was sad that it had come to the point that I was so busy I oftentimes skipped meals- not because I wanted to, but simply because it never crossed my mind to eat. I had noticed recently that I had lost a bit of weight when I had to loop a belt around my waist just to hold up my jeans. I was already a small guy. To learn that I had only gotten smaller was alarming.

I brought both hands up and rubbed my face. Pull yourself together, JR. You can’t afford to fall apart, not right now. I took a deep breath and exhaled as I let my hands fall back down to my sides. It was time to take a break. I hardly ever took breaks, but right now I really needed one. I rose from the floor and cautiously tiptoed through my maze of mannequins, fabrics and sewing supplies haphazardly sprawled out across my entire apartment. When I finally entered the kitchen, I pulled open the refrigerator door to find it completely empty. When was the last time I went to the store? Even more importantly, when was the last time I had left the apartment? I couldn’t recall. I shut the door and walked over towards the counter. I leaned onto my elbows and buried my face in my hands again. I had absolutely zero energy to go out. I reached down into my pocket for my phone with the intention of calling Dambi and bothering her to go out for me. As I was about to turn the screen on, I paused as I suddenly received an incoming call from Baekho. I weakly held the phone up to my ear and answered it.

“Baekho?” I tiredly asked. “Do you need something…?”

“Listen, JR, you know I hate to be the bearer of bad news…” His voice hesitantly trailed off. I rubbed my left hand across my forehead, still leaning on my elbow.

“What does he want now?” I asked, already having a feeling as to where this conversation was headed. Jason needed something again, didn’t he?

“It seems his health took a turn this morning for the worse. Doctors told him that he’ll be out for weeks now instead of days.” Baekho cautiously replied. I instantaneously felt tears build up and form in the corners of my eyes as my bottom lip trembled.

“And he wants… me to cover more for him?” I asked, my voice trembling as I weakly fought back the urge to cry.

“JR, I feel horrible. I don’t know much, but I’ll do what I can if you let me help you-” I stopped listening to what he had to say and broke out into stress induced sobs. I covered my face and leaned into my hand with my phone still up to my ear. It wasn’t fair. To have House of Kim swept up from underneath my feet by someone I once considered a friend, to be forced to abandon my beloved company and create a new one- I had expected none of it. And now just because Jason had made himself sick, I had to do his work for him? Jason being sick was the least of my concerns. He deserved it and much worse. Karma has a funny way of working, in this case in the form of a stomach ulcer. But it was enough to make me realize that maybe Jason did have a conscience and he knew what he was doing to me was wrong. Why else would he have gotten sick? He was a designer; he was used to the stress the job accompanied. So why now did he all of a sudden become sick from it? Regardless of whether he would admit to feeling sorry or wrong, it didn’t matter. I was still stuck doing his job. Wasn’t it enough that I had to continue to do the collaboration I never said I wanted a part of? Now I had to do everything, on top of what I was already doing? It just wasn’t fair…

“…” I couldn’t answer Baekho. I was so overwhelmed by my emotions that it became impossible to speak. I continued to sob into my palm.

“JR, if it’s too much, you can quit this. You have enough evidence- just turn us in. Take this burden off of both of our shoulders. It isn’t worth it… Take it back. Take Mr. Kim and House of Kim back for yourself. I can’t be you… I don’t want to… Don’t you get it? Only you can be you. Only you can do what you do.” Baekho asserted, only making me cry even more.

“There’s no getting it back, at least not without someone else getting hurt.” I managed to speak in between my choked sobs. Baekho paused for a moment.

“Do you mean Ren?” He suddenly asked. I froze as I heard him call his name. Jealousy spread over me. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like him referring to Ren so informally. I didn’t like him becoming close enough to Ren to be able to do so because deep down, I knew that if it became a battle between the two of us for Ren’s heart, that I would ultimately end up losing to him.

“I have to go.” I refused to answer him.

“I’ll look after him.” Baekho suddenly said, stunning me. I felt my heart stop. What… did he just say? The shock I had received from his words was mind-staggering. I felt my legs grow numb. As I was about to ask for clarification, Baekho beat me to it. “You focus on whatever it is you need to do… Even if that involves turning me and Jason in. I’ve had my fun living in the shoes of a rich, famous designer. But the fun’s over now. Neither one of us can say we’re happy, can we? At least not when neither one of us can come out and say who we really are, or love who it is that we want to love.”

“L-Love?” The walls of my chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe. Baekho paused for a moment.

“You saw the articles, didn’t you? There’s nothing between us, and I don’t know if there ever will be. At least not as long as he sees me as ‘Mr. Kim.’ But if I can make him finally see me as a person, then maybe…” Baekho’s voice trailed off. Articles? What articles…?

“You…” My voice trailed off in disbelief. My heart ached immensely as I felt the reality of going to Ren once this was all over slipping from my fingers.

“Is it ok?” He suddenly surprised me by asking.

“What…?”

“I overheard that there was once something between you two, that’s why I’m asking. Is it over? Or should I just walk away before I really even begin? You seem to be a painful memory for Ren. I want… I want to be the one to take away that pain and continue to take his mind off of all his troubles. But I can’t do that wholeheartedly unless you give me the go-ahead. I know you have enough problems and I don’t want to be another one that you might resent… I don’t want to be Jason- I don’t want to be your enemy. That’s why I’m okay with you turning me in for impersonating you, even if by doing so, it would take me further away from him, who may or may not ever accept my heart- not Kim Baekho, but Kang Baekho’s heart.”

My legs gave out from underneath my weight. I tried to grab onto the side of the kitchen counter before I fell but it was too late. I roughly crashed to my bottom on the tile floor. Only I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel the physical pain over the emotional pain. Baekho… really wanted me to turn him in? Did he hate being me that much? Or did he just feel that sorry towards me? None of it mattered though. I couldn’t turn him or Jason in without turning myself in to the police. My name was written on that contract as well. And prison was too good for Jason. I wanted the personal satisfaction of ripping him apart the same way he tried to do to me. But as for Baekho, whom I held no ill intents towards with the exception of wanting to keep him far away from the one person who meant so much to me… He suddenly wanted my permission to pursue him? My deepest fear had finally just happened and it was all too much to deal with.

“JR?” Baekho called out as if to check on me. His words rang through my head on repeat. I was a bad memory to Ren? Had Ren said that about me? I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. He wouldn’t… would he? Did that mean that Ren really wouldn’t wait for me? No… He missed me, just as much as I missed him. My heart ached so intensely that I didn’t even know it was possible for it to hurt so much. I felt helpless. Please… don’t turn me into a painful memory, Ren, not when you were nothing but good memories for me… Please don’t replace me in your heart with Baekho. Just give me more time… that’s all I ask and I’ll finally be able to go cleanly to you. Just please, not Baekho. My bottom lip trembled. Despite feeling this way, I couldn’t bring myself to gather up the courage to actually tell Baekho ‘no.’

“D-D-Do what you want.” I said then hung up. As soon as the line cut, my phone slipped out from my right palm and hit the floor beside me. My heart was racing. I leaned with my back pressed against the bottom kitchen cabinets and stared blankly into my lap as the room endlessly began to spin around me in a vortex. Don’t do it… Don’t go to him. Don’t leave me all alone, Ren. I don’t think I can do it all again without you… My weak body suddenly grew heavy and my eyes rolled to the back of my head before I collapsed onto my left side on the floor and passed out.